GIFT    OF 


•• 


University  of  California  •  Berkeley 


OF    DOWNINGVILLE. 


THE 


LIFE    AND    WRITINGS 


OF 


AWAY    DOWN    EAST    IN    THE     STATE    OF    MAINE. 


WRITTEN    BY    HIMSELF. 


What  makes  all  doctrines  plain  and  clear  ? 
About  two  hundred  pounds  a  year. 
And  that  which  was  proved  true  before, 
Prove  false  again  ?    Two  hundred  more.' 
HUDIBRAS. 


BOSTON: 

LILLY,    WAIT,    COLMAN,   &    HOLDEN. 

1833. 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1833, 

By  LILLY,  WAIT,  COLMAN,  &  HOLDEN, 
In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of  Massachusetts. 


TO 


GINERAL    ANDREW    JACKSON, 


PRESIDENT    OF    THE    UNITED    STATES, 


IS   RESPECTFULLY    INSCRIBED, 
BY    HIS    FAITHFUL    FRIEND    AND    HUMBLE    SERVANT, 

MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING 


3GC250 


PREFACE. 


ARTER  I  got  my  book  all  done,  and  had  looked  it  over 
every  day  as  the  printer  went  along  with  it,  till  I  got 
clear  to  the  last  page,  so  as  to  see  it  was  done  right,  the 
printer  comes  to  me,  and  says  he,  we  want  a  Preface 
now.  A  preface  !  says  I,  what  in  nater  is  that  1  Why, 
says  he,  it  is  something  to  fill  up  the  two  first  pages  with. 
But,  says  I,  aint  the  two  first  pages  filled  up  yet  1  I 
thought  we  had  jest  got  through  the  last  page  ;  I  hope 
our  cake  aint  all  turning  to  dough  again.  O,  it's  all 
right,  says  he,  we  always  print  the  first  pages  last ;  all 
we  want  now  is  the  preface,  to  fill  up  them  are  two  first 
pages.  Well,  says  I,  but  this  is  a  pretty  curious  piece 
of  business,  this  duin  work  backwards.  I've  hearn  tell 
that  Freemasons  when  they  build  their  chimneys,  begin 
at  the  top  and  work  down,  and  that's  what's  got  the 
Anti  Masons  so  mad  about  it,  that  they  are  going  to  tear 
'em  all  up,  root  and  branch ;  but  I  never  knew  afore  that 
folks  printed  the  first  end  of  a  book  last.  But  now,  says 
I,  Mr  printer,  if  I've  got  to  make  this  ere  preface  that 
you  tell  about,  what  must  I  put  into  it  ?  O,  says  he, 
you  must  tell  'em  something  about  the  book ;  how  you 
come  to  make  it,  and  what's  in  it,  and  what  it's  good 

1* 


VI  PREFACE. 

for,  and  the  like  of  that.  Well,  says  I,  if  that's  all,  I 
guess  I  can  work  it  out  in  short  metre.  In  the  first 
place  then,  I  made  the  book  because  I  couldn't  help  it ; 
if  I  hadn't  made  it,  I  dont  believe  but  what  I  should 
have  split.  And  in  the  next  place,  I  made  it  so  as  to 
get  my  letters  all  together,  out  of  the  way  of  the  ras 
cally  counterfeits,  so  that  folks  might  know  the  good 
eggs  from  the  rotten  ones.  And  about  these  counter 
feits,  I  see  the  New  York  Daily  Advertiser  says  they  are 
going  to  print  a  book  of  the  counterfeit  letters  some 
where  there  or  at  Philadelphia.  All  I  have  to  say  about 
it  is,  they  are  welcome  to  print  as  many  letters  as  they 
are  a  mind  to,  if  they  will  only  jest  put  their  own  names 
to  'em.  But  he  that  will  print  his  letters  and  put  my 
name  to  'em,  I  think  would  steal  a  sheep. 

And  in  the  next  place,  as  to  what  is  in  the  book,  I 
guess  folks  will  find  that  out  fast  enough,  without  my 
telling  them. 

And  in  the  last  place,  as  to  what  it  is  good  for,  it  will 
tell  folks  more  about  politics,  and  how  to  get  offices,  than 
ever  they  knew  before  in  all  their  lives  ;  and  what  is  the 
best  ont,  it  will  be  pretty  likely  to  get  me  in  to  be 
President. 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 
BOSTON,  Nov.  14,  1833. 


CONTENTS. 


MY  LIFE. 

In  which  I  tell  considerable  more  about  my  Grandfather,  than  I 
do  about  myself,  Page  13 

MY  LETTERS. 

Together  with  a  few  from  Cousin  Nabby,  and  Uncle  Joshua,  and 
Cousin  Ephraim,  and  so  on  ;  containing  a  pretty  considerable  ac 
count  of  my  public  life,  from  Jinuary  1830,  to  November  1833,  35 

LETTER  I. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  choosing  Speaker, 

LETTER  II. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  poor  Mr  Roberts' 
having  to  stand  up,  40 

LETTER  III. — In  which  Cousin  Nabby  advises  Mr  Downing  to 
come  home,  43 

LETTER  IV. — In  which  Uncle  Joshua  tells  how  he  went  to  Bos 
ton,  and  took  dinner  with  the  Gineral  Court,  45 

EXTRACTS  from  the  Portland  Courier,  52 

LETTER  V. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  what  a  hobble  the  Leg 
islature  got  into,  in  trying  to  make  so  many  Governors,  55 

LETTER  VI. — In  which  Mr  Downing  describes  a  sad  mishap  that 
befel  the  House  of  Representatives,  58 

LETTER  VII. — In  which  affairs  take  a  more  favourable  turn,    59 

LETTER  VIII. — In  which  Mrs  Downing  urges  her  son  to  come 
home,  60 

LETTER  IX. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  trigging  the 
wheels  of  government,  61 

LETTER  X. — In  which  Mr  Downing  advises  his  Uncle  Joshua  to 
hold  on  to  his  bushel  of  corn,  because  the  Legislature  had  begun 
« to  rip  up  their  duins,'  65 


viii  CONTENTS. 

LETTER  XL— In  which  Mr  Downing  describes  some  queer  duins 
in  the  Senate,  67 

LETTER  XII. — In  which  Mr  Downing  hits  upon  a  new  idea  for 
making  money  out  of  the  office-seekers  that  were  swarming  round 
the  new  Governor,  70 

LETTER  XIIL— Cousin  Ephraim  in  trouble,  71 

LETTER  XIV. — In  which  Mr  Downing  describes  a  severe  tug  at 
the  wheels  of  government,  72 

LETTER  XV. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  what  it  means  to  set 
up  a  candidate  for  office,  74 

LETTER  XVI. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  the  Legislature 
cleared  out,  and  how  Elder  Hall  went  home,  77 

LETTER  XVII. — In  which  Mr  Downing  hints  to  Uncle  Joshua 
that  he  has  a  prospect  of  being  nominated  for  Governor,  79 

LETTER  XVIII. — In  which  Uncle  Joshua  discovers  remarkable 
skill  in  the  science  of  politics,  and  advises  Mr  Downing  by  all 
means  to  stand  as  a  candidate  for  Governor,  82 

LETTER  XIX. — In  which  Mr  Downing  gives  his  opinion  about 
newspapers,  85 

LETTER  XX. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  to  distinguish 
one  republican  party  from  another,  87 

Grand  Caucus  at  Downingville,  89 

LETTER  XXI. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  the  Portland 
Town-meeting,  94 

LETTER  XXII. — Return  of  votes  from  Downingville,  97 

LETTER  XXIII. — In  which  Mr  Downing  hits  on  a  new  plan  to 
get  an  office,  98 

LETTER  XXIV. — In  which  Cousin  Sarah  compares  the  Society 
of  Portland  with  that  of  Downingville,  99 

LETTER  XXV. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  Cousin  Jehu 
went  to  the  Legislature,  and  had  to  go  back  after  his  primy  facy 
case,  101 

LETTER  XXVI. — In  which  Cousin  Nabby  describes  the  temper 
ance  of  Downingville,  104 

LETTER  XXVII. — In  which  Mr  Downing  gives  a  description  of 
the  Ladies'  Fair,  106 


CONTENTS.  .  IX 

LETTER  XXVIII. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  the  Jack- 
sonites  in  the  Legislature  had  a  dreadful  tussle  to  pour  a  '  healing 
act'  down  the  throats  of  the  Huntonites,  113 

LETTER  XXIX. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  the  Jackson- 
ites  at  last  got  the  'healing  act'  down  the  throats  of  the  Huntonites, 

117 

LETTER  XXX. — In  which  Mr  Downing  dreams  some  poetry,    121 

LETTER  XXXI. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  he  got  a  new 
kink  into  his  head,  in  consequence  of  the  blow-up  of  President 
Jackson's  first  Cabinet,  123 

LETTER  XXXII. — In  which  Cousin  Sarah  tells  about  Cousin 
Jack's  toes  and  elbows,  125 

LETTER  XXXIII. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  the  talk 
he  had  with  the  Boston  Editors  on  his  way  to  Washington,  127 

LETTER  <XXXIV. — In  which  Mr  Downing  relates  his  interview 
with  Major  Noah,  131 

LETTER  XXXV. — In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  he  stript  up 
his  sleeves  and  defended  Mr  Ingham  on  his  front  door  steps  during 
the  after-clap  that  followed  the  blow-up  of  the  Cabinet,  135 

LETTER  XXX VI. — In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  tells  about  the 
persecution  of  poor  Mrs  No-tea,  138 

LETTER  XXXVII. — Mr  Downing  receives  a  Captain's  commis 
sion  in  the  United  States'  Army,  with  orders  to  go  and  protect  the 
inhabitants  of  Madawaska,  140 

LETTER  XXXVIII. — In  which  Capt.  Downing  describes  his  re 
turn  to  Downingville,  after  an  absence  of  two  years,  145 

LETTER  XXXIX. — Capt.  Downing's  first  Military  Report  to  the 
President,  147 

LETTER  XL. — Capt.  Downing  visits  the  Legislature  of  Maine 
again,  151 

LETTER  XLI. — Progress  of  proceedings  in  the  Legislature,     153 

LETTER  XLII.— Capt.  Downing  is  suddenly  called  to  his  com 
pany  at  Madawaska,  155 

LETTER  XLIII. — Capt.  Downing  returns  to  Augusta.  The  val 
ue  of  a  bear-skin,  157 

LETTER  XLIV. — In  which  Capt.  Downing  tells  about  the  Leg 
islature's  making  Lawyers,  159 


X  CONTENTS. 

LETTER  XLV. — Capt.  Downing  is  in  a  peck  of  trouble  about  the 
Legislature's  selling  Madawaska  to  the  General  Government  to 
be  given  up  to  the  British,  and  sits  down  and  figures  up  the 
price,  161 

LETTER  XLVI. — Capt.  Downing  declines  the  office  of  Mayor  of 
Portland,  165 

LETTER  XLV1I. — In  which  Capt.  Downing  relates  a  confidential 
conversation  with  President  Jackson,  while  on  a  journey  to  Ten 
nessee,  166 

LETTER  XLVII1. — In  which  Capt.  Downing  runs  an  Express  from 
Baltimore  to  Washington,  and  foots  it  through  Pennsylvany 
Avenue  to  the  President's  House,  169 

LETTER  XLIX. — In  which  Capt.  Downing  receives  a  Major's  com 
mission,  and  is  appointed  to  march  against  the  Nullifiers,  172 

LETTER  L. — In  which  Uncle  Joshua  tells  what  a  tussle  they  had  in 
Downingville  to  keep  the  Federalists  from  praising  the  Presi 
dent's  Proclamation  against  the  Nullifiers,  175 

LETTER  LI. — In  which  Major  Downing  describes  the  arrival  of 
Sargent  Joel,  with  the  Company,  at  Washington,  178 

LETTER  LII. — In  which  Major  Downing  gives  his  opinion  about 
Nullification,  and  illustrates  it  with  a  lucid  example,  181 

LETTER  LIII. — In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  tells  the  Major  how 
matters  get  along  at  Augusta,  and  gives  a  specimen  of  the  value 
of  political  promises,  183 

LETTER  LIV. — In  which  Major  Downing  goes  up  top  the  Congress 
house  and  listens  to  see  if  he  can  hear  the  guns  in  South  Caro 
lina,  and  also  has  a  talk  with  the  President  about  the  slander  of 
the  newspapers,  186 

LETTER  LV. — In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  explains  the  science  of 
Land  speculation,  188 

LETTER  LVI. — In  which  Major  Downing  tells  how  Mr  Clay  put  a 
stop  to  that  fuss  in  South  Carolina,  besides  hushing  up  some 
other  quarrels,  191 

LETTER  LVII. — In  which  Major  Downing  gives  the  result  of  a 
consultation  amongst  the  Government  on  the  question,  whether 
the  President  should  shake  hands  with  the  Federalists  during  his 
journey  down  East,  194 

LETTER  LVI1I. — In  which  Major  Downing  defends  the  President 
from  the  assault  of  Lieut.  Randolph  on  board  the  steamboat  Cyg 
net,  1^6 


CONTENTS.  XI 

LETTER  LIX. — In  which  Major  Downing  shakes  hands  for  the 
President  at  Philadelphia,  while  on  the  grand  tour  down  East, 

198 

LETTER  LX,— In  which  the  President  and  Major  Downing  have  a 
very  narrow  escape  at  the  breaking  down  of  the  bridge  in  New 
York,  200 

LETTER  LXI. — In  which  Major  Downing  describes  the  visit  of  the 
President  at  Boston,  and  also  complains  of  the  rascally  counter 
feiters  that  write  letters  in  his  name  for  the  newspapers,  202 

LETTER  LXII. — In  which  the  President  and  the  rest  of  'em,  turn  a 
short  corner  at  Concord  and  set  their  faces  towards  Washington, 

205 

LETTER  LXIIL— In  which  Cousin  Nabby  describes  the  unutterable 
disappointment  at  Downingville  because  the  President  didn't 
come,  and  tells  what  a  terrible  pucker  Ant  Keziah  was  in  about 
it,  206 

Nomination  of  Major  Downing  for  the  Presidency,  210 

LETTER  LXIV. — In  which  Major  Downing  tells  about  going  to 
Cambridge  and  making  the  President  a  Doctor  of  Laws,  211 

LETTER  LXV. — In  which  Major  Downing  tells  about  the  quarrel 
that  he  and  Mr  Van  Buren  had  at  Concord,  after  they  went  up 
chamber  to  bed ;  and  also  declares  his  intention  to  run  for  the  Pres 
idency,  215 

LETTER  LXVI. — In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  describes  the  method 
of  putting  '  dimocrats'  over  on  to  the  federal  side,  221 

LETTER  LX  VII. — In  which  the  President  begun  to  say  something 
about  me  and  Daniel,  223 

LETTER  LXVIII. — In  which  the  President  finished  what  he  was 
going  to  say  about  me  and  Daniel,  227 

LETTER  LXIX. — In  which  Cousin  Nabby  describes  her  visit  to 
Mr  Maelzel's  Congregation  of  Moskow,  231 

LETTER  LXX. — In  which  Major  Downing  concludes  it  is  best  to 
put  some  of  his  poetry  into  his  book,  233 

Major  Downing's  biography  of  Sam  Patch,  235 


Xii  APPENDIX. 

APPENDIX. 

In  which  are  published  some  of  Major  Downing's  letters,  that  he 
never  wrote,  240 

No.  I. — Being  the  genuine  letter  of  old  Mr  Zophar  Downing, 
1  amost  eighty  three  yere  old',  242 

No.  II.— The  Bank  Report,  244 

No.  III. — Giving  some  account  of  Peleg  Bissel's  Churn,  249 

j^o.  IV. — The  public  crib  at  Washington,  252 

No.  V. — Preparation  of  the  Message,  256 

No.  VI. — Sir  George  Downing,  258 


EG  "ST     Ed  H  IP  Hi  o 

Jw  which  I  tell  considerable  more  about  my  Grandfather^ 
than  I  do  about  Myself. 

WHEN  we  read  about  great  men,  we  always  want  to 
know  something  about  the  place  where  they  live  ;  there 
fore  I  shall  begin  my  history  with  a  short  account  of 
Downingville,  the  place  where  1  was  born  and  brought 
up. 

Downingville  is  a  snug,  tidy  sort  of  a  village,  situated 
in  a  valley  about  two  miles  long,  and  a  mile  and  a  half 
wide,  scooped  out  between  two  large  rugged  hills  that 
lie  to  the  east  and  west,  having  a  thick  forest  of  trees  to 
the  north,  and  a  clear  pond  of  water,  with  a  sandy 
beach,  to  the  south.  It  is  about  three  miles  from  the 
main  road  as  you  go  back  into  the  country,  and  is  jest 
about  in  the  middle  of  down  east.  It  contains  by  this  time 
a  pretty  considerable  number  of  inhabitants,  though  my 
grandfather  DiBJUiing  was  the  first  person  that  settled 
there,  jest  after  he  got  back  from  sogering  in  the  revo 
lutionary  war.  It  has  a  school-house,  and  a  tavern, 
and  a  minister,  and  a  doctor,  and  a  blacksmith,  and  a 
shoe-maker,  and  folks  that  work  at  most  all  sorts  of 
trades.  They  have  n't  got  any  meetin  house  up  yet,  but 
the  school  house  is  pretty  large  and  does  very  well  to 
hold  meetins  in,  and  they  have  meetins  very  regular 
2 


14  LIFE    OF 

eve ty  Sunday,  the  hiee'- filling  up  all  the  seats  on  one 
side  of  the  school  house  and  the  women  on  the  other. 

They  have  n't  got  any  lawjer  in  Downingville ;  there 
was  one  come  once  and  sot  out  to  settle  there,  and  hired 
a  room  and  put  a  sign  up  over  the  door  with  his  name 
•on  it,  and  the  word  OFFICE  in  great  large  letters,  so  big 
you  could  read  'em  clear  across  the  road.  A  meeting 
of  the  inhabitants  was  called  at  the  school  house  the 
next  day,  and  after  chawing  the  matter  over  awhile,  it 
was  unanimously  agreed  if  the  man  wanted  an  office  he 
should  go  somewhere  else  for  it,  for  as  for  having  an 
office-seeker  in  Downingville  they  never  would.  So 
they  voted  that  he  should  leave  the  town  in  twenty-four 
hours,  or  they  would  take  him  down  to  the  pond  and 
duck  him,  and  ride  him  out  of  town  on  a  rail.  A  com 
mittee  of  twenty  of  the  stoutest  men  in  Downingville  was 
appointed  to  carry  the  message  to  him,  at  which  he  pru 
dently  took  the  hint,  and  packed  up  and  cleared  out  that 
afternoon.  All  the  quarrels,  and  disputes  arid  law-cases 
are  always  left  out  to  uncle  Joshua  Downing,  and  he 
settles  them  all,  by  and  large,  at  two  shillings  apiece, 
except  where  they  have  come  to  blows,  and  then  he 
charges  two  and  sixpence  a  piece. 

The  land  in  Downingville  is  most  capital  rich  land, 
and  bears  excellent  crops.  I  would  n't  pretend  to  say  it 
Js  equal  to  some  land  I've  hearn  tell  of  away  off  in  Ohio, 
where  the  corn  grows  so  tall  they  have  to  go  up  on  a 
ladder  to  pick  the  ears  off;  and  where  a  boy  fell  into 
the  hole  that  his  father  had  dug  a  beet  out  of,  and  they 
had  to  let  down  a  bed-cord  to  draw  him  up  again;  and 
where  pigs  are  so  plenty  that  they  run  about  the  farms 
ready  roasted,  and  some  of 'em  with  knives  and  forks  in 
their  backs  for  any  body  who  wants  to  eat.  I  would  n't 
pretend  that  Downingville  is  any  such  sort  of  a  place  as 
that;  but  this  I  do  say,  he  that  is  diligent  and  will  plant 
his  potatoes  and  corn  early,  and  hoe  them  well,  may 
always  get  a  good  crop,  and  live  above  board. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  15 

As  I  said  afore,  my  grandfather,  old  Mr  Zebedee 
Downing,  was  the  first  settler  in  Downingville.  Bless 
his  old  heart,  he's  living  yet,  and  although  he  is  eighty- 
six  years  old,  he  attended  a  public  caucus  fof  the  good 
of  his  country  about  two  years  ago,  and  made  a  speech, 
as  you  will  find  somewhere  before  you  get  through  this 
book,  where  it  tells  about  my  being  nominated  for  Gov 
ernor  of  the  State  of  Maine. 

As  it  is  the  fashion,  in  writing  the  lives  of  great  folks, 
to  go  back  and  tell  something  about  their  posterity,  I 
spose  I  ought  to  give  some  account  of  my  good  old 
grandfather,  for  he  was  a  true  patriot,  and  as  strong  a 
republican  as  ever  uncle  Joshua  was.  He  was  born 
somewhere  in  the  old  bay  State  away  back  of  Boston, 
and  when  the  revolutionary  war  come  on  he  went  a 
sogering.  Many  and  many  a  time,  4when  I  was  a  lit 
tle  boy,  I've  sot  on  the  dye-pot  in  the  corner  till  most 
midnight  to  hear  him  tell  over  his  going  through  the 
fatigue  of  Burgwine.  If  one  of  the  neighbors  came  in 
to  chat  awhile  in  an  evening,  my  grandfather  was  always 
sure  to  go  through  with  the  fatigue  of  Burgwine ;  and  if 
a  stranger  was  travelling  through  Downingville  and  stopt 
at  my  grandfather's  in  a  warm  afternoon  to  get  a  drink 
of  water,  it  was  ten  chances  to  one  if  he  could  get  away 
till  my  grandfather  had  been  through  the  whole  story  of 
the  fatigue  of  Burgwine.  He  used  to  tell  it  the  best  to 
old  Mr  Johnson,  who  used  to  come  in  regularly  about 
once  a  week  to  spend  an  evening  and  drink  a  mug  of 
my  grandfather's  cider.  And  he  would  set  so  patiently 
and  hear  my  grandfather  through  from  beginning  to  end, 
that  I  never  could  tell  which  took  the  most  comfort,  Mr 
Johnson  in  drinking  the  cider,  or  my  grandfather  in 
going  through  the  fatigue  of  Burgwine.  After  Mr  John 
son  had  taken  about  two  or  three  drinks  he  would  smack 
his  lips,  and  says  he,  I  guess,  Mr  Downing,  you  would 
have  been  glad  to  get  such  a  mug  of  cider  as  this  in  the 
battle  of  Burgwine.  Why  yes,  said  my  grandfather,  or 


16  LIFE    OF 

when  we  was  on  the  march  from  Cambridge  to  Peeks- 
kill  either,  or  from  Peekskill  to  Albany,  or  from  Albany 
to  Saratogue,  where  we  went  through  the  fatigue  of 
Burgwine.  Old  Schyler  was  our  gineral,  said  my  grand 
father,  bracing  himself  back  in  his  chair,  and  he  turned 
out  to  be  a  traitor,  and  vt&s  sent  for,  to  go  to  Gineral 
Washington  to  be  court-martialed.  Then  gineral  Gatei 
was  sent  to  us  to  take  the  command,  arid  he  was  a  most 
capital  officer  every  inch  of  him.  He  had  his  cocked 
hat  on,  and  his  regimentals,  and  his  furbelows  on  his 
shoulders,  and  he  looked  nobly,  said  my  grandfather. 
I  can  see  him  now  as  plain  as  if  'twas  yesterday.  He 
wore  a  plaguy  great  stub  cue,  as  big  as  my  wrist,  stick 
ing  out  at  the  back  of  his  neck  as  straight  as  a  hand 
spike.  Well,  when  Gates  came  we  were  all  reviewed, 
and  every  thing  was  put  in  complete  order,  and  he  led  us 
on,  ye  see,  to  take  Burgwine.  By  daylight  in  the  morn 
ing  we  were  called  out  by  the  sound  of  the  drum,  and 
drawn  up  in  regiments,  and  the  word  was,  *  on  your 
posts,  march.'  And  there  we  stood  marching  on  our 
posts  without  moving  forward  an  inch  ;  heads  up,  look 
ing  to  the  right ;  we  did  n't  dare  to  move  an  eye,  nor 
hardly  to  wink. 

By  and  by  along  comes  the  old  Gineral  to  inspect  us, 
riding  along  so  stately,  and  that  old  stub  cue  sticking 
out  behind  his  head  so  straight,  it  seems  as  though  I  can 
see  him  now  right  here  before  me.  And  then  he  ad 
dressed  us,  like  a  father  talking  to  his  children.  Fel 
low  soldiers,  says  he,  this  day  we  are  going  to  try  the 
strength  of  Burgwine's  forces  ;  now  let  every  man  keep 
a  stiff  upper  lip,  go  forward  boldly  and  attack  them 
with  courage,  and  you  've  nothing  to  fear.  O,  he  ad 
dressed  us  completely ;  and  then  we  marched  off  to 
meet  the  inemy.  By  and  by  we  begun  to  hear  the  balls 
whizzing  over  our  heads,  and  the  inerny's  guns  begun 
to  roar  like  thunder.  I  felt  terribly  for  a  minute  or  two, 
but  we  kept  marching  up,  marching  up,  said  my  grand- 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  17 

father,  rising  and  marching  across  the  floor,  for  we  had 
orders  not  to  fire  a  gun  till  we  got  up  so  near  we  could 
almost  reach  'em  with  our  bagonuts ;  and  there  was  a 
hundred  drums  all  in  a  bunch  rattling  enough  to  craze 
a  nation,  and  the  fifes  and  the  bugles,  continued  my 
grandfather,  still  marching  across  the  floor,  went  tudle, 
tudle,  tudle,  tudle  —  O,  I  can  hear  that  very  tune  ring 
ing  in  my  ears  now,  as  plain  as  if  'twas  yesterday,  and 
I  never  shall  forget  it  to  my  dying  day.  When, we  got 
up  so  near  the  inemy  that  we  could  fairly  see  the  white 
of  their  eyes,  the  word  was  «  halt,'  said  my  grandfather, 
suddenly  halting  in  the  middle  of  the  floor,  and  sticking 
his  head  back  as  straight  as  a  soldier  —  '  make  ready  ;' 
'twas  did  in  a  moment,  continued  rny  grandfather, 
throwing  his  staff  up  against  his  shoulder,  —  'take  aim* 
—  'twas  did  in  a  moment,  fetching  his  staff  down  straight 
before  his  eyes  —  'fire'  —  then,  O  marcy,  what  a  roar, 
said  my  grandfather,  striking  his  staff  down  on  the 
floor,  arid  such  a  smother  and  smoke  you  could  n't 
hardly  see  your  hand  afore  you.  Well  in  an  instant 
the  word  was  '  prime  and  load,'  and  as  fast  as  we  fired 
we  fell  back  in  the  rear  to  let  others  come  up  and  take 
their  turn,  so  by  the  time  we  were  loaded  we  were  in 
front  and  ready  to  fire  again,  for  we  kept  marching  all 
the  time,  said  my  grandfather,  beginning  to  march  again 
across  the  floor.  But  the  inemy  stood  their  ground  and 
kept  pouring  in  upon  us  tremendously,  and  we  kept 
marching  up  and  firing,  marching  up  and  firing,  but 
did  n't  gain  forward  an  inch.  I  felt  streaked  enough, 
for  the  balls  were  whistling  over  our  heads,  and  some 
times  a  man  would  drop  down  on  one  side  of  me  and 
sometimes  on  t'other,  but  it  would  n't  do  for  us  to  flinch 
a  hair ;  we  must  march  up  and  fire  and  wheel  to  the 
right  and  left,  and  keep  it  going.  By  and  by  the  word 
was,  '  advance  columns  ;'  then,  heavens  and  earth,  how 
light  1  felt,  said  my  grandfather,  quickening  his  march 
across  the  floor.  I  knew  in  a  moment  the  inemy  was 
2* 


18  LIFE    OP 

retreating,  and  it  seemed  to  me  I  could  have  jumped 
over  the  moon.  Well,  we  marched  forward,  but  still 
kept  firing,  and  presently  we  begun  to  come  on  to  the 
inemy's  ground ;  and  then,  O  marcy,  such  a  sight  I 
never  see  before  and  never  want  to  again  :  stepping  over 
the  dead  bodies,  and  the  poor  wounded  wretches  wal 
lowing  in  their  blood,  mangled  all  to  pieces,  and  such 
screeches  and  groans,  some  crying  out  dont  kill  me, 
dont  kill  me,  and  others  begging  us  to  kill  'em  to  put 
'em  out  of  misery.  O,  it  was  enough  to  melt  the  very 
heart  of  a  stone,  said  my  grandfather,  wiping  the  tears 
from  his  eyes. 

But  they  need  n't  have  been  afraid  of  being  hurt,  for 
our  Gineral  was  one  of  the  best  men  that  ever  lived. 
He  had  the  carts  brought  up  immediately  and  all  the 
poor  wounded  souls  carried  off  as  fast  as  possible  where 
they  could  be  taken  good  care  of.  He  would  n't  let  one 
of  'em  be  hurt  any  more  than  he  would  one  of  his  own 
men.  But  it  was  a  dreadful  hot  battle  ;  we  fit  and 
skirmished  all  the  afternoon  and  took  a  goo'd  many 
prisoners,  and  some  cannon  and  ammunition.  When  it 
come  night  the  inemy  retreated  to  their  fortifications, 
and  we  camped  all  night  on  the  ground  with  our  guns 
in  our  hands,  ready  at  a  moment's  warning  to  pitch  bat 
tle  again.  As  soon  as  it  was  daylight  we  were  all 
mustered  and  paraded  again,  and  round  come  the  old 
Gineral  to  see  how  we  looked.  He  held  his  head  up 
like  a  soldier,  arid  the  old  stub  cue  stuck  out  as  straight 
as  ever.  I  can  see  it  now  as  plain  as  I  can  see  my 
staff,  said  my  grandfather.  And  O,  my  stars,  how  he 
addressed  us;  it  made  our  hearts  jump  to  hear  him. 
Fellow  soldiers,  says  he,  this  day  we  shall  make  Bur- 
gwine  tremble.  If  you  are  only  as  brave  as  you  were 
yesterday  we  shall  have  him  and  all  his  army  before 
night.  But  Burgvvine  had  slipped  away  in  the  night 
and  got  into  a  place  stronger  fortified.  But  he  could 
n't  get  away ;  he  was  hemmed  in  all  round  ;  so  we  got 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  19 

him  before  it  was  over.  We  were  fiv*e  ofr  six  days 
skirmishing  about  it ;  but  I  cant  tell  you  all,  nor  a 
quarter  part  ont. 

But  how  was  it  you  took  Burgwine  at  last  1  said  Mr 
Johnson,  taking  another  drink  of  cider.  O,  he  had  to 
give  up  at  last,  said  ray  grandfather.  After  we  had 
skirmished  a  day  or  two  longer,  Gineral  Gates  sent 
word  to  Burgwine,  that  if  he  had  a  mind  to  march  his 
army  back  into  Canada,  and  leave  every  thing  this  side 
unmolested,  he'd  let  him  go  peaceably.  But  Burgwine 
would  n't  accept  it ;  he  sent  word  back  that  «  he  was 
going  to  winter  with  his  troops  in  Boston.'  Well,  after 
we  had  skirmished  round  two  or  three  days  longer,  and 
Burgwine  got  into  such  close  quarters  that  he  could 
n't  get  away  any  how,  he  sent  word  to  Gineral  Gates 
that  he'd  accept  the  offer  and  march  back  to  Canada  ; 
but  Gates  sent  word  back  to  him  again,  '  You  said  you 
meant  to  winter  in  Boston,  and  I  mean  to  make  you  as 
good  as  your  word.'  At  last  Burgwine  see  it  was  no 
use  for  him  to  hold  out  any  longer,  so  he  give  all  his 
men  up  prisoners  of  war.  Then  we  were  all  paraded 
in  lines  a  little  ways  apart  to  see  them  surrender.  And 
they  marched  out  and  marched  along  towards  us  ;  and 
it  was  a  most  noble  sight  to  see  them  all  dressed  out  in 
their  regimentals  and  their  bagonuts  glistening  in  the 
sun  enough  to  dazzle  any  body's  eyes.  And  they  march 
ed  along  and  stacked  their  arms,  and  they  all  marched 
through  between  our  lines  looking  homesick  enough.  I 
guess  we  felt  as  well  as  they  did  if  our  clothes  want  so 
good. 

Well  that  was  the  end  of  the  war  in  the  northern 
states.  There  was  a  little  skirmishing  away  off  to  the 
south  afterwards,  but  nothing  to  be  compared  to  that. 
The  battle  of  Burgwine  was  what  achieved  our  inde 
pendence  ;  it  was  the  cap-stone  of  the  war  ;  there  never 
was  sich  a  gloris  battle  as  that  since  the  days  of  Cesar,  nor 
Methuselah,  no,  nor  clear  back  to  Adam.  I  dont  think 


20  LIFE    OP 

there  ever  was,*  said  Mr  Johnson,  handing  me  the  quart 
mug  and  telling  me  to  run  and  get  another  mug  of  cider  ; 
for  before  my  grandfather  could  get  through  the  fatigue 
of  Burgwine  Mr  Johnson  would  most  always  get  to  the 
bottom  of  the  mug.  When  I  brought  in  the  second 
mug,  Mr  Johnson  took  another  sip  and  smacked  his 
lips,  and  says  he,  Mr  Downing  I  should  like  to  drink  a 
toast  with  you  ;  so  here  's  health  and  prosperity  to  the 
apple-trees  of  Downingville.  Mr  Downing,  what  will 
you  drink  to  us  1  said  he,  handing  the  mug  to  my 
grandfather.  Why,  I  dont  keer  about  any  cider,  said 
my  grandfather  [for  he  is  a  very  temperate  man,  and 
so  are  all  the  Downings  remarkably  temperate]  but  I 
will  jest  drink  a  little  to  the  memory  of  the  greatest  and 
the  bravest  Gineral  that  this  world  ever  see  yet ;  so 
here  's  my  respects  to  old  Gineral  Gates'  stub  cue.  By 
this  time  my  grandfather  having  poured  out  of  him  the 
whole  fatigue  of  Burgwine  ;  and  Mr  Johnson  having 
poured  into  him  about  three  pints  of  cider,  they  would 
both  of  them  feel  pretty  considerably  relieved,  and  Mr 
Johnson  would  bid  us  good  night  and  go  home. 

I  take  it  that  it  was  hearing  these  stories  of  my  grand 
father's  bravery  told  over  so  often  in  my  younger  days, 
that  made  me  such  a  military  character  as  to  induce  the 
President  to  appoint  me  to  the  command  at  Madawaska, 
and  also  to  go  to  South  Carolina  to  put  down  the  Nulli- 
fiers.  But  I  'm  getting  a  little  before  my  story,  for  I 
have  n't  got  through  with  my  grandfather  yet,  and  my 
father  comes  before  I  do  too.  As  I  said  afore,  my 
grandfather  was  the  first  settler  in  Downingville.  When 
he  got  through  sogering  in  the  revolutionary  war,  he 
took  a  notion  he  'd  go  and  pick  him  out  a  good  lot  of 
land  away  down  east  to  settle  on,  where  there  was  land 
enough  to  be  had  jest  for  whistling  for  it,  and  where  his 
boys  would  have  a  chance  to  do  something  in  the 
world.  So  he  took  grandmother  and  the  two  boys,  for 
father  and  Uncle  Joshua  were  all  the  boys  he  had  then, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  21 

and  packed  them  into  a  horse  waggon,  and  took  an  axe 
and  a  hoe  and  a  shovel,  and  some  victuals,  and  a  bed 
tick  to  put  some  straw  in,  and  a  gun  and  some  blankets 
and  one  thing  another,  and  started  off  down  east.  He 
drove  away  into  Maine  till  he  got  clear  to  the  end  of 
the  road,  and  then  he  picked  his  way  along  through  the 
woods  and  round  the  pond  five  miles  further,  till  he  got 
to  the  very  spot  where  Downingville  now  is,  and  there 
he  stopt  and  baited  his  horse,  and  while  grandmother 
and  the  boys  sot  down  and  took  a  bit  of  a  luncheon, 
grandfather  went  away  up  top  of  one  of  the  hills  to 
take  a  view  of  the  country.  And  when  he  come  down 
again,  says  he,  I  guess  we  may  as  well  ontackle,  for  I 
dont  believe  we  shall  find  a  better  place  if  we  travel  all 
summer.  So  he  ontackled  the  old  horse,  and  took  the 
waggon  and  turned  it  over  against  a  great  oak  tree,  and 
put  some  bushes  up  round  it  and  made  a  pretty  com 
fortable  sort  of  a  house  for  'em  to  sleep  in  a  few  nights, 
and  then  he  took  his  axe  and  slashed  away  amongst  the 
trees.  But  that  old  oak  never  was  cut  down  ;  it 's  the 
very  same  one  that  stands  out  a  little  ways  in  front  of 
grandfather's  house  now.  And  poor  old  grandmother  as 
long  as  she  lived,  for  she  's  been  dead  about  five  years, 
always  made  a  practice  once  a  year,  when  the  day  come 
round  that  they  first  camped  under  the  old  oak,  to  have 
the  table  carried  out  and  set  under  the  tree,  and  all 
hands,  children  and  grand-children,  had  to  go  and  eat 
supper  there,  and  the  good  old  lady  always  used  to  tell 
over  the  whole  story  how  she  slept  eight  nights  under 
the  waggon,  and  how  they  were  the  sweetest  nights'  rest 
she  ever  had. 

Well,  grandfather  he  smashed  away  among  the  trees, 
and  he  soon  had  a  half  a  dozen  acres  of  'em  sprawling, 
and  while  they  were  drying  in  the  sun  he  went  to 
work  and  built  him  a  snug  little  log  house,  and  made 
two  stools  to  set  on,  one  for  him  and  one  for  grand 
mother,  and  a  couple  of  blocks  for  the  boys.  He  made 


22  LIFE    OF 

a  stone  fireplace  in  one  corner  of  the  house,  and  left  a 
hole  in  one  corner  of  the  roof  for  the  smoke  to  go  out, 
and  he  got  it  all  fixed  as  nice  as  a  new  pin,  and  then 
they  moved  into  it ;  and  I've  heard  grandmother  say 
more  than  a  hundred  times,  that  she  raly  believed  she 
took  more  comfort  in  that  log  house,  than  ever  a  queen 
took  in  a  palace. 

When  the  leaves  and  the  twigs  of  the  trees  that 
grandfather  had  cut  down  had  got  considerable  dry  in 
the  sun,  he  went  out  one  warm  clear  afternoon  and  sot 
fire  to  'em.  The  wind  was  blowing  a  considerable  of  a 
breeze  from  the  southward,  arid  the  fire  spread  almost 
as  fast  as  a  horse  could  run.  Grandmother  used  to  say 
it  was  the  grandest  sight  she  ever  see,  to  see  them  are 
six  acres  of  trees  all  in  a  light  flame  at  once,  and  the 
fire  streaming  up  as  high  as  the  tallest  pines,  sometimes 
in  a  broad  red  sheet,  and  sometimes  in  narrow  strips 
that  went  up  rolling  and  bending  like  ten  thousand 
fiery  dragon's  tongues.  After  the  fire  had  gone  through 
it  grandfather  went  to  work  to  clear  it  up.  He  picked  up 
the  limbs  and  bits  that  were  left  and  threw  'em  in  heaps 
and  sot  fire  to  'em  again,  and  he  laid  sticks  across  the 
large  logs  that  were  too  heavy  to  move,  and  niggered 
them  off  with  file,  and  then  roolled  them  up  in  piles  and 
sot  fire  to  'em  again  and  burnt  'em  all  up  smack  smooth. 
Then  he  went  to  work  and  planted  the  ground  all  over 
to  corn,  and  potatoes,  and  punkins,  and  beans,  and 
squashes,  and  round  near  the  house  he  planted  water- 
millions,  and  mush-millions,  and  cowcumbers,  and  beats 
and  carrots  and  tarnips  ;  and  grandmother  carried  out 
a  whole  apron  full  of  seeds  of  all  kinds  of  arbs  that 
ever  grew  in  old  Massachusetts,  and  sowed  'em  all 
round,  and  they  come  up  as  thick  as  hops. 

After  this  the  family  of  old  Mr  Zebedee  Downing  al 
ways  lived  like  heroes  and  never  knew  what  it  was  to 
be  in  want.  They  had  ten  children,  and  a  smart  likely 
set  of  boys  and  gals  they  were  too,  and  they  all  lived  to 


MAJOR  JACK  DOW'NING.  23 

grow  up,  and  were  all  married  and  well  to  do  in  the 
world.  Father,  whose  name  was  Solomon7|i  was  the 
oldest  boy,  and  as  they  grew  up,  the  hardest  of  the  work 
naturally  fell  upon  him,  and  as  grandfather  begun  to  get 
along  considerable  in  years,  father  had  to  take  the  prin 
cipal  care  of  the  farm.  So  that  he  was  always  called  a 
hard-working  boy  and  a  Jiard-working  m«Hi  He  had 
a  quiet  peaceable  disposition,  and  was  never  known  to 
quarrel  with  any  body,  and  scarcely  ever  to  speak  a 
hash  word.  He  was  always  out  as  soon  as  it  was  light 
in  the  morning,  and  worked  as  long  as  he  could  see  at 
night,  and  let  the  weather  be  what  it  would,  cold  or  hot, 
rain  or  shine,  his  day's  work  was  never  left  undone. 
But  this  hard  work,  and  going  out  in  the  wet  and  cold 
so  much,  brought  on  the  rumaties  and  made  an  old 
man  of  him  before  he  was  fifty.  For  ten  years  past  he 
has  n't  been  able  to  do  hardly  any  thing,  and  he  can't 
get  about  now  half  so  smart  as  grandfather,  -although  he 
is  twenty-two  years  younger. 

Uncle  Joshua  was  the  next  oldest,  and  he  was  as  dif 
ferent  from  father  as  a  toad  wants  a  tail.  He  was  a 
clear  shirjt,  and  never  would  work  if  he  could  help  it. 
But  he  was  always  good  natured,  and  full  of  his  pranks, 
and  kept  his  clack  agoing  the  whole  day  long ;  so  that 
the  boys  used  to  like  him,  and  whenever  they  wanted 
to  have  any  frolic  or  fun  they  always  used  to  go  to  him 
to  take  the  lead.  As  he  grew  up  he  took  to  reading 
considerable,  and  after  they  begun  to  have  newspapers 
at  Downingville  he  was  a  master  hand  to  read  newspa 
pers  and  talk  politics,  and  by  the  time  he  was  twenty- 
five  years  old  he  knew  more  about_  politics  than  any 
other  man  in  Downingville.  When  he  was  thirty  years 
old  he  was  chosen  Moderator  of  the  town  mpftlm^  and 
has  been  chosen  to  that  office  every  year  since.  He's 
been  a  squire  a  good  many  years,  and  has  held  most  all 
the  offices  in  town  one  after  another,  and  is  on  the  whole 
considered  the  foremost  man  in  Downingville.  He  is 


24  LIFE    OP 

now  Post  Master  of  the  United  States  for  Downingville, 
an  office  which  I  was  the  means  of  helping  him  to  by 
my  acquaintance  with  the  President.  Uncle  Joshua  has 
been  a  considerable  of  a  trading  sort  of  a  character,  and 
he  's  got  pretty  well  afore  hand,  so  that  he  lives  in  a 
nice  two  story  house,  painted  red,  with  a  good  orchard 
round  it,  and  owns  a  good  farm,  and  a  saw-mill,  besides 
considerable  wild  land. 

I  cant  stop  now  to  tell  about  the  rest  of  my  uncles  and 
ants,  for  I've  got  so  many  letters  to  put  into  this  book 
that  if  I  stop  to  tell  about  one  half  of  my  relations  there 
would  n't  be  room  enough  for  the  letters  ;  and  it  would 
n't  do  to  leave  them  out,  for  they  contain  all  the  history 
of  my  public  life.  So  I  may  as  well  break  right  off  from 
the  rest  of  'em,  and  begin  to  tell  about  myself. 

I  believe  I  was  born  somewhere  about  the  year  seven 
teen  hundred  and  ninety-five,  more  or  less,  and  mother 
says  I  was  the  smartest  baby  that  she  ever  see.  I  dont 
speak  of  this  by  way  of  bragging,  but  as  I  am  writing  a 
history  to  go  before  the  world,  I'm  bound  to  be  impartial. 
She  says  before  I  was  a  week  old  I  showed  that  I  was 
real  grit,  and  could  kick  and  scream  two  hours  upon  the 
stretch,  and  not  seem  to  be  the  least  bit  tireil  that  ever 
was.  But  I  dont  remember  any  thing  abo'ut  this.  The 
first  I  remember,  I  found  myself  one  cold  November 
day,  when  I  was  about  five  years  old,  bareheaded  and 
barefoot,  sliding  on  the  ice.  It  had  been  a  snapping 
cold  night,  and  in  the  morning  the  pond  was  all  froze 
over  as  smooth  as  glass,  and  hard  enough  to  bear  a 
horse.  All  the  boys  in  the  neighborhood,  and  most  all 
the  gals,  turned  out  and  had  a  fine  frolic  that  day,  slid 
ing  and  running  on  the  pond.  Most  of  the  larger  boys 
had  shoes,  but  we  little  fellers  that  want  big  enough  to 
wear  shoes  had  to  tuff  it  out  as  welAs  we  could.  I  car 
ried  a  great  pine  chip  in  my  hand,  and  when  my  feet 
got  so  cold  I  could  n't  stand  it  no  longer,  I'd  put  the 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  25 

chip  down  and  stand  on  that  a  little  while  and  warm 
'em,  and  then  at  it  to  sliding  again  like  a  two  year  old. 
When  I  got  to  be  considerable  of  a  boy  I  used  to  have 
to  work  with  father  on  the  farm.  But  it  always  seemed 
to  go  rather  against  my  grain,  and  father  used  to  say 
that  I  did  n't  love  work  a  bit  better  than  uncle  Joshua 
did,  without  he'd  give  me  my  stent,  and  then  he  said  I 
would  spring  to  it  and  get  it  done  by  noon,  and  go  off 
round  the  pond  in  the  afternoon  fishing  or  hunting  mus 
quash.  1  think  I  took  the  most  comfort  in  catching 
musquash  of  any  thing  I  used  to  do.  There  was  a  good 
deal  of  pleasure  in  catching  pickerel  ;  to  take  a  long 
fishing  pole  and  line,  and  go  down  to  the  pond  in  the 
morning,  and  stand  on  a  log  whose  top  limbs  run  away 
off  into  the  water,  and  throw  the  hook  oft*  and  bob  it 
about  on  the  top  of  the  water,  and  see  a  great  pickerel 
jump  and  catch  it,  and  wait  a  minute  or  two  for  him  to 
get  it  well  into  his  mouth,  and  then  pull  him  ashore, 
kicking  and  jumping  and  flouncing — this  was  most  capi 
tal  fun,  but  it  want  quite  equal  to  musquashing.  I  had 
a  little  steel  trap,  and  I  used  to  go  down  at  night  to  the 
bank  of  a  brook  that  run  into  the  pond,  and  set  the  trap 
on  the  bank  just  under  water,  and  fasten  it  by  a  line  to 
a  stake  or  a  tree,  and  put  a  bit  of  a  parsnip  on  a  stick 
and  place  it  over  the  trap  a  little  above  the  water,  and 
then  go  home  and  sleep  as  well  as  I  could  for  dreaming 
of  musquashes,  and  as  soon  as  it  was  cleverly  light  in 
the  morning  go  down  to  the  pond  and  creep  along  where 
the  trap  was  sot,  with  my  heart  in  my  mouth,  wondering 
if  it  was  sprung  or  no,  and  come  along  to  the  stake  and 
see  no  trap,  but  the  line  drawn  straight  out  into  the 
water,  then  take  hold  of  the  line  and  draw  up  the  trap, 
and  see  it  rising  up  through  the  water  fast  hold  of  a 
great  plump  musquasn",  as  dead  as  a  drownded  rat  and 
full  of  fur  as  a  beaver,  this  was  fun  alive ;  it  made  me 
feel  as  nicely  as  though  I  was  hauling  up  a  bucket  of 
dollars.  The  summer  I  was  fourteen  years  old  I  catch- 
3 


26  LIFE    OF 

ed  enough  to  buy  me  a  fur  hat,  and  a  pair  of  shoes,  and  a 
new  jacket  and  trowses ;  and  enough  to  buy  me  a 
pretty  good  new  suit  of  clothes  almost  every  summer 
after  that  till  I  was  twenty.  Howsomever  I  used  to 
stick  to  the  farm  pretty  well,  and  help  father  along  all  I 
could,  for  after  I  got  old  enough  to  think  more  about  it, 
it  used  to  hurt  my  feelings  to  see  the  old  gentleman 
work  so  hard.  And  many  a  time  when  he  has  taken 
hold  of  a  hard  job  to  do,  I  have  gone  to  him  and  took  it 
out  of  his  hands,  and  said,  now  father  you  go  into  the 
house  and  set  down  and  rest  you,  and  let  me  do  this. 
And  the  old  gentleman  would  turn  round,  but  I  could 
see  the  water  come  into  his  eyes,  and  he  would  say, 
*  Well  Jack,  you  are  a  kind  boy,  let  folks  say  what  they 
will  of  you  ;'  and  then  he  would  take  his  staff  and  walk 
away  into  the  house. 

We  used  to  have  a  school  in  Downingville  about  three 
months  in  the  winter  season  and  two  months  in  the  sum 
mer,  and  I  went  to  the  winter  school  three  winters,  from 
the  time  I  was  twelve  till  I  was  fifteen.  And  I  was 
called  about  the  best  scholar  of  my  age  that  there  was 
in  school.  But  to  be  impartial,  I  must  confess  the 
praise  did  n't  always  all  belong  to  me,  for  I  used  some 
times  to  work  headwork  a  little  in  order  to  get  the  name 
of  being  a  smart  scholar.  One  instance  of  it  was  in 
reading.  I  got  along  in  reading  so  well,  that  the  master 
said  I  read  better  than  some  of  the  boys  that  were  con 
siderable  older  than  I,  and  that  had  been  to  school  a 
dozen  winters.  But  the  way  I  managed  it  was  this. 
There  was  cousin  Obediah  was  the  best  reader  there 
was  in  school,  and  as  clever  a  boy  as  one  in  a  thousand* 
only  his  father  had  n't  got  no  orchard.  So  I  used  to 
carry  a  great  apple  to  school  in  my  pocket  every  day 
and  give  to  him  to  get  him  to  set  behind  me  when  I  was 
reading,  where  he  could  peak  into  my  book,  and  when  I 
come  to  a  hard  word,  have  him  whisper  it  to  me,  and 
then  I  read  it  out  loud.  Well,  one  day  I  was  reading 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  27 

along  so,  pretty  glib,  and  at  last  I  come  to  a  pesky  great 
long  crooked  word,  that  I  could  n't  make  head  nor  tail 
to  it.  So  I  waited  for  Obediah.  But  it  proved  to  be  a 
match  for  Obediah.  He  peaked,  and  squinted,  and 
choked,  and  I  was  catching  my  breath  and  waiting  for 
him  to  speak  ;  and  at  last  he  found  he  could  do  nothing 
with  it,  and  says  he,  *  skip  it.'  The  moment  I  heard 
the  sound  I  bawled  out,  skip  it.  What's  that  ?  said  the 
master,  looking  at  me  as  queer  as  though  he  had  catched 
a  weazel  asleep.  I  stopt  and  looked  at  the  word  again, 
and  poked  my  tongue  out,  and  waited  for  Obediah. 
Well,  Obediah  give  me  a  hunch,  and  whispered  again, 
1  skip  it.'  Then  I  bawled  out  again,  skip  it.  At  that  the 
master  and  about  one  half  the  scholars  yaw-hawed  right 
out.  I  could  n't  stand  that ;  and  I  dropt  the  book  and 
streaked  it  out  of  school,  and  pulled  foot  for  home  as 
fast  as  I  could  go,  and  1  never  showed  my  head  in 
school  again  fromjjjial_dajjo  this.  But  for  all  that,  I 
made  out  to  pick  up  a  pretty  good  education.  I  got  so 
I  could  read  and  spell  like  a  fox,  and  could  cypher  as 
far  as  the  rule  of  three.  And  when  I  got  to  be  about 
twenty  years  old,  I  was  strongly  talked  of  one  winter  for 
schoolmaster.  But  as  a  good  many  of  the  same  boys 
and  gals  would  go  to  me,  that  were  in  the  school  when  I 
read  '  skip  it,'  I  did  n't  dare  to  venture  it  for  fear  there 
would  be  a  sort  of  a  snickering  among  'em  whenever 
any  of  the  scholars  come  to  a  hard  word. 

So  I  jogged  along  with  father  on  the  farm.  But  let 
me  be  doing  what  I  would,  whether  it  was  hoeing  pota 
toes,  or  pitching  hay,  or  making  stone  wall,  or  junking 
and  piling  logs,  I  never  could  feel  exactly  easy ;  some 
thing  seemed  to  keep  ringing  in  my  ears  all  the  time, 
and  saying  I  was  made  to  do  something  else  in  the  world 
besides  this.  And  an  old  woman  that  come  along  and 
told  fortunes,  when  she  come  to  tell  mine,  said  that 
wherever  I  should  go  and  whatever  I  should  undertake 
to  do,  I  should  always  get  to  the  top  of  the  ladder.  I 


28  LIFE    OP 

believe  I  have  mentioned  it  somewhere  in  one  of  my 
letters.  Well,  this  made  me  keep  a  thinking  so  much 
the  harder,  and  wondering-  what  I  should  be  in  the 
world,  and  although  I  used  to  stick  to  my  work  as 
steady  as  any  of  the  boys,  yet  I  used  to  feel  as  uneasy 
as  a  fish  out  of  water.  But  what  made  me  think  most 
about  it  was  father.  He  always  used  to  stand  to  it  I 
was  smarter  than  common  boys,  and  used  to  tell  mother 
she  might  depend  upon  it,  if  I  lived  and  nothing  did  n't 
happen  to  me,  I  should  some  day  or  other  raise  the 
name  of  the  Downings  higher  than  it  ever  had  been  yet. 
At  last  father  drempt  a  dream y  that  put  the  cap-stone 
upon  the  whole  of  it.  He  dreampt  that  I  was  out  in  the 
field  hoeing  potatoes,  and  he  stood  leaning  over  his  staff, 
as  he  very  often  used  to  do,  looking  at  me.  By  and  by 
he  said  I  stopt  hoeing,  and  stood  up  and  leaned  my  chin 
on  my  hoe  handle,  and  seemed  to  look  up  towards  the 
sky;  and  he  said  I  looked  as  calm  as  the  moon  in  a 
clear  summer  night.  Presently  my  hat  begun  to  rise  up 
gradually,  and  dropt  off  on  to  the  ground,  but  I  stood 
still.  Then  he  said  the  top  of  my  head  begun  to  open, 
and  a  curious  green  plant  begun  to  sprout  up  out  of  it. 
And  it  grew  up  about  two  feet,  and  sent  out  ever  so 
many  young  branches  with  broad  green  leaves,  and  then 
the  little  buds  begun  to  open  and  roll  out  great  clusters 
of  the  most  beautiful  bright  flowers  one  above  another 
that  ever  he  see  in  all  his  life.  He  watched  'em  till  they 
all  got  blowed  out  into  a  great  round  bunch,  as  big  as  a 
bushel  basket ;  and  then  he  waked  up,  and  he  felt  so  he 
got  right  out  of  bed  and  walked  the  floor  till  morning. 
And  when  we  all  got  up,  he  sot  down  and  told  the  dream 
over  to  I  and  mother.  Mother  sot  with  her  pocket 
handkerchief  wiping  the  tears  out  of  her  eyes  all  the 
time  he  was  telling  of  it ;  and  I  felt  as  though  my  blood 
was  running  cold  all  over  me.  But  from  that  time  I 
always  feiLsure  the  time  wnnM  flftrPft  whpn  Downing- 
ville  would  n't  be  big  enough  to  hold  me,  and  that  I 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  29 

should  do  something  or  other  in  the  world  that  would  be 
worth  telling  of;  but  what  it  would  be  I  could  n't 
think. 

Well,  I  kept  jogging  along  on  the  farm  after  the  same 
old  sort,  year  after  year,  so  long,  and  there  did  n't 
nothing  happen  to  me,  that  sometimes  I  almost  begun  to 
give  it  up,  and  think  sure  enough  it  was  all  nothing  but 
a  dream,  iftill  I  kept  having  spells  that  I  felt  terrible 
uneasy,  and  was  tempted  forty  times  to  pack  up  and  go 
and  seek  my  fortune.  I  might  tell  a  good  deal  more 
about  my  life,  and  my  uncles  and  ants  and  cousins,  and 
the  rest  of  the  neighbors  :  but  I  begin  to  feel  a  most 
tired  of  writing  my  life,  and  believe  I  shall  have  to  serve 
it  pretty  much  as  I  planted  my  watermillion  seeds.  And 
that  was  this.  When  I  was  about  six  or  seven  years 
old,  our  folks  give  me  a  pint  of  watermillion  seeds  and 
told  me  to  go  out  into  the  field  and  plant  'em  for  myself, 
and  I  might  have  all  I  could  raise.  So  off  I  goes  tickled 
enough.  And  I  went  to  work  and  punched  little  holes 
down  in  the  ground  and  put  in  one  seed  to  time  along  in 
a  row,  three  or  four  inches  apart,  till  I  got  about  half 
the  seeds  planted.  It  was  rather  a  warm  afternoon  and 
I  begun  to  feel  a  little  tired,  so  I  took  and  dug  a  hole 
and  poured  the  rest  of  the  seeds  all  in  together,  and 
covered  'em  up,  and  went  into  the  house.  Well,  mother 
asked  me  if  I  'd  planted  my  seeds  ;  yes  mam,  says  I. 
What,  all  of  'em,  says  she  ?  Yes  mam,  says  I.  But 
you  've  been  very  spry,  says  she,  how  did  you  get  them 
done  so  quick  1  O,  says  I,  easy  enough ;  I  planted  'em 
in  a  hill  and  a  row.  And  when  they  begun  to  come  up 
they  found  em  in  a  hill  and  a  row  sure  enough.  So  I 
believe  I  shall  have  to  pour  the  rest  of  my  life  into  a 
hill,  and  let  it  go. 

To  come  then  right  to  the  pint  —  I  dont  mean  the 

pint  of  watermillion  seeds,  but  the  pint  in  my  life  which 

seemed  to  be  the  turning  pint —  In  the  fall  of  the  year 

1829  I  took  it  into  my  head  I  'd  go  to  Portland.  I  had 

3* 


30  LIFE    OF 

heard  a  good  deal  about  Portland,  what  a  fine  place 
it  was,  and  how  the  folks  got  rich  there  proper  fast ; 
and  that  fall  there  was  a  couple  of  new  papers  come 
up  to  Downingville  from  there,  called  the  Portland 
Courier  and  Family  Reader ;  and  they  told  a  good 
many  queer  kind  of  things  about  Portland  and  one  thing 
another ;  and  all  at  once  it  popped  into  my  head,  and  I 
up  and  told  father,  and  says  I,  I  'm  going  to  Portland 
whether  or  no  ;  and  I  '11  see  what  this  world  is  made  of 
yet.  Father  stared  a  little  at  first,  and  said  he  was 
afraid  I  should  get  lost ;  but  when  he  see  I  was  bent 
upon  it,  he  give  it  up ;  arid  he  stepped  to  his  chist  and 
opened  the  till,  and  took  out  a  dollar  and  give  to  me, 
and  says  he,  Jack,  this  is  all  I  can  do  for  you  ;  but  go, 
and  lead  an  honest  life,  and  I  believe  I  shall  hear  good 
of  you  yet.  He  turned  and  walked  across  the  room, 
but  I  could  see  the  tears  start  into  his  eyes,  and  mother 
sot  down  and  had  a  hearty  crying  spell.  This  made 
me  feel  rather  bad  for  a  minute  or  two,  and  I  almost 
had  a  mind  to  give  it  up ;  and  then  again  father's  dream 
came  into  my  mind,  and  I  mustered  up  courage,  and 
declared  1  'd  go.  So  I  tackled  up  the  old  horse  and 
packed  in  a  load  of  ax  handles  and  a  few  notions,  and 
mother  fried  me  some  dough-nuts  and  put  'em  into  a  box 
along  with  some  cheese  and  sassages,  and  ropped  me  up 
another  shirt,  for  I  told  her  I  did  n't  know  how  long  I 
should  be  gone ;  and  after  I  got  all  rigged  out,  I  went 
round  and  bid  all  the  neighbors  good  bye,  and  jumped  in 
and  drove  off  for  Portland. 

Ant  Sally  had  been  married  two  or  three  years  before 
and  moved  to  Portland,  and  I  inquired  round  till  I  found 
out  where  she  lived,  and  went  there  and  put  the  old 
horse  up  and  eat  some  supper  and  went  to  bed.  And  the 
next  morning  I  got  up  and  straightened  right  off  to  see 
the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  for  I  knew  by  what 
I  had  seen  in  his  paper  that  he  was  jest  the  man  to  tell 
me  which  way  to  steer.  And  when  I  come  to  see  him 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  31 

I  knew  I  was  right ;  for  soon  as  I  told  him  my  name  and 
what  I  wanted,  he  took  me  by  the  hand  as  kind  as  if  he 
had  been  a  brother ;  and  says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  I  '11  do 
any  thing  I  can  to  assist  you.  You  have  come  to  a  good 
town  ;  Portland  is  a  healthy  thriving  place,  and  any  man 
with  a  proper  degree  of  enterprise  may  do  well  here. 
But  says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  and  he  looked  mighty  kind 
of  knowing,  says  he,  if  you  want  to  make  out  to  your 
mind,  you  must  do  as  the  steamboats  do.  Well,  says  I, 
how  do  they  do  ?  for  I  did  n't  know  what  a  steam  boat 
was,  any  more  than  the  man  in  the  moon.  Why,  says 
he,  they  go  ahead.  And  you  must  drive  about  among 
the  folks  here  jest  as  though  you  were  at  home  on  the 
farm  among  the  cattle.  Dont  be  afraid  of  any  of  'em, 
but  figure  away,  and  I  dare  say  you  will  get  into  good 
business  in  a  very  little  while.  But  says  he,  there  's  one 
thing  you  must  be  careful  of,  and  that  is  not  to  get  into 
the  hands  of  them  are  folks  that  trades  up  round  Huck- 
ler's  Row  ;  for  there  's  some  sharpers  up  there,  if  they 
get  hold  of  you,  would  twist  your  eye  teeth  out  in  five 
minutes.  Well  after  he  had  gin  me  all  the  good  advice 
he  could  I  went  back  to  Ant  Sally's  again  and  got  some 
breakfast,  and  then  I  walked  all  over  the  town  to  see 
what  chance  I  could  find  to  sell  my  ax  handles  and 
things,  and  to  get  into  business. 

After  I  had  walked  about  three  or  four  hours  I  come 
along  towards  the  upper  end  of  the  town  where  I  found 
there  were  stores  and  shops  of  all  sorts  and  sizes.  And 
I  met  a  feller,  and  says  I,  what  place  is  this  ?  Why  this 
says  he,  is  Huckler's  Row.  What,  says  I,  are  these  the 
stores  where  the  traders  in  Huckler's  Row  keep  ?  And 
says  he,  yes.  Well  then,  thinks  I  to  myself,  I  have  a 
pesky  good  mind  to  go  in  and  have  a  try  with  one  of 
these  chaps,  and  see  if  they  can  twist  my  eye  teeth  out. 
If  they  can  get  the  best  end  of  a  bargain  out  of  me, 
they  can  do  what  there  aint  a  man  in  Downingville  can 
do,  and  I  should  jest  like  to  know  what  sort  of  stuff 


0/5  LIFE    OF 

these  ere  Portland  chaps  are  made  of.  So  in  I  goes 
into  the  best  looking  store  among  'em.  And  I  see  some 
biscuit  lying  on  the  shelf,  and  says  I,  Mister,  how  much 
do  you  ax  apiece  for  them  are  biscuit '?  A  cent  apiece, 
says  he.  Well,  says  I,  I  shant  give  you  that,  but  if  you 
Ve  a  mind  to,  I  '11  give  you  two  cents  for  three  of  'em, 
for  I  begin  to  feel  a  little  as  though  I  should  like  to  take 
a  bite.  Well,  says  he,  I  would  n't  sell  'em  to  any  body 
else  so,  but  seeing  it  's  you  I  dont  care  if  you  take  'em. 
I  knew  he  lied,  for  he  never  see  me  before  in  his  life. 
Well  he  handed  down  the  biscuits  and  I  took  'em,  and 
walked  round  the  store  awhile  to  see  what  else  he  had 
to  sell.  At  last,  says  I,  Mister,  have  you  got  any  good 
new  cider  1  Says  he,  yes,  as  good  as  ever  you  see. 
Well,  says  I,  what  do  you  ax  a  glass  for  it  1  Two  cents, 
says  he.  Well,  says  I,  seems  to  me  I  feel  more  dry  than 
I  do  hungry  now.  Aint  you  a  mind  to  take  these  ere 
biscuit  again  and  give  me  a  glass  of  cider  ?  And  says  he 
I  dont  care  if  I  do ;  so  he  took  and  laid  'em  on  the  shelf 
again,  and  poured  out  a  glass  of  cider.  I  took  the 
cider  and  drinkt  it  down,  and  to  tell  the  truth  it  was 
capital  good  cider.  Then,  says  I,  I  guess  it  's  time  for 
me  to  be  a  going,  and  I  stept  along  towards  the  door. 
But,  says  he,  stop  Mister.  I  believe  you  have  n't  paid 
me  for  the  cider.  Not  paid  you  for  the  cider,  says  I, 
what  do  you  mean  by  that  1  Did  n't  the  biscuit  that  I 
give  you  jest  come  to  the  cider  1  Oh,  ah,  right,  says 
he.  So  I  started  to  go  again  ;  and  says  he,  but  stop, 
Mister,  you  did  n't  pay  me  for  the  biscuit.  What,  says 
J,  do  you  mean  to  impose  upon  me  ?  do  you  think  I  am 
going  to  pay  you  for  the  biscuit  and  let  you  keep  'em  tu  ? 
Aint  they  there  now  on  your  shelf,  what  more  do  you 
want  1  I  guess  sir,  you  dont  whittle  me  in  that  way. 
So  I  turned  about  and  marched  off,  and  left  the  feller 
staring  and  thinking  and  scratching  his  head,  as  though 
he  was  struck  with  a  dunderment.  Howsomever,  I  did 
n't  want  to  cheat  him,  only  jest  to  show  'em  it  want  so 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  33 

easy  a  matter  to  pull  my  eye  teeth  out,  so  I  called  in 
next  day  and  paid  him  his  two  cents.  Well  I  staid  at 
Ant  Sally's  a  week  or  two,  and  I  went  about  town  every 
day  to  see  what  chance  I  could  find  to  trade  off  my  ax 
handles,  or  hire  out,  or  find  some  way  or  other  to  begin 
to  seek  my  fortune. 

Arid  I  must  confess  the  editor  of  the  Courier  was  about 
right  in  calling  Portland  a  pretty  good  thriving  sort  of  a 
place;  every  body  seemed  to  be  as  busy  as  so  many  bees ; 
and  the  masts  of  the  vessels  stuck  up  round  the  wharves 
as  thick  as  pine  trees  in  uncle  Joshua's  pasture ;  and  the 
stores  and  the  shops  were  so  thick,  it  seemed  as  if  there 
was  no  end  to  'em.  In  short  although  I  have  been  round 
the  world  considerable,  from  that  time  to  this,  all  the  way 
from  Madawaska  to  Washington,  I  've  never  seen  any 
place  yet  that  I  think  has  any  business  to  grin  at  Port 
land. 

At  last  I  happened  to  blunder  into  the  Legislator ;  and 
I  believe  that  was  the  beginning  of  my  good  luck.  I  see 
such  queer  kinds  of  carrying  on  there,  that  I  could  n't 
help  setting  down  and  writing  to  cousin  Ephraim  fr>  te.11 
jincle  .Tnahiia-ahoiit  it ;  because  he  always  wanted  to  know 
every  thing  that's  going  on  in  politics.  So  I  went  to  the 
editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  for  I  had  got  out  of  money, 
and  asked  him  if  he  would  be  so  good  as  to  lend  me 
ninepence  to  pay  the  postage.  And  he  said  he  would 
with  all  his  heart.  But  he  could  tell  me  a  better  way 
than  that  ;  if  I  had  a  mind  to  let  him  have  the  letter  he 
would  send  it  up  in  the  Courier  and  it  would'nt  cost  any 
postage  at  all.  So  I  let  him  have  it,  and  fact,  he  went 
right  to  work  and  printed  it  in  the  Courier  as  large  as 
life.  He  said  he  would  n't  let  any  body  see  it  but  cousin 
Ephraim  ;  but  somehow  or  other  it  leaked  out  and  was 
all  over  the  Legislater  the  next  morning,  and  every  body 
was  inquiring  for  Mr  Downing.  Well  this  kind  of  got 
me  right  into  public  life  at  once ;  and  I  've  been  in  public 
life  ever  since,  and  have  been  writing  letters  and  rising 


34  LIFE    OF    MAJOR    JACK   DOWNING. 

up  along  gradually  one  step  after  another,  till  I  Ve  got 
up  along  side  of  the  President,  and  am  talked  of  now 
pretty  strong  for  President  myself,  and  have  been  nomi 
nated  in  a  good  many  of  the  first  papers  in  the  country. 
All  my  public  life  pretty  much  may  be  found  in  my 
letters.  And  I  shall  put  'em  into  this  book  along  one 
after  another  jest  as  they  come,  from  the  time  I  first  sent 
that  letter  in  the  Portland  Courier  to  cousin  Ephraim  till 
this  time.  I  don't  know  but  some  of  the  politics  in  'em 
will  want  a  little  explaining  along  by  the  way,  so  I  have 
got  my  friend  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  to  put 
in  some  notes  wherever  he  thinks  they  want  'em. 


Together  with  a  few  from  Cousin  Nobby,  and  Uncle 
Joshua,  and  Cousin  Ephraim,  and  so  on ;  containing  a 
pretty  considerable  account  of  my  public  life  from  Jinua- 
ry  1830  to  November  1833. 

\Note  by  the  Editor.  The  political  struggle  in  the  Legislature 
of  Maine  in  the  winter  of  1830  will  long  be  remembered.  The 
preceding  electioneering  campaign  had  been  carried  on  with  a  bit 
terness  and  personality  unprecedented  in  the  State,  and  so  nearly 
were  the  parties  divided,  that  before  the  meeting  of  the  Legislature 
to  count  the  votes  for  Governor  both  sides  confidently  claimed  the 
victory.  Hence  the  members  came  together  with  feelings  highly 
excited,  prepared  to  dispute  every  inch  of  ground,  and  ready  to 
take  fire  at  the  first  spark  which  collision  might  produce.  A  fierce 
war  commenced  at  the  first  moment  of  the  meeting,  and  continued 
for  about  six  weeks  without  intermission,  before  they  succeeded  in 
organizing  the  government.  It  was  during  this  state  of  things  that 
Mr  Downing  fortunately  happened  to  drop  into  the  Legislature, 
when  his  prolific  genius  was  at  once  fired  to  record  the  scenes  that 
were  passing  before  him,  for  the  edification  not  only  of  the  present 
generation  but  of  remote  posterity.  In  explanation  of  the  first  let 
ter,  it  may  be  remarked,  that  as  soon  as  the  Representatives  hud 
assembled,  Albert  Smith,  Esq.  of  Nobleborough,  the  present  Marshal 
of  Maine,  called  them  to  order,  and  nominated  Mr  White  of  Mon- 
mouth,  Chairman,  who  was  declared  elected  without  ceremony,  and 
took  the  chair.  After  he  had  occupied  it  two  days  Mr  Goodenow 
was  elected  Speaker.] 

LETTER  I. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  choosing-  Speaker. 

Portland,  Monday,  Jan.  18, 1830. 
To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

DEAR  COUSIN  EPHRAIM.  —  I  now  take  my  pen  in  hand 
to  let  you  know  that  I  am  well,  hoping  these  few  lines 


36  LETTERS    OF 

will  find  you  enjoying  the  same  blessing.  When  I  come 
down  to  Portland  I  did  n't  think  o'  staying  more  than 
three  or  four  days,  if  I  could  sell  my  load  of  ax  han 
dles,  and  mother's  cheese,  and  cousin  Nabby's  bundle  of 
footings  ;  but  when  I  got  here  I  found  uncle  Nat  was 
gone  a  freighting  down  to  Quoddy,  and  ant  Sally  said 
as  how  I  should  n't  stir  a  step  home  till  he  come  back 
agin,  which  wont  be  this  month.  So  here  I  am,  loiter 
ing  about  this  great  town,  as  lazy  as  an  ox.  Ax  han 
dles  dont  fetch  nothing,  I  could  n't  hardly  give  'em  away. 
Tell  cousin  Nabby  I  sold  her  footings  for  nine-pence  a 
pair,  and  took  it  all  in  cotton  cloth.  Mother's  cheese 
come  to  five-and-sixpence  ;  I  got  her  half  a  pound  of 
shushon,  and  two  ounces  of  snuff,  and  the  rest  in  sugar. 
When  uncle  Nat  comes  home  I  shall  put  my  ax  handles 
aboard  of  him,  and  let  him  take  'em  to  Boston  next 
time  he  goes  ;  I  saw  a  feller  tother  day,  that  told  me 
they'd  fetch  a  good  price  there.  —  I've  been  here  now  a 
whole  fortnight,  and  if  I  could  tell  ye  one  half  I've  seen, 
I  guess  you'd  stare  worse  than  if  you'd  seen  a  cata 
mount.  I've  been  to  meeting,  and  to  the  museum,  and 
to  both  Legislaters,  the  one  they  call  the  House,  and 
the  one  they  call  the  Sinnet.  I  spose  uncle  Joshua  is 
in  a  great  hurry  to  hear  something  about  these  Legisla 
ters  ;  for  you  know  he's  always  reading  newspapers, 
and  talking  politics,  when  he  can  get  any  body  to  talk 
with  him.  I've  seen  him,  when  he  had  five  tons  of  hay 
in  the  field  well  made,  and  a  heavy  shower  coming  up, 
stand  two  hours  disputing  with  squire  W.  about  Adams 
and  Jackson,  one  calling  Adams  a  tory  and  a  fed,  and 
the  other  saying  Jackson  was  a  murderer  and  a  fool ; 
so  they  kept  it  up,  till  the  rain  began  to  pour  down,  and 
about  spoilt  all  his  hay. 

Uncle  Joshua  may  set  his  heart  at  rest  about  the  bushel 
of  corn  that  he  bet  long  with  the  post-master,  that  Mr 
Ruggles  would  be  Speaker  of  that  Legislator,  they  call 
the  House  ;  for  he  's  lost  it,  slick  as  a  whistle.  As  I 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  37 

had  n't  much  to  do,  I  Ve  been  there  every  day  since 
they  Ve  been  a  setting.  4  J^r  Whitp  ^f  1\Tnnmniith  was 
thfi  i^prnkft^  the  two  first  days  ;  and  I  cant  see  why  they 
did  n't  keep  him  in  all  the  time  ;  for  he  seemed  to  be  a 
very  clever  good-natured  sort  of  man,  and  he  had  such  a 
smooth  pleasant  way  with  him,  that  I  could  n't  help  feel 
ing  sorry  when  they  turned  him  out  and  put  in  another. 
But  some  said  he  was  n't  put  in  hardly  fair ;  and  I  dont 
know  as  he  was,  for  the  first  day  when  they  were  all  com 
ing  in  and  crowding  round,  there  was  a  large  fat  man, 
with  a  round,  full,  jolly  sort  of  a  face,  I  suppose  he  was 
the  captain,  for  he  got  up  and  commanded  them  to  come 
to  order,  and  then  he  told  thi§  Mr  White  to  whip  into  the 
chair  quicker  than  you  could  say  Jack  Robinson.  Some 
of  'em  scolded  about  it,  and  I  heard  some,  in  a  little 
room  they  called  the  lobby >  say  'twas  a  mean  trick  ;  but 
I  could  n't  see  why,  for  I  thought  Mr  White  made  a  capi 
tal  Speaker,  and  when  our  company  turns  out  you  know 
the  captain  always  has  a  right  to  do  as  he  's  a  mind  to. 

They  kept  disputing  most  all  the  time  the  two  first 
days  about  a  poor  Mr  Roberts  from  Waterborough. 
Some  said  he  should  n't  have  a  seat,  because  he  adjourned 
the  town  meeting,  and  was  n't^fairly  elected.  Others 
said  it  was  no  such  thing,  and  .that  he  was  elected  as 
fairly  as  any  of  'em.  —  And  Mr  Roberts  himself  said  he 
was,  and  said  he  could  bring  men  that  would  swear  to  it, 
and  good  men  too.  But  notwithstanding  all  this,  when 
they  carne  to  vote,  they  got  three  or  four  majority  that 
he  should  n't  have  a  seat.  And  I  thought  it  a  needless 
piece  of  cruelty,  for  they  rennt  crowded,  and  there  was 
a  number  of  seats  empty.  But  they  would  have  it  so, 
and  the  poor  man  had  to  go  and  stand  up  in  the  lobby. 

Then  they  disputed  awhile  about  a  Mr  Fowler's  having 
a  seat.  Some  said  he  should  n't  have  a  seat,  because 
when  he  was  elected  some  of  his  votes  were  given  for  his 
father.  But  they  were  more  kind  to  him  than  they  were 
to  Mr  Roberts ;  for  they  voted  that  he  should  have  a  seat  5 
4 


38  LETTERS    OP 

and  I  suppose  it  was  because  they  thought  he  had  a  law 
ful  right  to  inherit  whatever  was  his  father's.  They  all 
declared  there  was  no  party  politics  about  it,  and  I  dont 
think  there  was  ;  for  I  noticed  that  all  who  voted  that  Mr 
Roberts  should  have  a  seat,  voted  that  Mr  Fowler  should 
not;  and  all  who  voted  that  Mr  Roberts  should  not  have 
a  seat,  voted  that  Mr  Fowler  should.  So,  as  they  all  vo 
ted  both  ways,  they  must  have  acted  as  their  consciences 
told  them,  and  I  dont  see  how  there  could  be  any  party 
about  it. 

It 's  a  pity  they  could  n't  be  allowed  to  have  two  speak 
ers,  for  they  seemed  to  be  very  anxious  to  choose  Mr 
Ruggles  and  Mr  Goodenow.  They  two  had  every  vote, 
except  one,  and  if  they  had  had  that,  I  believe  they  would 
both  have  been  chosen ;  as  it  was,  however,  they  both  came 
within  a  humbird's  eye  of  it.  Whether  it  was  Mr  Rug 
gles  that  voted  for  Mr  Goodenow,  or  Mr  Goodenow  for 
Mr  Ruggles,  I  can't  exactly  tell ;  but  I  rather  guess  it  was 
Mr  Ruggles  voted  for  Mr  Goodenow,  for  he  appeared  to 
be  very  glad  that  Mr  Goodenow  was  elected,  and  went  up 
to  him  soon  after  Mr  Goodenow  took  the  chair,  and  shook 
hands  with  him  as  good-natured  as  could  be.  I  would 
have  given  half  my  load  of  ax  handles,  if  they  could  both 
have  been  elected  and  set  up  there  together,  they  would 
have  been  so  happy.  But  as  they  can't  have  but  one 
speaker  at  a  time,  and  as  Mr  Goodenow  appears  to  un 
derstand  the  business  very  well,  it  is  not  likely  Mr  Rug 
gles  will  be  speaker  any  this  winter.  So  uncle  Joshua 
will  have  to  shell  out  his  bushel  of  corn,  and  I  hope  it 
will  learn  him  better  than  to  bet  about  politics  again.  If 
he  had  not  been  a  goose,  he  might  have  known  he  would 
loose  it,  even  if  he  had  been  ever  so  sure  of  getting  it ; 
for  in  these  politics  there  's  never  any  telling  which  way 
the  cat  will  jump.  You  know,  before  the  last  September 
election,  some  of  the  papers  that  came  to  our  town  had 
found  out  that  Mr  Hunton  would  have  five  thousand 
majority  of  the  votes.  And  some  of  the  other  papers  had 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  39 

found  out  that  Mr  Smith  would  have  five  thousand  major 
ity.  But  the  cat  jumped  'tother  way  to  both  of  'em  ;  for 
I  cant  find  yet  as  either  of  'em  has  got  any  majority. 
Some  say  Mr  Hunton  has  got  a  little  majority,  but  as  far 
from  five  thousand  as  I  am  from  home.  And  as  for  Mr 
Smith,  they  dont  think  he  has  any  majority  at  all.  You 
remember,  too,  before  I  came  from  home,  some  of  the 
papers  said  how  there  was  a  majority  of  ten  or  fifteen 
national  republicans  in  the  Legislater,  and  the  other  papers 
said  there  was  a  pretty  clever  little  majority  of  democratic 
republicans.  Well,  now  every  body  says  it  has  turned 
out  jest  as  that  queer  little  paper,  called  the  Daily  Cou 
rier,  said  't  would.  That  paper  said  it  was  such  a  close 
rub,  it  could  n't  hardly  tell  which  side  would  beat.  And  it 
's  jest  so,  for  they  Ve  been  here  now  mo'st  a  fortnight  acting 
jest  like  two  boys  playin  see-saw  on  a  rail.  First  one 
goes  up,  then  'tother ;  but  I  reckon  one  of  the  boys  is 
rather  heaviest,  for  once  in  awhile  he  comes  down  chuck, 
and  throws  the  other  up  into  the  air  as  though  he  would 
pitch  him  head  over  heels. 

In  that  'tother  Legislater  they  call  the  Sinnet,  there 
has  been  some  of  the  drollest  carryins  on  that  you  ever 
heard  of.  If  I  can  get  time  I  '11  write  you  something 
about  it,  pretty  soon.  So  I  subscribe  myself,  in  haste, 
your  loving  cousin  till  death. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


40  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  II. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  poor  Mr  Roberts  having 
to  stand  up. 

[Note  by  the  Editor,  It  was  the  rule  at  the  meeting  of  the 
Legislature  to  admit  all  to  a  seat  who  could  produce  a  certificate  of 
their  election,  which  certificate  was  considered  ^r^n  farifj  PW- 
dence  that  they  were  uuly  relumed  its'  members!  The"  Portland 
Argus  and  Advertiser  were  the  leading  papers  of  the  two  parties ; 
and  as  matters  began  to  grow  worse  and  worse  in  the  Legislature, 
the  Argjif  constantly  affirmed  that  the  Democratic  republicans  used 
every  endeavor  in  their  power  to  orgarlize  tne  government  and 
proceed  in  the  public  business,  but  that  the  Huntonites  would  not 
let  them.  And  the  Advertiser_as  constantly  affirmed,  that  the  na 
tional  rgmiblioans  use*d  their  Utmost  endeavors  to  proceed  in  the 
public  business,  but  the  Jacksonites  would  not  let  them.] 

Portland,  Jan.  22, 1830. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA.  —  I  spose  you  learnt  by  my  let 
ter  t'other  day  to  cousin  Ephraim,  that  you  had  lost  the 
bushel  of  corn  you  bet  about  the  Speaker  in  the  Legis- 
later  ;  I  mean  that  Legislater  they  call  the  House  ;  for 
Mr  White  got  it  first,  arid  then  Mr  Goodenow  got  it,  and 
he's  kept  it  ever  since.  And  they  say  he'll  be  Speaker 
all  winter,  although  he  don't  speak  near  so  much  as 
some  the _rest  of  'em.  There's  lawyer  iTuggles,  of 
Thomaston/that  used  to  be  Speaker,  and  folks  say  he 
made  a  very  smart  one.  And  there's  lawyer  Boutelle, 
of  Waterville,  who's  got  eyes  sharp  enough  to  look 
through  any  body,  and  who  makes  'em  all  as  still  as 
mice  when  he  speaks.  And  there's  lawyer  Smith  of 
Nobleborough  ;  he  looks  very  much  like  a  man  I  saw 
in  the  museum,  that  they  called  Daniel  Lambert,  only 
he  is'nt  quite  so  large  ;  but  my  patience,  he's  a  real 
peeler  for  speaking,  and  sometimes  he  pours  out  his 
voice  so  as  to  make  me  jump  right  up  on  my  feet.  If 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  41 

I  was  going  to  bet  who  would  be  Speaker  next  year,  I 
should  bet  upon  him  before  any  body  else.  And  there's 
lawyer  Bourne,  of  Kennebunk,  and  lawyer  Kent,  of 
Bangor,  and  lawyer  Norton,  of  Milburn,  and  doctor 
Burnham,  of  Orland,  and  doctor  Shaw  of  Wiscasset,  and 
doctor  Wells,  of  Freeport,  and  parson  Knowlton,  of 
Montville,  and  parson  Swett,  of  Prospect,  and  some 
others,  if  I  could  only  think  of  'em.  Now,  most  any 
of  these  speak  more  than  Mr  Goodenow  does  ;  and  still 
Mr  Goodenow  is  called  the  Speaker,  because  they  voted 
that  he  should  be.  They've  disputed  two  days  more 
about  that  poor  Mr  Roberts  having  a  seat.  I  can't  see 
why  they  need  to  make  such  a  fuss  about  it.  As  they've 
got  seats  enough,  why  don't  they  let  him  have  one,  and 
not  keep  him  standing  up  for  three  weeks  in  the  lobby 
and  round  the  fire ;  its  a  plaguy  sight  worse  than  being 
on  a  standing  committee,  for  they  say  the  standing  com 
mittees  have  a  chance  to  set  most  every  day.  But  in 
flic  dispute  about  Mr  Roberts  lasi  VV  ednesday  and 
Thursday*  the  difficulty  seemed  to  be  something  or  other 
about  a  primy  facy  case.  I  don't  know  what  sort  of  "a 
case  'twas,  but  that's  what  they  called  it.  Some  said  he 
hadn't  got  any  primy  facy  case,  and  he  mus'nt  have  a 
seat  till  he  had  one.  The  others  stood  to  it  that  he  had 
got  one,  and  a  very  good  one  ;  Mr  Ruggles  said  it  was 
full  as  good  a  one  as  the  gentlemen  from  Portland  had. 
And  they  read  above  twenty  papers  that  they  called  de 
positions,  about  the  town  meeting  at  Waterborough  ;  but 
they  didn't  seem  to  say  any  thing  about  the  primy  facy 
case.  About  one  half  of  'em  said  the  town  meeting 
was  adjourned,  and  t'other  half  said  twas'nt.  And  one 
of  the  depositions  said  there  was  some  of  'em  at  the 
meeting  agreed  that  Mr  Roberts  should  n't  be  elected  at 
any  rate  ;  and  if  they  could  n't  prevent  it  any  other 
way,  they  agreed  to  keep  up  a  row  till  midnight.  And 
when  they  brought  in  candles  in  the  evening,  they 

all  over,  and  put  'em  out.     So  they  all 

4* 


42  LETTERS    OF 

had  to  clear  out ;  and  some  said  there  was  a  vote  to  ad 
journ  the  meeting,  and  some  said  Mr  Roberts  adjourned 
it  alone,  and  some  said  'twasn't  adjourned  at  all.  And 
one  of  the  depositioners  said  Mr  Roberts  offered  to  give 
him  as  much  rum  as  he  would  drink,  if  he  would  only 
say  the  meeting  was  fairly  adjourned.  But  all  the  de 
positions  didn't  convince  but  sixty-nine  members  of  the 
House  that  Mr  Roberts  had  a  primy  facy  case ;  and 
there  were  seventy-five  convinced  t'other  way.  So,  af 
ter  they  had  disputed  two  days,  they  voted  again  that 
Mr  Roberts  shouldn't  have  a  seat  yet. 

O  dear,  uncle  Joshua,  these  Legislators  have  got  the 
State  into  a  dreadful  pickle.  I've  been  reading  the  Port 
land  Argus  and  the  Portland  Advertiser,  and  it's  enough 
to  scare  a  Bunker  Hill  sojer  out  of  his  seven  senses,  to 
see  what  we  are  all  coming  to.  According  to  these  pa 
pers,  there  are  two  very  clever  parties  in  the  State,  that 
are  trying  with  all  their  might  to  save  us  from  ruin. 
They  are  called  democratic  repvblikins,  and  national  re- 
publikins ;  and  you'd  be  pefectly  astonished  fo  see  how 
Hard  they've  worked,  as  these  papers  say,  in  both  Legis- 
laters,  to  set  things  right,  and  get  business  a  going  on 
well,  so  that  we  can  have  a  governor,  and  live  in  peace 
and  harmony,  and  not  break  out  into  a  civil  war,  and  all 
be  ruined  in  a  bunch.  But  it's  doubtful  if  they'll  make 
out  to  save  us  after  all ;  for  there  is  such  a  set  of  Jack- 
sonites  and  Huntonites,  that  are  all  the  time  a  plotting 
to  bring  us  to  destruction,  that  I  tell  ye  what  'tis,  if 
something  isn't  done  pretty  soon,  it'll  be  gone  goose 
with  us. 

These  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  seem  to  have  a 
majority  in  the  Legislates  ;  and  they  've  been  making  a 
proper  bother  for  a  most  three  weeks,  so  that  the  demo 
cratic  republikins  and  the  national  republikins  could  n't 
do  nothing  at  all.  And  sometimes  I'm  really  afraid 
they'll  have  to  break  up  and  go  home  without  doing 
any  thing ;  and  if  they  do,  they  say  we  shall  all  be  afloat, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  43 

and  there's  no  knowing  where  we  shall  land-  The  re- 
publikins  appointed  a  committee  to  count  the  votes  for 
governor,  and  the  committee  told  'em  t'other  day,  there 
was  39  majority  for  Mr  Hunton,  and  he  was  elected. 
But  then  these  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  went  to  dis 
puting  about  the  matter ;  and  some  say  they  will  dis 
pute  it  this  fortnight  yet.  What  a  blessing  it  would  be 
if  the  Legislaters  were  all  democratic  and  national  re- 
publikins.  The  people  are  growing  pretty  mad  at  all 
this  botheration,  and  I  can't  tell  what'll  be  the  end  on't. 
But  I  shall  write  again  to  you  or  cousin  Ephraim  pretty 
soon.  So  I  remain  your  loving  neefu  till  death. 

JACK  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  I  concluded  to  send  my  letters  in  the  Daily 
Courier  to  save  postage  — the  printer  said  he  would  n't 
show  them  to  any  body. 


LETTER    III. 

In  which  Cousin  Nabby  advises  Mr  Downing  to  come  home. 

Downingville,  Jan.  30, 1830. 

DEAR  COUSIN  JACK.  —  If  you  were  only  here,  I  would 
break  the  handle  of  our  old  birch  broom  over  your  back 
for  serving  me  such  a  caper.  Here  I  have  been  waiting 
three  weeks  for  that  cotton  cloth  you  got  for  the  foot 
ings  ;  and  you  know  the  meeting-house  windows  were 
to  have  been  broke  a  fortnight  ago,  if  I  had  got  it.  And 
then  I  had  to  tell  Sam,  I  was  waiting  for  some  cotton 
cloth.  He  tried  to  keep  in  with  all  his  might,  but  he 
burst  out  a  laughing  so,  I'm  a  good  mind  to  turn  him  off. 
But  if  I  do,  you  and  he  will  be  both  in  the  same  pickle. 
You  had  better  let  them  legislators  alone ;  and  if  you 
can't  sell  your  ax  handles,  take  'em  and  come  home 


44  LETTERS    OF 

and  mind  your  business.  There  is  Jemima  Parsons 
romping  about  with  the  school-master,  fair  weather  and 
foul.  Last  Wednesday  she  went  a  sleigh-riding  with  him, 
and  to-night  she's  going  to  the  singing-school,  and  he  is 
going  to  carry  her.  Last  night  she  came  over  to  our 
house,  and  wanted  me  to  go  to  uncle  Zeke's  to  borry 
their  swifts,  she  said,  when  she  knew  we  had  some,  and 
had  borried  them  a  dozen  times.  I  said  nothing,  but 
went  with  her.  When  we  got  there,  who  should  we  find 
but  the  school-master.  —  I  know  Jemime  knew  it,  and 
went  there  purpose  to  have  him  go  home  with  her.  She 
never  askt  for  the  swifts.  Coming  home,  the  master 
askt  her  if  she  had  seen  your  last  letter.  She  said  yes, 
and  began  to  laugh  and  talk  about  you,  just  as  tho'  I 
was  no  relation.  She  said  she  guessed  them  legislaters 
would  try  to  make  a  governor  out  of  you  next,  if  you 
staid  there  much  longer.  One  of  them  steers  you  sold 
to  Jacob  Small  that  week  you  went  to  Portland,  died 
t'other  day ;  and  he  says  if  we  have  no  governor  this 
year,  he  wont  pay  you  a  cent  for  'em.  So  you  have 
lost  your  steers  and  Jemima  Parsons,  jest  by  your  dally- 
in  gliBmit  there  amon>  lllUnTlegislaters.  I  say  you  had 
better  come  home,  and  see  to  your  own  business.  I  spose 
father  and  brother  Eph.  would  like  to  have  you  stay 
there  all  winter  and  tell  'em  about  the  governors  and 
legislaters,  but  ant  wants  her  tea,  and  I  want  my  cot 
ton  cloth,  so  I  wish  you'd  make  haste  home  and  bring 
'em.  Your  loving  Cousin, 

NABBY. 
To  Mr  Jack  Downing. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  45 


LETTER   IV. 

In  which   Uncle  Joshua  tells  how  he  went  to  Boston,  and 
took  dinner  wiH  the  Gineral  Court. 

[Note  by  the  Editor.  This  letter  came  through  the  Boston  Daily 
Advertiser,  and  there  has  always  been  some  doubt  whether  it  was 
really  written  by  that  respectable  and  stanch  patriot,  Joshua 
Downing.  Esq.  The  Major  says  he  has  often  asked  him  the  ques 
tion,  at  which  his  uncle  Joshua  would  always  shake  his  head  and 
laugh,  but  give  no  answer.  It  is  written,  however,  in  the  pure 
style  of  the  Downing  family,  which  is  the  strongest  evidence  we 
can  have  that  the  letter  is  genuine.] 

Letter  from  Joshua  Downing,   in  Boston,  to  his  nephew,  Jack 
Downing,  in  Portland. 


NEPHEW,—  I  left  home  just  after  your  letter  to 
your  cousin  Ephraim  got  there,  and  I  didn't  get  a  sight 
of  your  letter  to  me  that  you  put  into  the  Courier  at 
Portland,  until  I  saw  it  in  the  Daily  Advertiser  in  Boston, 
and  I  guess  Mr  Hale  is  the  only  person  in  Boston  who 
takes  that  are  little  Courier,  so  you  was  pretty  safe 
about  the  letter  not  being  seen,  as  the  printer  promised 
you.  —  How  I  happened  to  see  it  here,  you  will  find  out 
before  I  have  got  through  with  this  letter.  I  guess  you 
wont  be  a  little  struck  up  when  you  find  out  that  I'm  ia 
Boston  —  but  I  had  best  begin  at  the  beginning  and  then 
I  shall  get  thro'  quicker. 

After  seeing  your  letter  to  Ephraim  as  I  said  before, 
I  concluded  it  wouldn't  be  a  bad  scheme  to  tackle  up 
and  take  a  load  of  turkies,  some  apple-sauce,  and  other 
notions  that  the  neighbors  wanted  to  get  to  market,  and 
as  your  uncle  Nat  would  be  in  Boston  with  the  ax  hand 
les,  we  all  thought  best  to  try  our  luck  there.  Nothing 
happened  worth  mentioning  on  the  road,  nor  till  next 
morning  after  I  got  here  and  put  up  in  Elm  street.  I 
then  got  off  my  watch  pretty  curiously,  as  you  shall  be 


46  LETTERS    OF 

informed.  I  was  down  in  the  bar  room,  and  tho't  it  well 
enough  to  look  pretty  considerable  smart,  and  now  and 
then  compared  my  watch  with  the  clock  in  the  bar, 
and  found  it  as  near  right  as  ever  it  was  —  when  a  feller 
stept  up  to  me  and  ask'd  how  I'd  trade  1  and  says  I,  for 
what?  and  says  he,  for  you0  watch  —  and  says  I,  any 
way  that  will  be  a  fair  shake  —  upon  that  says  he,  I'll 
give  you  my  watch  and  five  dollars.  —  Says  I,  its  done  ! 
He  gave  me  the  five  dollars,  and  I  gave  him  my  watch. 
Now,  says  I,  give  me  your  watch  —  and,  says  he,  with  a 
loud  laugh,  I  han't  got  none  —  and  that  kind  aturn'd 
the  laugh  on  me.  Thinks  I,  let  them  laugh  that  lose. 
Soon  as  the  laugh  was  well  over,  the  feller  thought  he'd 
try  the  watch  to  his  ear  -~-  why,  says  he,  it  dont  go  — 
no,  says  I,  not  without  its  carried  —  then  I  began  to 
laugh  —  he  tried  to  open  it  and  couldn't  start  it  a  hair, 
and  broke  his  thumb  nail  into  the  bargain.  Won't  she 
open,  says  he  7  Not's  I  know  on,  says  I  —  and  then  the 
laugh  seemed  to  take  another  turn. 

Don't  you  think  I  got  off  the  old  Brittania  pretty  well, 
considrin  ?  And  then  I  thought  I'd  go  and  see  about 
my  load  of  turkies  and  other  notions.  I  expected  to 
have  gone  all  over  town  to  sell  my  load,  but  Mr  Doolit- 
tle  told  me  if  I'd  go  down  to  the  new  market,  I  should 
find  folks  enough  to  buy  all  I  had  at  once.  So  down  I 
goes,  and  a  likely  kind  of  a  feller,  with  an  eye  like  a 
hawk  arid  quick  as  a  steeltrap  for  a  trade,  (they  called 
him  a  4th  staller,)  came  up  to  the  wagon,  and  before 
you  could  say  Jack  Robinson,  we  struck  a  bargain  for 
the  whole  cargo  —  and  come  to  weigh  and  reckon  up,  I 
found  I  should  get  as  much  as  10s6d  more  than  any  of 
us  calculated  before  I  left  home,  and  had  the  apple 
sauce  left  besides.  So  I  thought  I'd  jist  see  how  this 
4th  staller  worked  his  card  to  be  able  to  give  us  so  good 
a  price  for  the  turkies,  and  I  went  inside  the  market- 
house,  and  a  grander  sight  I  never  expect  to  see  !  But 
it  was  the  3d  staller,  instead  of  the  4th,  had  my  turkies 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING*  47 

all  sorted  and  hung  up,  and  looking  so  much  better  that 
I  hardly  should  known  'em.  Pretty  soon,  a  gentleman 
asked  the  3d  staller  what  he  asked  for  turkies  1  Why, 
says  he,  if  you  want  something  better  than  you  ever  saw 
before,  there's  some  'twas  killed  last  night  purpose  for 
you.  You  may  take  'em  at  9d,  being  it's  you.  I'll  give 
you  12  cents,  said  the  gentleman,  as  I've  got  some  of 
the  General  Court  to  dine  with  me,  and  must  treat  well. 
I  shant  stand  for  half  a  cent  with  an  old  customer,  says 
he.  And  so  they  traded  ;  and  in  about  the  space  of  half 
an  hour  or  more,  all  mvturkies  went  into  baskets  at  that 
rate.  The  4th  staller  gave  rne  6d  a  pound,  and  I  began 
to  think  I'd  been  a  little  too  much  in  a  hurry  for  trade  — 
but's  no  use  to  cry  for  spilt  milk.  Then  I  went  up  to  the 
State  House  to  see  what  was  going  on  there ;  but  I 
thought  I'd  get  off  my  apple-sauce  on  my  way  —  and 
seeing  a  sign  of  old  clothes  bartered,  I  stepped  in  and 
made  a  trade,  and  got  a  whole  suit  of  superfine  black 
broadcloth  from  from  top  to  toe,  for  a  firkin  of  apple 
sauce,  (which  didn't  cost  much  I  guess,  at  home.) 

Accordingly  I  rigged  myself  up  in  the  new  suit,  and 
you  'd  hardly  known  me.  I  did  n't  like  the  set  of  the 
sjioulders,  they  were  so  dreadful  puckery  ;  but  the  man 
said  that  was  all  right.  1  guess  he  'Tl  find  the  apple 
sauce  full  asjamftery  when  he  gets  down  into  it  —  but 
that  's  between  ourselves.  Well,  when  I  got  up  to  the 
State  House  I  found  them  at  work  on  the  rail  road  — 
busy  enough  I  can  tell  you  —  they  got  a  part  of  it  made 
already.  I  found  most  all  the  folks  kept  their  hats  on 
except  the  man  who  was  talking  out  loud  and  the  man 
he  was  talking  to  —  all  the  rest  seemed  to  be  busy  about 
their  own  consarns.  As  I  did  n't  see  any  body  to  talk  to 
I  kept  my  hat  on  and  took  a  seat,  and  look'd  round  to 
see  what  was  going  on.  I  had  n't  been  setting  long 
before  I  saw  a  slick-headed,  sharp-eyed  little  man, 
who  seemed  to  have  the  principal  management  of  the 
folks,  looking  at  me  prety  sharp,  as  much  as  to  say  who 


48  lETtEHS    OF 

are  you  ?  but  I  said  nothing  and  looked  tother  way  —  at 
last  he  touched  me  on  the  shoulder  —  I  thought  he  was 
feeling  of  the  puckers.  Are  you  a  member  ?  says  he — 
sartin  says  I  —  how  long  have  you  taken  your  seat? 
says  he.  About  ten  minutes,  says  I.  Are  you  qualified  ? 
says  he.  I  guess  not,  says  I.  And  then  he  left  me.  I 
did  n't  know  exactly  what  this  old  gentleman  was  after 
—  but  soon  he  returned  and  said  it  was  proper  for  me 
to  be  qualified  before  I  took  a  seat,  and  I  must  go  before 
the  governor!  By  Jing  !  I  never  felt  so  before  in  all  my 
born  days.  As  good  luck  would  have  it,  he  was  beckon 
ed  to  come  to  a  man  at  the  desk,  and  as  soon  as  his  back 
was  turned  I  give  him  the  slip.  Jest  as  I  was  going  off, 
the  gentleman  who  bought  my  turkies  of  the  4th  staller 
took  hold  of  my  arm,  and  I  was  afraid  at  first  that  he 
was  going  to  carry  me  to  the  Governor  —  but  he  began 
to  talk  as  sociable  as  if  we  had  been  old  acquaintances. 
How  long  have  you  been  in  the  house,  Mr  Smith,  says 
he.  My  name  is  Downing,  said  I.  I  beg  your  pardon, 
says  he  —  I  mean  Downing.  It 's  no  offence,  says  I,  I 
hav'nt  been  here  long.  Then  says  he  in  a  very  pleasan 
way,  a  few  of  your  brother  members  are  to  take  pot-luck 
with  me  to  day,  and  I  should  be  happy  to  have  you  join 
them.  What  's  pot-luck  said  I.  O,  a  family  dinner, 
says  he — no  ceremony.  I  thought  by. this  time1  1  was 
well  qualified  for  that  without  going  to  the  Governor. 
So  says  I,  yes,  and  thank  ye  too.  How  long  before 
you  '11  want  me,  says  I.  At  3  o'clock,  says  he,  and  gave 
me  a  piece  of  paste  board  with  his  name  on  it  —  and 
the  name  of  the  street,  and  the  number  of  his  house, 
and  said  that  would  show  me  the  way.  Well,  says  I,  I 
dont  know  of  nothing  that  will  keep  me  away.  And 
then  we  parted.  I  took  considerable  liking  to  him. 

After  strolling  round  and  seeing  a  great  many  things 
about  the  State  House  and  the  marble  irnmage  of  Gin. 
Washington,  standing  on  a  stump  in  the  Porch,  I  went 
out  into  the  street  they  call  Bacon  street,  and  my  stars! 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  49 

what  swarms  of  women  folks  I  saw  all  drest  up  as  if 
they  were  going  to  meeting.  You  can  tell  cousin  Polly 
Sandburn,  who  you  know  is  no  slimster,  that  she 
need  n't  take  on  so  about  being  genteel  in  her  shapes  — 
for  the  genteelest  ladies  here  beat  her  as  to  size  all  hol 
low.  I  dont  believe  one  of  'em  could  get  into  our  fore 
dore  —  and  as  for  their  arms  —  I  should  n't  want  better 
measure  for  a  bushel  of  meal  than  one  of  their  sleeves 
could  hold.  I  shant  shell  out  the  bushel  of  corn  you  say 
I  've  lost  on  Speaker  Ruggles  at  that  rate.  But  this 

puts  me  in  mind  of  the  dinner  which  Mr. wants 

I  should  help  the  Gineral  Court  eat.  So  I  took  out  the 
piece  of  paste  board,  and  began  to  inquire  my  way  and 
got  along  completely,  and  found  the  number  the  first 
time  —  but  the  door  was  locked,  and  there  was  no 
knocker,  and  I  thumpt  with  my  whip  handle,  but  nobody 
come.  And  says  I  to  a  man  going  by,  dont  nobody  live 
here  ?  and  says  he  yes.  Well,  how  do  you  get  in  1  Why, 
says  he,  ring ;  and  says  I,  ring  what  ?  And  says  he,  the 
bell.  And  says  I  where  's  the  rope  ?  And  says  he,  pull 
that  little  brass  nub  ;  and  so  I  gave  it  a  twitch,  and  I  'm 
sure  a  bell  did  ring;  and  who  do  you  think  opened  the 
door  with  a  white  apron  afore  him  ?  You  could  n't 
guess  for  a  week  a  Sundays  —  so  I  '11  tell  you.  It  was 
Stephen  Furlong,  who  kept  our  district  school  last  win 
ter,  for  5  dollars  a  month,  and  kept  bachelor's  hall,  and 
helped  tend  for  Gineral  Coombs  a  training  days,  and 
make  out  muster  rolls.  We  was  considerably  struck  up 
at  first,  both  of  us  ;  and  when  he  found  I  was  going  to 

eat   dinner   with    Mr.   and    Gineral    Court,    he 

thought  it  queer  kind  of  doings  —  but  says  he,  I  guess 
it  will  be  as  well  for  both  of  us  not  to  know  each  other 
a  bit  more  than  we  can  help.  And  says  I,  with  a  wink, 
you  're  half  right,  and  in  I  went.  There  was  nobody 

in  the  room  but  Mr. and  his  wife,  and  not  a  sign 

of  any  dinner  to  be  seen  any  where  —  though  I  thought 


50  LETTERS    OF 

now  and  then  when  a  side  door  opened,  I  could  smell 
cupboard,  as  they  say. 

I  thought  I  should  be  puzzled  enough  to  know  what 
to  say,  but  I   had  'nt  my  thoughts  long  to   myself.     Mr 

has   about  as  nimble  a  tongue  as  you  ever  heard, 

and  could  say  ten  words  to  my  one,  and  I  had  nothing 
to  do  in  the  way  of  making  talk.  Just  then  I  heard  a 
ringing,  and  Stephen  was  busy  opening  the  door  and 
letting  in  the  Gineral  Court,  who  all  had  their  hats  off, 
and  looking  pretty  scrumptious,  you  may  depend.  I 
did  'nt  see  but  I  could  stand  along  side  of  'em  without 
disparagement,  except  to  my  boots,  which  had  just  got 
a  lick  of  beeswax  and  tallow — not  a  mite  of  dinner  yet, 
and  I  began  to  feel  as  if  'twas  nearer  supper-time  than 
dinner-time — when  all  at  once  two  doors  flew  away 
from  each  other  right  into  the  wall,  and  what  did  I  see 
but  one  of  the  grandest  thanksgiving  dinners  you  ever 
laid  your  eyes  on  —  and  lights  on  the  table,  and  silver 
candlesticks  and  gold  lamps  over  head  —  the  window 
shutters  closed  —  I  guess  more  than  one  of  us  stared  at 
first,  but  we  soon  found  the  way  to  our  mouths  —  I  made 
Stephen  tend  out  for  me  pretty  sharp,  and  he  got  my 
plate  filled  three  or  four  times  with  soup,  which  beat  all 
I  ever  tasted.  I  shan't  go  through  the  whole  dinner 
again  to  you — but  I  am  mistaken  if  it  cost  me  much 
for  victuals  this  week,  if  I  pay  by  the  meal  at  Mr  Doo- 
little's,  who  comes  pretty  near  up  to  a  thanksgiving 
every  day.  There  was  considerable  talk  about  stock 
and  manufactories,  and  Her  bilities,  and  rimidies,  and  a 
great  loss  on  stock.  I  thought  this  a  good  chance  for 
me  to  put  in  a  word  — for  I  calculated  I  knew  as  much 
abmit  raising1  stock  and  keeping  over  as  any  of  'em. 
Saysl  to  Mr ,  there's  one  thing  I've  always  ob 
served  in  my  experience  in  stock— just  as  sure  as  you 
try  to  keep  over  more  stock  than  you  have  fodder  to 
carry  them  well  into  April,  one  half  will  die  on  your 
hands,  to  a  sartinty  . —  and  there's  no  remedy  for  it  — 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  51 

I've  tried  it  out  and  out,  and  there's  no  law  that  can 
make  a  ton  of  hay  keep  over  ten  cows,  unless  you  have 
more  carrots  and  potatoes  than  you  can  throw  a  stick 
at.  This  made  some  of  the  folks  stare  who  did  'nt  know 
much  about  stock  —  and  Steve  give  me  a  jog,  as  much 
as  to  say,  keep  quiet.  He  thought  I  was  getting  into  a 
quog-mire,  and  soon  after,  giving  me  a  wink,  opened  the 
door  and  got  me  out  of  the  room  into  the  entry. 

After  we  had  got  out  of  hearing,  says  I  to  Steve,  how 
are  you  getting  on  in  the  world  —  should  you  like  to 
come  back  to  keep  our  school  if  I  could  get  a  vote  for 
you? — not  by  two  chalks  says  Steve  —  I  know  which 
side  my  bread  is  buttered  better  than  all  that  —  I  get  12 
dollars  a  month  and  found,  and  now  and  then  some  old 
clothes,  which  is  better  than  keeping  school  at  5  dollars 
and  find  myself  and  work  out  my  highway  tax  besides 
—  then  turning  up  the  cape  of  my  new  coat,  says  he,  I 
guess  I've  dusted  that  before  now — most  likely,  says  I, 
but  not  in  our  district  school.  And  this  brings  to  mind 
to  tell  you  how  I  got  a  sight  of  your  letter.  They  tell 
me  here  that  every  body  reads  the  Boston  Daily  Adver 
tiser,  because  there  is  no  knowing  but  what  they  may 
find  out  something  to  their  advantage,  so  I  thought  I 
would  be  as  wise  as  the  rest  of  them,  and  before  I  got 
half  through  with  it,  what  should  I  find  mixed  up  among 
the  news  but  your  letter  that  you  put  into  that  little 
paper  down  in  Portland,  and  I  knew  it  was  your  writing 
before  I  had  read  ten  lines  of  it. 

I  hope  I've  answered  it  to  your  satisfaction. 

Your  respectful  uncle,          JOSHUA  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  Mr  Topliff  says  your  uncle  Nat  is  telegraphed, 
but  I'm  afraid  the  ax  handles  wont  come  to  much  —  I 
find  the  Boston  folks  make  a  handle  of  most  any  thing 
they  can  lay  hold  of,  and  just  as  like  as  not  they'll  make 
a  handle  of  our  private  letters  if  they  should  see  them. 

N.  B.  You  spell  dreadful  bad,  according  to  my  notion 


52  LETTERS    OF 

—  and  this  proves  what  I  always  said,  that  our  district 
has  been  going  down  hill  ever  since  Stephen  Furlong 
left  it. 

[Note  by  the  Editor.  In  order  that  the  reader  may  understand  the 
progress  of  the  war  in  the  Legislature,  it  should  be  remarked  that 
the  naij^ipa  in  the  Senate  were  equally  Divided.  There  were  eight 
Hunionites,  or  national  repubhcalK,  and  eight  Smithites,  or  dem 
ocratic  republicans,  and  four  vacancies.  The  battles  therefore  in 
the  Senate  were  more  serious,  obstinate,  and  protracted,  than  they 
were  in  the  House.  They  balloted  regularly  for  President  every 
day  for  about  a  fortnight.  To  illustrate  the  state  of  affairs  at  that 
time,  a  couple  of  extracts  from  the  Portland  Courier  in  relation  to 
the  balloting  in  the  Senate  are  subjoined.] 

From  the  Portland  Courier,  Jan.  1830. 

Saturday  forenoon  the  House  having  adjourned  at  an 
early  hour,  we  repaired  to  the  Senate  Chamber  with 
the  view  of  standing  watch  awhile.  We  arrived  just  in 
the  height  of  a  spirited  skirmish,  or  what  might  almost 
be  called  a  battle  ;  but  the  room  was  crowded,  and  the 
doorway  so  impenetrably  thronged,  that  we  could  gain 
no  entrance.  There  was  scarcely  room  for  a  man  to 
wedge  his  nose  in,  unless  it  were  a  remarkably  thin  and 
sharp  one.  From  the  subdued  and  regular  hum  within, 
there  was  evidently  a  debate  going  on,  but  we  being 
somewhat  low  in  stature,  and  a  solid  phalanx  of  six- 
footers  standing  before  us,  we  were  left  in  the  unplea 
sant  predicament  of  stretching  up  on  tiptoe  without 
catching  a  single  glimpse  of  the  scene,  and  holding  our 
hands  behind  our  ears  without  distinguishing  a  syllable 
that  was  uttered. 

The  debate  however  soon  subsided.  We  learnt  af 
terwards  from  inquiry,  that  it  related  to  the  subject  of 
forming  a  convention  with  the  House  for  the  purpose  of 
filling  vacancies,  before  the  Senate  was  organized  ;  the 
8  Huntonites  voting  in  favor  of  the  proposition,  and 
the  8  Smithites  against  it.  A  vote  was  then  passed  to 
proceed  to  ballot  for  President  again ;  and  luckily  for 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


53 


us,  the  ballot  boxes  were  out  in  the  lobby,  and  out  came 
the  messenger,  cutting  his  way  like  a  hero,  (we  like  to 
have  said,  hero  of  New  Orleans,  but  happened  to  think 
some  would  say  we  were  taking  sides,)  we  simply  say 
then,  he  cut  his  way  through  the  dense  ranks  of  specta 
tors,  like  a  hero,  and  we  crept  in  through  the  breach 
he  had  made.  The  committee  collected  the  votes  for 
President,  and  retired.  In  about  ten  minutes  they  re 
turned,  and  declared  the  result ;  7  for  Mr  Dunlap,  7 
for  Mr  Kingsbury,  and  2  scattering. 

They  collected  the  votes  again,  and  retired  as  before, 
and  returned  as  before,  and  declared  the  same  result. 
Again  they  proceeded  in  the  same  round,  and  came  in 
the  third  time,  and  stood  ready  to  declare.  The  spec 
tators  had  become  so  accustomed  to  the  report,  that  they 
were  whispering  it  off  in  advance  of  the  Committee, 
like  a  mischievous  and  sinful  boy  running  ahead  of  some 
good  old  country  Deacon,  who  always  uses  the  same 
words  in  prayer.  —  Judge  then,  ye  readers  of  the  Cou 
rier,  what  unspeakable  astonishment  prevailed,  when 
from  the  lips  of  the  Chairman  fell  the  startling  words, 
8  for  Sanford  Kingsbury,  6  for  Robert  P.  Dunlap,  and 
2  scattering. 

The  effect  was  like  that  of  a  clap  of  thunder  in  the 
dead  of  winter :  some  faces  grew  longer,  and  some 
grew  shorter  ;  in  some  eyes  there  was  a  look  of  wild 
ness ;  in  others  a  leering  complacency,  that  seemed  to 
say,  'your're  dish'd  at  last;  while  some  confounded 
knowing  glances  from  other  quarters  visibly  replied, 
'  not  as  you  know  on.'  And  to  be  sure  these  last  were 
in  the  right ;  for  round  they  went  the  fourth  time,  col 
lected  the  ballots,  counted  them,  and  came  in  again  — 
expectation  was  on  tiptoe,  and  speculation  was  very 
busy.  Some  thought  this  ballot  would  settle  the  ques 
tion,  but  others  doubted.  The  Committee  declared,  arid 
the  same  old  tune  greeted  the  ears  of  the  audieiue 
5* 


54  LETTERS    OF 

—  7  for  Mr  Dunlap,  7  for  Mr  Kingsbury,  and  2  scat 
tering. 

% 

Another  extract  from  the  same. 

A  new  Tune.  —  We  have  to  pitch  our  pipe  to  a  new 
tune  this  morning.  The  second  great  battle  of  the 
session  was  fought,  or  rather  terminated  yesterday  af 
ternoon.  After  a  regular  engagement  for  eight  days 
in  succession,  during  which  time  the  regular  armies  of 
Huntonites  and  Smithites  in  the  Senate  were  drawn  up 
face  to  face,  forenoon  and  afternoon,  exchanging  some 
half  a  dozen  shots  every  day,  and  then  retiring  by  mu 
tual  consent,  and  sleeping  upon  their  arms,  the  conflict 
was  ended  yesterday  afternoon  by  a  ruse  de  guerre  on  the 
part  of  the  Huntonites,  which  led  them  to  victory  without 
bloodshed.  The  Senate  met  in  the  afternoon  at  three 
o'clock,  and  proceeded  to  their  usual  round  of  duties. 
The  committee  received  the  votes  for  President,  and  re 
tired,  and  came  in  again,  and  declared  in  the  strains  of 
the  old  tune,  7  for  Mr  Dunlap,  7  for  Mr  Kingsbury,  and 
2  scattering.  They  proceeded  again,  and  came  in  as 
before.  It  was  the  fiftieth  ballot  since  the  commence 
ment  of  the  session  ;  and  had  a  ffty  pounder  been  un 
expectedly  discharged  in  the  room,  it  would  hardly  have 
produced  a  stronger  sensation,  than  the  declaration  of 
the  Committee,  when  they  piped  away  in  the  following 
new  tune  :  whole  number  of  votes  15.  Necessary  to  a 
choice  8  :  JOSHUA  HALL  has  8,  ROBERT  P.  DUNLAP  6, 
JAMES  STEELE  1,  Blank  1.  We  shall  not  attempt  to 
describe  the  coloring  of  faces,  the  wildness  of  eyes,  or 
the  biting  of  lips  that  ensued  ;  for,  not  arriving  in  season 
we  did  not  see  them.  But  we  have  no  doubt  from  the 
remarks  of  those  who  were  present,  that  the  occasion 
would  have  furnished  a  scene  for  painting,  full  equal,  if 
not  surpassing,  that  in  the  House  on  the  choice  of 
Speaker.  After  the  first  consternation  had  subsided, 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  55 

Mr  Hall  was  declared  duly  elected  President  of  the 
Senate.  Whereupon  he  rose  in  his  place,  and  thanked 
the  gentlemen  of  the  Board  for  the  confidence  they  had 
placed  in  him.  He  doubted  his  abilities  to  discharge 
properly  the  duties  assigned  him  ;  but  under  present 
circumstances  he  would  accept  the  trust.  He  accord 
ingly  took  the  Chair. 


\Note  by  the  Editor.  Mr  Hall,  or  Elder  Hall,  as  he  \ 
called,  was  a  d^mociatic  republican,  but  was  chosen  Pi 
clusivelv  bv  the  national  republican  votes,  he  thrown 


was  usually 

_____  President  ex 

clusively  by  the  national  republican  votes,  he  throwing  a  blank 
vote  himself.  He  was  a  short,  fleshy,  good  hearted  old  gentleman, 
a  minister  of  the  Methodist  denomination,  and  knew  much  more 
about  preaching  than  he  did  about  politics.  The  democratic  re 
publicans  after  their  first  consternation  at  his  election  had  subsided, 
fearing  that  he  had  actually  gone  over  to  the  enemy,  took  measures 
to  have  a  private  consultation  with  him  immediately  after  adjourn 
ment.  This  interview  resulted  in  nailing  the  old  gentleman  to  his 
former  political  faith,  and  he  stuck  to  the  party  like  wax  during  the 
remainder  of  the  session.  So  the  Senate  was  still  divided,  eight  to 
eight,  except  when  the  four  new  Senators  elected  by  the  national 
republicans  to  fill  the  vacancies,  attempted  to  act.] 


LETTER   V. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  what  a  hobble  the  Legislature 
got  into,  in  trying  to  make  so  many  Governors. 

Portland,  Feb.  1, 1830. 
To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

DEAR  COUSIN  EPHRAIM.  —  I  spose  you  expected  me 
to  write  to  you  agin  long  afore  now  and  tell  you  some 
thing  more  about  these  legislaters,  and  I  meant  to,  but  I 
could  n't  very  well  ;  for  I'll  tell  you  jest  how  twas.  — 
Some  days,  when  the  legislater  would  get  into  a  plaguy 
hobble,  I  would  think  to  myself,  well,  soon  as  they  get 
out  of  this  snarl,  I'll  write  to  cousin  Ephraim  and  tell 
him  all  about  it ;  but  before  they  got  fairly  out  of  that, 
they'd  be  right  into  another  ;  and  if  I  waited  till  next 


56  LETTERS    OF 

day  to  see  how  that  ended,  my  keesers !  before  night 
they'd  all  be  higgledy  piggle  in  a  worse  hobble  than 
they'd  ever  been  in  afore.  So  if  I  wait  to  tell  you  how 
it  comes  out,  I  believe  I  shall  have  to  wait  till  haying 
time.  Another  thing  I've  been  waiting  for,  was  to  tell 
you  who  was  Governor.  —  But,  O  dear,  I  cant  find  out 
half  so  much  about  it  now,  here  in  this  great  city  of 
Portland,  where  all  the  Governors  live,  as  I  could  six 
months  ago  among  the  bear  traps  and  log  Bouses  in  our 
town,  way  back  in  the  woods.  Last  August,  you  know, 
according  to  the  papers  we  were  going  to  have  two 
Governors  right  off,  sure  as  rates ;  Mr  Hunton  and  Mr 
Smith.  Well  now  its  got  to  be  the  first  of  February, 
and  we  haven't  got  one  yet.  And  although  the  governor- 
makers  have  had  four  or  five  under  way  for  a  month 
past,  some  think  it  very  doubtful  whether  they  will  get 
one  done  so  as  to  be  fit  to  use  this  year.  There's  Mr 
Hunton,  and  Mr  Smith,  and  Mr  Cutler,  and  Mr  Good- 
enow,  and  Mr  Hall,  have  all  been  partly  made  into  Gov 
ernors  ;  but  when  in  all  creation  any  of  'em  will  be  fin 
ished,  I  guess  it  would  puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to 
tell.  I  stated  in  my  letter  to  uncle  Joshua,  that  there 
were  two  very  clever  parties  in  the  legislater,  the  dem 
ocratic  republikans  and  the  national  republikans ;  and 
they  are  so,  and  very  industrious,  and  try  to  make  things 
go  on  right  \  and  I  really  believe,  if  the  confounded 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  didn't  bother  'em  so,  they  'd 
make  us  a  Governor,  as  quick  as  I  could  make  an  ax 
handle.  It  is  enough  to  do  any  body's  heart  good  to  see 
how  kind  and  obliging  these  democratic  republikans  and 
national  republikans  are  to  each  other,  and  how  each 
party  tries  to  help  the  other  along  ;  and  its  enough  to 
make  any  body's  blood  boil,to  see  the  Jacksonites  and 
Huntonites,  jest  like  the  dog  in  the  manger,  because  they 
cant  eat  the  hay  themselves,  snap  at  these  two  clever 
parties  the  moment  either  of  'em  sets  out  to  take  a 
mouthful.  I'll  jest  give  you  an  instance  of  the  kindness 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  57 

that  these  two  clever  parties  show  to  each  other. — You 
know  the  constitution  says  when  we  haven  't  any  Gov 
ernor  the  President  of  the  Sinnet  must  be  Governor, 
and  when  we  have  'nt  any  President  of  the  Sinnet,  the 
Speaker  of  the  House  must  be  Governor.  So  when 
Governor  Lincoln  died  Mr^Cutlej  was  Governor  for 
awhile,  because  he  was  last  year  President  of  the  Sin- 
net.  M^  Goodenow  is  a  national  rejoublikan,  and  when 
he  was  elected  Speaker  of  the  House,  the  democratic  re- 
publikans  told  himas  there  was  no  President  of  the 
Sinnet  elected  yet,  it  belonged  to  him  to  be  Governor^, 
and  tried  as  hard  as  though  he  had  belonged  to  their 
own  party,  to  encourage  him  to  go  right  into  the  coun 
cil  chamber  and  do  the  governor's  business.  But  the 
national  republikans  didn't  dare  to  let  him  go,  for  he 
was  elected  by  only  one  majority,  and  they  said  if  he 
should  leave  the  chair,  it  wouldn't  be  five  minutes  before 
a  Jacksonite  would  be  whisked  into  it,  and  then  the  two 
clever  parties  would  all  be  up  a  tree.  Well,  jest  so  twas 
in  the  Sinnet  after  Elder  Hall  was  elected  Ej^sident, 

•      t         •  ifi    ".•'•*  •  ^^»M^^^ 

only  the  bread  was  buttered  on  tother  side.  Ekjer  HalHs 
a  dejn^frtatic  republikan,  and  there  was  a  great  dealtough- 
er  scrabble  to  elect  him,  than  there  was  to  choose  the 
Speaker  of  the  House.  But  as  soon  as  he  was  elected, 
the  national  republikans  went  to  him  very  kindly,  and 
said,  *  Elder  Hall,  by  the  provisions  of  the  constitution 
you  are  now  fairly  Governor  of  the  State  till  another 
governor  is  qualified.  Dont  be  bashful  about  it,  but 
please  to  walk  right  into  the  Council  chamber,  and  do 
the  governor's  business.'  But  the  democratic  republik 
ans  said,  that  would  never  do,  for  if  he  should,  the  Sin- 
nrt  TTnrrrd  vrnijlrf  be  capsized  in  an  instant  and  the  Iclun- 
tonites  would  rule  the  roast.  —  So  there  was  a  pair  of 
Governors  spoilt  when  they  were  more  than  half  made, 
jest  by  the  mischief  of  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites. 
And  the  consequence  is,  that  Mr  Cutler  has  to  keep  do 
ing  the  Governor's  business  yet,  whether  he  wants  to  or 


58  LETTERS    OF 

not,  and  whether  it  is  right  for  him  to,  or  not.  They 
say  the  poor  man  is  a  good  deal  distressed  about  it,  and 
has  sent  to  the  great  Judges  of  the  Supreme  Court  to 
know  whether  it's  right  for  him  to  be  Governor  any 
longer  or  not.  If  the  Judges  should  say  he  mus  'nt  be 
Governor  any  longer,  we  shall  be  in  a  dreadful  pickle. 
Only  think,  no  Governor,  and  no  laws,  but  every  body 
do  jest  as  they're  a  mind  to.  Well,  if  that  should  be 
the  case,  I  know  one  tfiing,  that  is,  Bill  Johnson  will  get 
one  good  flogging  for  calling  me  a  mean  puppy  and  a 
coward  last  summer ;  I've  longed  to  give  it  to  him  ever 
since  ;  and^f  the  Legislater  don't  make  a  governor  this 
winter,  I  shall  come  right  home,  and  Bill  must  look  out. 
What  a  pity  'tis  they  should  waste  so  much  time  trying 
to  make  so  many  governors  ;  for,  if  they  should  make 
a  dozen,  we  shouldn't  want  to  use  but  one  this  year; 
and  it  is  thought  if  they  had  all  clapt  to  and  worked 
upon  one  instead  of  working  upon  so  many,  they  might 
have  had  him  done  more  than  three  weeks  ago. 
,  Your  lovin  cuzen  til  death, 

>  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER   VI. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  describes  a  sad  mishap  that  bcfel 
the  House  of  Representatives. 

[Note  by  the  Editor.  After  a  stormy  debate  in  the  House  in  rela 
tion  to  forming  a  Convention  of  the  two  branches  to  fill  the  vacang 
cies  in  the  SenaJ^  the  national  republicans  finally  carried  the  flay ; 
where  upon*ttteaemocratic  republicans  h»ving  remonstrated  to  the 
last,  took  their  hats  and  marched  out  of  the  House  in  a  body,  about 
sixty  in  number,  headed  by  Mr  Smith  of  Nobleborough.  The 
national  republicans  of  the  two  branches,  however,  held  the  Con 
vention,  and  filled  the  vacancies  in  the  Senate,  and  the  next  day 
the  democratic  republicans  returned  to  their  seats.] 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  59 

Portland,  Tuesday,  Feb.  2, 1830. 

DEAR  COUSIN  EPHRAIM,  —  I  have  jest  time  to  write 
you  a  short  postscript  to  a  letter  that  I  shall  send  you  in 
a  day  or  two.  We  have  had  a  dreadful  time  here  to 
day.  You  know  the  wheels  of  government  have  been 
stopt  here  for  three  or  four  weeks,  and  they  all  clapt 
their  shoulders  under  to-day,  and  give  'em  a  lift ;  and 
they  started  so  hard,  that  as  true  as  you're  alive,  they 
split  both  Legislaters  right  in  tu.  Some  say  they  are 
split  so  bad,  they  can't  mend  'em  again,  but  I  hope  they 
can  though  ;  I  shall  tell  you  all  about  how  'twas  done,  in 
a  day  or  two.  I've  been  expecting  a  letter  from  you,  or 
some  of  the  folks,  sometime.  As  I've  got  pretty  short 
of  money,  I  wish  you  would  send  'em  in  the  Daily 
Courier,  so  I  shant  have  to  pay  the  postage. 
Your  hearty  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER    VII. 


In  which  affairs  take  a  more  favourable  turn. 

Portland,  Feb.  3, 1830. 

COUSIN  EPHRAIM,  —  I  thought  I  would  jest  write  you 
another  little  postscript  to  my  letter  that  I  was  going  to 
send  you  in  a  day  or  tu,  and  let  you  know  that  the  legis 
lators  want  split  so  bad  as  some  folks  tho't  for.  They've 
got  'em  both  mended  agin,  so  that  they  set  'em  agoing 
to  day  afore  noon.  But  in  the  arternoon,  that  legislator 
they  call  the  Sinnet,  got  stuck,  and  in  trying  to  make  it 
go,  it  rather  seemed  to  crack  a  little  ;  so  they  stopt  short 
till  to-morrow.  Its  been  jostled  about  so,  and  got  so 


60  LETTERS    OF 

weak  an'  rickety,  some  are  afraid  it  will  give  out  yet,  or 
split  in  tu  agin. 

JACK   DOWNING. 


LETTER   VIII. 


In  which  Mrs  Downing  urges  her  son  to  come  home. 

Downingville,  Feb.  6, 1830. 

MY  DEAR  SON,  —  Its  a  good  while  since  I  writ  a  let 
ter,  and  I  almost  forget  how ;  but  you  stay  down  there 
to  Portland  so  long,  I  kind  of  want  to  say  something  to 
you.  I  have  been  churning  this  morning,  and  my  hand 
shakes  so  I  cant  hardly  hold  my  pen  still.  And  then  I 
am  afraid  the  news  I've  got  to  tell,  will  be  such  a  blow 
to  you,  it  makes  me  feel  sort  of  narvous.  Last  Sunday 
the  schoolmaster  and  Jemima  Parsons  had  their  names 
stuck  up  together  in  the  meeting-house  porch.  —  Now  I 
hope  you  wont  take  on,  my  dear  Jack ;  for  if  I  was  you, 
I  should  be  glad  to  get  rid  of  her  so.  I  guess  she's 
rather  slack,  if  the  truth  was  known  :  for  I  went  in  there 
one  day,  and  she'd  jest  done  washjng  thejfloor ;  and  I 
declare,  it  looked  as  grey  as  if  she'd  got  the^  water  out 
of  a  mud  puddle.  And  then  she  went  to  making  pies 
without  washijig  her  hands,  or  shifting  her  apron.*"^They 
made  me  stop  to  supper,  but  I  never  touched  Jemime's 
pies.  There's  Dolly  Spaulding,  I'm  sure  she's  likelier 
looking  than  Jemime  Parsons,  if  'twant  for  that  habit 
she's  got  of  looking  two  ways  at  once.  If  she's  making 
a  soup,  one  eye  is  always  in  the  pot,  if  t'other  does  look 
up  chimney.  She's  as  good  a  cook  as  ever  was  born, 
and  neat  as  wax-work.  Sally  Kean  was  to  our  house 
spinning  linen  t'other  day,  because  I  burnt  my  hand 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  61 

so  bad  trying  out  lard  I  couldn't  hold  the  thread,  and 
she  said  Dolly  had  more  sheets  and  pillow-cases  than 
you  could  count  for  one  while,  and  she  is  always  making 
blankets  and  coverlids.  She  has  sold  footings  enough 
to  buy  her  half  a  dozen  silver  spoons  and  a  case  of 
knives.  When  I  was  young,  such  a  gal  would  had  a 
husband  long  ago.  The  men  didn't  use  to  ask  if  a  gal 
looked  one  way,  or  two  ways  with  her  eyes,  but  whether 
she  was  neat  and  smart ;  only  if  she  had  thin  lips  and 
peaked  nose,  they  were  sometimes  a  little  shy  of  her. 

0  Jack,  I'm  afraid  these  legislaters  will  be  the  ruina 
tion  of  you  !     'Twill  make  you  jest   like  your  uncle 
Joshua.     You  know   he   had   rather  stand  and  dispute 
about  politiks   any  time,  than   work  on  his   farm,  and 
talking  will  never  build  a  stone  wall  or  pay  our  taxes. 

1  dont  care  so  much  about  the  shushon  as  your  poor 
cousin  Nabby  does  about  the  cotton  cloth.     But  your 
father  has  got  the  rumatise  dreadfully  this  winter  ;  and 
its  rather  hard  for  him  to  have  to  cut  all  th"e  wood  and 
make  the  fires  this  cold   winter.     I  cant  see  what  good 
twil  do  for  you  to  stay  in  Portland  any  longer,  and  I 
think  you  had  better  come  home  and  see  a  little  to  the 
work  on  the  farm. 

Your  loving  mother, 

MARY   DOWNING. 


LETTER  IX. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  trigging  the  wheels  of 
government. 

Portland,  Thursday,  Feb.  11,  1830. 

DEAR  COUSIN  EPHRAIM.  —  I  've  wrote  you  three  post 
scripts  since  I  wrote  you  a  letter,  and  the  reason  is,  these 
6 


62  LETTERS    OF 

Legislaters  have  been  carryin  on  so  like  all  possest,  and 
I  've  been  in  looking  at  'em  so  much,  I  could  n't  get  time 
to  write  more  than  three  lines  at  once,  for  fear  I  should  be 
out  of  the  way,  and  should  miss  seeing  some  of  the  fun. 
But  thinkin  you  'd  be  tired  of  waiting,  I  tried  to  get  the 
printer  to  send  my  letter  yesterday  ;  but  he  told  me  right 
up  and  down  he  could  n't.  I  told  him  he  must,  for  I 
ought  to  sent  before  now.  But  he  said  he  could  n't,  and 
would  n't,  and  that  was  the  upshot  of  the  matter,  for  the 
paper  was  chock  full,  and  more  tu,  of  the  Governor's 
message.  Bless  my  stars,  says  I,  and  have  we  got  a 
Governor  done  enough  so  he  can  speak  a  message  1 
Yes,  indeed  we  have,  says  he,  thanks  be  to  the  two  great 
republikin  parties,  who  have  saved  the  State  from  the 
anarkee  of  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites ;  the  Governor 
is  done,  and  is  jest  a  going  into  the  Legislater,  and  if 
you  '11  go  right  up  there,  you  can  see  him.  So  I  pushed 
in  among  the  crowd,  and  I  got  a  pretty  good  squeezin 
tu  ;  but  I  got  a  good  place,  for  I  could  elbow  it  as  well 
as  any  on  'em.  And  I  had  n't  been  there  five  minutes, 
seemingly,  before  we  had  a  (^overnpxjure  enough ;  and 
a  good  stout,  genteel  looking  sort  of  a  man  he  was  tu,  as 
you  would  see  in  a  whole  regiment,  taking  in  captains 
and  all.  Nobody  disputed  that  he  was  finished  pretty 
workmanlike  ;  and  he  ought  to  be,  for  they  'd  been  long 
enough  about  it.  So  they  concluded  to  swear  him  in,  as 
they  call  it,  and  he  took  a  great  oath  to  behave  like  a 
Governor  a  whole  year.  Some  say  the  wheels  of  gov 
ernment  will  go  along  smooth  and  easy  now,  as  a  wheel 
barrow  across  a  brick  yard  ;  but  some  shake  their  heads, 
and  say  the  wheels  will  be  jolting  over  rocks  and  stumps 
all  winter  yet ;  and  I  dont  know  but  they  will,  for  the 
Governor  had  n't  hardly  turned  his  back  upon  'em  and 
gone  out,  before  they  went  right  to  disputing  agin  as 
hard  as  ever.  I  was  a  good  mind  to  run  out  and  call  the 
Governor  back  to  still  'em.  But  I  could  n't  tell  where 
to  look  for  him,  so  they  got  clear  of  a  drubbing  that  time. 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  63 

I  know  he  'd  a  gin  it  to  'em  if  he  'd  been  there ;  for  what 
do  you  think  was  the  first  thing  they  went  to  disputing 
about?  It  was  how  many  Governor's  speechfs  th^y 
should  print  this  winter ;  jest  as  if  the  Governor  could  n't 
tefithat  himself.  Some  wanted  three  hundred,  and  some 
five  hundred,  and  some  seven  or  eight  hundred.  Finally 
they  concluded  to  print  five  hundred  ;  and  I  should  think 
that  was  enough  in  all  conscience,  if  they  are  all  going 
to  be  as  long  as  that  one  they  printed  in  the  Courier 
yesterday.  In  the  next  place,  they  took  up  that  ever 
lasting  dispute  about  Mr  Roberts'  having  a  seat ;  for  if 
you  '11  believe  me,  they  've  kept  that  poor  man  standing 
there  till  this  time. 

I'll  tell  you  how  tis,  Cousin  Ephraim,  we  must  con 
trive  some  way  or  other  to  keep  these  Jacksonits  and 
Huntonites  out  of  the  Legislator  another  year,  or  we 
shall  be  ruin'd  ;  for  they  make  pesky  bad  work,  triging 
the  wheels  of  government.  They've  triged  'em  so  much 
that  they  say  it  has  cost  the  State  about  fifteen  thousand 
dollars  a'ready,  more  than  'twould,  if  they  had  gone 
along  straight  without  stopping.  So  you  may  tell  uncle 
Joshua  that  besides  that  bushel  of  corn  he  lost  in  betting 
about  the  Speaker,  he'll  have  to  shell  out  as  much  as  two 
bushels  more  to  pay  the  cost  of  triging  the  wheels.  Jin- 
goe  !  sometimes  when  I've  seen  the  wheels  chocked  with 
a  little  trig  not  bigger  than  a  cat's  head,  and  the  whole 
legislater  trying  with  all  their  might  two  or  three  days, 
and  couldn't  start  it  a  hair,  how  I've  longed  to  hitch  on 
my  little  speckled  four-year-olds,  and  give  'em  a  pull ; 
if  they  wouldn't  make  the  wheels  fly  over  the  trigs  in  a 
jiffy,  I  wont  guess  agin.  "Tether  day  in  the  great  con 
vention,  when  both  Legislators  met  together  to  chuse 
some  Counsellors,  Mr  Boutelle  and  Mr  Smith  of  Noble- 
borough  tried  to  explain  how  'twas  the  wheels  of  gov 
ernment  were  trig'd  so  much.  Mr  Boutelle,  as  I  have 
told  you  a-fore,  is  a  national  republican,  and  Mr  Smith 
is  a  democratic  republican.  They  differed  a  little  in 


64  LETTERS    OF 

their  opinion.  Mr  Boutelle  seemed  to  think  the  trig* 
were  all  put  under  by  one  class  of  politicians^  and  from 
what  he  said,  I  took  it  he  meant  the  Jacksonites.  He 
said  ever  since  the  Legislate!'  began,  the  moment  they 
started  the  wheels,  that  class  of  politicians  would  throw 
under  a  chock  and  stop  'em  ;  and  which  ever  way  they 
turned,  that  class  of  politicians  would  meet  'em  at  every 
corner  and  bring  'em  up  all  standin.  Mr  Smith  seemed 
to  think  another  class  of  politicians  had  the  greatest  hand 
in  it,  and  it  was  pretty  clear  that  he  meant  the  Huntonites. 
He  said  when  they  first  got  here,  that  class  of  politicians 
sot  the  wheels  of  government  rolling  the  wrong  way; 
they  put  the  big  wheels  forward,  and  the  Legislater  had 
been  going  backwards  ever  since,  jest  like  a  lobster. 
And  the  Huntonites  not  only  trig'd  the  wheels,  whenever 
they  begun  to  roll  the  right  way ;  but  as  soon  as  the 
'  blessed  Governor '  was  done  they  trig'd  him  tu ;  and 
though  he  had  been  done  four  days,  they  wouldn't  let 
him  come  into  the  Legislater  so  that  their  eyes  could  be 
blest  with  the  sight  of  him.  So  from  what  I  can  find 
out,  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  both,  are  a  trouble 
some  contrary  set,  and  there  must  be  some  way  con 
trived  to  keep  'em  out  of  the  Legislater  in  future. 

It  seems  soon  after  you  got  my  first  letter,  uncle 
Joshua  tackled  up,  and  started  off  to  Boston  with  a 
load  of  turkeys  and  apple-sauce.  I  had  a  letter  from 
him  t'other  day,  as  long  as  all  out  doors,  in  the  Boston 
Advertiser.  He  says  he  got  more  for  the  turkeys  than 
he  expected  tu  ;  but  I  think  it's  a  plaguy  pity  he  did'nt 
bring  'em  to  Portland.  I  know  he'd  got  more  than  he 
could  in  Boston.  Provision  kind  is  getting  up  here 
wonderfully,  on  account  of  these  Legislaters  being  like 
ly  to  stay  here  all  winter  ;  and  some  think  they'll  be 
here  half  the  summer  tu.  And  then  there's  sich  a  cloud 
of  what  they  call  lobby  members  and  office  hunters,  that 
the  biUcJiejsJa4v£§oOS^ulsLped,  and  gone  to  buying  up 
all  the  beef  and  pork  they  can  get  hold  on  far  and  near, 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  65 

for  they  are  afraid  a  famine  will  be  upon  us  next. 
Howsomever,  uncle  Joshua  did  well  to  carry  his  « puck- 
ery  apple-sauce'  to  Boston.  He  could  'nt  get  a  cent 
for't  here  ;  for  every  body's  puckery  and  sour  enough 
here  now. 

Give  my  love  to  father  and  mother  and  cousin  Nabby. 
I  shall  answer  their  letters  as  soon  as  I  can. 
Your  lovin  Cousin. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  X. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  advises  his  uncle  Joshua  to  hold  on 
to  his  bushel  of  corn,  because  the  Legislature  had  be- 
gun  to  '  rip  up  their  duins."1 

Portland,  Friday,  Feb.  12, 1830. 
Postcript  to  uncle  Joshua. 

{)[/*  THIS    WITH    CARE    AND    SPEED. 

DEAR  UNCLE,  —  If  you  have'nt  paid  ovet  that  are 
bushel  of  corn  yet,  that  you  lost  when  you  bet  Mr  Rug- 
Jrles  would  be  Speaker,  hold  on  to  it  for  your  life,  till 
you  hearfrom  me  agin,  for  I  aint  so  clear  but  you  may 
save  it  yet.  They've  gone  to  rippin  up  their  duins  here, 
and  there's  no  knowing  but  they  may  go  clear  back  to 
the  beginning  and  have  another  tug  about  Speaker.  At 
any  rate,  if  your  bushel  of  corn  is'nt  gone  out  of  your 
crib  yet,  I  advise  you  by  all  means  to  keep  it  there. 

Tell  'squire  N.  the  question  is'nt  settled  yet ;  and  you 
wont  shell  out  a  single  kernel  till  it  is  fairly  nailed  and 
clinched,  so  it  can't  be  ript  up  agin.  I'll  tell  y*ou  what 
tis,  uncle  Josh,  the  Supreme  ^omrt  beats  the  Jackson- 
ites  and  Huntonites  all  hollow  for  trigging  the  wheels. 
You  know  after  they  had  such  a  tussle  for  about  a  week 
6* 


66  LETTERS    OF 

to  chose  Elder  Hall  President  of  the  Sinnet,  and  after 
he  come  in  at  last  all  hollow,  for  they  said  he  had  a 
majority  of  eight  out  of  sixteen,  they  went  on  then  two 
or  three  weeks  nicely,  duin  business  tie  and  tie,  hard 
as  they  could.  Then  up  steps  the  Judges  of  the  Su 
preme  Court  and  tells  Mr  Hall  he  was  governor,  and 
ought  to  go  into  the  Council  Chamber.  They  seemed 
to  be  a  little  bit  thunder  struck  at  first.  But  they  soon 
come  to  agin,  and  Elder  Hall  got  out  of  the  chair  and 
Mr  Ringsbury  got  into  it,  and  they  jogged  along  an 
other  week,  duin  business  as  hard  as  ever.  They  said 
all  the  chairs  round  the  table  ought  to  be  filled,  so  they 
changed  works  with  the  House  and  made  four  more 
Sinneters.  So  having  four  good  fresh  hands  come  in, 
they  took  hold  in  good  earnest  and  turned  off  more 
business  in  two  days,  than  they  had  done  in  a  month  be 
fore. 

Then  up  steps  the  Supreme  Court  agin  and  tells  'em 
their  cake  is  all  dough  ;  for  they  hadn't  been  duin  con 
stitutional.  This  was  yesterday  ;  and  it  made  a  dread 
ful  touse.  They  went  right  to  work  rippin  up  and  tar- 
rin  away  what  they'd  been  duin  ;  and  before  nine  o'clock 
in  the  evening  they  turned  out  the  four  new  Sinneters, 
out  of  their  chairs  and  appointed  a  committee  to  begin 
to  make  four  more.  They  took  hold  so  hash  about  it,  I 
spose  some  the  rest  of  the  Sinneters  begun  to  be  afraid 
they  should  be  ript  up  tu  ;  so  they  clear'd  out,  I  guess 
near  about  half  on  'em,  and  have  n't  been  seen  nor  heard 
of  to  day.  Some  of  'em  that  had  more  courage  went 
in  and  tried  to  du  business  ;  but  there  wasn't  enough  of 
'em  to  start  an  inch.  They  sent  a  man  all  round  town 
in  the  forenoon  and  afternoon  to  tell  'em  to  come  in  and 
go  to  work,  but  he  could  n't  find  hide  nor  hair  of  one  of 
'em.  Elder  Hall  said  he  guessed  they  must  be  somewhere 
in  a  convention. 

Some  say  they'll  rip  up  the  new  Councillors  next,  and 
then  the  Governor,  cause  the  new  Sinneters  helpt  make 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  67 

'em  all.  But  there's  one  comfort  left  for  us,  let  the  cat 
jump  which  way  'twill ;  if  Mr  Hunton  is'nt  a  constitu 
tional  Governor,  Elder  Hall  is  ;  the  Judges  have  nailed 
that  fast.  So  I  think  Bill  Johnson  will  get  off  with  a 
whole  skin,  for  I  shant  dare  to  flog  him  this  year.  If 
they  go  clear  back  tfr'tiie  Speaker,  and  decide  it  in  favor 
of  your  bushel  of  corn,  I  shall  let  you  know  as  soon  as 
possible. 

Your  lovin  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING, 


LETTER   XI. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  describes   some  queer  duins  in  the 
Senate. 

[Note  by  the  Editor.  The  democratic  republicans  insisted  that 
the  Convention  which  filled  the  vacancies  in  the  Senate  was  not 
constitutional,  and  refused  to  recognize  the  new  members  at  the 
Board,  and  the  President  refused  to  count  their  votes.  After  con 
siderable  turmoil  the  four  new  Senators  withdrew  ;  in  consequence 
of  which  several  others  of  the  same  party  withdrew  also,  so  that 
there  was  not  a  quorum  left  to  do  business.  After  two  or  three 
days,  however,  they  returned,  and  the  new  senators  re-asserted 
their  claims  to  a  seat.  Great  confusion  ensued ;  the  President 
refused  to  count  their  votes ;  and  taking  the  votes  of  the  other 
members,  he  Jo"i»™A  f |^^aQr.ntpLjrijr>nrnpf]  L  The  national  repub 
licans  refused  to*75on*siaer  it  an  adjournment,  kept  their  seats,  and 
began  to  talk  of  re-organizing  the  Senate  by  choosing  a  new  Presir. 
dent.  Elder  Hall,  therefore,  fearing  the  chair  %^ula~fe  immedi- 
ately  filled  again  if  he  left  it,  kept  hisuseaj^  but  still  repeatedly 
declared  the  Senate  adjourned.  The  particulars  of  the  scene  are 
more  minutely  described  in  the  following  letter.] 

To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Portland,  Wednesday,  Feb.  17, 1830. 

DEAR  COUSIN  EPHRAIM, — Here  I  am  yet,  and  have 
n't  much  else  to  du,  so  I  might  as  well  keep  writin  to 
you  ;  for  I  spose  uncle  Joshua  's  in  a  peck  of  trouble 


bO  LETTERS    OF 

about  his  bushel  of  corn.  I'm  pesky  fraid  he'll  lose  it 
yet ;  for  they  dont  seem  to  rip  up  worth  a  cent  since  the 
first  night  they  begun.  The  truth  was  they  took  hold 
rather  tu  hash  that  night ;  and  rippin  up  them  are  four 
new  Sinneters  so  quick,  they  scart  away  four  or  five  more 
old  ones,  so  they  did  n't  dare  to  come  in  again  for  ttf 
And  that  threw  'em  all  into  the  suds,  head  and  ears.  It 
was  worse  than  trigging  the  wheels,  for  it  broke  the  Sin- 
net  wheel  right  in  tu,  and  left  it  so  flat,  that  all  Job's 
oxen  never  could  start  it,  if  they  hadn't  got  it  mended 
again.  They  tried,  and  tried,  to  'keep  duin  something, 
but  they  couldn't  du  the  leastest  thing.  One  time  they 
tried  to  du  something  with  a  little  bit  of  a  message  that 
was  sent  to  'em  on  a  piece  of  paper  from  the  House. 
The  President  took  it  in  his  hand,  and  held  it  up,  and 
asked  'em  what  was  best  to  du  with  it.  Some  of  'em 
motioned  that  they'd  lay  it  on  the  table ;  but  come  to 
consider  on  it,  they  found  they  couldn't  according  to 
the  constitution,  without  there  was  more  of  'em  to  help. 
They  said  they  couldn't  lay  it  on  the  table,  nor  du  nothin 
at  all  with  it.  I  was  afraid  the  poor  old  gentleman 
would  have  to  stand  there  and  hold  it  till  they  got  the 
wheel  mended  agin.  But  I  believe  he  finally  let  it  drop 
on  the  table ;  and  I  spose  there  was  nothin  in  the  con 
stitution  against  that. 

They  got  the  wheel  mended  Monday  about  eleven  er 
clock,  so  they  could  start  along  a  little".  "But  them  are 
four  ^*<p~frH*ia£ters  that  they  jjpt  up  Thursday  night, 
come  right  back  apin  Monday,  and  sot  down  to  the 
great  round  table ;  and  stood  tu  it  through  thick  and 
thin,  that  they  want  ript  up,  and  no  sich  thing.  —  Well, 
this  kicked  up  a  kind  of  a  bobbery  among  'em,  so  they 
thought  they'd  try  to  journ.  The  President  counted 
'em,  and  said  they  were  journed  and  might  go  out.  One 
of  the  new  Sinneters  said  the  President  didn't  count 
right,  and  they  want  journed  a  bit ;  and  they  must  set 
still  and  have  an  overhauling  about  it. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  by 

So  they  set  down  agin,  all  but  four  or  five  that  put  on 
their  hats  and  great  coats  and  stood  backside  of  the 
room.  The  room  was  chock  full  of  folks  looking  on, 
and  the  President  told  'em  the  Sinnet  was  journed  and 
they  might  as  well  go  out,  but  they  did  seem  to  keer  tu, 
and  they  put  their  hats  on  and  began  to  laugh  like  fun. 
The  President  sot  still  in^Jua^cfeeeis.  for  I  spose  he 
thought  if  he  left  it,  some  of  them  are  roguish  fellers 
would  be  gettin  into  it.  The  man  that  keeps  order,  told 
the  folks  they  must  take  their  hats  off  when  they  were 
in  the  Sinnet ;  but  they  said  they  wouldn't,  cause  the 
Sinnet  was  ajourned.  Then  the  man  went  and  asked 
the  President  if  the  Sinnet  was  all  ajourned,  and  the 
President  said  'twas,  and  there  was  no  doubt  about  it. 
And  the  folks  felt  so  tickled  to  think  they  could  wear 
their  hats  when  the  Sinneters  were  setting  round  the 
great  table,  that  they  kind  of  whistled  a  little  bit  all 
over  the  room. 

Finally,  after  settin  about  half  an  hour,  another  man 
got  up  and  motioned  to  ajourn,  and  the  President  got 
up  and  put  it  to  vote  agin.  He  told  'em  if  they  wanted 
to  ajourn,  they  must  say  ah,  and  they  all  said  ah  this 
time,  and  cleared  out  in  five  minutes. 

But  about  this  rippin  up  business  ;  instead  of  rippin 
up  the  councillors,  as  some  thought  they  would,  both 
legislaters  met  together  to-day,  and  called  in  four  of 
the  councillors,  and  nailed  'em  down  harder  with  an 
oath. 

They've  sot  the  committees  to  work  like  fun  now, 
and  its  thought  they'll  turn  off  business  hand  over  hand  ; 
for  you  know  its  almost  March,  and  then  the  great 
Supreme  Court  meets  bere.^  And  they  say  they  have  a 
grand  jury  that  picks  up  all  disorderly  and  mischievous 
folks,  and  carries  'em  in  to  court,  and  the  court  puts 
'em  in  jail.  These  legislaters  have  been  cuttin  up  such 
rigs  here  all  winter,  that  they  begin  to  look  pretty  shy 
when  any  thing  is  said  about  the  first  of  March,  and  I 


70  LETTERS    OF 

dont  believe  the  grand  jury  '11  be  able  to  find  a  single 
mother's  son  of  'em  when  the  court  gets  here. 
From  your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XII. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  hits  upon  a  new  idea  for  making 
money  out  of  the  office-seekers  that  were  swarming  round 
the  new  Governor. 

Postscript  to  Epkraim. 

Portland,  Feb.  23, 1830. 

DEAR  COUSIN.  —  As  soon  as  you  get  this,  I  want  you 
to  load  up  the  old  lumber-box  with  them  are  long  slick 
bean-poles,  that  I  got  out  last  summer.  I  guess  I  shant 
make  much  by  my  ax  handles,  for  I  can't  sell  'em  yet ; 
I  han't  sold  but  tu  since  I've  been  here  ;  and  the  sea's 
been  froze  over  so  that  uncle  Ned  hant  got  in  from 
Quoddy  yet,  and  I  hant  had  any  chance  to  send  my  ax 
handles  to  Boston.  But  if  I  loose  on  the  ax  handles,  I 
shall  make  it  up  on  the  bean  poles  if  you  only  get  'em 
here  in  season.  Do  mtfke1  haste*>e-fast  as  you  can,  and 
you  shall  share  half  the  profits. 

It  ant  to  stick  beans  with  nuther ;  and  I  guess  you'll 
kind  o'  lafF,  when  I  tell  you  what  tis  for.  You  know  when 
we  went  to  the  court  there  was  a  man  sot  up  in  a  box, 
that  they  called  a  Sheriff,  and  held  a  long  white  pole  in 
his  hand.  Well  I  heard  somebody  say  tother  dayThat 
there  was  more  than  a  hundred  folks  here  that  wanted 
to  get  a  Sheriff's  pole ;  and"l  happened  to  tnmk  that 
theni  are*^ean  poles  would  make  cute  ones.  But  you 
must  get  'em  here  afore  the  Governor  makes  his  appint- 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  71 

ments,  or  it  '11  be  gone  goose  with  us,  about  it,  for  we 
couldn't  sell  more  than  half  a  dozen  arter  that. 
From  your  Cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XIII. 

Cousin  Ejphraim  in  trouble. 


Feb.  25, 1830. 


DEAR  JACK.  —  Here  I  am,  about  half  way  to  Portlan^. 
with  one  shu  of  the  old  lumber  box  broke  down,  and 
tother  one  putty  rickety.  Its  about  half  the  way  bare 
ground,  and  the  old  hoss  begins  to  be  ruther  wheezy.  But 
you  know  I  don't  give  up  for  trifles,  when  there's  a  chance 
to  make'  a  s°pec.  Soon  as  I  got  your  letter  bout  the  bean 
poles,  I  made  business  fly.  Mother  put  me  up  a  box  of 
beef  and  dough-nuts,  and  I  fed  old  grey,  and  tackled  up, 
and  all  loaded  arid  ready  to  start  in  tu  hours  ;  and  if  I 
live  I  shall  get  the  bean  poles  there  at  some  rate  or  other 
fore  long ;  but  I'm  fraid  I  may  be  late.  If  you  know 
the  Governor,  I  wish  you'd  just  ask  him  to  keep  his  ap 
pointments  back  a  little  while  ;  he  shant  loose  nothin  b^ 
itpif  thlTpoles  sell  well.  I  shall  have  to  go  the  rest  of 
the  way  on  wheels,  and  I  want  you  to  see  if  you  cant  hire 
one  of  the  government  wheels  and  come  and  meet  me, 
for  the  plagy  fellers  here  wont  trust  me  with  their  wheels 
till  I  get  back.  Besides  if  I  could  get  one  of  the  wheels 
of  government.  I'm  thinking  I  could  get  along  a  good 
deal  faster  ;  for  I  met  a  man  jest  now  from  Portland 
that  said  they've  got  them  are  wheels  going  now  likg^a-^ 
buz.  He  said  there  was  no  wlieels  in  the  country  that 
could  go  half  so  fast  ;*and  he  thinks  they  work  a  good 
deal  better  for  being  split  up  and  mended  so  much. 


LETTERS  OP 

Grandfather  said  they  would  want  as  many  cockades  as 
Sheriff  polls  ;  and  so  he  put  in  his  old  continental  one, 
that  he  had  in  the  revolution. 

P.  S.     I  hope  you'll  get  the  government  wheels  to 
come  arter  the  poles,  for  I  want  some  that  are  putty 
easy  trig'd,  cause  the  hills  are  ruther  slippery. 
Your  Cusin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XIV. 

•    v 

In  which  Mr  Downing  describes  a  severe  tug  at  the  wheels 
of  government. 

[Note  by  the  Editor.  The  opinion  of  the  Judges  of  the  Supreme 
Court  having  been  asked,  they  decided  that  the  vac^jieJ^sSCSihe 
Sej^e  were  not  constitutionally  filled,  and  that  the  subsequent 
doings  ol  LllG"  tegislature  we're  consequently  void.] 

Portland,  March  3, 1830. 

To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing,  stuck  by  the  way. 

You  sent  word  to  me  in  your  letter  t'other  day,  that 
you  had  got  to  bare  ground,  and  broke  down  one  shu  of 
the  lumber  box,  and  wanted  me  to  get  the  wheels  of 
Government  and  come  up  after  the  poles.  I  tried  to  get 
'em,  but  they  would  'nt  let  'em  go ;  and  they  said  'twould 
'nt  be  any  use  if  I  did  ;  for  I  could  'nt  get  more  than 
ten  rods  before  the_w^pp|p  w""^  be  tri^'d.  They  were 
expecting  of  'em  to  be  trig'd  every  day,  they  said ;  for 
the  Judges  had  sent  a  monstrous  great  trig  to  the  Gov 
ernor,  and  told  him  if  they  v/ent  to  start  the  wheels  for 
ward  any,  he  must  clap.it  under;  for  they  must  'nt  go 
forward  a  bit  more,  and  must  roll  Jhg.  wheels  back  a 
good  ways,  till  they  found  ti*e~ft$b3—  road.  Well,  sure 
enough,  Tuesday,  w%e"h  they  was  goin  along  a  little 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  73 

easy,  some  on  'em  threw  the  trig  right  under,  and  it 
brought  'em  up  with  a  dreadful  jolt. 

And  then,  my  stars,  if  the  Sinneters  didn't  go  at  it  tie 
and  tie,  like  smoke.  The  national  republicans  pulled 
one  way,  and  the  democratic  republicans  'tother,  with 
all  their  might,  jest  as  you  and  I  used  to  set  down  and 
brace  our  feet  against  each  other,  and  take  hold  of  a 
stick  to  see  which  could  pull  tother  up.  They  pulled 
and  grinned  all  day,  but  nary  side  couldn't  pull  up  toth 
er.  The  national  republicans  said  they  wouldn't  stop 
for  that  little  trig,  nor  no  notion  of  it ;  and  they  pulled 
the  wheels  forward  as  hard  as  they  could.  The  demo 
cratic  republicans  braced  their  feet  tother  way,  and  said 
the  wheels  shouldn't  move  another  inch  forward ;  they 
had  got  on  to  a  wrong  road,  and  the  Judges  had  put  that 
trig  there  to  keep  'em  all  from  goin  to  destruction  ;  and 
they  tried  all  day  as  hard  as  they  could  to  roll  the  wheels 
back  to  find  the  right  road.  They  pulled  like  my  little 
tu  year  olds  all  day,  but  I  couldn't  see  as  they  started 
the  wheels  backwards  or  forwards  a  single  hair.  This 
morning  they  hitched  on  and  took  another  jest  sich  a 
pull.  The  national  republicans  said  they  knew  the  road 
as  well  as  the  Judges  did,  and  they  were  goin  right  and 
wouldn't  touch  to  go  back  ;  the  road  was  a  good  plain 
smooth  road,  and  there  wasn't  a  mite  of  danger  in  goin 
on.  The  democratic  republicans  said  they  could  hear 
some  pretty  heavy  thundering  along  that  road,  and  they'd 
not  go  another  step  that  way  ;  but  they  stood  tu  it  they 
want  afraid  of  the  thunder.  The  national  republicans 
said  they'd  heard  thunder  before  now,  and  seen  dread 
ful  black  clouds  all  over  the  sky,  and  they'd  seen  a  fair 
afternoon  and  a  bright  rainbow  after  all  that.  So  they 
pulled  and  disputed,  and  disputed  and  pulled,  till  most 
noon,  and  then  they  concluded  to  stop  and  breath  upon 
it  till  to-morrow,  when  I  spose  they  will  spit  on  their 
hands  to  make  'em  stick  and  begin  as  hard  as  ever. 

I  hope  you'll  make  haste  and  get  the  poles  along ;  if 
7 


74  LETTERS    OF 

you  cant  get  any  wheels  up  there,  you  better  tie  up  a 
couple  of  bundles  of  'em  and  swing  'em  acrost  the  old 
horse,  saddle-bags  fashion.  You'll  get  well  paid  for  it, 
if  you  get  'em  here  in  season.  Your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XV. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  what  it  means  to  set  up  a 
candidate  for  office. 

Portland,  Tuesday,  March  16,  1830. 
To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA  —  I  guess  by  this  time,  its  so 
long  since  I  writ  home,  you  almost  begin  to  think  Jack 
is  sick  or  dead,  or  gone  down  to  Quoddy  long  with  uncle 
Nat,  or  somewhere  else.  But  you  needn't  think  any 
sich  thing,  for  here  I  am  sticking  to  Portland  like  wax, 
and  I  guess  I  shant  pull  up  stakes  agin  this  one  while. 
The  more  I  stay  to  Portland  the  better  I  like  it.  Its  a 
nation  fine  place  ;  there's  things  enough  here  for  any 
body  to  see  all  their  life  time.  I  guess  I  shall  tell  you 
something  about  'em  before  summer's  out.  These  Legis 
lators  haven't  done  nothin  scarcely  worth  telling  about 
this  most  a  fortnight.  I've  been  in  most  every  day  jest 
to  take  a  squint  at  'em.  There  was  n't  hardly  a  bit  of 
a  quarrel  to  be  heard  of  from  one  day's  end  to  an 
other.  They  were  all  as  good  natured  and  loving  as  a 
family  of  brothers,  that  had  been  living  out  all  summer, 
and  had  jest  got  home  together  at  thanksgiving  time. 
They  kept  to  work  as  busy  as  bees  upon  pieces  of  paper 
that  they  called  Bills.  Sometimes  they  voted  to  read 
'em  once,  sometimes  twice,  and  sometimes  three  times. 
At  last  the  sun  begun  to  shine  so  warm,  that  it  made  'em 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  75 

think  of  planting  time,  and  at  it  they  went,  passing  Bills 
by  the  gross,  [probably  a  mistake  for  to  be  engrossed,  — 
editor,]  till  they  settled  'em  away  like  a  heap  of  corn  at 
a  husking,  before  a  barnful  of  boys  and  gals.  And 
tfTey've  got  so  near  the  bottom  of  the  heap,  they  say 
they  shall  brush  out  the  floors  in  a  day  or  two  more,  and 
start  off  home.  I  spose  they  wont  mind  it  much  if  they 
do  brush  out  some  of  the  ears  without  husking  ;  they've 
had  their  frolic  and  their  husking  supper,  and  I  guess 
that's  the  most  they  come  for.  It  seems  to  me,  uncle 
Joshua,  it  costs  our  farmers  a  great  deal  more  to  husk 
out  their  law-corn  every  winter  than  it  need  tu.  They 
let  tu  many  noisy  talking  fellers  come  to  the  husking. 
I've  always  minded,  when  I  went  to  a  husking,  that  these 
noisy  kind  of  chaps  seem  to  care  a  good  deal  more 
about  what  they  can  get  to  eat  and  drink,  than  they  du 
about  the  corn ;  and  them  are  that  don't  make  much 
fuss,  are  apt  to  husk  the  most  and  make  the  cleanest 
work. 

O  dear,  uncle,  there's  it  hot  time  ahead.  I  almost 
dread  to  think  of  it.  I'm  afraid  there  is  going  to  be  a 
worse  scrabble  next  summer  to  see  who  shall  go  to  the 
great  State  husking  than  there  was  last.  The  Hunton- 
ites  and  Smithites  are  determined  to  have  each  of  'em  a 
governor  agin  next  year.  They've  sot  up  their  candi 
dates  on  both  sides  ;  and  who  in  all  the  world  should 
you  guess  they  are  ?  The  Huntonites  have  sot  up  Mr 
Hunton,  and  the  Smithites  have  sot  up  Mr  Smith.  You 
understand  what  it  means,  I  spose,  to  set  up  a  candi 
date.  It  means  the  same  that  it  does  at  a  shooting 
match  to  &et_up  a  goosp.  or  nJjirkp.v  to  be  fire^l  ,at.  The 
rule  of  the  game  is  that  the  Smithites  are  to  fire  at  Mr 
Hunton,  and  the  Huntonites  are  to  fire  at  Mr  Smith. 
They  think  it  will  take  a  pretty  hard  battle  to  get  them 
both  in.  But  both  parties  say  they've  got  the  constitu 
tion  on  their  side,  so  I  think  likely  they'll  both  beat. 

They've  been  piling  up  a  monstrous  heap  of  ammuni-> 


76  LETTERS    OF 

tion  this  winter,  enough  to  keep  'em  firing  all  summer  ; 
and  I  guess  it  wont  be  long  before  you'll  see  the  smoke 
rising  all  over  the  State,  wherever  there's  a  newspaper. 
I  think  these  newspapers  are  dreadful  smoky  things  ; 
they  are  enough  to  blind  any  body's  eyes  any  time.  I 
mean  all  except  the  Daily  Courier  and  Family  Reader, 
that  I  send  my  letters  in  ;  I  never  see  much  smoke  in 
them.  But  take  the  rest  of  the  papers,  that  talk  about 
politics,  and  patriotism,  and  republicanism,  and  federal 
ism,  and  Jacksonism,  and  Hartford  Conventionism,  and 
let  any  body  read  in  one  of  'em  half  an  hour,  and  his 
eyes  will  be  so  full  of  smoke  he  can't  see  better  than  an 
owl  in  the  sunshine ;  he  would  n't  be  able  to  tell  the 
difference  between  a  corn-stalk  and  the  biggest  oak  tree 
in  our  pasture. 

You  know,  uncle,  these  Legislators  have  had  some 
dreadful  quarrels  this  winter  about  a  book  they  call  the 
constitution  :  and  had  to  get  the  Judges  of  the  great 
Court  to  read  it  to  'em.  They  made  such  a  fuss  about  it 
I  thought  it  must  be  a  mighty  great  book,  as  big  agin 
as  grandfather's  great  bible.  But  one  day  I  see  one  of 
the  Sinneters  have  one,  and  my  stars,  it  was  n't  so  big 
as  my  old  spelling  book.  Thinks  I  to  myself,  if  ax 
handles  wiU  by  one,  I'll  have  one  and  see  if  I  cant  read 
it  myself.  So  I  went  into  a  store  where  they  had  a  na 
tion  sight  of  books,  and  asked  'em  for  a  constitution. 
They  showed  me  some  nice  little  ones,  that  they  asked 
a  quarter  of  a  dollar  apiece  for.  I  was  out  of  money, 
so  I  told  the  man  I'd  give  him  four  good  white  oak  ax 
handles,  well  finished,  for  one :  and  he  said,  being  'twas 
me,  I  might  have  it.  So  now  I've  got  a  constitution  of 
my  own,  and  if  I  find  I  can  read  it,  I  shall  let  you  know 
something  about  what's  in  it  before  a  great  while. 
Your  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  77 


LETTER  XVI. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  the  Legislature  cleared 
out,  and  how  Elder  Hall  went  home. 

To  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Portland,  Monday,  March  22, 1830. 

COUSIN  EPHRAIM,  —  I  kind  of  want  to  say  a  few  more 
words  to  you  about  the  Legislaters.  You  know  they 
came  together  here  in  the  first  of  the  winter  in  a  kind  of 
a  stew,  and  they  had  storms  and  tempests  among  'em  all 
the  time  they  staid  here,  and  finally  they  went  off  Fri 
day  in  a  sort  of  whirlwind  or  hurricane,  I  dont  know 
which.  Some  folks  say  they  hope  it  will  blow  'em  so 
far  they  wont  get  back  again.  —  But  I  guess  there  aint 
much  danger  of  that ;  for  you  know  squire  Nokes  al 
ways  used  to  say  the  bad  penny  will  return.  They  were 
dreadful  kind  of  snappish  the  last  day  they  were  here ; 
they  could n^t  hardly  touch  a  single  thing  without  quar 
relling  about  it.  —  They  quarrelled  about  paying  some 
of  the  folks  they  hired  to  work  for  'em ;  and  they  quar 
relled  ever  so  long  about  payjng  thejn__aifi-fbur  Sinneters 
that  were  chosen  in  the  convention  ;  and  at  last  they  got 
to  quarrelling  like  cats  and  dogs  to  see  if  they  should, 
thank  the  Frp.sjfont  ajid  Spppfc p.r  for  all  the  work  they've 
done  this  winter.  But  they  had  to  thank  'em  at  last. 
And  then  Mr  Goodnow,  the  Speaker  in  that  Legislator 
they  call  the  House,  got  up  and  talked  to  'em  so  pleasant, 
and  kind,  and  scripture-like,  it  made  'em  feel  a  little 
bad  ;  some  of  'em  couldn't  hardly  help  shedding  tears. 
I  tho't  them  are,  that  had  been  quarrelling  so,  must  feel 
a  little  sheepish. 

That  are  Elder  Hall,  that  was  President  of  the  Sin- 
net,  seemed  to  be  the  most  poplar  man  in  the  whole 
bunch  of  both  Legislaters.     There  wasn't  one  of  the  rest 
7* 


78  LETTERS    OF 

of  'em  that  could  work  it  so  as  to  make  both  parties  like 
'em.  But  some  how  or  other,  he  did.  The  national  re 
publicans  liked  him  so  well,  that  they  all  voted  for  him 
for  President ;  and  the  democratic  republicans  liked 
him  so  well,  that  they  all  voted  to  thank  him  when  they 
went  away.  And  I  dont  so  much  wonder  at  it,  for  he 
seemed  to  me  to  be  about  the  cleverest,  good  natured  old 
gentleman  that  ever  I  see. 

Its  true  the  old  gentleman  had  rather  hard  work  to 
keep  the  wheels  of  government  going  in  the  Sinnet  this 
winter ;  and  they  would  get  trig'd  every  little  while  in 
spite  of  all  he  could  do.  I  spose  this  made  him  rather 
shy  nfjjj]  Itinrla  nf  wheels  •  for  he  wouldn't  go  home  in  a 
stage,nor  ajwaggon,  nor  a  shay.  These  kind  of  carts 
all  have~wheeis,  and  1  spose  he  thought  they  might  get 
trig'd  and  he  wouldn't  hardly  get  home  all  summer.  So 
he  concluded  to  go  by  water ;  and  he  went  aboard  a 
vessel  Saturday  night,  and  sailed  for  down  east ;  and  as 
true  as  you  are  alive,  before  the  next  day  noon  the 
wheels  of  the  vessel  got  trig'd  ;  tho'  they  said  the  vessel 
didn't  go  on  wheels,  but  some  how  or  other  it  got  trig'd, 
and  back  they  came  next  day  into  Portland  again,  and 
there  they  had  to  stay  till  Monday,  because  the  wind 
didnM^Jalow  accnrrli"^  to  the  constitution.  But  Presi- 
den\Hall  you  know  isn't  the  man  to  leave  his  post  in 
time  of  difficulty ;  so  he  never  adjourned,  nor  came 
ashore,  but  stuck  to  the  rack  till  Monday,  when  a  good 
constitutional  breeze  sprung  up,  and  they  sot  sail  again. 
And  I  wish  him  a  pleasant  passage  home,  and  peace  and 
happiness  after  he  gets  there  ;  for  as  I  said  afore,  I  dont 
think  there's  a  cleverer  man  any  where  down  east. 

I  was  going  to  tell  you  something  about  a  town  meet 
ing  that  I've  been   tu  to  day  ;  but  as   uncle  Joshua  is 
sleckman   and   survayor  I  spose   he  would  like  to   hear 
about  it  more  than  you,  so  I  guess  I  shall  write  to  him. 
From  your  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


79 


LETTER  XVII. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  hints  to  Uncle  Joshua  that  he  has  a 
prospect  of  being  nominated  for  Governor. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville. 

Portland,  April  14, 1830. 

UNCLE  JOSHUA, — I  spose  you  remember  that  are 
story  about  the  two  dogs,  that  uncle  Joe  Downing 
used  to  tell ;  how  they  got  to  fighting,  and  snapped  and 
bit,  till  they  eat  each  other  up,  all  but  jest  the  tip  ends  of 
their  tails.  Now  I  never  could  exactly  see  through  that 
story,  enough  to  know  how  it  was  done,  till  lately.  I 
almost  thought  it  was  was  a  kind  of  tough  yarn,  that 
had  been  stretched  a  good  deal.  But  fact,  uncle,  I  be 
gin  to  think  it  's  true,  every  word  on't ;  for  there  's 
something  going  on  here  as  much  like  it  as  two  peas  in 
a  pod.  The  Portland  Argus  and  the  Portland  Adver 
tiser,  have  fell  afowl  of  each  other  and  gone  to  biting 
ope  another's  noses  off.  And  if  they  keep  on  as  they 
Ve  began,  I  guess  before  summer  is  out  they  '11  not  only 
eat  each  other  all  up,  tails  and  all,  but  I  believe  they  are 
going  to  devour  them  are  tu  outrageous  wicked  parties, 
that  plagued  the  legislature  so  all  winter  ;  I  mean  the 
Jacksonites  and  the  Huntonites.  They  've  only  been 
at  it  a  week  or  two,  and  they  Ve  made  quite  a  hole  into 
'em  aready.  The  Advertiser  eats  the  Jacksonites,  and 
the  Argus  eats  the  Huntonites,  and  they  are  jhinning  of 
'em  off  pr fifty  fast-  This  will  be  a  great  comfort  to  the 
State,  as  it  will  give  the  two  republican  parties  a  chance 
to  do  something  another  winter.  The  Advertiser  has 
eat  up  the  Jacksonites  in  some  places  away  down  east, 
such  as  Eastport  and  so  on,  and  away  up  tother  way  in 
Limerick,  and  Waterborough,  and  Fryeburg. 

And  the  Argus  has  eaten  up  the  Huntonites  in  New- 
field,  and  Sanford,  and  Berwick,  and  Vinalhaven,  and 


80  LETTERS    OF 

so  on.  All  these  -towns  on  both  sides  now  have  good  fair 
republican  majorities.  I  spose  about  by  the  middle  of  next 
August  they  '11  get  'em  all  killed  off  so  there  wont  be 
the  skin  of  a  Jacksonite  or  Huntonite  left  to  be  sent 
to  the  next  legislature. 

I  hope,  uncle  Joshua,  you  will  be  more  careful  about 
meddling  with  politics  ;  for  so  sure  as  you  get  hitched 
on  to  the  Jackson  party  or  the  Hunton  party,  these  bark 
ing,  deep  mouthed  creatures  will  fix  their  teeth  upon 
you,  and  you  '11  be  munched  down  before  you  know  it. 

There  's  one  thing,  uncle,  that  seems  to  wear  pretty 
hard  upon  my  mind,  and  plagues  me  a  good  deal ;  I 
have  n't  slept  but  little  this  tu  three  nights  about  it.  I 
wish  you  would  n't  say  any  thing  about  it  up  there 
amongst  our  folks,  for  if  it  should  all  prove  a  fudge, 
they  'd  be  laughing  at  me.  But  I  tell  it  to  you,  because 
I  want  your  advice,  as  you  've  always  read  the  papers, 
and  know  considerable  about  political  matters ;  tho'  to 
be  honest  I  dont  spose  any  one  knows  much  more  about 
politics  by  reading  the  papers,  after  all. 

But  what  I  was  going  to  tell  jou,  is  —  now,  uncle, 
dont  twist  your  tobacco  chaw  over  to  tother  corner  of 
your  mouth  and  leer  over  your  spectacles,  and  say  Jack 
's  a  fool  —  what  I  was  going  to  tell  you,  is  this  :  I  see 
by  a  paper  printed  down  to  Brunswick,  that  they  talk  of 
nominating  me  for  Governor  to  run  down  Smith  and 
TTunton^JThink  of  that,  uncle  ;  your  poor  neefu  Jack, 
that  last  summer  was  hoeing  about  among  the  potatoes, 
and  chopping  wood,  and  making  stone  walls,  like  enough 
before  another  summer  comes  about,,  will  be  Governor 
of  the  State.  I  shall  have  a  better  chance  to  flog  Bill 
Johnson  then,  than  I  should  last  winter,  if  we  had  n't 
had  no  Governor  nor  no  laws ;  for  I  spose  a  Governor 
has  a  right  to  flog  any  body  he  's  a  mind  to. 

But  that  's  nither  here  nor  there,  uncle  ;  I  want  your 
serious  advice.  If  they  nominate  me,  had  I  better  Accept  ? 
Sometimes  I  'm  half  afraid  I  should  n't  understand 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  81 

very  well  how  to  du  the  business  ;  for  I  never  had  a 
chance  to  see  any  governor  business  done,  only  what  I 
see  Elder  Hall  du  in  the  Sinnet  chamber  last  winter. 
Poor  man,  that  makes  me  think  what  a  time  he  had 
going  home.  I  wrote  to  you  before  that  he  went  by  water, 
and  that  the  vessel  got  trig'd  by  an  unconstitutional 
wind  the  first  day  and  had  to  come  back  again.  And  he 
must  have  found  a  good  many  hard  trigs  after  that,  for 
he  did  n't  get  home  til  2d  day  of  April. 

Where  he  was,  in  that  dreadful  storm  the  26th  of 
March  I  have  n't  heard.  But  I  should  think  after  stand 
ing  the  racket  he  did  last  winter  in  the  legislate!*,  and 
then  this  ere  storm  at  sea,  he  never  need  to  fear  any 
thing  on  land  or  water  again  in  this  world. 

1  wish  you  'd  write  me  what  you  think  about  my  being 
a  candidate  for  Governor,  and  whether  you  think  I 
could  get  along  with  the  business.  Considerable  part  of 
the  business  I  should  n't  be  a  mite  afraid  but  what  I 
could  du  ;  that  is,  the  turning  out  and  putting  in.  I 
know  every  crook  and  turn  of  that  business  ;  for  I 
dont  believe  there  's  a  boy  in  our  county,  though  I  say  it 
myself,  that  's  turned  out  and  tied  up  more  cattle  than  2 
have.  And  they  say  a  Governor  has  a  good  deal  of  this 
sort  of  work  to  du. 

No  more  at  present  from  your  loving  neefu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


82  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  XVIII. 

In  which  Uncle  Joshua  discovers  remarkable  skill  in  the 
science  of  politics,  and  advises  Mr  Downing  by  all  means 
to  stand  as  a  candidate  for  governor. 

Downingville,  April  18, 1830. 
To  my  neffu,  Jack  Downing,  at  Portland. 

DEAR  JACK  —  I  never  felt  nicer  in  my  life  than  I  did 
when  I  got,  your  last  letter.  I  did  think  it  was  a  kind  of 
foolish  notion  in  you  to  stay  down  there  to  Portland  all 
winter,  and  then  hire  out  there  this  summer.  I  thought 
you  better  be  at  home  to  work  on  the  farm  ;  for  your 
father,  poor  old  gentleman,  is  hauled  up  with  the  ruma- 
tize  so,  he  wont  be  able  to  du  hardly  a  week's  work  this 
summer.  But  I  begin  to  believe  Jack  knows  which  side 
his  bread  is  buttered  yet.  For  if  you  can  only  run 
pretty  well  as  a  candidate  for  Governor,  even  if  you 
shouldn't  be  elected,  it  will  be  worth  more  to  you  than 
the  best  farm  in  this  County.  It  will  be  the  means  of 
getting  you  into  some  good  office  before  long,  and  then 
you  can  step  up,  ye  see,  from  one  office  to  another  till 
you  get  to  be  Governor.  But  if  the  thing  is  managed 
right,  I  am  in  hopes  you'll  get  in  this  time,  and  the 
Downings  will  begin  to  look  up,  and  be  somebody.  Its 
a  very  good  start,  your  being  nominated  in  that  are  pa 
per  down  to  Brunswick.  But  there's  a  good  deal  to  be 
done  yet,  to  carry  it.  I'm  older  than  you  are,  and  have 
seen  more  of  this  kind  of  business  done  than  you,  and  of 
course  ought  to  know  more  about  it.  Besides,  you  know 
I've  always  been  reading  the  papers.  Well,  in  the  first 
place,  you  must  fix  upon  the  name  of  your  party ;  I'm 
thinking  you  better  call  it  the  democratic  n^^n^l  ™p"Wi- 
can  party,  and  then,  ye  see,  you'll  haul  in  some  from 
both  of  the  two  clever  parties  in  the  State.  As  for  the 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites,  I  wouldn't  try  to  get  any 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  83 

support  from  them ;  for  after  such  rigs  as  they  cut  up  in 
the  Legislator  last  winter,  the  people  back  here  in  the 
country  dont  like  'em  very  well.  I  think  it  would  hurt 
you  to  have  any  thing  to  do  with  'em.  Then  you  must 
get  a  few  of  your  friends  together  in  Portland-,  no  matter 
if  there  aint  no  more  than  half  a  dozen,  and  pass  some 
patriotic  resolutions,  and  then  publish  the  duins  of  the 
meeting"  in  the  paper,  headed  THE  VOICE  OF  THE  PEOPLE  : 
and  then  go  on  to  say,  at  a  numerous  arid  respectable 
meeting  of  democratic  national  republicans  held  in  Port 
land  at  such  a  time,  &c. 

Resolved  unanimously,  that  we  have  perfect  confidence 
in  the  exalted  talents,  the  unspotted  integrity,  and  well 
known  patriotism  of  Mr  Jack  Downing,  [or  perhaps  it 
should  be  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing]  and  that  we  cheer 
fully  recommend  him  to  the  people  of  this  State  as  a 
candidate  for  the  office  of  Governor. 

Resolved,  that  his  well  known  attachment  to  the  in 
terests,  the  principles,  and  usages  of  the  democratic  na 
tional  republican  party,  eminently  entitles  him  to  their 
confidence  and  support. 

Resolved,  as  the  sense  of  this  meeting,  that  nothing 
short  of  the  election  of  that  firm  patriot,  the  Hon.  Jack 
Downing,  can  presexyjB_-thje--S4ate  from  total,  absolute, 
and  irretrievable  destruction. 

Resolved,  that  a  CouriTy-Gonvention  be  called  to  ratify 
the  doings  of  this  meeting,  and  that  the  democratic  na 
tional  republicans  in  other  counties  be  requested  to  call 
conventions  for  the  same  purpose. 

Resolved,  that  the  proceedings  of  this  meeting  be  pub 
lished  in  all  the  democratic  national  republican  news 
papers  in  the  State. 

We  will  then  get  up  such  a  meeting  in  this  town^and 
pass  some  more  highly  patriotic  resolutions  and  send 
'em  down,  and  you  must  have  'em  put  into  the  paper 
headed  A  VOICE  FROM  THE  COUNTRY.  And  then  we  must 
get  a  few  together  somewhere  ,~~and  call  it  a  county  con- 


84  LETTERS    OF 

vention,  and  keep  rolling  the  snow  ball  over,  till  we  wind 
up  the  whole  State  in  it.  Then,  ye  see,  about  the  first 
of  August  we  must  begin  to  pin  it  down  pretty  snug  in 
the  papers.  Rind  of  touch  it  up  some  how  like  this  : 
extract  of  a  letter  from  a  gentleman  of  the  first  re 
spectability  in  York  County  to  the  central  committee  in 
Portland.  *  The  democratic  national  republicans  here 
are  wide  awake  ;  York  County  is  going  for  Mr  Downing, 
all  hollow :  we  shall  give  him  in  this  county  at  least  a 
thousand  majority  over  both  Smith  and  Hunton.'  Ano 
ther  from  Penobscot :  '  three  quarters  of  the  votes  in 
this  county  will  be  given  to  Mr  Downing:  the  friends  of 
Smith  and  Hunton  have  given  up  the  question,  so  satisfi 
ed  are  they  that  there  is  no  chance  for  them.' 

Another  from  Kennebec  :  '  from  information  received 
from  all  parts  of  the  State,  upon  which  perfect  reliance 
may  be  placed,  we  are  enabled  to  state  for  the  informa 
tion  of  our  democratic  national  republican  friends,  that 
there  is  not  the  least  shadow  of  doubt  of  the  election  of 
Mr  Downing.  It  is  now  rendered  certain  beyond  the 
possibility  of  mistake,  that  he  will  receive,  from  five  to  ten 
thousand  majority  over  both  the  other  candidates.' 

If  this  don't  carry  it,  you'll  have  to  hang  up  your  fiddle 
till  another  year.  And  after  the  election  is  over,  if  you 
shouldn't  happen  to  get  hardly  any  votes  at  all,  you 
must  turn  about  with  perfect  indifference,  and  say  the 
democratic  national  republicans  didn't  try  —  made  no 
effort  at  all  —  but  will  undoubtedly  carry  the  election 
next  year  all  hollow. 

P.  S.  If  you  get  in,  I  shall  expect  my  son  Ephraim 
to  have  the  office  of  Sheriff  in  this  County,  for  he's  got 
some  of  the  bean  poles  left  yet,  that  he  sot  out  to  carry 
to  market  last  winter.  The  other  offices  we'll  distribute 
at  our  leisure. 

Your  affectionate  old  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  85 

LETTER  XIX. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  gives  his  opinion  about  newspapers. 

Portland,  March  30, 1830. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA  —  In  my  last  letter  to  Ephraim, 
I  said  I  should  write  to  you  pretty  soon  something 
about  the  Portland  Town  Meeting.  As  you've  been 
sleckman  and  survare  a  good  many  years,  I  spose  you'd 
like  to  hear  about  sich  kind  of  things.  And  I  spose  I 
might  tell  you  about  a  good  many  other  thiags  tu,  that 
you  don't  have  much  chance  to  know  about  away  up 
there ;  and  aunt  Sally  says  I  ought  tu  ;  for  she  says  I 
have  a  great  many  advantages  living  here  in  Portland, 
that  folks  can't  have  up  in  the  country,  and  if  I  should 
write  to  some  of  you  once  or  twice  a  week,  she  thinks  it 
would  be  time  well  spent.  So  I  shall  spend  part  of  my  eve 
nings,  after  I  get  my  day's  work  done,  in  writing  letters. 
I  don't  know  but  I  forgot  to  tell  you  that  I  had  hired 
out  here  this  summer.  I  get  eight  dollars  a  month 
and  board,  and  have  the  evenings  to  myself.  I  go  to 
school  three  evenings  in  a  week,  and  aunt  Sally  says  she 
can  begin  to  see  that  I  spell  better  already.  The  printer 
of  the  Courier  and  the  Family  Reader,  that  sends  my 
letters  for  me,  is  very  kind ;  he  does'nt  ask  any  thing  for 
sending  my  letters,  and  he  gives  me  as  many  newspapers 
as  I  can  get  time  to  read.  So  I  spend  one  evening  in  a 
week  reading  newspapers,  and  set  up  pretty  late  that 
evening  tu.  And  besides  I  get  a  chance  to  read  awhile 
most  every  morning  before  the  rest  of  the  folks  are  up ; 
for  these  Portland  folks  are  none  of  your  starters  in  the 
morning.  I've  known  my  father  many  a  time,  before  the 
rhumatiz  took  the  poor  old  gentleman,  to  mow  down  an 
acre  of  stout  grass  in  the  morning,  and  get  done  by  that 
time  one  half  the  Portland  folks  leave  off  snoring.  Some 
times  I  think  I  better  be  up  in  the  country  tu,  mowing 
8 


85  LETTERS    OF 

or  hoeing  potatoesa  or  something  else,  instead  of  reading 
newspapers.  Its  true  they  are  bewitching  kind  of  things, 
and  I  like  well  enough'to  read  'em,  but  jest  between  you 
and  me,  they  are  the  worst  things  to  bother  a  feller's 
head  about,  that  you  ever  see.  In  one  of  my  letters,  you 
know,  I  said  newspapers  were  dreadful  sm^acthings,  and 
any  body  couldn't  read  in  'em  half  an  hour  without 
having  their  eyes  so  full  of  smoke  they  couldn't  tell  a 
pig-sty  from  a  meeting  house. 

But  I'm  thinking  after  all  they  are  rnqre  lifee  rurn^than 
smoke.  You  know  rum  will  sometimes  set  quite  peace 
able  folks  together  by  the  ears,  and  make  them  quarrel 
like  mad  dogs  —  so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum  makes 
folks  act  very  -M%» — so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum 
makes  folks  seq  double. —  so  do  the  newspapers.  Some 
times  rum  gets  folks  so  they  can't  see  at  all  —  so  do  the 
newspapers.  Rum,  if  they  take  tu  mucn  of  it,  makes 
folks  sick  to  the  stomach  —  so  do  the  newspapers.  Rum 
makes  folks  go  rafiRer  crooked,  reeling  from  one  side  of 
the  road  to  tVrthe'f— -  andlhe  newspapers  make  one  half 
the  politicians,  cross  tiieir  path  as  often  as  any  drunkard 
you  ever  see.  It  was  the  newspapers,  uncle  Joshua,  that 
made  you  bet  about  the  Speaker  last  summer,  and  lose 
your  bushel  of  corn.  Remember  that,  uncle,  and  jlont 
bej^eveany  thing  you  see  in  the  papers  this  summer,  un 
less  yoiTsfee  it  in  the  Daily  Courier  or  Family  Reader  ; 
and  dont  you  believe  them  neither  if  ever  you  see  them 
smoke  like  the  rest  of  the  papers. 

As  I  was  a  saying  about  my  evenings,  I  spend  one 
evening  a  week  reading  that  little  book  called  the  consti 
tution,  that  kept  our  legislators  quarrelling  all  winter. 
You  know  I  bought  one  for  four  ax-handles  ;  I  find  I 
can  read  it  considerable  easy,  most  all  of  it  without  spell 
ing,  and  when  I  get  through  I  shall  tell  you  something 
about  it. 

A  queer  thought,  uncle,  has  just  popt  into  my  head : 
I  guess  I  should  make  a  capital  member  of  Congress  — 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  87 

for  this  letter  is  just  like  one  of  the  Congress  speeches. 
It  begun  about  the  town  meeting,  but  noTTTuit  ol  a  Wordr 
is  there  in  it  from  beginning  to  tind  nbnntjjie  townjrnect- 
ing,  after  you  get  over  the  text.  But  I  find  by  reading 
the  papers  that  when  a  Congress  man  speaks  all  day 
without  touching  his  subject,  he  makes  a  motion  to  ad 
journ,  and  goes  at  it  again  the  next  day.  '  So  I  believe  I 
must  say  good  night  to  you  now,  and  try  it  again  the 
next  leisure  evening. 

Your  loving  neflfu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER   XX. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  to  distinguish  one  republi 
can  party  from  another. 

•  -  '       '•  ,;:.; 

Portland,  June  9, 1830. 

UNCLE  JOSHUA,  —  Did  you  ever  see  tu  dogs  get  to 
quarrelling  about  one  bone?  How  they  will  snap  and 
snarl  about  it,  especially  if  they  are  hungry.  Some 
times  one  will  get  it  into  his  mouth  and  hook  it  away 
like  smoke,  and  t'other  arter  him  full  chisel.  And  when 
he  overtakes  him  they'll  have  another  scratch,  and  drop 
the  bone,  and  then  t'other  one'll  get  it,  and  off  he  goes 
like  a  shot.  And  sometimes  they  both  get  hold  together, 
one  at  one  end  and  one  at  t'other,  and  then  sich  a  tug 
ging  and  growlin  you  never  see.  Well  now,  when  they 
act  so,  they  act  jest  like  the  Portland  Argus  and  Port 
land  Advertiser ;  two  great  big  growlers,  they  are  all  the 
time  quarrelling  about  their  Republikin,  to  see  which 
shall  have  it.  If  the  Advertiser  says  any  thing  about  his 
republikin,  the  Argus  snaps  at  it,  and  says  'tisn't  your 


LETTERS    OF 

republikin,  its  mine.     You  HO  business  to  be  a  republi 
kin,  you  are  a  Federalist. 

And  when  the  Argus  says  any  thing  about  his  republi 
kin,  the  Advertiser  flies  up,  and  says,  you  no  business  to 
be  a  republikin,  you're  a  Jacksonite.  And  so  they  have 
it  up  hill  and  down,  bark,  bark,  and  tug,  tug,  and  which 
'11  get  the  republikin  at  last  I  cant  tell.  Sometimes  they 
get  so  mad,  seems  as  though  they'll  tear  each  other  all 
to  pieces,  and  there's  forty  thousand  folks  setting  of  'em 
on  and  hollering  stooboy.  Now  there  wasn't  any  need 
of  all  this  quarrel,  for  each  of  'em  had  a  republikin  last 
winter  ;  the  Argus  had  a^democratic  one,  and  the  Adver 
tiser  had  a  national  one,  and  they  got  'em  mixed  by 
leaving  off  the  christen  names.  And  I  guess  it  would 
puzzle  a  Philaclelphy  lawyer  to  tell  'em  apart  without 
their  names,  for  their  republikins  are  as  much  alike  as 
tu  peas  in  a  pod. 

The  Advertiser  never  should  say  republikin  alone,  but 
national  republikin,  and  the  Argus  never  should  say 
republikin  alone,  but  democratic  republican.  And  then 
it  seems  as  though  each  one  might  know  his  own  bone, 
and  knaw  it  without  quarrelling. 

I  thought,  uncle,  I'd  jest  tell  you  a  little  about  this  ere 
business,  because  I  know  you  always  want  to  find  out 
all  the  kinks  about  politiks. 

Your  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  I  dont  hear  any  thing  yet  about  the  convention 
up  there  that  you  promised  to  make  to  nominate  me  for 
Governor.  I  think  its  time  it  was  out ;  for  I  am  afraid 
Mr  Hunton  and  Mr  Smith  will  get  the  start  of  me,  if  I 
aint  under  way  soon.  J.  D. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  89 


Grand  Caucus  at  Downingville. 

From  the  Portland  Courier  of  July  21, 1830. 
ICr  THE  LONG  AGONY  OVER,  JTQ 
And  the  Nomination  out. 

We  delay  this  paper  something  beyond  the  usual  hour 
of  publication  in  order  to  lay  before  our  readers  the  im 
portant  intelligence  received  yesterday  from  Downing 
ville.  —  This  we  have  been  able  to  accomplish,  tho'  not 
without  extraordinary  exertions  and  extra  help.  But  the 
crisis  is  important,  we  had  almost  said  appalling,  and 
demands  of  every  patriotic  citizen  of  Maine  the  highest 
sacrifices  in  his  power  to  make.  The  important  proceed 
ings  of  the  grand  convention  at  Downingville  reached 
here,  by  express,  yesterday  about  a  quarter  before  3  oj 
clock  P.  M.  having  travelled  the  whole  distance,  notwith 
standing  the  extreme  high  temperature  of  the  weather,  at 
the  rate  of  thirteen  and  a  half  miles  an  hour.  And  but  for 
an  unfortunate  occurrence,  it  would  undoubtedly  have 
reached  here  at  least  three  hours  earlier.  Capt.  Jehu 
D owning j  who  with  his  characteristic  magnanimity  and" 
patriotism  volunteered  to  bring  the  express  the  whole 
way,  having  taken  a  very  high  spirited  steed  for  the  first 
ten  miles,  was  unfortunately  thrown  to  the  ground  in  at 
tempting  to  leap  a  barrier  which  lay  across  the  road. 
Two  of  his  ribs  were  broken  by  the  fall,  and  his  right 
arm  so  ba3ly  fracTured-that  it  is  feared  amputation  must 
be  resorted  to,  besides  several  other  severe  contusions  on 
various  parts  of  the  body.  We  are  happy  to  hear  how 
ever  that  Doctor  Zachariah  Downing,  who  on  hearing 
the  melancholy  intelligence  very  promptly  repaired  to 
the  spot  to  offer  his  professional  services,  pronounces  the 
Captain  out  of  danger,  and  also  that  the  Captain  bears 
his  misfortune  with  his  accustomed  fortitude,  expressly 
8* 


90  LETTERS    OF  ^ 

declaring  that  the  only  regret  he  feels  on  the  occasion  is 
the  delay  of  the  express.  Here  is  patriotism,  a  devoted- 
ness  to  the  welfare  of  the  country,  and  to  genuine  demo 
cratic  national  republican  principles,  worthy  of  the  days 
of  the  revolution. 

Lieut.  Timothy  Downing  forwarded  the  express  the 
remainder  of  the  way  with  the  utmost  despatch,  having 
run  down  three  horses,  one  of  which  died  on  the  road.  — 
But  we  keep  our  readers  too  long  from  the  gratifying 
intelligence  received. 

Grand  Democratic  National  Republican  Convention. 

Downingville,  Monday,  July  19, 1830. 

At  a  large  and  respectable  meeting  of  the  democratic 
national  republicans  of  Downingville  and  the  neighbor 
ing  parts  of  the  state,  convened  this  day  at  the  centre 
school  house,  the  meeting  was  called  to  order  by  the 
venerable  and  silver-haired  patriarch,  old  MrZebedee 
Downing*  who  had  not  been  out  to  a  political  meeting 
before  for  the  last  twenty-five  years.  The  venerable  old 
gentleman  stated  in  a  few  feeling  remarks  the  object  of 
the  meeting;  that  he  had  not  meddled  with  politics  since 
the  days  of  Jefferson ;  but  that  now  in  view  of  the  aw 
ful  calamities  which  threatened  to  involve  our  country 
in  total  ruin,  he  felt  it  his  duty  the  little  remaining  time 
he  might  be  spared  from  the  grave,  to  lift  up  his  voice 
and  his  example  before  his  children,  grand  children,  and 
great  grandchildren  whom  he  saw  gathered  around  him, 
and  encourage  them  to  save  the  country  for  which  he 
had  fought  and  bled  in  his  younger  years.  After  the 
enthusiastic  applause  elicited  by  these  remarks,  the  old 
gentleman  called  for  the  nomination  of  a  chairman, 
and  JOSHUA  DOWNING,  ESQUIRE  was  unanimously  called 
to  the  chair,  and  Mr  Ephraim  Downing  appointed  Sec 
retary. 

On  motion  of  Mr  Jacob  Downing,  voted,  that  a  com- 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  91 

mittee  of  five  be  appointed  to  draft  resolutions  to  lay 
before  this  meeting.  Whereupon  Jotham  Downing, 
Ichabod  Downing,  Zenas  Downing,  Levi  Downing,  and 
Isaiah  Downing,  were  appointed  said  committee,  and 
after  retiring  about  five  minutes,  they  returned  and  re 
ported  the  following  preamble  and  resolutions. 

Whereas  an  awful  crisis  has  arrived  in  the  political 
affairs  of  our  country,  our  public  men  all  having  turned 
traitors,  and  resolved  to  ruin  the  country,  and  make  us 
and  our  children  all  slaves  forever ;  and  whereas  our 
ship  of  state  and  our  ship  of  the  United  States,  are  both 
driven  with  tremendous  violence  before  the  fury  of  the 
political  tempest,  and  are  just  upon  the  point  of  being 
dashed  upon  the  breakers  of  political  destruction  ;  and 
whereas,  nothing  short  of  the  most  prompt  and  vigorous 
exertions  of  the  patriotic  democratic  national  republi 
cans  of  this  state  and  of  the  United  States  can  avert  the 
impending  danger, 

And  whereas,  the  Jacksonites,  and  Adamsites,  and 
Huntonites,  and  Smithites,  have  so  multiplied  in  the 
land,  and  brought  things  to  such  a  pass,  that  our  liber 
ties  are  unquestionably  about  to  receive  their  doom  for 
ever  : 

Therefore  Resolved,  that  it  is  the  highest  and  most 
sacred  duty  of  every  patriotic  Democratic  National  Re 
publican  in  the  State,  to  arouse  himself  and  buckle  011 
his  political  armour,  and  make  one  last,  one  mighty  ef 
fort,  to  save  the  state  and  the  country,  and  place  the 
constitution  once  more  upon  a  safe  and  firm  foundation. 

Resolved,  that  the  awful  crisis  of  affairs  in  this  State 
requires  a  firm  devoted  patriot,  a  high-minded  and  gifted 
statesman,  and  a  uniform  unwavering  Democratic  Na 
tional  Republican,  for  chief  magistrate. 

Resolved,  that  in  this  awful  crisis,  we  believe  the  eyes 
of  all  true  patriots  are  turned  upon 

THE  HON.  JACK  DOWNING, 


92  LETTERS    OF 

late  of  Downingville,  but  since  last  winter  a  resident  in 
Portland,  the  capital  of  the  State. 

Resolved,  that  we  have  the  fullest  confidence  in  the 
talents,  integrity,  moral  worth,  tried  patriotism,  and  un 
wavering  and  unchangeable  sterling  Democratic  National 
Republicanism  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing^  and  that  his 
election  to  the  office  of  Governor  in  September  next, 
and  nothing  else,  can  save  the  State  from  total,  unut 
terable,  and  irretrievable  ruin. 

Resolved  therefore,  That  we  recommend  him  to  the 
electors  of  this  State  as  a  candidate  for  said  office,  and 
that  we  will  use  all  fair  and  honourable  means,  and,  if 
necessary,  will  not  stick  at  some  a  little  Jzs-honourable, 
to  secure  his  election. 

Resolved,  That  we  disapprove  of  personal  crimination 
and  re-crimination  in  political  contests,  and  therefore 
will  only  say  of  our  opponents,  that  we  think  them  no 
better  than  they  should  be,  and  that  they  unquestiona 
bly  mean  to  destroy  the  land  we  live  in. 

Resolved,  That  it  be  recommended  to  all  the  patriotic 
democratic  national  republicans  throughout  the  State,  to 
be  up  and  doing;  to  call  county  meetings,  town  meet 
ings,  school  district  meetings,  and  village  and  bar-room 
meetings,  and  proceed  to  organize  the  party  as  fast  as 
possible,  by  appointing  standing  committees,  and  central 
committees,  and  corresponding  committees,  and  bearers 
and  distributers  of  handbills;  and  in  short  by  doing  eve 
ry  thing  that  the  good  of  the  cause  and  the  salvation  of 
the  country  requires. 

Resolved,  conditionally,*  That  in  case  General  Jack 
son  should  be  likely  to  be  re-elected,  we  highly  and  cor 
dially  approve  of  his  administration,  and  believe  him  to 
be  second  to  none  but  Washington  ;  but  in  case  he  should 
stand  no  chance  of  re-election,  we  resolve  him  to  be  the 
ignorant  tool  of  a  corrupt  faction,  plotting  to  destroy  the 
liberties  of  the  country. 

Resolved,  That  the  thanks  of  this  convention  be  pre- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  93 

sented  to  Miss  Abigail  Downing,  for  the  use  of  her  school 
room  this  afternoon,  she  having  with  a  generous  patriot 
ism  dismissed  her  school  for  that  purpose. 

Resolved,  That  the  proceedings  of  this  convention, 
signed  by  the  Chairman  and  Secretary,  be  published  in 
the  Portland  Daily  Courier,  and  the  Family  Reader,  the 
official  organs  of  the  Hon.  JACK  DOWNING'S  correspond 
ence',  and  any  other  genuine  Democratic  National  Re 
publican  papers  in  the  State. 

JOSHUA  DOWNING,  Chairman. 
Attest :    EPHRAIM  DOWNING,  Secretary. 

We  are  assured  by  Lieutenant  Timothy  Downing,  with 
whom  we  had  a  short  interview,  that  the  best  spirit  pre 
vailed  in  the  convention ;  not  a  dissenting  voice  was 
heard,  and  all  the  resolutions  passed  unanimously.  We 
add  an  extract  or  two  from  private  letters. 

From  Ephraim  Downing,  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Dozening. 

"Well  Jack,  if  you  don't  acknowledge  we've  done  the 
thing  up  in  style,  you're  no  gentleman  and  not  fit  for 
Governor.  I  wish  you  to  be  very  particular  to  keep  the 
Sheriff's  office  for  me. — Father  says  cousin  Jeremiah  has 
thrown  out  some  hints  that  he  shall  have  the  Sheriff's 
office.  But  butter  my  ristbands,  if  you  do  give  it  to  him 
you'll  "go  out  of  office  again  next  year,  that's  positive. 
Jere's  a  clear  factionist,  you  may  rely  upon  that.  No, 
no,  stick  to  your  old  friends,  and  they'll  stick  to  you. 
I'm  going  to  start  to-morrow  morning  on  an  electioneer 
ing  cruise.  I  shall  drum  'em  up  about  right.  You  only 
keep  a  stiff  upper  lip,  and  you'll  corne  in  all  hollow." 

From  Joshua  Downing,  Esq.  to  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing. 
"Dear  Jack,  things  look  well  here ;  with  proper  exer 
tions  I  think  you  may  rely  upon  success.  I  am  in  great 
haste,  and  write  this  jest  to  tell  you  to  be  sure  and  not 
promise  a  single  office  to  any  mortal  living,  till  I  see  you. 


94  LETTERS  OF 

These  things  must  be  managed  very  prudently,  and  you 
will  stand  in  need  of  the  counsel  of  your  old  uncle.  I 
think  I  could 'do  as  much  good  to  the  State  by  being  ap 
pointed  Land  Agent,  as  any  way  ;  but  I'll  determine  upon 
that  when  I  see  you. 

N.  B.  Make  no  promises.     Your  affectionate  uncle, 

JOSHUA. 


LETTER  XXI. 

In  which   Mr  Downing   tells    about  the   Portland  town- 
meeting. 

Portland,  September  15,  1830. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA.  —  The  great  battle,  that  's  been 
coming  on  all  summer,  is  over,  and  the  smoke  jest  begins 
to  blow  away  a  little,  so  that  we  can  look  round  and  see 
who  's  killed,  and  who  's  wounded  so  bad  they  cant  get 
over  it,  and  who  's  driven  off  the  field,  and  who  stands 
their  ground  and  cries  victory.  I  've  been  looking  out  for 
you  here  ever  since  yesterday  noon,  for  I  thought  if  it 
looked  up  there,  as  though  I  stood  any  chance  to  be 
elected  governor,  you  would  be  right  down  here  as  quick 
as  possible,  driving  night  and  day,  to  see  about  them  are 
offices.  For  you  know  you  promised  to  help  me  fix  'em, 
and  told  me  I  must  not  give  away  one  of  'em  till  you- 
come.  And  you  may  depend  on  it  I  should  a  held  on  to 
'em  to  the  bat's  end,  till  you  did  come,  let  who  would 
come  arter  'em.  But  as  you  have  n't  got  here  yet,  I  'm 
afraid  I  did  n't  run  very  well  up  there,  so  I  thought  I 
would  write  to  you  and  see  what  's  the  matter.  If  I  did 
n't  run  any  better  up  there  than  I  did  down  here  to 
Portland,  I  would  n't  give  a  cent  to  be  a  candidate  any 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  95 

longer  this  year ;  for  I  might  run  till  I  was  gray,  and  not 
be  elected.  However,  worst  come  to  worst,  I  know  what 
I  can  do.  If  Judge  Smith's  got  in,  and  they  say  about 
here  he  's  gone  all  hollow,  I  '11  see  if  I  cant  work  it  so 
as  to  get  an  office  under  him.  —  You  see  I  kept  pretty 
still  along  for  sometime  before  election,  and  I  guess  I  can 
manage  it  so  as  to  make  him  think  I  lectioneered  for 
him,  and  then  I  '11  follow  him  up,  tooth  and  nail,  till  he 
gives  me  an  office.  I  '11  try  for  sheriff  first,  and  if  I  cant 
get  that,  I  ?11  try  for  Clark  of  the  Courts,  for  they  say 
that  's  a  pretty  good  office.  And  if  he  says  he  has  given 
them  all  away,  I  '11  try  for  Land  Agent,  for  you  know 
I  've  been  about  the  woods  a  good  deal ;  and  if  he  says 
that  belongs  to  Dr  Rose,  I  '11  try  to  be  a  Post  Master 
somewhere,  or  a  door  keeper  to  the  Legislator,  or  some 
sich  like.  And  if  he  says  these  are  all  gone  tu,  I  '11  tell 
him  if  he  '11  give  me  a  fair  price,  I  '11  water  his  horse  and 
brush  his  boots.  And  if  he  wont  let  me  do  that,  I  say 
burn  his  boots,  I  '11  run  against  him  again  next  year. 

I  spose  you  would  like  to  know  something  about  how 
the  election  turned  out  down  here.  Soon  as  the  bell 
rung,  I  sot  out  to  go  to  the  town  hall,  but  before  I  got 
half  way  there,  I  met  chaises,  and  waggons,  and  another 
kind  of  chaises,  that  went  on  four  wheels  and  was  shut 
up  close  as  a  hen-coop,  all  driving  Mother  way,  Jehu  like. 
What  is  the  matter  ?  says  I ;  who  's  beat  1  But  along 
they  went  snapping  their  whips  without  answering  me  a 
word,  and  by  their  being  in  sich  a  terrible  hurry  1  thought 
sure  enough  they  had  got  beat,  and  the  enemy  was  arter 
'em.  So  I  steered  round  into  another  street  to  get  out 
of  the  way  for  fear  they  should  get  a  brush  at  me  ;  but 
there  was  as  many  more  of  'em  driving  like  split  down 
that  street  tu.  Where  upon  arth  are  they  all  going,  says 
I,  to  a  feller  that  overtook  me  upon  the  full  run.  Going  ? 
says  he ;  why  to  bring  'em  to  the  polls,  you  goose  head : 
and  away  he  went  by  me  in  a  whisk.  When  he  said 
poles,  I  thought  that  cousin  Ephraim  must  have  come  in 


96  LETTERS    OF 

with  a  load,  as  they  'd  be  likely  to  fetch  a  good  price 
about  this  timCj  and  I  concluded  all  that  running  and 
driving  was  to  see  who  should  have  the  first  grab  at  'em. 
I  called  to  him  to  tell  me  where  Ephraim  was,  but  he 
was  out  of  hearing. 

So  I  marched  along  till  I  got  to  the  town  hall,  and 
they  were  flocking  in  thick  as  hops.  When  I  got  with 
in  two  or  three  rods  of  the  house  a  man  come  along 
and  handed  me  a  vote  for  Mr  Smith ;  I  stept  on  the  side 
walk  and  another  man  handed  me  a  vote  for  Mr  Hun- 
ton  ;  and  I  went  along  towards  the  door  and  another 
man  handed  me  a  vote  for  Mr  Smith,  and  then  another 
handed  me  one  for  Mr  Hunton.  And  then  I  went  to  go 
up  stairs  into  the  hall,  and  there  was  a  row  of  about 
twenty  men,  and  all  of  'em  gave  me  a  vote,  about  one 
half  for  Smith  and  one  half  for  Hunton.  And  before  I 
got  through  the  hall  to  the  place  where  they  were  firing 
off  their  votes,  they  gave  me  about  twenty  more  ;  so  if 
I  had  been  a  mind  to  vote  for  Smith  or  Hunton  I  could 
have  gin  'em  a  noble  lift ;  but  that  wasn't  what  I  was 
arter.  I  was  looking  out  for  the  interests  of  my  con 
stituents  at  Downingville.  And  when  I  come  to  see 
among  so  many  votes?  not,  one  of  'em  had  my  name  on 
it,  I  began  to  feel  a  little  kind  of  streaked. 

I  went  out  again,  and  I  see  the  chaises  arid  waggons 
kept  coming  and  going,  and  I  found  out  that  bringing  of 
'em  to  the  polls  meant  bringing  of  'em  to  vote.  And  I 
asked  a  feller  that  stood  there,  who  them  are  men,  that 
they  kept  bringing,  voted  for.  Why,  says  he,  they  vote 
for  whichever  goes  arter  'em,  you  goose-head  you.  Ah, 
says  I,  is  that  the  way  they  work  it  1  And  where  do 
they  bring  'em  from  ?  O,  says  he,  down  round  the 
wharves,  and  the  outskirts  of  the  town  and  any  where 
that  they  can  catch  'em.  Well,  well,  thinks  I  to  my 
self,  I've  got  a  new  rinkle,  I  see  how  this  business  is 
done  now.  So  off  I  steered  and  hired  a  horse  and  wag 
gon,  and  went  to  hunting  up  folks  to  carry  to  town  meet- 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  97 

ing.  And  I  guess  before  night  I  carried  nearly  fifty 
there.of  one,  sort  and  another ;  ancTI  was  sure  to  whis- 
per  to  every  one  of  'em  jest  as  they  got  out  of  the  wag 
gon,  and  tell  'em  my  name  was  Jack  Downing.  They 
all  looked  very  good  natured  when  I  told  'em  my  name, 
and  I  thought  to  be  sure  they  would  all  vote  for  me. 
But  how  was  I  thunderstruck  when  the  vote  was  declar 
ed,  and  there  was  1008  for  Mr  Smith,  909  for  Mr  Hun- 
ton,  4  for  Mr  Ladd,  and  one  or  two  for  somebody  else, 
and  not  /y^  for  TTjf  -  Now  was  'nt  that  too  bad,  uncle  ? 
Them  are  faithless  politicians  that  I  carried  up  to  the 
town-meeting !  if  I  only  knew  who  they  were,  they  should 
pay  for  the  horse  and  waggon,  or  we'd  have  a  breeze 
about  it. 

Write  soon,  for  I  am  anxious  to  know  how  they  turn 
ed  out  in  Downingville. 

Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXII. 

Return  of  votes  from  Downingville. 
To  ike  Hon.  Jack  Downing,  Portland. 

Downingville,  Monday  Eve,  September  13, 1830. 
DEAR  JACK,  —  I  have  just  returned,  puffing  and  blow 
ing,  from  town-meeting,  and  have  only  time  to  tell  you 
that  we  gave  you  a  confounded  good  run  here.  If  your 
friends  in  the  rest  of  the  State  have  done  their  duty,  you 
are  elected  by  an  overwhelming  majority.  The  vote  in 
this  town  for  governor  stood  as  follows  :  — 

Hon.  JACK  DOWNING,  ^7 <* 

Hon.  Samuel  E.  Smith,  MX) 

Hon.  Jonathan  G.  Hunton,  00 

9 


98  LETTERS    OF 

Capt.  Jehu  Downing  is  elected  representative  ;  it  was 
thought  to  be  due  to  him  by  the  party  for  his  magnani 
mous   exertions  in  carrying  the  express  to  Portland  at 
the  time  you  were  nominated  by  our  grand  convention. 
In  great  haste,  your  uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXIII. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  hits  on  a  new  plan  to  get  an  office. 

Portland,  Dec.  13, 1830. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA  :  —  I  am  tired  of  hard  work, 
and  I  mean  to  have  an  office  some  how  or  other  yet. 
Its  true  I  and  all  our  family  got  rather  dished  in  the 
governor  business  ;  if  I'd  only  got  in,  they  should  every 
soul  of  'em  had  an  office,  down  to  the  forty-ninth  cousin. 
But  its  no  use  to  cry  for  spilt  milk.  I've  got  another 
plan  in  my  head  ;  I  find  the  United  States  offices  are 
the  things  to  make  money  in,  and  if  I  can  get  hold  of 
a  good  fat  one,  you  may  appoint  a  day  of  thanksgiving 
up  there  in  Downingville,  and  throw  by  your  work 
every  one  of  you  as  long  as  you  live. 

I  want  you  to  set  me  up  for  ™*>™i">r  pf  r.pnarMa  up 
there,  and  get  me  elected  as  soon  as  you  can,  for  if  I 
can  get  on  to  Washington  I  believe  I  can  work  it  so  as 
to  get  an  office  some  how  or  other.  —  I  want  you  to  be 
particular  to  put  me  up  as  a  Tariffjmap.  I  was  agoing 
to  take  sides  against  the  tariff  so  as  to  please  Gineral 
Jackson  and  all  his  party,  for  they  deal  out  the  offices 
now  a  days,  and  'you  know  they've  been  mad  enough 
with  the  tariff  to  eat  it  up.  But  the  Portland  Adver 
tiser  l^as  been  blowin  away  lately  and  praising  up  the 
tariff  and  telling  what  a  fine  thing  tis,  and  fact,  it  has 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  99 

brought  the  old  gineral  round.  His  great  long  message 
to  Congress  has  just  got  along  here,  and  the  old  gentle 
man  says  the  tariff  wants  a  little  mending,  but  on  the 
whole  it's  a  cute  good  thing,  and  we  must  n't  give  it  up. 
Your  lovin  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXIV. 

In  which  Cousin  Sarah  compares  the  society  of  Portland 
with  that  of  Downingville. 

{.Note  by  the  Editor.  This  is  not  aunt  Sally  who  was  married 
and  living  in  Portland ;  but  a  niece  who  had  been  there  a  short 
time  at  school.] 

Portland,  Dec.  22, 1830. 
To  Cousin  Nobby  Downing. 

Now  I  do  beg  of  you,  my  dear  Nabby,  never  to  joke 
me,  as  you  did  in  your  last  letter,  about  the  Portland 
beaux.  Why,  if  I  thought  any  thing  about  sich  mat 
ters,  I  would  a  great  deal  sooner  marry  Sam  Josslyn. 
He  is  educated  enough  to  know  the  age  of  his  cows 
and  oxen,  to  know  how  to  cultivate  a  field  of  corn,  or  a 
patch  of  potatoes  ;  can  read  his  bible,  and  say  the  ten 
commandments,  and  what  is  better,  Sarn  can  keep  them 
all.  Besides  these  accomplishments,  you  know  Sam 
has  a  snug  little  farm  of  his  own,  free  from  mortgages 
or  any  other  embarrassments,  is  sober,  active,  and  in 
dustrious,  and  I  doubt  not,  has  cast  many  a  sheep's  eye 
at  my  good  cousin  Nabby.  These  are  good  substantial 
prospects,  which  it  is  hardly  worth  while  to  overlook,  and 
which  it  would  be  rather  difficult  to  find  among  the  Port 
land  beaux.  I  have  often  heard  uncl^Toshua,  who  is  now 
the  most  wealthy  man  in  Downingville,  tell  how  he  com- 


100  LETTERS    OF 

menced  business  with  a  capital  of  only  one  dollar,  and 
how  some  young  wags  of  the  village  came  in  and  made 
a  good  deal  of  sport  by  purchasing  up  all  his  stock. 
But  he  didn't  care  for  their  jokes,  he  added  the  profits 
of  his  sale  to  his  capital,  and  commenced  business 
again ;  and  by  good-HMwiagement,  economy  in  his  dress 
and  frugality  in  his  living,  he  soon  put  himself  beyond 
the  reach  of  want  or  waggery.  I  have  always  admired 
the  perseverance  and  economy  of  my  good  uncle,  and 
have  contrasted  it  with  the  management  of  our  Portland 
merchants.  They  often  commence  business  with  even 
less  capital  than  uncle  Joshua ;  but  then  their  stock  is 
worth  perhaps  five  or  six  thousand  dollars.  They  cut  a 
great  dash  for  a  few  months,  and  then,  if  they  are  un 
married,  begin  to  ogle  the  girls  in  order  to  choose  a 
wife.  And  what  do  you  think  are  the  requisites  for  a 
wife  here,  Cousin  Nabby  ?  You  say  she  must  be  capa 
ble,,  nf>at^  indtis^i""0  Find  n  HI  in  hit*  No  indeed,  my  dear, 
such  things  are  scarcely  ever  thought  of  here.  She 
must  have  a  smattering  ofJFrench,  must  be  able  to  drum 
the  music  out  of  a  piano,  to  sing^swwHlance,  or  all  in 
one  word,  she  must  be  genteel.  Well,  such  girls  are 
plenty  enough  down  here,  and  a  wife  is  soon  obtained. 
They  hire  a  large  house,  furnish  it  elegantly,  obtain 
servants,  go  to  parties,bajls.and  the  theatre,  make  jams, 
and  morning  calls,  ancTthen  fmL  The  wife  goes  home 
again  to  her  mother's,  with  the  addition  of  an  innocent 
babe,  and  the  young  broken  merchant  is  off  to  the  south 
to  look  after  business  again.  Now  do  you  not  think  this 
a  refined  and  intellectual  state  of  society  ?  You  will 
not  wonder  that  I  am  attached  to  the  unsoojiifiJicated 
manners  and  simple  habits  of  our  own  village.  Do  not 
think  from  what  I  have~"~saTd,  TKereare  no  people  of  in 
tellect  here,  for  I  assure  you  there  is  a  choice  brother 
hood  whom  we  sometimes  meet  at  social  parties  and 
lectures,  but  they  are  so  accustomed  to  the  weak  and 
frivolous  of  our  sex,  that  their  conversation  is  almost 


MAJOR  JACIJJ:  jgkrtrNtii&f.  ',  '  \  '.',  •  '•  i  i     101 


wholly  confined  to  each  other.  Have  you  made  any 
additions  to  our  little  library  since  I  left  home  1  If  you 
are  not  too  bashful,  tell  Sam  to  read  these  long  winter 
evenings,  instead  of  spending  his  time  in  making  axe 
handles  and  goad  sticks.  Cousin  Jack  has  got  his  head 
so  full  of  politics,  that  I  doubt  whether  he  sells  one  for 
him,  this  winter.  Tell  Uncle  Joshua  if  he  has  any 
more  apple  sauce  to  sell  this  winter,  to  send  it  down  in 
the  old  lumber  box  by  Ned,  and  if  he  must  needs  send 
his  letters  to  Jack  through  the  Courier,  be  sure  and  not 
to  say  one  word  about  the  apple  sauce,  for  you  dont 
know  how  queer  it  looks  to  see  governors  and  goad- 
sticks,  politics  and  pan-dowdy,  ballot-boxes  and  bean 
poles,  all  jumbled  up  together. 

Your  loving  Cousin, 

SARAH  DOWNING, 


LETTER   XXV. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  Cousin  Jehu  went  to  the 
Legislature,  and  had  to  go  back  after  his  primy  facy 
case. 

Portland,  Tuesday  Jan.  11, 1831. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA,  —  Cousin  Jehu  and  I  got  down 
here  the  Monday  before  the  Legislater  met,  and  sich  a 
dragging  time  of  it,  as  we  had  through  the  mud,  I  guess 
you  never  see.  More  than  three  quarters  of  the  way,  it 
was  as  bad  as  ploughing  mash-meadow  in  April.  The 
waggon  wheels  sometimes  went  in  almost  up  to  the  hub, 
and  we  had  to  get  out  and  lift  and  pry  as  hard  as  the 
Legislater  used  to,  last  winter,  to  get  the  wheels  of  gov 
ernment  agoing.  Your  poor  old  hoss  is  nearly  done  tu. 
But  we  shall  doctor  him  up  as  well  as  we  can,  so  as  to 
get  him  home  again.  Next  day  we  went  round  to  see 
how  the  market  was.  Your  apple-sass  fetched  a  good 
9* 


102  ;  LttTtfXRS    OF 

price.  We  sold  it  to  a  Jacksonite  tavern-keeper.  He 
said  he  wanted  a  little  something  to  sour  his  dinners  a 
little  mite  ;  for  his  boarders  were  all  Jacksonites,  and 
they'd  got  the  upperhand  so  now  days,  that  they  com 
plained  their  victuals  was  all  too  sweet.  Your  boiled 
cider  went  off  at  a  real  round  price  tu.  Why,  how 
much  did  you  boil  that  cider  down  ?  It  was  so  strong, 
that  a  gill  of  it  would  knock  a  man  down  any  time.  We 
sold  it  to  a  Huntonite  tavern-keeper.  He  said  his  board 
ers  were  all  Huntonites,  and  he  didn't  know  what  the  mat 
ter  was,  but  they  seemed  to  be  rather  down  in  the  mouth 
lately,  and  he  wanted  a  little  something  to  start  their 
ideas  and  keep  their  sperits  up.  So  he  gin  us  jest  what 
we  asked.  Ax  handles  dont  fetch  nothing  hardly.  The 
bean  poles  turned  middling  well,  though  they  dont  go  off 
so  glib  as  they  did  last  year.  I  find  folks  are  a  little 
more  shy  about  buying  of  'em  for  sheriff  poles  than 
they  used  to  be,  for  they  say  when  a  man  gets  one, 
there's  no  knowing  as  it  will  be  any  use  to  him  more 
than  one  year.  Howsomever,  we  sold  a  few  of  'em 
right  out,  and  made  a  pretty  good  spec  in  'em.  And  we 
bargained  away  a  number  more  upon  condition  that  they 
should  want  'em.  Cousin  Nabby's  footings  fetched  the 
same  they  did  last  year,  that  is  ninepence  a  pair,  and 
we  got  her  a  nice  piece  of  cotton  cloth  for  'em.  Tell 
aunt  Keziah  we  got  for  her  bundle  of  urbs  a  pound  of 
go®d  shushon  and  a  quarter  of  snuff.  We  shall  send 
'em  all  up  in  the  waggon  by  Jim. 

But  Jim  will  have  to  wait  here  till  cousin  Jehu  gets 
back  again,  for  he  took  the  other  hoss  Wednesday  and 
started  off  like  a  stream  of  lightning  for  Downingville. 
Now  I  spose  you  will  be  a  little  struck  up  at  that,  till  I 
tell  you  the  reason  of  it,  but  the  fact  was  he  came  away 
from  home  and  forgot  to  bring  his  primy  facy  case. 
And  we  met  one  of  the  members  Tuesday  night  and 
got  to  speaking  about  it,  and  he  said  it  would  be 
of  no  use  to  think  of  getting  a  seat  in  the  House  with- 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  103 

out  one,  for  they  were  going  to  be  very  particular,  and 
nobody  would  be  allowed  to  take  a  seat  in  the  House 
unless  he  could  show  a  good  fair  primy  facy  case. 
Well  then,  said  cousin  Jehu,  the  jig  is  up  with  me,  for 
as  true  as  eggs  is  bacon  I  left  mine  at  home.  But, 
finally,  after  considerin  upon  it,  we  concluded  'twas  best 
for  him,  as  he  was  a  pretty  smart  rider,  to  start  oft*  and 
get  it»  and  come  back  again  as  quick  as  possible.  But 
he  might  have  been  saved  all  that  trouble,  if  he  had  only 
known  how  it  would  turn  out.  For  when  the  members 
got  together  Wednesday  morning,  they  appointed  a 
committee  to  go  round  among  'em  and  take  the  primy 
facy  cases  and  count  'em,  and  see  if  there  was  enough 
to  make  a  corum.  I  dont  know  as  I  can  tell  exactly 
what  sort  of  a  thing  a  corum  is,  but  they  said  the  con 
stitution  wouldn't  let  'em  do  any  thing  till  they  had  a 
corum,  and  it  took  a  hundred  and  thirty  primy  facy 
cases  to  make  one. 

One  of  the  Huntonites  made  a  motion  that  the  com 
mittee  should  examine  the  primy  facy  cases,  and  not 
count  any  but  what  was  good. — -But  the  Jacksonites 
said  no,  they  should  count  'em  all  first,  and  they'd  take 
their  seats  and  go  to  work,  and  have  another  committee 
afterwards  to  examine  'em.  They  disputed  about  it  a 
little  while  pretty  sharp ;  but  at  last  the  republicans  be 
gun  to  get  a  notion  that  it  was  only  jest  meant  to  trig 
the  wheels  of  government,  and  it  stuck  in  their  crops  so 
they  couldn't  bear  it  any  longer,  and  they  up  foot  and 
gave  the  trig  such  a  kick,  I  guess  the  Huntonites  nor 
Jacksonites  neither  wont  find  it  again  this  winter. 

So  they  let  them  all  take  their  seats  with  such  kind  of 
primy  facy  things  as  they  had  got,  and  went  to  choosing 
officers. 

There  aint  but  a  few  Huntonites  and  Jacksonites  in 
the  Legislate!'  this  year,  and  its  lucky  there  isn't,  for 
there  is  no  telling  how  much  mischief  they  did  last  win 
ter.  There  is  so  few  of  them  are  two  rascally  parties 
here  now,  that  are  trying  to  ruin  the  country,  that  'tis 


104  LETTERS   OF 

thought  the  republicans  will  be  able  to  keep  the  wheels 
agoing  and  get  along  whkout  much  trouble.          '.yH' 

I  have  a  good  deal  more  to  write  to  you,  but  have'n't 
time  in  this  letter.  Elder  Hall  is  here,  but  he  is  not 
President  this  year.  He  thinks  rotation  in  office  is  all 
the  beauty  of  republicanism,  so  he  gave  up  the  chair  this 
year  to  Mr  Dunlap. 

Cousin  Sally  has  got  most  through  her  second  quar 
ter's  schooling  here,  and  when  she  gets  through,  I  dont 
know  but  I  should  advise  you  to  take  her  home,  for  she 
grows  so  vain  and  accomplished,  as  they  call  it,  that  I 
dont  think  it  '11  do  her  much  good.  Jest  look  at  her 
last  letter  that  she  sent  up  in  the  Courier,  and  see  how 
lady-like  she  talks.  And  then  in  order  to  be  mighty 
nice,  she  must  needs  sign  it  Sarah  ;  as  if  the  good  old 
name  of  Sally,  that  her  mother  gave  her,  wasn't  good 
enough  for  her. 

Tell  cousin  Jehu  to  make  haste  back  again,  for  the 
Legislator's  rattling  along  so  with  their  business  that 
he'll  hardly  get  a  finger  in  the  pie  if  he  isn't  here  soon. 
They've  made  a  Governor,  and  some  Councillors,  and  a 
Secretary  of  State,  and  a  Treasurer,  and  a  State  Printer, 
besides  doing  a  good  many  other  things,  and  it  hasn't 
took  half  so  long  as  it  did  last  winter  to  say  poor  Mr 
Roberts  shouldn't  have  a  seat.  This  in  haste. 
Your  lovin  neffu, 

JACK   DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXVI. 

In  which  Nobby  describes  the  temperance  of  Downingville. 

Downingville,  Jinerwary  20, 1831. 
To  Cousin  Sarah  Downing,  at  School  down  to  Portland. 

I  should  like  to  know,  cousin  Sarah,  if  you  have  heard 
down  there  to  Portland  any  thing  about  a  temperance  so 
ciety.  If  you  have  just  write  and  tell  me  what  it  means. 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  105 

You  know  father  wants  to  know  the  meaning  of  every 
thing,  and  so  I  walked  tu  miles  over  to  the  school-master's 
to  borry  Mr  Walker's  dictionary  to  see  what  it  meant ; 
and  after  all  I  want  no  wiser  than  I  was  afore,  for  there 
was  n't  one  word  in  it  about  temperance  societies.  Tother 
day  father  sot  in  the  shop  door,  wondering  if  Jack  would 
go  to  the  Congress  or  not,  when  a  proper  great  fat  red- 
faced  man  came  in,  and  opened  a  long  paper  with  more 
names  on  it  than  I  could  read  in  a  week,  —  and  says  he, 
Mr  Downing,  I  want  you  to  sine  your  name  to  this  paper. 
Father  took  hold  of  the  paper  with  one  hand,  and  run 
tother  up  under  his  hat,  jest  as  he  always  does  when  he 
tries  to  think  ;  and,  my  friend,  says  he,  I  dont  know  as  I 
quite  understand  what  this  ere  means.  Why,  says  he, 

by  putting  your  name    down,  vnii    prnmisfi    flot    tr>    rlrjnU 

any  rumyauJipelf,  nor  to  let  any  of  your  family.  My  con 
science,  father  understood  it  then,  I  can  tell  you,  he 
hopped  rite  out  of  his  chair,  and  I  guess  the  temperance 
man  was  gone  in  no  time.  Well,  after  father  had  time 
to  consider  a  little  he  began  to  feel  afraid  he  had  n't 
used  the  man  exactly  right ;  for,  said  he,  may  be  all 
places  aint  like  Downingville.  I  remember  reading  in 
the  newspaper  of  some  places  where  they  drink  rum  as 
we  do  water,  and  get.  so  drunk  that  they  tumble  about  on 
the  ground.  And  may  be  the  man  did  n't  know  but 
what  we  drank  it  here.  And  if  he  was  trying  to  do  good 
he  was  n't  so  much  to  blame  after  all.  Indeed,  Sam, 
said  he,  for  Mr  Josslyn  came  in  while  he  was  talking, 
I  've  been  told  there  are  shop  keepers  who  retale  rum  by 
the  half  jill,  to  men  who  drink  it  at  their  counters,  and 
some  can  actually  bare  that  enormous  quantity  two  and 
three  times  in  a  day.  I  never  see  Sam's  eyes  so 
big,  Sarah  ;  he  look'd  as  if  he  wanted  to  say,  that  's  a 
whacker,  Mr  Downing  ;  and  so  thinks  I,  I  will  write  to 
Sarah,  arid  she  '11  tell  me  all  about  it. 

Your  loving  cousin,  NABBY. 

P.  S,    I  tried  to  tell  what  father  said  in  his  own  words, 


106  LETTERS    OF 

cause  you  always  like  to  hear  him  talk.  Sam  says 
Sarah  dont  understand  such  things  ;  the  libry  is  only  fit 
for  folks  like  her  and  the  schoolmaster.  A  farmer  ort 
to  stick  to  his  ox  bows  and  goard  sticks.  And  I  believe 
he  's  half  rite,  Sarah,  for  I  dont  believe  you  are  so  hap 
py  for  trying  to  no  so  much  ;  ever  since  you  took  to 
study,  I  see  you  dont  laugh  half  so  hearty  as  you  used 
to,  and  you  look  sober  three  times  as  often.  I  'm  afraid 
you  will  be  a  spoilt  girl  for  the  country,  Sarah  ;  you  M 
better  leave  your  hard  words  and  come  up  here  and  sing 
at  your  wheel  all  day,  churn  butter  and  milk  the  cows, 
go  to  slay  rides  and  quiltings,  and  be  as  good  and  happy 
as  you  used  to  be.  I  love  you,  Sarah,  and  always  shall, 
and  I  believe  Sam  would  like  you  as  well  as  he  duz  me,  if 
twant  for  your  learnin.  There,  1  wont  say  another 
word,  for  I  'm  half  cryin  now.  N. 


LETTER  XXVII. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  gives  a  description  of  the  Ladies' 
Fair. 

Portland,  Friday,  Jan.  28,  1831. 

MY  DEAR  COUSIN  NABBY,  —  It's  a  great  while  since 
I  writ  to  you,  for  you  know  when  I  write  politics  I  al 
ways  have  to  send  it  to  uncle  Joshua,  cause  he  loves 
dearly  to  dig  into  sich  things,  and  when  I  write  about 
bringing  bean  poles  and  apple-sass  to  market,  I  have  to 
send  to  cousin  Ephraim,  cause  he's  the  boy  to  do  that 
are ;  but  when  I  write  about  the  ladies  and  sich  like  I 
send  it  right  to  you ;  and  I've  got  a  master  mess  to  tell 
you  this  time,  as  ever  you  heard  in  all  your  life.  I  dont 
know  where  bouts  to  begin,  and  when  I  get  begun  I'm 
afraid  I  never  shall  know  where  to  leave  off;  for  if  I 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  107 

,  should  try  to  tell  you  all  about  it,  I  dont  know  but  you 
would  get  to  be  as  old  as  aunt  Reziah  before  I  should 
get  through.  Howsomever,  I'll  try  to  give  you  a  little 
smattering  of  it,  and  I  might  as  well  begin  before  I  go 
any  further,  for  I  spose  by  this  time  you're  all  of  a  did 
der  to  know  what  I  mean.  Well  then,  to  let  you  into 
the  mistery,  we've  had  the  ladies  fair  here,  and  of  all 
the  scrapes  that  ever  I  see  this  beats  the  cap-shief ;  In- 
dependant  was  nothing  tu  it  hardly.  I'll  tell  you  how 
they  come  to  have  it.  There's  a  woman  here  that  takes 
care  of  a  whole  flock  of  little- gals,  what  hant  got  no 
body  else  to  take  care  of  'em  ;  they  call  her  the  Orphan 
Asylum.  And  they  said  she  hadn't  got  money  enough 
fobuyTJread  and  milk  for  'em  all,  and  clothes  to  wear 
in  this  cold  weather.  And  so  the  ladies,  for  you  know 
Nabby,  they  are  always  kind  hearted  sort  of  creatures, 
thought  they'd  put  their  heads  together  and  see  if  they 
couldn't  get  some  money  for  her.  So  they  agreed  to 
have  what  they  call  a  fair  —  that  means  a  place  where 
every  sort  of  nicknack  that  was  ever  made  or  thought 
of,  and  some  that  never  was  thought  of  before,  are  brought 
together  to  sell.  Well,  you  know  the  women  can  do 
most  any  thing  if  they  set  out.  So,  as  soon  as  they  set 
this  afloat,  it  went  through  the  town  like  a  buzz.  All 
the  ladies  and  gals  went  to  work  like  smoke,  making 
up  things  for  the  fair. 

And  they  were  in  sich  a  taking  about  it,  they  couldn't 
do  any  thing  else  for  two  months. — When  the  men 
went  home  to  their  dinners  they'd  fret  and  scold  'cause 
'twant  ready.  Now  dont  scold,  the  woman  would  say, 
for  the  gals  have  been  so  busy  making  them  are  little 
frocks  and  pin-cushions  and  needle-books  for  the  fair, 
that  they  never  thought  of  its  being  one  o'clock  so  soon. 
And  when  the  old  bachelors  went  up  to  bed,  down  they'd 
come  again  sputtering  along,  and  want  to  know  what's 
the  reason  their  bed  want  made.  Then  the  chamber 
gal  would  jump  as  if  she'd  gone  out  of  her  skin  ;  well 


108  LETTERS    OF 

there  now,  says  she,  as  true  as  I'm  alive,  IVe  been  so 
busy  to  day  making  that  are  dicky  for  the  fair,  that  I 
never  thought  a  word  about  the  beds.  Well,  last  Tues 
day  they  got  'em  all  ready,  and  carried  'em  into  the 
great  town  hall,  that's  as  big  agin  as  uncle  Joshua's  forty 
foot  barn,  and  paraded  'em  out  to  sell.  And  they  put 
it  into  the  papers  that  they  should  be  ready  by  six 
o'clock  in  the  evening  for  customers.  But  the  funniest 
of  it  all  was,  they  charged'every  body  ninepence  a  piece 
jest  for  coming  in  to  buy  their  things  whether  they  bought 
any  thing  or  not.  And  if  they  went  out  a  minute  or 
two  and  come  in  again,  they  had  to  pay  ninepence  more. 
That's  a  plaguy  good  way  to  keep  shop,  they  make  mo 
ney  so  fast  by  it.  —  Some  of  the  young  fellers  kept  go 
ing  out  and  coming  in  again  every  few  minutes,  I  spose 
jest  to  show  the  gals  that  come  with  'em  that  they'd  a 
good  pocket  full  of  ninepences  and  want  stingy  of  'em. 
But  I'm  getting  before  my  story.  All  day  Tuesday 
the  chaps  were  flying  round  getting  their  5  dollar  bills 
changed  to  go  to  the  fair.  As  for  me,  I  hadn't  only  a  one 
dollar  bill,  and  I  did  n't  dare  to  show  that  to  nobody  for 
fear  of  the  debety  sheriffs,  for  they  begin  to  look  out 
pretty  sharp  after  we  disappointed  office  seekers  now-a- 
days,  and  if  they  catch  us  with  a  dollar  they  nab  it 
quick  enough  I  tell  ye.  Howsomever,  I  borried  a  nine- 
pence  of  a  feller  that  used  to  work  long  with  me  last 
summer,  and  I  told  him  I  didn't  doubt  but  what  I  could 
pay  him  next  day,  for  most  all  the  lobby  members  of 
the  Legislater  w^ould  be  to  the  fair,  and  bein  the  sher 
iffs  aint  appointed  yet,  I  should  stand  a  good  chance  to 
bargain  away  a  few  of  cousin  Ephraim's  bean  poles  ; 
and  I'm  to  have  half  for  selling.  So  as  soon  as  the 
clock  struck  six,  I  took  my  ninepence,  and  up  I  trudg 
ed  and  went  right  into  the  fair,  jest  like  any  body  else  ; 
and  my  stars!  sich  another  sight  I  dont  think  there  ever 
was  afore.  I  thought  I'd  seen  most  all  the  world  since 
I  left  Downingville,  but  bless  me,  come  to  look  around 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  109 

here  I  found  I  hadn't  hardly  begun  to  see  it  yet.  I  never 
see  any  thing  that  lookt  so  bright  before,  unless  it  was 
when  uncle  Zekiel's  barn  burnt  down.  There  was  a 
master  sight  of  candles  and  lamps  stuck  up  round  the 
windows  and  all  over  the  great  hall,  and  along  in  the 
middle  of  it  there  hung  down  two  great  bunches  of  green 
spruce  tops  as  big  as  a  hogset,  and  they  were  stuck  full 
of  lamps  all  over  'em.  I  believe  they  called  'em  tallow 
chandlers,  or  some  sich  name.  The  folks  kept  coming 
and  pouring  in  as  thick  as  bees,  and  at  last  the  hall  got 
chock  brim  full,  and  then  if  there  wasn't  a  crowdin  and 
squeezin  time  I'll  never  guess  agin.  They  had  to  look 
out  for  toes,  I  can  tell  'em ;  I  was  glad  I  left  my  corns 
to  home,  for  if  I  hadn't  I  should  had  'em  smashed  all  to 
pieces  forty  times. 

You  might  as  well  try  to  crawl  through  a  woodpile  as 
to  think  of  getting  round  anywhere  in  the  hall,  only  jest 
where  the  crowd  happened  to  carry  you.  A  chap  that 
stood  pretty  near  me  said  to  an  old  white  headed  gen 
tleman,  have  you  been  over  there  to  the  old  witch  toth- 
er  side  of  the  hall  to  have  your  fortune  told ;  O  no,  says 
he,  I  have  n't  been  jam  }d  that  way  yet.  As  I  was  tussling 
along  to  try  to  get  a  peep  at  some  of  the  tables,  I  got 
stuck  fast  between  three  stout  women,  and  to  move 
another  inch  I  couldn't  if  I  was  to  be  whipped.  And 
some  how  or  other  my  head  got  jam'd  under  one  of 
their  bonnets,  but  'twas  none  of  my  duins  though,  and 
says  she,  sir,  I'll  thank  you  to  take  your  head  out  of 
my  face.  Yes  mam,  says  I,  I  will  as  soon  as  that  lady's 
head  behind  mine  gets  a  little  loose,  so  I  can  pull  mine 
back.  But  I  had  tough  work  to  breath  before  I  could 
get  command  of  my  own  head  agin,  I  tell  ye.  Well, 
at  last  I  tussled  along  or  was  jam'd  along  some  how  or 
other  pretty  near  some  of  the  tables,  so  that  I  could  kind 
o'  peep  over  on  to  'em  sometimes.  And  sich  a  mess  of 
pretty  things  and  queer  things  as  they  had  there  to  sell 
I  never  set  eyes  on  before.  And  then,  O  sich  a  pretty 
10 


110  LETTERS    OF 

row  of  gals  along  behind  the  tables  for  shop-keepers,  all 
dressed  up  so  fine,  and  laughing  out  of  both  of  their 
eyes  so  like  little  witches,  and  holding  up  their  pretty 
things  in  their  little  white  hands,  and  asking  every  body 
to  buy  'em.  O  Nabby,  I  never  felt  the  want  of  money 
so  much  before  in  all  my  life.  Soon  as  I  looked  at  'em 
I  wished  I  had  a  thousand  dollars  to  spend.  And  if 
Fd  only  been  elected  Governor,  as  I  ought  to  have  been, 
and  should  have  been  if  our  party  had  only  been  a  lit 
tle  better  organized,  I'd  a  made  the  money  fly  well,  you 
may  depend  upon't ;  for  I  think  governors  at  sich  times 
ought  to  be  generous  and  set  good  examples.  Now  I 
think  on't  tell  uncle  Joshua  I've  seen  the  real  genuine 
republican  party.  It  was  at  the  fair ;  there  was  old  folks 
and  young  folks,  and  men  and  women,  and  boys  and 
gals,  and  all  sorts  and  sizes  of  folks  mixed  up  together 
higgledy  piggledy,  and  every  one  said  and  did  jest  what 
they'd  a  mind  to.  If  this  wasn't  the  republican  party  I 
dont  know  what  is. 

It  looked  funny  to  see  every  body  buying  every  thing 
that  was  offered  to  'em,  and  paying  jest  what  they  asked 
for  it.  And  the  queerest  of  it  was,  if  you  bought  a  thing 
that  came  to  a  ninepence,  and  handed  'em  a  quarter  of  a 
dollar  to  pay  for  it,  they  would  chuck  the  quarter  into 
the  money  draw,  and  you  might  whistle  for  your  change  ; 
they  would  n't  give  you  back  a  cent.  Only  think  ;  if  the 
stupid  shop-keepers  would  only  learn  that  are  fashion, 
and  charge  all  the  gals  that  come  arter  patterns  ninepence 
every  time  they  come  into  their  stores,  and  when  any 
body  buys  any  thing  of  'em  never  give  any  change  back, 
how  fast  they  might  get  rich.  There  was  young  fellers 
buying  pin-balls,  and  old  bachelors  buying  doll-babies, 
and  some  of  'em  nigger  babies  tu,  and  every  body  buying 
what  they  did  n't  want,  more  than  a  toad  wants  two 
tails. 

At  one  end  of  the  hall  there  was  a  great  table  covered 
all  over  with  cakes  and  candy  and  apples  and  plums,  and 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  Ill 

all  kinds  of  luscious  things,  all  brought  in  to  help  along 
the  Orphan  Asylum.  A  man  would  send  in  some  apples 
that  he  sold  in  his  store  at  two  for  a  cent,  and  then  go 
and  get  his  children  and  post  off  to  the  hall,  and  pay 
ninepence  apiece  to  go  in,  and  then  buy  the  apples  and 
give  two  cents  apiece  for  'em. 

One  gal  come  along  nibbling  off  a  piece  of  cake  about 
as  big  as  two  fingers,  and  another  one  says  to  her,  what 
did  you  give  for  that  ?  A  shilling,  says  she  ;  I  thought  I 
would  do  something  to  help  along  the  Asylum.  By  and 
by  she  come  along  again  cramming  down  a  handful  of 
plums  and  a  great  apple.  Says  'tother  one,  says  she, 
what  did  you  give  for  them  1  Ninepence,  says  she ;  I 
should  n't  think  of  buying  any  thing  at  all,  if  it  want  for 
helping  along  the  Asylum.  By  and  by  I  saw  her 
crounching  a  stick  of  candy,  such  as  commonly  sells  for 
a  cent.  What  did  you  give  for  that,  says  t'other  one. 
Three  cents,  says  she.  Dear  soul,  thinks  I,  how  very 
kind  you  are  to  help  along  the  Asylum. 

By  and  by  I  got  joggled  along  up  towards  another  ta 
ble,  and  who  should  1  see  there,  but  a  witch !  Some 
called  her  the  witch  of  Endor,  that  we  read  about  in  the 
Bible,  and  some  said  it  was  one  of  the  Salem  witches. 
She  looked  bad  enough  to  be  any  one  of  'em.  She  was 
a  little  peaked  nosed  dried  up  thing ;  about  two  feet  high, 
and  she  stood  there  upon  the  table  to  tell  folks  their  for 
tunes.  She  had  a  little  staff  in  her  hand  that  pointed 
down  on  to  a  little  wheel  that  had  every  body's  fortune 
written  down  on  it.  They  'd  give  the  wheel  a  whirl  and 
when  it  stopped,  the  fortune  they  wanted  to  tell  any  body 
would  be  right  where  the  staff  pointed.  The  old  witch 
could  n't,  or  else  would  n't  read  herself,  so  she  had  a 
pretty  little  roguish  looking  miss  stand  beside  her  to  tell 
it  off.  They  called  her  the  priestess,  but  my  stars,  she 
did  n't  look  no  more  like  a  minister's  wife  than  you  do, 
Nabby.  They  asked  fourpence  happeny  apiece  for  telling 
fortunes.  —  Up  stepped  a  smart  looking  little  miss  and 


112  LETTERS    OP 

gave  the  wheel  a  whirl  and  asked  what  her  fortune  was. 
Why,  said  the  little  witchee  with  a  rogueish  look  *  at  the 
annual  return  of  this  fair  you  will  be  introduced  by  your 
husband.'  La  me,  said  the  miss,  blushing,  I  'm  sure  you 
cant  make  nothing  by  telling  fortunes  at  fourpence 
apiece  ;  so  she  threw  down  half  a  dollar,  and  off  she 
went.  Then  there  came  up  a  sober,  thin,  clever  looking 
sort  of  a  man,  and  gave  a  whirl,  and  the  little  priestess 
look'd  him  up  in  the  face  with  a  curl  of  the  lip,  and  says 
she,  '  a  wolf  in  sheep's  clothing  —  that  suits  your  case 
exactly,  sir.'  And  he  turned  away  muttering,  *  how 
upon  earth  come  that  little  witch  of  a  creature  to  know 
me?' 

Then  up  stepped  another  man,  that  they  said  was  one 
of  the  Legislators,  and  says  he,  how  much  do  you  ask 
for  telling  fortunes  ?  Only  fourpence  happeny  says  she. 
Well,  says  he,  I  believe  I  '11  have  mine  told,  so  he  give  a 
whirl,  and  after  he  heard  his  fortune,  he  handed  a  dollar 
to  take  out  the  fourpence  happeny,  and  the  rogueish 
priestess  slipped  it  into  the  draw  and  turned  right  about, 
and  went  to  waiting  upon  somebody  else.  And  the  poor 
man  waited  and  waited  for  his  change  till  he  got  tired  — 
and  then  he  drawed  back  out  of  sight. 

But  there,  Nabby,  I  must  stop  before  I  tell  you  half 
ont,  or  I  shall  get  my  letter  so  long  the  printer  wont  send 
it ;  for  he  threatens  to  charge  me  postage  if  I  send  sich 
long  ones.  But  they  had  jest  sich  a  scrape  all  the  next 
day  and  next  evening ;  and  the  next  evening  after  that, 
they  sold  all  the  trinkets  they  had  left  at  vandue.  I  dont 
know  how  much  money  they  got  in  the  whole,  but  you 
may  depend  upon  it  't  was  a  real  swad  ;  and  I  guess  the 
Orphan  Asylum  woman  might  give  the  little  gals  gin*- 
gerbread  to  eat  this  two  years  if  she  's  a  mind  to,  and 
let  'em  have  new  warm  gowns  and  good  shoes  and  stock 
ings  into  the  bargain.  So  here  I  must  stop,  and  when  I 
go  to  another  fair  you  shall  hear  from  me  again. 
Your  loving  cousin, 

JACK  DOWNING, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  113 


LETTER  XXVIII. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  the  Jacksonites  in  the  Le 
gislature  had  a  dreadful  tussle  to  pour  a  "  healing  act" 
down  the  throats  of  the  Huntonites. 

.[Note  by  the  Editor.  The  bitterness  of  feeling  occasioned  by  the 
struggle  for  the  ascendency  between  the  two  parties  in  1830,  still 
rankled  in  the  breasts  of  the  members  of  the  Legislature  in  1831. 
The  Huntonites  had  acquired  the  ascendency  the  preceding  session, 
but  now  the  Jacksonites  were  in  power,  and  they  contended  that 
the  acts  of  l!lU*IIlllllUlllU!t>  Hi  1UUO  were  unconstitutional  and  void. 
They  therefore  set  about  preparing  a  "healing  act "  to  declare  all 
the  doings  of  the  preceding  Legislature^ dlid  m  the  lump.  When 
this  Bill  was  brought  forward,  it  produced  a  storm  in  the  Legisla 
ture,  almost  unparalleled.  The  Huntonites  considered  it  altogeth 
er  a  useless  provoking  piece  of  political  trickery.  They  contended 
that  if  the  acts  of  the  former  Legislature  were  in  fact  unconstitu 
tional,  no  law  passed  by  this  Legislature  could  make  them  constitu 
tional  ;  and  considering  it  a  wanton  attempt  to  heap  insult  and 
od^um  upon  them,  they  fought  against  it  almost  while  life  and  breath 
remained.  A  fierce  debate  on  the  passage  of  this  Bill  was  carried 
on  for  several  days.  But  the  Jacksonites  had  the  power  in  their 
own  hands,  and  the  Bill  was  finally  passed.  The  scene  is  somewhat 
minutely  described  in  the  two  following  letters.] 

Portland,  Feb.  4, 1831. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA.  —  If  you  got  my  postcript  to 
this  letter  that  I  sent  you  yesterday,  I  spose  you  wont 
sleep  nor  eat  much  till- you  hear  something  more  about 
it.  So  I  thought  I'd  try  to  send  you  a  little  bit  of  a  let 
ter  to-day.  O  dear,  uncle,  there  's  terrible  times  here 
again,  and  I'm  half  afraid  it's  agoing  to  be  worse  than 
it  was  last  winter.  The  Legislate!*  *s  been  all  in  the 
wind  this  two  or  three  days,  pulling  and  hauling  and 
fighting  like  smoke.  The  wheels  of  government  are  all 
stopt ;  I  cant  say  as  they  are  trigged,  as  they  used  to  be 
last  winter,  but  they  are  fairly  stopped,  because  nobody 
dont  pull  'em  along ;  for  when  the  members  are  all  pull 
ing  each  other's  caps,  how  can  they  pull  the  wheels  of 
government  ?  They  seemed  to  get  along  very  well  ever 
since  they  Ve  been  here  till  now,  and  I  thought  they  most 
10* 


114  LETTERS    OF 

all  belonged  to  them  are  two  clever  parties  that  tried  so 
hard  to  save  the  State  last  winter ;  I  mean  the  demo 
cratic  republicans  and  the  national  republicans.  But 
some  how  or  other  this  week  a  quarrelsome  gang  of 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  has  got  into  the  Legislater 
and  kicked  up  such  a  bobbery,  it  seems  as  though  they  'd 
tare  the  State  all  to  pieces.  My  heart 's  been  up  in  my 
mouth  a  dozen  times  for  fear  the  State  would  go  to  ruin 
before  I  could  get  out  of  it ;  and  1  've  scratched  round 
and  picked  up  what  few  bean-poles  and  ax-handles  I 
had  left,  and  got  all  ready  to  set  sail  to  Boston,  for  I'me 
determined  to  be  off  before  the  State  goes  to  rack.  And 
I  advise  you  and  all  our  friends  at  Downingville  to  pack 
up  as  soon  as  you  get  this  letter,  and  be  all  ready  as 
soon  as  you  hear  a  cracking  down  this  way  to  fly  for 
your  lives  away  back  into  New-Hampshire  or  Vermont. 
The  trouble  as  near  as  I  could  understand  it  begun  in 
this  way.  The  Jacksonites  said  the  Huntonites  worked 
so  hard  last  winter  in  trying  to  trig  the  wheels  of  govern 
ment,  and  tare  the  constitution  to  pieces,  that  they  made 
themselves  all  sick,  dreadful  sick,  and  had  nTt  got  well 
yet;  and  it  was  time  to  do  something  to  try  to  cure  'em; 
for  their  sickness  was  so  catching  that  all  the  State 
would  be  taken  down  with  it  in  a  little  while,  if  they  want 
cured. 

But  the  Huntonites  said  they  want  sick  a  bit ;  they 
never  was  better  in  their  lives ;  and  moreover,  it  was 
false  that  they  had  tried  to  trig  the  wheels  of  govern 
ment  last  winter,  or  tear  a  single  leaf  out  of  the  consti 
tution  ;  if  any  thing  of  that  kind  was  done,  they  said 
the  Jacksonites  did  it,  and  as  for  taking  doctor's  stuff 
they'd  no  notion  of  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  'twas 
no  use,  the  Huntonites  were  all  sick,  and  they  must  take 
some  doctor  stuff,  and  if  they  wouldn't  take  it  willingly 
they  must  be  made  to  take  it.  So  they  went  to  work  and 
fixed  a  dose  that  they  called  a  healing  act,  that  they  said 
would  cure  all  the  Huntonites  and  any  body  else  that  had 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  115 

catched  the  sickness  of  'em.  The  Huntonites  declared 
'twas  no  use  for  'em  to  fix  it,  for  they  never  would  take 
it  as  long  as  they  lived,  that's  what  they  wouldn't ;  they 
were  as  well  as  any  body,  and  they'd  fight  it  out  till  next 
June  before  they'd  take  it.  Howsomever,  the  Jackson- 
ites  got  their  dose  ready,  and  yesterday  they  carried  it 
into  the  House  of  Representatives  and  told  the  Hunton 
ites  they  must  take  it,  and  'twould  do  'em  good.  As  soon 
as  the  Huntonites  smelt  of  it,  they  turned  up  their  noses, 
and  said  no,  before  they'd  take  that  are  plaguy  dirty  stuff 
they'd  fight  'em  all  over  the  State,  inch  by  inch.  But 
the  Jacksonites  said  'twas  no  use,  they  might  sniff  as 
much  as  they  pleased,  it  was  the  only  thing  that  would 
cure  'em,  and  they  must  take  it,  and  more  than  all  that, 
they  was  the  strongest  and  they  should  take  it. 

Some  of  the  Huntonites  looked  pale  as  tho'  they  were 
a  little  grain  frightened,  and  some  of  them  looked  red 
as  though  they  were  mad  as  a  March  hair.  And  some 
of  'em  begun  to  talk  to  the  Jacksonites  and  tell  'em  how 
unreasonable  it  was  to  make  'em  take  doctor  stuff  when 
they  want  sick.  They  were  well  now,  and  like  as  not  if 
they  should  take  it ;  t'would  make  'em  all  sick. 

One  of  'em,  that  talked  like  a  very  clever  man  got  up 
and  coaxed  'em  to  ask  the  Judges  of  the  great  Court  if 
they  thought  there  was  any  need  of  their  taking  sich 
a  dose,  or  if  it  would  do  'em  any  good  if  they  did  take  it. 
But  the  Jacksonites  said  no,  they  shouldn't  ask  no  sich 
questions.  They  understood  the  business  well  enough, 
they  knew  the  Huntonites  were  sick,  and  they  knew  this 
would  cure  'em,  and  swallow  it  they  should.  Well,  the 
Huntonites  see  how  'twas  gone  goos,p  with  'em,  and  they 
thought  the  only  chance  left  was  to  put  their  hands  over 
their  mouths  and  fight  and  kick  and  scrabble  with  all 
their  might  and  keep  it  out  of  their  throats  as  long  as 
they  could.  Still  they  tried  to  talk  and  reason  with  the 
Jacksonites  about  it.  They  asked  'em  to  let  them  have 
time  to  examine  the  medicine  carefully  and  see  what  it 


116  LETTERS    OF 

was  made  of,  or  that  they  would  tell  'em  what  it  was 
made  of,  or  why  they  thought  it  would  do  any  good  to 
take  it.  But  the  Jacksonites  said  they  shouldn't  tell  'em 
any  thing  about  it,  it  would  be  '  casting  pearls  before 
swine,'  and  the  good  book  said  they  mustn't  do  so. 

The  men  who  had  fixed  the  dose  knew  what  they  were 
about,  they  had  fixed  it  right,  and  the  Huntonites  must 
open  their  mouths  and  take  it,  and  not  parley  any  more 
about  it.  And  now  the  real  tussle  and  the  hard  fight  begun. 
Th^  House  seemed  to  be  so  full  of  Jacksonites  and  Hun 
tonites  that  I  guess  there  was  n't  but  a  few  republicans 
left.  And  I  could  n't  help  minding  that  the  Jacksonites 
took  the  seats  of  the  democratic  republicans,  and  the 
Huntonites  took  the  seats  of  the  national  republicans. 
Well,  the  Jacksonites  took  the  dose  in  one  hand,  and  grab'd 
the  Huntonites  with  the  other,  and  tipped  their  heads 
back,  and  were  jest  agoing  to  pour  it  down  their  throats, 
when  the  Huntonites  fetched  a  spring  and  kicked  it  away 
to  **>Q  f^lFth  tlflT  ^f-i/lpriT  But  the  Jacksonites  run  after 
it  and  got  it  back  again  in  about  half  an  hour,  and  clinched 
'em  again,  and  got  all  ready  to  pour  it  down ;  but  jest 
as  they  got  it  almost  to  their  lips,  the  Huntonites  fetched 
another  spring  and  kicked  it  away  to  the  fourth  of 
March.  Away  went  the  Jacksonites  after  it  again,  and 
brought  it  back,  and  clinched  the  Huntonites  in  the  same 
manner  as  before,  and  they  kicked  it  away  again,  but 
they  did  n't  kick  this  time  quite  to  the  end  of  February. 

So  they  kept  it  agoing  all  the  forenoon,  but  every  time 
the  Huntonites  kick'd  the  bitter  dose  away,  it  didn't  go 
so  far  as  it  did  the  last  time  before.  I  spose  they  begun 
to  grow  tired  and  .could  n't  kick  so  harci.  Well,  then 
they  tried  to  adjourn  so  as  to  get  some  dinner,  but  the 
Jacksonites  would  n't  let  'em.  And  they  kept  'em  there 
till  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  without  any  dinner,  and 
I  dont  know  but  they  thought  the  Huntonites  would  get 
so  hungry  after  a  while  that  they  would  swallow  it  down 
without  much  fuss.  But  it  all  would  n't  do,  the  nearer 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  117 

it  come  to  'em,  the  tighter  the  Huntonites  gritted  their 
teeth  together,  and  I  guess  they'd  a  starved  before  they 
would  take  it.  Well  after  the  Jacksonites  had  tried 
nearly  twenty  times  to  pour  down  the  bitter  dose,  and 
the  Huntonites  had  kicked  it  away  as  many  times,  both 
parties  seemed  to  be  nearly  tired  out,  and  so  they  finally 
agreed  to  adjourn  till  nine  o'clock  this  morning.  I 
thought  the  Huntonites,  if  they  once  got  out,  would  cut 
and  run  home  and  get  clear  of  the  plaguy  stuff.  But  in 
stead  of  that  they  all  come  in  again  this  morning,  and 
they've  been  at  it  again  all  day,  hammer  and  tongs,  the 
Jacksonites  trying  to  pour  it  down,  and  the  Huntonites 
fighting  against  it,  tooth  and  nail. 

How  it  '11  come  out  I  cant  tell.  Whether  the  State 
will  be  ruined  if  they  dont  take  it,  I  cant  tell ;  or  whether 
it  will  cure  them  if  they  do  take  it,  I  can't  tell.  But  I 
can  assure  you,  dear  uncle,  there's  a  greater  fuss  here,  than 
there  was  when  the  little  boy  said  he  run  and  jumped 
over  a  fence  and  tore  his  trowses  as  if  the  heavens  and 
earth  were  coming  to  pieces.  If  we  live  through  it,  I 
shall  let  you  know  something  more  about  it. 
Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXIX. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  the  Jacksonites  at  last 
got  the  '  healing  act1  down  the  throats  of  the  Hun 
tonites. 

Portland,  Saturday,  March  5,  1831. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA.  —  I  aint  dead,  but  I  spose  you 
begin  to  feel  kind  of  uneasy  about  me,  beiri  I  have  n't 
writ  home  so  long.  Well,  I'll  tell  you  how  'twas ;  I've 
had  this  ere  cold  and  one  thing  another,  so  bad,  I  did  n't 
feel  hardly  smart  enough  to  write.  And  besides  1  got 
so  skeer'd  that  night  the  Jacksonites  poured  their  doctor 


118  LETTERS    OF 

stuff,  what  they  call  the  healing  plaster,  down  the 
throates  of  the  Huntonites,  that  I  did  n't  dare  to  go 
nigh  'em  agin  for  a  good  while  for  fear  they'd  pour  some 
of  their  pesky  stuff  down  my  throat.  But  I'm  sorry  I 
did  n't  write  afore,  for  I've  let  it  alone  so  long  now,  that 
my  work  has  got  desputly  behindhand.  When  I  writ  to 
you  before,  the  Jacksonites  were  holding  the  Huntonites 
by  the  hair  of  the  head  with  one  hand  and  trying  to 
cram  the  healing  plaster  down  their  throats  with  'tother, 
and  the  Huntonites  were  kicking  and  scrabbling,  and 
gritting  their  teeth  together  with  all  their  might,  and 
doubling  up  their  fists  and  stamping,  and  declaring  up 
hill  and  down,  that  they  would  never  take  it.  And  they 
were  so  upstropulous  about  it  for  a  while,  I  did  n't  know 
as  they  ever  would  swallow  it.  But  the  Jacksonites 
were  the  stoutest,  and  held  on  to  'em  like  a  dog  to  a 
root,  and  kept  'em  there  all  day  and  all  the  evening  till 
about  midnight,  and  then  the  poor  Huntonites  seemed 
to  be  a  most  dragged  out.  I  fairly  pitied  'em.  Along 
in  the  first  of  it  they  threatened  pretty  stoutly,  and  de 
clared  by  every  thing  that's  black  and  blue,  if  they  had 
to  take  this  dirty  dose  and  should  happen  to  be  strongest 
next  year,  they'd  make  the  Jacksonites  take  a  dose 
worth  two  of  this.  But  all  the  threatening  did  n't  do 
any  good  ;  and  then  they  fell  to  begging  and  coaxing, 
and  that  did  n't  do  any  good  nother.  The  Jacksonites 
said  they  should  not  only  take  it,  but  they  should  take  it 
that  night  before  they  slept.  At  last  they  got  their 
hands  and  feet  tied,  and  kept  bringing  it  up  a  little 
nearer  and  little  nearer  to  their  mouths,  and  the  Hun 
tonites  got  so  they  could  n't  do  nothing  but  spit.  But 
the  Jacksonites  did  n't  mind  the  spitting,  for  you  know 
it  is  n't  for  the  doctor  to  stand  about  being  spit  upon  a 
little,  when  he's  giving  medicine.  Just  before  the  last 
ont,  the  poor  Huntonites  rolled  their  eyes  dreadfully, 
and  I  believe  some  on  'em  lost  their  senses  a  little  ;  one 
of  'em  took  a  notion  that  they  were  agoing  to  make  him 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  119 

swallow  a  whole  live  goose,  feathers  and  all ;  and  he 
begged  of  'em,  if  they  would  n't  take  out  the  gizzard 
and  'tother  inside  things,  that  they'd  jest  pull  out  the  pin 
feathers,  so  that  it  would  n't  scratch  his  throat  going 
down.  But  they  did  n't  pay  no  attention  to  him,  and 
just  before  the  clock  struck  twelve  they  grabbed  'em  by 
the  throat,  and  pried  their  mouths  open,  and  poured  it 
in.  The  Huntonites  guggled  a  little,  but  they  had  to 
swallow  it.  A  day  or  two  arterwards  they  made  some 
of  the  Sinneters  take  it  in  the  same  way.  They  had 
a  considerable  tussle  for  it,  but  not  quite  so  bad  as  they 
had  in  the  House. 

Some  thought  this  healing  dose  would  make  the  Hun 
tonites  worse,  and  some  thought  it  would  make  'em  bet 
ter.  I've  watched  'em  ever  since  they  took  it  whenever 
I  dared  to  go  near  the  Legislater,  and  I  cant  see  much 
alteration  in  'em.  But  that  or  something  else  has  kicked 
up  a  ^monstrous  dust  amongst  other  folks  all  over  the 
world  amost.  I've  been  looking  over  the  newspapers  a 
little,  and  I  never  see  the  world  in  such  a  terrible  hub 
bub  before  in  all  my  life.  Every  body  seems  to  be  run 
ning  mad,  and  jest  ready  to  eat  each  other  up.  There's 
Russia  snapping  her  teeth  like  a  great  bear,  and  is  just 
agoing  to  eat  up  the  Poles,  I  dont  mean  Ephraim's  bean 
poles,  but  all  the  folks  that  live  in  Poland  ;  not  that 
are  Poland  up  there  where  Mr  Dunn  lives,  but  that 
great  Poland  over  along  side  of  Russia.  And  there's 
the  Dutch  trying  to  eat  up  Holland,  and  the  Belgians 
are  trying  to  eat  up  the  Dutch,  and  there's  '  five  great 
powers'  trying  to  pour  a  healing  dose  down  the  thro'at 
of  the  king  of  the  Netherlands,  and  there's  Mr  O'Con- 
nell  trying  to  make  the  king  of  England  and  Parliament 
take  a  healing  dose,  and  there's  Ireland  jest  ready  to 
eat  up  Mr  O'Connel,  and  all  the  kings  of  Europe  are 
trying  to  eat  up  the  people,  and  the  people  are  all  trying 
to  eat  up  the  kings. 

And    our   great  folks    in   this  country  too,  away  off 


120  LETTERS    OF 

there  to  Washington,  have  got  into  such  a  snarl,  I  guess 
it  would  puzzle  a  Philadelphy  lawyer  to  get  'em  out  of 
it.  There's  the  President  and  Mr  Calhoun  and  Mr 
Van  Buren  and  the  two  great  republican  papers,  and 
half  a  dozen  more  of  'em,  all  together  by  the  ears  ;  but 
which  of  'em  will  eat  up  the  rest  I  don't  know.  I've 
heard  a  good  many  guess  that  Mr  Van  Buren  would  eat 
up  the  whole  toat  of  'em  ;  for  they  say  although  he's  a 
small  man,  there  isn't  another  man  in  the  country,  that 
can  eat  his  way  through  a  political  pudding  so 'slick  as 
he  can.  These  are  dreadful  times,  uncle  ;  I  don't  know 
what  '11  become  of  the  world,  if  I  dont  get  an  office 
pretty  soon. 

It  seems  to  me  there  must  be  something  out  of  the 
way  to  make  so  much  confusion  in  the  world ;  and  I 
hope  the  Legislator  before  they  adjourn  will  pass  a  gen 
eral  healing  act  to  cure  all  these  difficulties.  They  've 
been  talking  about  passing  a  healing  act  to  cure  our 
state  house  up  to  Augusta,  for  they  say  its  too  small, 
and  they  intend  to  bring  it  down  here  to  Portland  to 
cure  it.  But  I  guess  it  '11  give  'em  a  pull,  for  they  say 
the  Rennebeckers  are  master  fellers  to  hold  on. 

They  had  a  kind  of  a  fluste ration  here  to-day  in  the 
Legislater.  The  Speaker  's  cleared  out,  and  left  'em, 
because  the  Governor  said  he'd  taken  his  turn  sitting  in 
the  Chair  long  enough,  and  he  must  go  and  sit  on  the 
Bench  awhile  now.  And  then  they  went  to  work  and 
chose  that  good  natured  man  from  Monmouth  for  Speak 
er.  I  meant  to  a  told  you  about  them  are  two  great 
meetings  they  've  had  here  to  make  Governors  and 
Presidents  and  one  thing  another :  but  I  hav'nt  time  to 
day. 

One  of  'em  made  Mr  Smith  Governor  for  next  year 
and  Gineral  Jackson  President ;  and  'tother  made  Mr 
Sprague  governor,  and  kind  of  put  Mr  Clay  a  brewing 
for  President. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  121 

If  you  think  its  best  for  me  to  run  again  for  governor 
another  year  I  wish  you'd  call  our  friends  together  up 
there   and  have  me  nominated,  for  there's  nothing  like 
starting  in  season  in  these  matters. 
Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER   XXX. 

In  which  Mr.  Downing  dreams  some  poetry. 

From  the  Portland  Courier,  April,  1831. 

[Legislative  proceedings  extra.  —  On  the  evening  before  the  ad 
journment  of  the  Legislature,  while  the  members  of  the  House 
were  waiting  for  some  bill  to  be  engrossed,  Mr.  Shapleigh  of  Ber 
wick  presented  an  order,  that  a  Committee  be  appointed  to  consider 
the  expediency  of  assessing  an  annual  tax  upon  a  certain  class  of 
gentlemen  commonly  called  Old  Bachelors,  to  be  appropriated  for 
the  use  and  support  of  a  certain  class  of  ladies  usually  known  by 
the  name  of  Old  Maids,  with  leave  to  report  by  Bill  or  otherwise. 
Mr  McCrate  of  Nobleborough  hoped  the  mover  would  offer  his  rea 
sons  for  the  passage  of  the  order.  Mr.  Delesdernier  said  he  under, 
stood  the  order  reflected  upon  his  friend  from  Nobleborough ;  he 
therefore  moved  it  be  laid  on  the  table,  which  motion  was  decided 
in  the  negative. 

Mr  Baxter  then  remarked  that  he  hoped  gentlemen  would  reflect 
before  they  went  too  far,  and  not  commit  an  impropriety  by  way  of 
amusement.  He  moved  that  the  order  be  indefinitely  postponed, 
which  motion  prevailed.  While  we  were  puzzling  ourselves  to 
know  what  report  we  should  make  of  these  Legislative  proceedings 
our  friend  Jack  Downing  very  opportunely,  as  he  often  does,  came 
in  to  our  aid  as  follows.] 

Portland,  Saturday,  April  2,  1831. 

DEAR  COUSIN  NABBY, —  I  dont  hardly  know  whether  to 
send  this  letter  to  you,  or  uncle  Joshua.  You  know  I 
always  send  all  the  politics  and  Legislators  to  uncle ; 
but  this  ere  one  's  most  all  poetry,  and  they  say  that  stuff 
belongs  to  the  ladies.  So  I  believe  on  the  whole  I  shall 
send  it  to  you.  Dont  you  be  skeer'd  now  because  I  've 
11 


122  LETTERS    OF 

made  some  poetry,,  for  I  dont  think  it  '11  hurt  me ;  I  dont 
feel  crazy  nor  nothing.  But  I  '11  jest  tell  you  how  it 
happened.  Last  night  I  was  in  the  Legislator  and  they 
sot  out  to  make  a  law  to  tax  old  bacheldors.  They  tried 
pretty  hard  to  make  it,  and  I  thought  one  spell  they  'd 
get  it.  I  felt  kind  of  bad  about  it  because  I  knew  it 
would  bear  so  hard  upon  cousin  Obediah.  Well,  I  went 
home  and  went  to  bed,  and  I  dont  know  what  the  matter 
was,  but  I  had  a  kind  of  a  queer  night  of  it ;  and  when 
I  got  up  in  the  morning  there  was  a  soft  sort  of  sickish 
stuff  kept  running  off  of  my  tongue,  jest  like  a  stream 
of  chalk.  Pray  tell  me  what  you  think  of  it ;  here  it  is. 

I  dreamed  a  dream  in  the  midst  of  my  slumbers, 

And,  as  fast  as  I  dream'd,  it  was  coined  into  numbers, 

My  thoughts  ran  along  in  such  beautiful  metre, 

I  'm  sure  I  ne'er  saw  any  poetry  sweeter. 

It  seem'd  that  a  law  had  been  recently  made, 

That  a  tax  on  old  bachelors'  pates  should  be  laid. 

And  in  order  to  make  them  all  willing  to  marry, 

The  tax  was  as  large  as  a  man  could  well  carry. 

The  Bachelors  grumbled,  and  said  't  were  no  use, 

'T  was  cruel  injustice  and  horrid  abuse, 

And  declar'd  that  to  save  their  own  heart's  blood  from  spilling, 

Of  such  a  vile  tax  they  would  ne'er  pay  a  shilling. 

But  the  Rulers  determined  their  scheme  to  pursue, 

So  they  set  all  the  bachelors  up  at  vendue. 

A  crier  was  sent  thro'  the  town  to  and  fro, 

To  rattle  his  bell,  and  his  trumpet  to  blow, 

And  to  bawl  out  at  all  he  might  meet  in  the  way, 

"  Ho  !  forty  old  bachelors  sold  here  to  day," 

And  presently  all  the  old  maids  in  the  town, 

Each  one  in  her  very  best  bonnet  and  gown, 

From  thirty  to  sixty,  fair,  plain,  red  and  pale, 

Of  every  description,  all  flocked  to  the  sale. 

The  auctioneer  then  in  his  labors  began, 

And  called  out  aloud,  as  he  held  up  a  man, 

"  How  much  for  a  bachelor  ?  who  wants  to  buy  ?  " 

In  a  twink  every  maiden  responded  —  "I  —  1." 

In  short,  at  a  hugely  extravagant  price, 

The  bachelors  all  were  sold  off  in  a  trice ; 

And  forty  old  maidens,  some  younger,  some  older, 

Each  lugged  an  old  bachelor  home  on  her  shoulder. 

JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  123 


LETTER   XXXI. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  he  got  a  new  kink  into  his 
head,  in  consequence  of  the  blow-up  of  President  Jack 
son's  Jirst  Cabinet. 

Portland,  April  26, 1831. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA, —  I'm  in  considerable  of  a  kind 
of  a  flusteration  to-day,  because  I've  got  a  new  scheme 
in  my  head.  New  ideas,  you  know,  are  always  apt  to 
give  me  the  agitations  a  little ;  so  you  mustn't  wonder  if 
my  letter  this  time  does  have  some  rather  odd  things  in 
it.  I  don't  know  when  I've  had  such  a  great  scheme  in 
my  head  afore.  But  you  know  I  was  always  determined 
to  make  something  in  the  world,  and  if  my  friends  '11 
only  jest  stick  by  me,  I  shall  make  common  folks  stare 
yet.  Some  thought  it  was  a  pretty  bold  push  my  trying 
to  get  in  to  be  governor  last  year ;  and  some  have  laughed 
at  me,  and  said  I  come  out  at  the  little  end  of  the  horn 
about  it,  and  that  I'd  better  staid  up  to  Downingville  and 
hoed  potatoes,  than  to  be  fishing  about  for  an  office  and 
not  get  any  more  votes  than  I  did.  But  they  can't  see 
through  a  millstone  so  fur  as  I  can.  Altho'  I  didn't  get 
in  to  be  governor,  its  made  me  known  in  the  world,  and 
made  considerable  of  a  great  man  of  me,  so  that  1  shall 
stand  a  much  better  chance  to  get  an  office  if  I  try 
again.  But  I  must  make  haste  and  tell  you  what  I  am 
at,  for  I  am  in  a  great  hurry.  I  guess  you'll  stare  when 
I  tell  you  the  next  letter  you'll  get  from  me  will  be 
dated  at  Washington,  or  else  somewhere  on  the  road 
between  here  and  there. 

O,  uncle,  we  have  had  some  great  news  here  from 
Washington;  every  body's  up  in  arms  about  it,  and 
can't  hardly  tell  what  to  think  of  it.  They  say  the 
President's  four  great  Secretaries  have  all  resigned ; 


124  LETTERS    OF 

only  think  of  that,  uncle.  And  they  say  their  salaries 
were  six  thousand  dollars  a-year  ;  only  jest  think  of  that, 
uncle.  Six  thousand  dollars  a  year.  Why,  a  govern 
or's  salary  is  a  fool  to  it.  On  the  whole,  I'm  glad  I 
didn't  get  the  governor's  office.  I  shall  start  for  Wash 
ington  to-morrow  morning  ;  or  I  don't  know  but  1  shall 
*StttrT  to  night,  it"  1  can"  get  ready,  and  travel  all  night. 
Its  best  to  be  in  season  in  such  things,  and  I  shall  have 
to  go  rather  slow,  for  I've  got  pretty  considerable  short 
of  money,  and  expect  I  shall  have  to  foot  it  part  way. 
I  shall  get  there  in  about  a  fortnight,  and  I'm  in  hopes 
to  be  in  season  to  get  one  of  them  are  offices.  I  think 
it's  the  duty  of  all  true  republicans  that  have  the  good 
of  the  country  at  heart,  to  take  hold  and  help  the  Presi 
dent  along  in  these  trying  difficulties.  For  my  part,  I 
am  perfectly  willing  to  take  one  of  the  offices,  and  I 
hope  some  other  good  men  will  come  right  forward  and 
take  the  others.  What  a  shame  'twas  that  them  are 
Secretaries  should  all  clear  out,  and  leave  the  poor  old 
General  to  do  all  the  work  alone.  Why,  uncle,  they'd 
no  more  patriotism  than  your  old  boss. 

But  I  must  n't  stop  to  parley  about  it  now ;  what  I  want 
to  say  is,  I  wish  you  to  wriff;  n  rfrnmmpnrhtinn  to  the 
President  for  me  to  have  one  of  his  offices,  and  go  round 
as  quick  as  you  can  and  get  all  our  friends  at  Downing- 
ville  to  sign  it,  and  send  it  on  to  Washington  as  fast  as 
possible;  for  it  would  be  no  more  than  right  that  I  should 
show  the  President  some  kind  of  recommendation  before 
he  gives  me  the  office.  I  want  you  to  tell  the  President 
that  I've  always  been  one  of  his  strongest  friends;  and 
you  know  I  always  have  spoke  well  of  him,  and  in  fact 
he  is  the  best  President  we  ever  had.  It  might  be  well  for 
you  to  quote  this  last  sentence  as  an  '  extract  from  a 
letter  of  the  Hon.  Jack  Downing.'  It  would  give  the 
President  some  confidence  in  my  friendship,  and  the 
*  Hon.'  would  convince  him  that  I  am  a  man  of  some 
standing  in  this  State. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  125 

Now  you  keep  up  a  good  heart,  uncle ;  you  have  al 
ways  had  to  delve  hard  all  your  days  up  there  on  the 
old  farm,  and  you've  done  considerable  to  boost  me  up 
into  an  office,  and  if  I  get  hold  of  these  six  thousand 
dollars  a  year,  you  shall  have  a  slice  out  of  it  that  will 
make  your  old  heels  feel  light  again.  I  haven't  named 
it  to  a  single  soul  here  except  cousin  Sally,  and  I  want 
it  to  be  kept  a  profound  secret  till  I  get  the  office,  so  as 
to  make  them  are  chaps  that  have  been  a  sneering  at 
me  here,  stare  like  an  owl  in  a  thunder  shower.  And, 
besides,  if  it  should  leak  out  that  I  was  going,  I'm  afraid 
somebody  else  might  get  the  start  of  me,  for  there  are 
always  enough  that  have  their  mouths  open  when  it 
rains  such  rich  porridge.  But  its  like  as  not,  the  news 
papers  '11  blab  it  out  before  I  get  half  way  there.  And 
you  needn't  think  strange,  if  you  see  some  of  the  Boston 
or  New  York  papers  in  a  few  days  saying,  «  The  Hon. 
Jack  Downing  passed  through  this  city  yesterday,  on  his 
way  to  Washington.  It  is  rumored,  that  he  is  to  be 
called  upon  to  fill  one  of  the  vacant  offices.'  But  I  must 
stop,  for  it  is  time  I  was  picking  up  my  duds  for  a  start. 
Sally  has  been  darning  my  stockings  all  the  morning. 
Love  to  Aunt  and  Cousin  Nabby,  and  all  of  'em.  Good 
by.  Your  loving  nephew, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXII. 

In  which  cousin  Sarah  tells  about  cousin  Jack's  toes  and 
elbows. 

Portland,  April  29, 1831. 

DEAR  NABBY.  —  One  would  suppose  from  Jack's  letter 
to  Uncle,  that  I  was  doing  all  in  my  power  to  assist  him 
11* 


126  LETTERS    OF 

in  prosecuting  his  ridiculous  plans.  But  the  truth  is, 
Penelope's  trials  with  heir  impatient  lovers  were  nothing 
compared  to  mine  with  Jack.  When  the  news  came  of 
the  resignation  of  the  members  of  the  Cabinet  at  Wash 
ington,  I  had  not  seen  him  for  some  weeks ;  I  sat  by  the 
window  sewing,  when  in  came  Jack,  and  O  Nabby,  I 
shall  despair  of  giving  you  a  description.  His  toes  and 
elbows,  you  know,  were  always  lovers  of  freedom,  and 
there  they  were  peeping  from  their  prison  houses,  so 
demure  and  so  wo-begone,  it  almost  made  my  heart 
ache. -—Jack  tried  at  first  to  make  me  swear  secrecy; 
but  I  refused,  and  told  him  if  he  could  not  rely  upon  my 
discretion  he  better  not  say  any  thing.  He  seemed  in 
high  spirits,  called  me  a  dear  cousin,  and  then  revealed 
all  his  plans.  I  told  him  never  to  fear  that  I  should  di 
vulge  such  ridiculous  schemes ;  so  preposterous,  I  won 
dered  how  they  ever  entered  into  the  head  of  a  Downing. 
I  exhausted  all  my  powers  of  persuasion  and  argument, 
to  prevail  upon  him  to  let  politics  alone,  and  go  back  to 
Downingville,  and  take  care  of  his  farm  and  his  poor  infirm 
father  and  mother.  He  called  me  a  little  foolish  school 
girl,  that  did  n't  know  which  side  my  bread  was  buttered  ; 
said  I  had  better  stick  to  my  books  and  such  kind  of 
things,  and  let  the  business  of  the  men  alone  ;  what  did  I 
know  about  politics  !  I  must  mind  my  work  like  a  good 
gall,  and  when  he  was  Secretary  of  State,  he  'd  give  me  as 
fine  Q.gownd and  shorl  as  any  lady  in  Portland  wore.  And 
finally  he  insisted  upon  my  going  to  work  to  mend  his 
old  footings,  and  patch  his  coat.  I  told  him  they  were 
too  much  worn  to  be  worth  mending ;  but  he  guessed 
they  'd  hold  on  till  he  got  to  Washington,  and  when  he 
got  his  six  thousand  dollars  a  year,  he  'd  have  some  new 
ones,  and  send  the  old  suit  home  to  cousin  Ephraim. 

I  laughed  right  out,  and  led  him  to  the  glass  to  see 
what  an  elegant  looking  object  he  would  be  to  stand  be 
fore  the  President  of  the  United  States.  Jack  could  not 
help  laughing  himself,  but  said  the  looks  would  make  no 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  127 

difference ;   all  President  Jackson  wanted   was  a  good 
man,  arid  one  who  had  been  firm  in  support  of  him. 

I  went  to  work,  but  with  no  very  good  will  I  assure  you  ; 
and  though  Jack  fretted  and  coaxed,  I  had  no  disposition 
to  hurry,  and  once  when  he  went  out  to  get  the  toes  of 
his  shoes  mended,  I  ventured  to  pick  out  all  I  had  done. 
It  was  of  no  use,  for  he  was  so  eagerly  determined  to  go, 
that  if  I  had  not  finished  his  coat,  he  would  certainly 
have  started  without  it,  for  he  said  he  could  swop  his 
watch  on  the  road  any  time  for  a  new  coat,  or  any  one 
would  be  willing  to  trust  him  for  one  till  he  procured  his 
salary,  when  he  told  his  name.  He  says  the  President 
must  be  aware  of  his  integrity  and  high-minded  patriot 
ism,  and  will  undoubtedly  reserve  one  of  the  salaries  for 
him,  as  a  compensation  for  his  arduous  public  services. 
The  public  papers,  he  says,  will  give  him  a  lift  in  his  pre 
tensions,  and  there  is  no  doubt  but  that  he  shall  be  suc 
cessful.  One  thing  is  certain,  the  same  town  will  never 
hold  Jack  and  me.  He  is  always  coming  to  me  for  ad 
vice  when  he  gets  what  he  calls  the  *  agitations,'  and  I 
have  talked  myself  almost  into  a  consumption  to  infuse  a 
little  common  sense  into  him ;  but  all  to  no  purpose,  he 
will  ask  advice  and  then  do  as  he  is  a  mind  to. 
Your  loving  cousin, 

SARAH  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXIII. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  about  the  talk  he  had  with  the 
Boston  Editors  on  his  way  to  Washington. 

City  of  New  York,  May  4, 1831. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA,  —  I  have  got  so  fur  at  last,  and 
a  pretty  hard   run  I've  had  of  it  to  get  here,  I  can  tell 


128  LETTERS    OF 

ye.  This  running  after  offices  is  pretty  tuff  work  for 
poor  folks.  Sometimes  I  think  there  aint  much  profit 
in  it  after  all,  any  more  than  there  is  in  buying  lottery 
tickets,  where  you  pay  a  dollar  and  sometimes  get  four 
shillings  back,  and  sometimes  nothing.  Howsomever  I 
dont  mean  to  be  discouraged  yet,  for  if  I  should  give  out 
now  and  go  back  again,  them  are  sassy  chaps  in  Port 
land  would  laugh  at  me  worse  than  they  did  afore. 
What  makes  me  feet  kind  of  down  hearted  about  it,  is 
because  I've  seen  in  the  newspapers  that  tu  of  them  are 
good  offices  at  Washington  are  gone  a  ready.  One  Mr 
Livingston's  got  one  of  'em,  and  Mr  Woodbury  that 
lives  up  in  New-Hampshire  's  got  tother,  and  I'm  con 
siderable  afraid  the  others  will  be  gone  before  I  get 
there. 

I  want  you  to  be  sure  and  get  my  recommendation 
into  the  post-office  as  soon  as  you  can,  so  it  may  get 
there  as  soon  as  I  do.  It's  a  week  to  day  since  I  started 
from  Portland,  and  if  I  have  good  luck  I'm  in  hopes  to 
get  there  in  about  a  week  more.  Any  how,  I  shall 
worry  along  as  fast  as  I  can.  I  have  to  foot  it  more 
than  three  quarters  of  the  way,  because  the  stage  folks 
ask  so  much  to  ride,  and  my  money's  pretty  near  gone. 
But  if  I  can  only  jest  get  there  before  the  offices  are 
gone  I  think  I  shall  get  one  of  'em,  for  I  got  a  good 
string  of  recommendations  in  Boston  as  I  come  along. 
I  never  thought  of  getting  any  recommendations  of 
strangers,  till  a  man  I  was  travelling  with,  kind  of  talked 
round  and  round,  and  found  out  what  I  was  after. 
And  then  says  he,  if  you  want  to  make  etit,  you  must 
get  the  newspaper  folks  to  give  you  a  lift,  for  they 
manage  these  matters.  And  he  told  me  I  better  get 
some  of  the  Boston  editors  to  recommend  me,  or  it 
would  be  no  use  for  me  to  go. 

I  thought  the  man  was  more  than  half  right,  so  when 
I  got  into  Boston  I  called  round  to  see  the  editors. 
They  all  seemed  very  glad  to  see  me,  when  I  told  'em 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  129 

who  I  was ;  and  I  never  see  a  better  set  of  true  republi 
cans  any  where  in  the  State  of  Maine.  And  when  I 
told  'em  that  I  was  always  a  true  republican,  and  my 
father  and  grandfather  were  republicans  before  me, 
they  all  talked  so  clever  about  patriotism,  and  our  re 
publican  institutions,  and  the  good  of  the  people,  that  I 
could  n't  help  thinking  it  was  a  plaguy  shame  there 
should  be  any  such  wicked  parties  as  Federalists,  or 
Huntonites,  or  Jacksonites,  to  try  to  tare  the  country 
to  pieces  and  plague  the  republicans  so. 

This  dont  include  President  Jackson.  He  is  n't  a 
Jacksonite,  you  know  ;  he  's  a  true  republican  as  there 
is  in  Downingville.  I  had  a  talk  with  the  Boston  Patriot 
man  first.  He  said  he  would  give  me  a  recommendation 
with  a  good  deal  of  pleasure  ;  and  when  I  got  my  office 
at  Washington  I  must  stick  to  the  good  old  republican 
cause  like  wax  ;  and  if  all  true  republicans  were  only 
faithful  to  the  country,  Henry  Clay,  the  republican  can 
didate,  will  come  in  all  hollow. 

He'll  be  next  President,  says  he,  jest  as  sure  as  your 
name  is  Jack  Downing.  Then  I  went  to  see  the  editor 
of  the  Boston  Gazette.  He  said  he  certainly  should  be 
very  happy  to  give  me  a  recommendation ;  and  he 
trusted  when  I  got  to  Washington  where  I  should  have 
considerable  influence,  I  should  look  well  to  the  inte 
rests  of  the  republican  party.  He  said  there  was  an 
immense  sight  of  intrigue  and  underhand  work  going 
on  by  the  enemies  of  the  country  to  ruin  Mr  Calhoun, 
the  republican  candidate  for  President.  But  he  said 
they  would'nt  make  out ;  Mr  Calhoun  had  found  out 
their  tricks,  and  the  republicans  of  old  Virginny  and 
South  Carolina  were  all  up  in  arms  about  it,  and  if  we 
republicans  in  the  northern  states  would  only  take  hold 
and  fight  for  the  good  cause,  Mr  Calhoun  would  be  elect 
ed  as  true  as  the  sun  will  rise  to-morrow. 

The  next  I  went  to  see  was  the  editor  of  the  Boston 
Statesman.  He  seemed  to  be  a  little  shy  of  me  at  first, 


130  LETTERS    OF 

and  was  afraid  I  want  a  true  republican  ;  and  wanted  to 
know  if  I  did  n't  run  against  Governor  Smith  last  year 
down  there  in  Maine.  I  told  him  I  had  seen  Governor 
Smith  a  number  of  times  in  Portland,  but  I  was  sure  I 
never  run  against  him  in  my  life,  and  did  n't  think  I 
ever  come  within  a  rod  of  him.  Well  he  wanted  to 
know  if  I  was  n't  a  candidate  for  Governor  in  opposition 
to  Mr  Smith.  I  told  him  no,  I  was  a  candidate  on  the 
same  side.  Was  n't  you,  said  he,  looking  mighty  sharp 
at  me,  was  n't  you  one  of  the  federal  candidates  for  gov 
ernor?  My  stars,  uncle  Joshua,  I  never  felt  my  hair 
curl  quicker  than  it  did  then.  My  hand  kind  of  draw'd 
back  and  my  fingers 'clinched  as  if  I  was  jest  agoing  to 
up  fist  and  knock  him  down.  To  think  that  he  should 
charge  me  with  being  a  federal  candidate  !  it  was  too 
much  for  flesh  and  blood  to  bear.  But  I  cooled  down 
as  quick  as  I  could,  for  fear  it  might  hurt  me  about  get 
ting  my  office.  I  told  him  I  never  was  a  federal  can 
didate,  and  there  never  was  a  drop  of  federal  blood  in 
me ;  and  I  would  run  from  a  federalist  if  I  should  meet 
one  as  quick  as  I  would  from  poison.  That's  right,  says 
he,  I  like  that,  that's  good  stuff,  and  he  catched  hold  of 
my  hand  and  gave  it  such  a  shake,  I  did  n't  know  but 
he'd  a  pull'd  it  off. 

He  said  he  would  give  me  the  best  recommendation 
he  could  write,  and  when  I  got  to  Washington  I  must 
stick  to  the  old  Gineral  like  the  tooth  ache,  for  the 
federalists  were  intriguing  desperately  to  root  him  out 
of  his  office  and  upset  the  republican  party.  If  the  re 
publicans  could  only  be  kept  together,  he  said  President 
Jackson,  the  republican  candidate,  could  beelected  as 
easy  as  a  cat  could  lick  her  ear  ;  but  if  we  suffered  our 
selves  to  be  divided  it  would  be  gone  goose  with  us,  and 
the  country  would  be  ruined.  So  you  must  stick  to  the 
re-election  of  Gineral  Jackson,  said  he,  at  all  events  ;  and 
then  he  kind  of  whispered  in  my  ear,  and  says  he,  in 
case  any  thing  should  happen,  if  Gineral  Jackson  should 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  131 

be   sick  or  any  thing,  you  must  remember  that  Mr  Van 
Buren  is  the  republican  candidate. 

I  told  him  he  never  need  to  fear  me ;  I  should  stick 
to  the  republican  party  thro'  thick  and  thin.  So  I  took 
my  recommendation  and  trudged  along.  I  have  n't  time 
to-day  to  tell  you  how  I  got  along  with  the  rest  of  the 
editors,  and  a  thousand  other  things  that  I  met  with 
along  by  the  way,  and  all  the  fine  things  in  this  great 
city,  and  so  on.  But  I  shall  write  to  you  again  soon. 
Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 
To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  Downingville,  State  of  Maine. 


LETTER  XXXIV. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  relates  his  interview  with  Major 
Noah. 

Washington  City,  May  30, 1831. 

To  ,the  Portland  Courier,  if  it  ever  gets  there,  away  down  east  ni 
the  State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  up  in 
Downingvllle,  with  care  and  speed. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSH,  —  I've  got  here  at  last,  to  this 
great  city  where  they  make  offices,  and  I'm  determined 
not  to  leave  it  till  I  get  one.  It  is  n't  sich  a  great  city 
after  all  as  New  York,  though  they  do  a  great  deal  more 
business  here  than  they  do  at  New  York.  I  dont  mean 
vessel  business  and  trade,  for  there's  no  end  to  that  in 
New  York,  but  in  making  offices  and  sich  like  ;  and  they 
say  its  the  most  profitable  business  in  the  country.  If  a 
man  can  get  hold  of  a  pretty  good  office,  he  can  get 
rich  enough  by  it  in  three  or  four  years,  and  not  have  to 
work  very  hard  neither.  I  tell  you  what,  uncle,  if  I 


132  LETTERS    OF 

make  out  to  my  mind  here,  I  shall  come  back  again  one 
of  these  days  in  a  rather  guess  way  than  what  I  come 
on.  I  dont  have  to  foot  it  again  I'll  warrant  you,  and 
guess  poor  cousin  Sally  wont  have  to  set  up  all  night  to 
mend  my  coat  and  darn  my  stockings.  You'll  see  me 
coming  dressed  up  like  a  lawyer,  with  a  fine  carriage 
and  three  or  four  bosses.  And  then  them  are  chaps  in 
Portland  that  used  to  laugh  at  me  so  about  being  Gov 
ernor,  may  sneeze  at  me  if  they  dare  to,  and  if  they 
dont  keep  out  of  my  way  I'll  ride  right  over  'em.  I  had 
a  pretty  tuff  time  coming  on  here.  Its  a  long  tiresome 
road  through  the  Jarseys.  I  had  to -stop  twice  to  get 
my  shoes  tapt,  and  once  to  get  an  old  lady  to  sow  up  a 
rip  in  my  coat  while  I  chopped  wood  for  her  at  the  door 
to  pay  for  it.  But  I  shant  mind  all  the  hard  work  I've 
had  of  it,  if  I  can  make  out  to  come  home  rich. 

I  got  a  pretty  good  boost  in  Boston,  as  I  writ  you  in 
my  last,  by  the  editors  giving  me  recommendations.  But 
it  was  nothing  at  all  hardly  to  what  I  got  in  New  York, 
for  they  gave  me  a  public  dinner  there.  I  cant  think 
what's  the  matter  that  it  hasn't  been  published  yet.  Ma 
jor  Noah  promised  me  he'djiave  it  all  put  into  the  New 
York  Courier  and  Enquirer  the  very  next  day  after  I 
left  New  York,  so  that  it  should  get  to  Washington  as 
soon  as  I  did  ;  and  now  I've  been  here  about  a  week 
and  it  hasn't  come  yet.  If  it  does'nt  come  soon,  I  shall 
write  an  account  of  the  dinner  myself,  and  send  it  home 
and  get  it  put  in  the  Portland  Courier.  It  was  a  most 
capital  dinner,  uncle  ;  I  dont  know  as  I  ever  eat  hartier 
in  my  life,  for  being  pretty  short  of  money  I  had  pinch 
ed  rather  close  a  day  or  two,  and  to  tell  the  truth  I  was 
as  hungry  as  a  bear.  We  had  toasts  and  speeches  and  a 
great  many  good  things.  I  dont  mean  sich  toast  as  they 
put  butter  on  to  eat,  but  toast  to  drink.  —  And  they  dont 
exactly  drink  'em  neither  ;  but  they  drink  the  punch 
and  speak  the  toasts. 

I  cant  think  Major  Noah  meant  to  deceive  me   about 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  133 

publishing  the  proceedings  of  the  dinner,  for  he  appear 
ed  to  be  a  very  clever  man,  though  he  was  the  funniest 
chap  that  ever  I  see.  There  wasn't  a  man  in  New  York 
that  befriended  me  more  than  he  did ;  and  he  talked  to 
me  very  candidly,  and  advised  me  all  about  how  to  get 
an  office.  In  the  first  place,  says  he,  Mr  Downing,  you 
cant  get  any  kind  of  an  office  at  Washington,  unless  you 
are  a  true  blue  genuine  democratic  republican.  I  told 
him  I  had  recommendations  coming  to  prove  that  I  was 
all  that.  They  are  very  strict,  says  he,  in  regard  to  that 
at  Washington.  If  James  Madison  should  apply  for  an 
office  at  Washington,  says  he,  he  couldn't  get  it.  What, 
says  I,  him  that  was  President !  for  it  kind  of  startled 
me  a  little  if  such  an  old  republican  as  he  was  couldn't 
get  an  office.  It's  true,  says  he,  if  James  Madison  should 

apply  for  an  office  he  couldn't  get  it Why  not,  says  1 1 

Because,  says  he,  he  has  turned  federalist.  It's  melan 
choly  to  think,  says  he,  how  many  good  old  republicans 
at  the  south  are  turning  federalists  lately.  He  said  he 
was  afraid  there  wasn't  more  than  one  true  genuine  old 
democratic  republican  left  in  Virginny,  and  that  was 
old  Mr  Ritchie  of  the  Richmond  Enquirer  ;  and  even 
he  seemed  to  be  a  little  wavering  since  Mr  Calhoun  and 
some  others  had  gone  over. 

Well  there's  Mr  Clay,  says  I,  of  Kentucky,  I  dont 
think  he'll  ever  flinch  from  the  republican  cause.  Hen 
ry  Clay,  says  he,  turning  up  his  nose,  why  he's  been  a 
federalist  jjiis  six  years.  No,  no,  Mr  Downing,  if  you 
think  of  going  that  gate,  you  may  as  well  turn  about  and 
go  home  again  before  you  go  any  further.  What  gate, 
says  1 1  Why  to  join  the  Clay  party,  says  he.  I  told 
him  I  never  had  sich  a  thought  in  my  life  ;  I  always  be 
longed  to  the  republican  party,  and  always  meant  to. 
He  looked  rather  good  natured  again  when  he  heard 
that ;  and  says  he,  do  you  know  what  the  true  republi 
can  doctrine  is  ?  I  told  him  I  had  always  had  some 
kind  of  an  idea  of  it,  but  I  didn't  know  as  I  could  ex- 


134  LETTERS    OF 

plain  it  exactly.  Well,  says  he,  I'll  tell  you ;  it  is  to 
support  General  Jackson  for  re-election,  through  thick 
and  thin.  That  is  the  only  thing  that  will  save  the  coun 
try  from  ruin.  And  if  general_Jackson  should  be  un 
well  or  any  thing  jest  before  election,  so  he  could  not 
be  a  candidate,  the  true  republican  ^nr.trinp  is  to  sup 
port  Mr  Van  Buren.  I  told  him,  very  well,  he  might 
depend  upon  my  sticking  to  the  republican  party,  all 
weathers.  Upon  that  he  set  down  and  wrote  me  a  re 
commendation  to  the  President  for  an  office,  and  it  al 
most  made  me  blush  to  see  what  a  master  substantial 
genuine  republican  he  made  me.  I  had  a  number  more 
capital  recommendations  at  New  York,  but  I  havn't  time 
to  tell  you  about  'em  in  this  letter.  Some  were  to  Mr 
Clay,  and  some  to  Mr  Van  Buren,  and  some  to  Mr  Cal- 
houn.  I  took  'em  all,  for  I  thought  it  was  kind  of  un 
certain  whose  hands  I  might  fall  into  hereafter,  and  it 
might  be  well  enough  to  have  two  or  three  strings  to 
my  bow. 

I  havn't  called  on  the  President  yet,  though  I've  been 
here  about  a  week.  My  clothes  had  got  so  shabby,  I 
thought  I  better  hire  out  a  few  days  and  get  slicked  up 
a  little.  Thrnp  nf  the  offices  that  I  come  after  are  gone 
slick  enough,  and  the  other  one's  been  given  away  to 
a  Mr  White,  but"  he  wouldn't  take  it ;  so  I'm  in  hopes 
I  shall  be  able  to  get  it.  And  if  I  dont  get  that,  there's 
some  chance  for  me  to  get  in  to  be  Vice  President,  for 
they  had  a  great  Jackson  meeting  here  'tother  Bay,  and 
they  kicked  Mr  Calhoun  right  out  doors,  and  said  they 
wouldn't  have  him  for  Vice  President  no  longer.  Now 
some  say  they  think  I  shall  get  it,  and  some  think  Mr 
Van  Buren  '11  get  it. 

Howsomever,  I  feel  pretty  safe,  for  Maj.  Noah  told 
me  if  I  couldn't  get  any  thing  else,  the  President  could 
easily  make  a  foreign  mission  for  me.  I  shall  call  on 
the  good  old  Gineral  in  two  or  three  days  and  find  out 
what  my  hick  is,  and  then  I  shall  let  you  know.  Give 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  135 

my  love  to  ant  and  cousin  Nabby,  and  all  of  'em.  It 
makes  me  feel  kind  of  bad  when  I  think  how  fur  I've 
got  from  home.  Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING, 


LETTER  XXXV. 

In  which  Mr  Downing  tells  how  he  stript  up  his  sleeves  and 
defended  Mr  Ingham  on  his  front  door-steps  during  the 
after-dap  that  followed  the  blow-up  of  the  Cabinet. 

Washington  City,  June  21, 1831. 

To  the  Portland  Courier  again  away  down  there  in  the  State  of 
Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  up  in  Downingville, 
or  else  to  Cousin  Nabby,  it  is  n't  much  matter  which,  being  that 
some  of  it  is  about  the  ladies. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSH.  — -  It's  pretty  trying  times  here. 
They  carry  on  so  like  the  old  smoker,  I  dont  hardly  know 
what  to  make  of  it.  If  I  had  n't  said  I  would  n't  leave 
Washington  till  I  got  an  office,  I  dont  know  but  I  should 
come  back  to  Downingville  and  go  to  planting  potatoes. 
Them  are  Huntonites  and  Jacksonites  down  there  in 
Maine  last  winter  were  pretty  clever  sort  of  folks  to  what 
these  chaps  are  here.  Cause  down  there  if  they  got  ever 
so  mad,  they  did  n't  do  nothing  but  talk  and  jaw  one 
another  ;  but  here  if  any  body  does  n't  do  to  suit  'em, 
fact  they  '11  up  and  shoot  him  in  a  minute.  I  did  n't 
think  getting  an  office  was  such  dangerous  kind  of  busi 
ness,  or  1  dont  know  as  I  should  have  tried  it.  How- 
somever,  it's  neck  or  nothing  with  me  now,  and  I  must 
do  something  to  try  to  get  some  money  here,  for  I  about 
as  lieves  die  as  to  undertake  to  foot  it  away  back  again 
clear  to  the  State  of  Maine.  And  as  the  folks  have  to  go 
armed  here,  I  want  you  to  put  my  old  fowling  piece  into 
the  stage  and  send  it  on  here  as  quick  as  possible.  I 


136  LETTERS    OF 

hope  you'll  be  as  quick  as  you  can  about  it,  for  if  I  get 
an  office  I  shant  dare  to  take  it  till  I  get  my  gun.  They 
come  pretty  near  having  a  shooting  scrape  here  yester 
day.  The  Telegraph  paper  said  something  about  Mr 
Eaton's  wife.  It  was  nothing  that  I  should  think  they 
need  to  make  such  a  fuss  about ;  it  only  said  that  some 
of  the  ladies  here  refused  to  visit  her.  But  some  how  or 
other  it  made  Mr  Eaton  as  mad  as  a  March  hair.  He 
declared  he'd  fight  somebody,  he  did  n't  care  who. 

The  first  man  he  happened  to  come  at  was  Mr  Ingham. 
So  he  dared  Mr  Ingham  out  to  fight.  Not  to  box,  as 
they  do  sometimes  up  in  Downingville,  but  to  stand  arid 
shoot  at  each  other.  But  Mr  Ingham  would  n't  touch  to, 
and  told  him  he  was  crazy.  That  made  Mr  Eaton  ten 
times  more  mad  than  he  was  before  ;  and  he  declared 
he'd  flog  him  any  how,  whether  he  was  willing  or  not. 
So  he  got  a  gang  of  gentlemen  yesterday  to  go  with  him 
to  the  Treasury  office  where  Mr  Ingham  does  his  wri 
ting,  and  waited  there  and  in  a  grog  shop  close  by  as 
much  as  two  hours  for  a  chance  to  catch  him  and  give  it 
to  him.  Mr  Ingham  was  out  a  visiting  in  the  city,  and 
when  he  got  home  his  folks  told  him  what  was  going  on, 
and  begged  him  not  to  go  to  the  office  for  he  would  cer 
tainly  be  killed.  Poh,  says  he,  do  you  think  I'm  afraid 
of  them  are  blustering  chaps  ?  There's  more  smoke  than 
fire  there,  I  can  tell  ye  ;  give  me  my  pistols,  it  is  time  for 
me  to  go  to  the  office.  Some  of  the  ladies  cried,  and  some 
almost  fainted  away.  But  he  pacified  'em  as  well  as  he 
could,  and  then  set  out  for  the  office,  and  three  or  four 
men  went  with  him,  and  I  guess  they  carried  something 
under  their  arms  that  would  make  daylight  shine  through 
a  feller  pretty  quick.  And  I  guess  the  gang  of  gentle 
men  waiting  for  him  begun  to  smell  a  rat,  for  they  clear 
ed  out  pretty  soon  and  never  touched  him.  But  their 
courage  came  again  in  the  evening,  and  this  same  gang 
of  gentlemen  turned  out  and  marched  up  to  Mr  Ingham's 
house,  and  threatened  to  burst  the  doors  open  and  drag 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  137 

him  out  by  the  hair  of  the  head  and  skin  him  alive.  I 
thought  this  was  carrying  the  joke  rather  too  far,  so  I 
tho't  I'd  put  in  my  oar;  for  when  I  see  any  body  run 
upon  too  hard  I  cant  help  taking  their  part. 

So  I  stepped  up  on  to  Mr  Ingham's  front  door  steps, 
and  threw  my  hat  down,  and  rolled  up  my  sleeves,  and 
spit  on  my  hands  ;  and  by  that  time  the  chaps  began  to 
stare  at  me  a  little.  And  now,  says  I,  Major  Eaton,  this 
is  quite  too  bad.  A  man's  house  is  his  castle.  Here's 
Mr  Ingham  in  his  house  as  peaceable  as  a  lamb  ;  he  is 
n't  a  meddling  with  nobody,  and  you  need  n't  think  to 
drag  him  out  here  to-night,  I  can  tell  ye.  If  you  really 
want  to  take  a  bit  of  a  box,  just  throw  away  your  pow 
der  and  ball,  and  here's  the  boy  for  you.  I'll  take  a  fist 
or  two  with  you  and  glad  of  the  chance.  You  impudent 
scoundrel,  says  he,  who  are  you  ?  what  business  is,  it  to 
you  what  I  done  ?  Clear  out,  or  I'll  send  you  where  you 
ought  to  been  long  ago.  Well,  then,  you'll  send  me  into 
some  good  office,  says  I,  for  there's  where  I  ought  to 
have  been  more  than  two  years  ago.  Well,  says  he, 
clear  out,  and  up  he  come  blustering  along  towards  the 
steps.  But  I  jest  put  my  foot  down,  and  doubled  up  my 
fist,  and  now,  says  I,  Mnjnr  F.atnn,  \i  ^nnt  he  Jiealthy  for 
you  to  come  on  to  thpg 


Says  he,  I'm  going  through  that  door  whether  or  no. 
Says  I,  you  dont  go  through  this  door  to-night,  without 
you  pass  over  the  deajjhnHv^nf  Jft.rb.  JJvwning  ojjhe  State 
of  Maine.  My  stars,  when  they  heard  that,  they  dropt 
their  heads  as  quick  as  though  they  had  been  cut  off,  for 
they  did  n't  know  who  I  was  before.  Major  Eaton  and 
the  whole  gang  of  gentlemen  with  him  turned  right  about 
and  marched  away  as  still  as  a  pack  of  whipped  puppies. 
They  were  afraid  I  should  have  'em  all  up  before  the 
President  to-day,  and  have  'em  turned  out  of  office  ;  for 
it's  got  whispered  round  the  city  that  the  President  sets 
a  great  deal  by  me,  and  that  I  have  a  good  deal  of  influ 
ence  with  him. 

12* 


138  LETTERS    OF 

This  morning  Mr  Ingham  started  for  Philadelphy. 
Before  he  left,  he  thanked  me  a  thousand  times  for  de 
fending  his  house  so  well  last  night,  and  he  wrote  a  letter 
to  the  President,  telling  him  all  about  the  scrape.  I  went 
a  piece  with  him  to  see  him  safe  out  of  the  city  on  the 
great  road  towards  Baltimore. 

About  my  prospects  for  an  office,  I  cant  tell  you  yet 
how  I  shall  come  out.  I've  been  in  to  see  the  President 
a  number  of  times,  arid  he  talks  very  favorable.  I  have 
some  chance  to  get  in  to  be  Secretary  of  War,  if  old 
Judge  White  dont  take  it ;  and  if  I  dont  get  that  the 
President  says  he  '11  do  the  best  he  can  for  me. 

I  never  had  to  be  so  strict  a  republican  before  in  my 
life  as  I've  had  to  be  since  I've  been  here  in  order  to  get 
the  right  side  of  the  President.  I'll  tell  you  something 
about  it  in  my  next,  and  about  my  visits  to  the  President, 
and  a  good  many  other  famous  things  here. 

P.  S.  Be  sure  and  send  the  old  gun  as  quick  as  possi 
ble.  Your  loving  neffu, 

JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER    XXXVI. 

In  which  Cousin  Epliraim  tells  about  the  persecution  of 
poor  Mrs  No-tea. 

TROUBLE   IN  DOWNINGV1LLE. 

To  cousin  Jack  Downing,  down  to  Portland,  if  he's  got  back,  if  he 
hasn't  I  want  the  Portland  Courier  to  send  this  on  to  Washing 
ton. 

DEAR  COUSIN  JACK.  —  Your  uncle  Joshua  has  been 
turned  out  of  General  Combs'  employ  only  jest  because 
your  cousin  Naby,  Mrs  Inkhorn,  and  Mrs  Thimblebury, 
and  a  few  other  of  the  topping-folks,  wouldn't  invite 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  139 

poor  Mrs  No-tea  to  their  husking  and  quilting  parties. 
I  had  a  long  talk  with  the  General  t'other  day  —  he  was 
hopping  mad,  and  declared  he  would  turn  every  man 
and  woman  off  of  his  farm  and  out  of  his  mills  rather 
than  that  good  woman  should  be  treated  in  the  manner 
she  had  been.  She  was  as  good  as  the  best  of  'em  any 
day,  and  he  could  prove  it.  He  didn't  care  so  much 
about  her  going  to  their  afternoon  visits  when  they  went 
sociable  without  stays,  and  took  their  knitting-work  and 
got  home  again  before  milking  time ;  but  when  there 
was  a  grand  husking  or  quilting,  he  thought  it  pesky 
hard  and  lonely  for  her  to  stay  at  home,  while  every 
body  else  in  Downingville  was  trying  the  double  shuffle 
and  the  cutting  out  jigg.  I  tho't  so  too;  but  I  told  the 
General  it  was  no  use  for  him  to  make  such  a  fuss  about 
it ;  that  he  had  better  attack  old  Ticonderogue  in  front 
and  rear  than  undertake  to  make  women  haw  or  jee 
if  they  want  a  mind  to  —  they  always  would  have(their 
own  way  in  spite  of  every  body  and  Tom  Walker  be 
sides,  and  the  less  he  had  to  do  with  them  the  better. 
With  that  he  up  and  smashed  his  pipe  into  the  fire-place 
and  stompt  like  fury  and  bedlame. 

I  scampered  off  in  less  than  no  time  to  inform  you 
how  matters  were  going.  You  had  better  come  up  and 
try  to  put  things  to  rights. 

As  you  have  no  wife  nor  children,  I  think  you  can 
manage  affairs  more  to  your  own  and  the  General's 
liking  than  any  one  else  of  the  family. 

Your  luvin  cousin, 

EPHRAIM. 


140  LETTERS  OF 


LETTER  XXXVII. 

Mr  Downing  receives  a  Captain's  Commission  in  the  United 
States  Army  with  orders  to  go  and  protect  the  inhab 
itants  of  MadawasJca. 

Washington  City,  the  20th  day  of  Oct.  1831. 

To  the  Portland  Courier  away  down  in  the  State  of  Maine,  to  be 
sent  to  Uncle  Joshua  Downing  up  in  Downingville,  this  with 
care  and  speed,  and  dont  let  any  body  see  it. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSH, —  I've  got  it  at  last  as  true  as  you're 
alive,  and  now  I  dont  keer  a  snap  for  the  fattest  of  'em. 
I'll  teach  them  are  young  chaps  down  to  Portland  that 
used  to  poke  fun  at  me  so  because  I  did  n't  get  in  to  be 
Governor,  that  they  must  carry  a  better  tongue  in  their 
heads,  or  they  '11  find  out  who  they  are  talking  to.  I 
guess  they'll  find  out  by  and  by  it  wont  be  healthy  for 
'em  to  poke  fun  at  an  officer  of  my  rank.  Ajid  as  for 
Jemime  Parsons  that  married  the  school  master  winter 
before  last,  when  she  had  promised  as  fair  as  could  be 
that  she  would  have  me,  she  may  go  to  grass  for  what  I 
keer  ;  I  would  n't  have  her  now  no  more  than  I'd  have 
a  Virginriy  nigger.  And  I  guess  when  she  comes  to  see 
me  with  my  regimentals  on  she'll  feel  sorry  enough,  and 
wish  her  cake  was  dough  again.  Now  she's  tied  down 
to  that  clodpole  of  a  school  master,  that  was  'nt  fit  for  a 
school  master  neither,  for  he  has  had  to  go  to  hoeing  po 
tatoes  for  a  living,  and  much  as  ever  he  can  get  potatoes 
enough  to  keep  'em  from  starving,  when  if  she  had  only 
done  as  she  had  promised,  she  might  now  be  the  wife  of 
Capt.  Jack  Downing  of  the  United  States  Army.  But 
let  her  go  ;  as  I  said  afore,  I  dont  care  a  snap  for  her  or 
all  old  White's  cattle.  I'll  tell  you  what  'tis  uncle,  I  feel 
about  right  now.  It  seems  to  me  I  could  foot  it  home 
in  two  days,  for  my  feet  never  felt  half  so  light  before. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  141 

There's  nothing  like  trying,  in  this  world,  uncle ;  any 
body  that  tries  can  be  something  or  other,  if  he  dont  get 
discouraged  too  soon.  When  I  came  on  here,  you 
know,  I  expected  to  get  one  of  the  great  Secretaries' 
offices  ;  but  the  good  old  President  told  me  they  had  got 
him  into  such  a  hobble  about  them  are  offices  that  he 
could  n't  give  me  one  of  'em  if  he  was  to  die.  But  he 
treated  me  like  a  gentleman,  and  I  shall  always  vote  for 
him  as  long  as  I  live,  and  I  told  him  so.  And  when  he 
found  out  that  I  was  a  true  genuine  republican,  says  he, 
Mr  Downing,  you  must  be  patient,  and  I'll  bear  you  in 
mind,  and  do  something  for  you  the  very  first  chance. 
And  you  may  depend  upon  it  Mr  Downing,  he  added 
with  a  good  deal  of  earnestness,  I  never  desert  my 
friends,  let  that  lying  Stephen  Simpson  of  Philadelphy 
say  what  he  will  about  it,  a  good  for  nothing  ungrateful 
dog.  And  he  fetched  a  stomp  with  his  foot  and  his  eyes 
kind  of  flashed  so  fiery,  that  I  could  n't  help  starting 
back,  for  I  did  n't  know  but  he  was  going  to  knock  me 
over.  But  he  look'd  pleasant  again  in  a  minute,  and 
took  me  by  the  hand,  and  now,  says  he,  Mr  Downing,  I 
give  you  my  honor  that  I'll  do  something  for  you  as  soon 
as  I  possibly  can.  I  told  him  I  hoped  he  would  be  as 
spry  as  he  could  about  it,  for  I  had  but  jest  ninepence 
left,  and  I  did  n't  know  how  I  should  get  along  very  well, 
in  a  strange  place  too.  But  he  told  me  never  to  mind 
that  at  all ;  I  might  come  and  eat  my  meals  at  his  house 
whenever  I'd  a  mind  to,  or  he  would  be  bondsman  for 
my  board  where  I  put  up.  So  I've  worked  along  from 
that  time  to  this,  nearly  four  months,  as  well  as  I  could, 
sometimes  getting  a  little  job  of  garden-work,  and  some 
times  getting  a  little  wood  to  saw,  and  so  on,  nearly 
enough  to  pay  my  expenses.  I  used  to  call  and  see  the 
President  once  in  a  while,  and  he  always  told  me  I  must 
be  patient  and  keep  up  a  good  heart,  the  world  was  n't 
made  in  one  day,  and  something  would  turn  up  for  me 
by  and  by.  But  fact,  after  digging,  and  sawing,  and 


142  LETTERS    OF 

waiting  four  months,  my  patience  got  most  wore  out, 
and  I  was  jest  upon  the  point  of  giving  up  the  chase, 
and  starting  off  for  Downingville  with  the  intention  of 
retiring  to  private  life  ;  when  last  night,  about  seven 
o'clock,  as  I  sot  eating  a  bowl  of  bread  and  milk  for  my 
supper,  a  boy  knocked  at  the  door  and  wanted  to  see 
Mr  Downing.  So  they  brought  him  into  the  room  where 
I  was,  and  says  he,  Mr  Downing,  the  President  wants  to 
see  you  for  something  very  particular,  right  away  this 
evening.  My  heart  almost  jump'd  right  up  in  my  mouth. 
My  spoon  dropt  out  of  my  hand,  and  to  eat  another 
mouthful  I  could  n't  if  I  was  to  starve.  I  flew  round, 
and  washed  my  face  and  hands,  and  combed  my  head, 
and  brushed  up  as  well  as  I  could,  and  should  have  look 
ed  tolerable  spruce  if  it  had  n't  been  for  an  unlucky  hole 
in  the  knee  of  my  trouses.  What  to  do  I  did  not  know. 
It  made  me  feel  bad  enough  I  can  tell  you.  The  woman 
where  I  boarded  said  she  would  mend  them  for  me  if  I 
would  take  them  off,  but  it  would  take  her  till  about  nine 
o'clock,  and  the  President  was  waiting  for  me,  and  there 
'twas.  Such  a  hobble  I  never  was  in  before.  But  this 
woman  is  a  kind  good  creature  as  ever  was ;  she  boards 
me  for  four  and  sixpence  a  week,  considering  that  I 
split  wood  for  her,  and  bring  water,  and  do  all  sich  kind 
of  chores.  And  she  always  had  some  contrivance  to  get 
out  of  every  difficulty ;  and  so  she  handed  me  a  neat 
little  pocket  handkerchief  and  told  me  to  tie  that  round 
my  knee.  Being  thus  rigged  out  at  last,  I  started  off  as 
fast  as  I  could  go  for  the  President's. 

When  I  went  into  his  room,  the  old  gentleman  was 
setting  by  a  table  with  his  spectacles  on,  and  two  great 
lamps  burning  before  him,  and  a  bundle  of  letters  and 
papers  in  his  hand.  He  started  up  and  took  me  by  the 
hand,  and  says  he,  good  evening  Mr  Downing,  I  'm  very 
glad  to  see  you  ;  you  are  the  very  man  I  want  now, 
above  all  others  in  the  world.  But  how  is  this,  said  he  ? 
looking  at  my  knee.  Not  lame,  I  hope  1  That  would 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  143 

be  a  most  unfortunate  thing  in  this  critical  moment.  It 
would  knock  my  plan  in  the  head  at  once.  I  felt  kind 
of  blue,  and  I  guess  I  blushed  a  little ;  but  I  turned  it 
off  as  well  as  I  could  ;  I  told  him  I  was  n't  lame  at  all, 
it  was  nothing  but  a  slight  scratch,  and  by  to-morrow 
morning  I  should  be  as  well  as  ever  I  was  in  my  life. 
Well  then  says  he,  Mr  Downing,  set  down  here  and  see 
what  I  've  got  to  tell  you.  The  old  gentleman  sef  him 
self  back  in  his  chair  and  pushed  his  spectacles  up  on 
his  forehead  and  held  up  the  letter  in  his  hand,  and  says 
he,  Mr  Downing,  here  is  a  letter  from  Governor  Smith 
of  Maine,  and  now  Sir,  I  Ve  got  something  for  you  to  do. 
You  see  now  that  I  was  sincere  when  I  told  you  if  you 
would  be  patient  and  stick  to  the  republican  text,  I  would 
look  out  for  you  one  of  these  days.  I  'm  always  true  to 
my  friends  ;  that  lying  Stephen  Simpson  might  have  had 
an  office  before  now  if  he  had  behaved  himself. 

Well,  dear  sir,  said  I,  for  I  felt  in  such  a  pucker  to 
know  what  I  was  going  to  get  that  I  could  n't  stand  it 
any  longer,  so  says  I,  what  sort  of  business  is  it  you  've 
got  for  me  to  do  ?  Says  he,  Mr  Downing,  I  take  it  you 
are  a  man  of  courage  ;  I  have  always  thought  so  ever 
since  you  faced  Mr.  Eaton  so  boldly  on  Mr.  Ingham's 
door  steps.  Tho'  I  was  sorry  your  courage  was  not  dis 
played  in  a  better  cause,  for  that  Ingham  is  a  rascal  after 
all.  I  told  him  as  for  courage  I  believed  I  had  some  of 
the  stuff  about  me  when  there  was  any  occasion  for  it, 
and  that  I  never  would  stand  by  and  see  any  body 
abused.  Well,  says,  he,  we  must  come  to  the  point,  for 
the  business  requires  haste. 

Governor  Smith  writes  me  that  there  are  four  of  your 
fellow  citizens  of  Maine  in  ji  British  jail  at  Frederictcjk 
who  have  been  taken  from  tneir  farms  by  .British  con- 
stables  and  sheriffs  and  other  officers  and  carried  off  by 
force  to  prison.  By  this  time  my  very  hair  begun  to 
curl,  I  felt  so  mad,  and  I  could  n't  help  jumping  up  and 
smiting  my  fists  together,  and  saying  pretty  hard  things 


144  LETTERS    OP 

about  the  British.  Well,  says  the  President,  I  like  your 
spunk  Mr  Downing ;  you  're  jest  the  man  I  want  in  this 
business.  I  'm  going  to  give  you  a  captain's  commission 
in  the  United  States'  army,  and  you  must  go  down  there 
and  set  that  business  right  at  Madawaska. 

You  must  go  to  Maine  and  raise  a  company  of  volun- 
jeers,  as  quick  as  possible,  tell  'em  1  '11  see  'em  paid^ 
and  you  must  inarch  down  to  Fredericton  and  demand 
the  prisoners,  and  if  they  are  not  given  up  you  must 
force  the  jail,  and  if  the  British  make  any  resistance 
you  must  fire  upon  them  and  bring  the  prisoners  off  at 
some  rate  or  other.  Then  write  me  and  let  me  know 
how  affairs  stand,  and  I  '11  give  you  further  orders.  At 
any  rate  you  must  see  that  the  rights  of  Maine  are  well 
protected,  for  that  state  has  come  round  so  in  my  favor 
since  last  year  I  'm  determined  to  do  every  thing  I  can 
for  them ;  I  tell  you  Mr  Downing,  I  never  desert  my 
friends.  So  after  he  gave  me  the  rest  of  my  orders,  and 
my  commission,  and  a  pocket  full  of  money,  and  told 
me  to  be  brave  and  if  I  wanted  any  thing  to  let  him 
know,  he  bid  me  good  night,  and  I  went  home.  But  I 
could  n't  sleep  a  wink  all  night.  I  was  up  before  day 
light  this  morning,  and  I  've  got  two  women  to  work  for 
me  to  day  fixing  up  my  clothes,  and  I  shall  be  ready  to 
start  to  morrow  morning.  I  want  you  to  keep  this  mat 
ter  pretty  still  till  I  get  there,  except  that  you  my  let 
cousin  Ephraim  know  it  and  get  him  to  volunteer  some 
of  the  Downingville  boys  for  my  company.  I  want  to 
get  them  pretty  much  all  there  if  I  can,  for  I  know  what 
sort  of  stuff  the  Downingville  boys  are  made  of,  and 
shall  know  what  I  've  got  to  depend  upon. 
In  haste,  your  loving  neffu, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  145 


LETTER    XXXVIII. 

In  which  Captain  Downing  describes  his  return  to  Down 
ingville,  after  an  absence  of  two  years. 

Downingville,  Nov.  8, 1831. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  YOU.  —  I  got  home  to  Downing 
ville  last  night  after  an  absence  of  nearly  two  years.  I 
meant  to  stop  at  Portland  as  I  come  on  from  Washing 
ton,  but  some  how  or  other,  I  got  into  the  wrong  stage 
somewhere  in  New  Hampshire,  and  come  the  upper 
road  before  I  knew  it.  So  the  first  thing  I  knew,  when 
I  thought  I  had  got  almost  to  Portland,  I  found  myself 
plump  in  Downingville.  But  the  dear  folks  were  all  so 
glad  to  see  me,  I  didn't  feel  much  sorry.  Cousin  Nabby 
hopped  right  up  and  down,  like  a  mouse  treed  in  a  flour 
barrel ;  and  Ephraim  snapped  his  thumb  and  finger, 
and  spit  on  his  hands  as  though  he  had  a  cord  of  wood 
to  chop ;  and  poor  ant  Keziah  set  down  and  cried  as 
much  as  two  hours  steady.  Uncle  Joshua  catched  down 
his  pipe,  and  made  the  smoke  roll  out  well ;  I  never  saw 
him  smoke  so  fast  before  in  my  life ;  he  finished  two 
pipes  full  of  tobacco  in  less  than  five  minutes.  I  felt 
almost  like  a  fool  myself,  and  had  to  keep  winking  and 
swallowing,  or  I  should  have  cried  as  hard  as  any  of 
'em.  But  you  know  it  wouldn't  do  for  a  captain  to  cry, 
especially  when  he  was  going  to  enlisting  soldiers. 

Well,  I  must  hurry  along  with  my  letter,  for  I  haven't 
got  much  time  to  write  to-day.  I  have  been  round 
among  the  folks  in  Downingville  this  forenoon  to  see 
how  they  felt  about  the  Madawaska  business,  and  whe 
ther  any  of  'em  would  go  a  sogering  down  there  with 
me.  I  find  some  of  'em  are  right  up  about  it,  and  ready 
13 


146  LETTERS    OF 

to  shoulder  their  guns  and  march  to-morrow  if  I  say  the 
word,  and  others  are  a  little  offish. 

I  guess  I  shall  get  about  half  enough  for  a  company 
here  pretty  easy,  and  if  I  find  it  hard  dragging  to  pick 
up  the  rest,  I  shall  come  right  down  to  Portland  to  fill 
up  my  company  there.  For  uncle  Joshua  tells  me  he 
has  had  some  letters  from  Portland  within  a  few  days, 
and  he  says  there  are  a  number  of  chaps  down  there  as 
warm  as  mustard  about  going  to  war  down  to  Mada- 
waska,  and  are  only  waiting  for  a  good  chance  to  list, 
and  some  of  'em  he  thinks  will  make  capital  sargents 
and  corporals.  I  should  be  glad  if  you  would  send  me 
word  whether  you  think  I  could  pick  up  some  good  lusty 
fellows  there  in  case  I  should  want  'em.  I  pay  a  month's 
wages  cash  down.  But  there  is  tme  subject  that  I  feel 
rather  uneasy  about,  and  that  is  the  greatest  reason  of 
my  writing  you  to-day,  to  see  if  you  can  tell  me  any 
thing  about  it.  Last  night  uncle  Joshua  and  I  sot  up 
talking  politicks  pretty  late,  after  all  the  rest  of  the  folks 
had  gone  to  bed.  I  told  him  all  about  one  thing  another 
at  Washington,  and  then  we  talked  about  the  affairs  of 
this  State. 

I  found  uncle  Joshua  didn't  stand  jest  where  he  used 
to.  You  know  once  he  was  a  little  might  in  favor  of  Mr 
Huritoon  ;  and  then,  when  I  was  up  for  Governor,  he 
was  altogether  in  favor  of  me  ;  and  then  he  was  pretty 
near  equally  balanced  between  Mr  Smith  and  Mr  Goode- 
now ;  but  now,  when  I  come  to  talk  with  him,  I  found 
he  was  all  plump  over  on  the  democratic  republican 
side.  You  know  I've  been  leaning  that  way  tu,  ever 
since  I  got  in  to  be  good  friends  long  with  President 
Jackson.  So  says  I,  Well,  uncle,  our  party  is  strong 
enough  now  to  carry  all  afore  'em  in  this  State.  I  guess 
governor  Smith  will  have  more  than  three  quarters  of 
the  votes  next  time.  At  which  uncle  turned  round  to 
wards  me,  and  rolled  up  his  great  eyes  over  his  specta 
cles,  and  took  his  pipe  out  of  his  mouth  and  put  on  a 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  147 

mighty  knowing  look,  and  says  he,  Jack,  jest  between 
you  and  me,  a  much  better  man  and  a  much  greater  repub 
lican  than  Gov.  Smith,  will  be  Governor  of  the  State  of 
Maine  after  another  election. 

I  was  kind  of  struck  with  a  dunderment.  I  sot  and 
looked  at  him  as  much  as  two  minutes,  and  he  all  the 
time  looked  as  knowing  as  a  fox.  At  last,  says  I,  Uncle, 
what  do  you  mean  1  Didn't  all  the  democratic  republi 
can  papers  in  the  State,  when  Gov.  Smith  was  elected, 
say  he  was  the  very  best  republican  there  was  in  the 
State  for  Governor  ?  Well,  well,  Jack,  said  he,  mark 
my  words,  that's  all.  But,  said  I,  uncle,  what  makes 
you  think  so  ?  O,  said  he,  I  have  read  the  Argus  and 
the  Bangor  Republican,  and  I  have  had  a  letter  from  a 
man  that  knows  all  about  it,  and  when  the  time  comes 
you'll  see.  And  that  was  all  I  could  get  out  of  him. 
Now  I  wish  you  would  let  me  know  what  this  mystery 
means.  And  I  remain  your  old  friend, 

CAPT,  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XXXIX, 

Captain  D owning' s  first  Military  Report  to  the  President. 

Madawaska,  Nov.  15, 1831. 

To  his  Excellency,  Gineral  Jackson,  President  of  the  United 

States,  Sfc. 

MY  GOOD  OLD  SIR.  —  The  prisoners  arejnitjind  no 
blood  spilt  yet.  I  had  prepared  to  give  the  British  a 
most  terrible  battle,  if  they  hadn't  let  'em  out.  I  guess 
I  should  made  'em  think  old  Bonapart  had  got  back 
among  'em  again,  for  a  keener  set  of  fellows  than  my 
company  is  made  up  of  never  shouldered  a  musket  or 
trod  shoe-leather.  I  was  pesky  sorry  they  let  'em  out 
quite  so  soon,  for  I  really  longed  to  have  a  brush  with 


148  LETTERS    OF 

'em  ;  and  how  they  come  to  let  'em  go  I  dont  know, 
unless  it  was  because  they  heard  I  was  coming.  And  I 
expect  that  was  the  case,  for  the  prisoners  told  me  the 
British  Minister  at  Washington,  sent  on  some  kind  of 
word  to  governor  Campbell,  and  I  suppose  he  told  him 
how  I  had  got  a  commission,  and  was  coming  down 
upon  New  Brunswick  like  a  Jiarrycane. 

If  I  could  only  got  down  there  a  little  sooner  and  fit 
sich  a  great  battle  as  you  did  at  New  Orleans,  my 
fortune  would  have  been  made  for  this  world.  I  should 
have  stood  a  good  chance  then  to  be  President  of  the 
United  States,  one  of  these  days.  And  that's  as  high  as 
ever  I  should  want  to  get.  I  got  home  to  Downingville 
in  little  more  than  a  week  after  I  left  you  at  Wash 
ington,  for  having  a  pretty  good  pocket  full  of  money. 
and  knowing  that  my  business  was  very  important  I 
rid  in  the  stage  most  all  the  way.  I  spose  I  needn't 
stop  to  tell  you  how  tickled  all  my  folks  were  to  see  me. 
I  did'nt  know  for  awhile  but  they'd  eat  me  up.  But  I 
spose  that's  neither  here  nor  there  in  making  military 
reports,  so  I'll  go  on.  I  found  no  difficulty  in  getting 
volunteers.  I  believe  I  could  have  got  nearly  half  the 
State  of  Maine  to  march  if  I  had  wanted  'em.  But  as 
I  only  had  orders  to  list  one  good  stout  company,  I  took 
'em  all  in  Downingville,  for  I  rather  trust  myself  with 
olne  hundred  genuinerDowningville  boys,  than  five  hun 
dred  of  your  common  run.  I  took  one  supernumerary 
however,  when  I  got  to  Bangor.  The  editor  of  the 
Bangor  Republican  was  so  zealous  to  go,  and  said  he'd 
fight  so  to  the  last  drop  of  his  blood,  that  I  could'nt 
help  taking  him,  so  I  appointed  him  supernumerary 
corporal.  Poor  fellow,  he  was  so  disappointed  when  he 
found  the  prisoners  were  out  that  he  fairly  cried  for 
vexation.  He's  for  having  me  go  right  on  now  and  give 
all  New  Brunswick  a  real  thrashing. 

But  I  know  what  belongs  to  gineralship  better  than 
that;  I  haven't  had  my  orders  yet.  Well,  after  we 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  149 

left  Bangor  we  had  a  dreadful  rough  and  tumble  sort  of 
a  journey,  over  rocks  and  mountains  and  rivers  and 
swamps  and  bogs  and  meadows,  and  through  long  pieces 
of  woods  that  I  did  n't  know  as  we  should  find  the  way 
out.  But  we  got  through  at  last,  and  arrived  here  at 
Madawaska  day  before  yesterday.  I  thought  I  better 
come  this  way  and  make  a  little  stop  at  Madawaska  to 
see  if  the  prisoners'  wives  and  little  ones  were  in  want 
of  any  thing  and  then  go  down  to  Fredericton  and  blow 
the  British  ski  high. 

When  our  company  first  came  out  in  sight  in  Mada 
waska,  they  thought  it  was  the  British  coming  to  catch 
some  more  of  'em  ;  and  such^Lac^ttermg  and  scarnper- 
ing  I  guess  you  never  see.  The  men  flew  into  ifie 
woods  like  a  flock  of  sheep  with  forty  dogs  after  'em, 
and  the  women  catched  their  babies  up  in  their  arms 
and  run  from  one  house  to  another  screeching  and 
screaming  enough  to  make  the  woods  ring  again.  But 
when  they  found  out  we  were  United  States  troops  come 
to  help  'ern,  you  never  see  any  body  so  glad.  They  all 
cried  for  joy  then.  The  women  run  into  the  woods  and 
called  for  their  husbands  to  come  back  again,  for  there 
was  nobody  there  that  would  hurt  them,  and  back  they 
came  and  treated  us  with  the  best  they  had  in  their 
houses.  And  while  we  sot  chatting,  before  the  women 
hardly  got  their  tears  wiped  up,  one  of  'em  looked  up 
towards  the  woods  and  screamed  outj/ftere  c&mes  thf^pri- 
soner^-  Some  turned  pale  a  little,  thinking  it  might  be 
flTelr  ghosts,  but  in  a  minute  in  they  come,  as  good  flesh 
and  blood  as  any  of  us,  and  then  the  women  had  an 
other  good  crying  spell. 

I  asked  one  of  the  prisoners  how  they  got  away,  for 
I  thought  you  would  want  to  know  all  about  it ;  and 
says  he  we  come  away  on  our  legs.  Did  you  break  out 
of  jail,  said  1 1  I  guess  there  was  no  need  of  that,  said 
he,  for  we  want  locked  in  half  the  time.  Did  you  knock 
down  the  guard,  said  I,  and  fight  your  way  out  I 
13* 


150  LETTERS    OF 

Humph  !  said  he,  I  guess  we  might  have  hunted  one 
while  before  we  could  find  a  guard  to  knock  down. 
Nobody  seemed  to  take  any  care  of  us,  if  we  wanted  a 
drop  of  grog  we  had  to  go  out  and  buy  it  ourselves. 
Well  but,  said  I,  if  you  were  left  in  such  a  loose  state  as 
that,  why  did  you  not  run  away  before  ?  Tut,  said  he, 
shrugging  up  his  shoulders,  I  guess  we  knew  what  we 
were  about ;  the  longer  we  staid  there  the  more  land 
the  state  of  Maine  would  give  us  to  pay  us  for  being 
put  in  jail,  but  when  they  turned  us  out  of  jail,  and 
would 'nt  keep  us  any  longer,  we  thought  we  might  as 
well  come  home. 

And  now,  my  good  old  sir,  since  matters  are  as  they 
are,  I  shall  take  up  my  headquarters  here  at  Madawaska 
for  the  present,  and  wait  for  further  orders.  I  shall 
take  good  care  of  the  people  here,  and  keep  every  thing 
in  good  order,  and  not  allow  a  single  New  Brunswicker 
to  come  any  where  within  gun-shot.  As  for  that  Leften- 
ant  Governor,  Mr  Archibald  Campbell,  he  better  keep 
himself  scarce  ;  if  he  shows  his  head  here  again,  I  shall 
jest  put  him  into  a  meal  bag  and  send  him  to  Wash 
ington.  I  shall  expect  to  hear  from  you  soon,  and  as  I 
shall  have  to  be  here  sometime,  I  dont  know  but  you  had 
better  send  me  on  a  little  more  money.  My  uniform  got 
rather  shattered  coming  through  the  woods,  and  it  will 
cost  me  something  to  get  it  fixt  up  again. 

This  from  your  old  friend  and  humble  servant, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  151 


LETTER  XL. 

Capt.  Downing  visits  the  Legislature  of  Maine  again. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  4, 1832. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 
MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  —  Here  I  am  right  among  the 
Legislator  folks,  jest  as  I  used  to  be  down  there  to  Port 
land.  I  got  here  last  night  after  a  pretty  hard  journey 
from  Madawaska,  rather  lame,  and  my  feet  and  ears 
froze  pretty  bad.  I  hope  I  shant  lose  any  one  of  'em, 
for  if  I  should  lose  my  feet  I  should  n't  stand  much 
of  a  fag  with  the  British  down  there  to  Fredericton 
in  case  we  should  have  a  brush  with  'em.  And  all 
my  hopes  about  ever  being  President  of  the  United 
States  depends  on  the  woful  whipping  I  'm  going  to  give 
the  British.  And  I  'm  afraid  I  should  n't  be  much  bet 
ter  off  if  I  should  lose  my  ears,  for  a  President  without 
ears  would  eut  rather  a  sorry  figure  there  to  Washington. 
I  sent  on  to  the  old  President  to  see  if  he  would  let  me 
have  a  furlough  to  come  up  to  Augusta,  while, 
laters  were  here,  for  I  thought  I  could  n't  stan  it  without 
Heing  here  to  see  how  they  get  along.  The  President 
said  he  did  n't  think  there  would  be  any  fighting  down 
to  Madawaska  before  the  spring  opens,  so  he  did  n't 
care  if  I  went.  I  jest  hobbled  into  the  Legislator  to-day 
to  see  'em  chuse  officers ;  but  I  have  n't  any  time  to  tell 
you  what  a  great  fine  house  they  've  got  into.  I  believe 
it  's  vastly  better  than  the  one  they  had  to  Portland 
though.  And  I  guess  there  '11  be  no  stopping  the 
wheels  of  government  this  year,  for  I  believe  they  have 
got  the  house  fixed  so  as  to  carry  the  wheels  by  steam.*_ 

*  Note.  The  State  House  being  new  and  the  walls  not  dried, 
when  fires  came  to  be  made  in  the  rooms,  it  filled  them  with  thick 
vapor  for  several  days,  which  led  Capt.  Downing  to  suppose  the 
Legislature  was  going  by  steam. 


152  LETTERS    OF 

They  got  the  steam  up  before  I  went  in,  and  it  was  so 
thick  sometimes,  that  I  should  think  the  wheels  might  go 
like  a  buzz. 

They  told  me  there  was  a  good  many  new  members, 
and  a  good  many  more  of  'em,  than  there  was  last  year ; 
so  I  did  n't  know  as  I  should  see  hardly  any  body  that 
I  knew.  But  I  never  was  more  agreeably  disappointed 
in  my  life  than  I  was  by  the  first  voice  I  heard  calling 
the  members  to  order. 

I  knew  it  as  quick  as  I  could  tell  the  fife  and  drum  of 
my  own  company  at  Madawaska.  And  if  I  should  hear 
that  fife  and  drum  this  very  minute  it  would  n't  give  a 
pleasanter  thrill  to  my  feelings.  1  look'd  round  and  sure 
enough  there  was  the  sandy  honest  look,  and  the  large 
fleshy  figure,  of  my  old  friend  Mr.  Kuowlton  of  Mont- 
ville,  holding  a  broad  brimmed  hat  in  his  hand,  and  call 
ing  upon  the  great  jam  of  folks  to  come  to  order.  I 
could  n't  hardly  help  crowding  right  in  among  'em  to 
shake  hands  with  him,  I  was  so  glad  to  see  him.  But 
as  I  was  only  a  lobby  member  I  thout  it  would  n't  do. 

But  I  '11  tell  you  what  't  is,  you  may  depend  upon  the 
business  going  off  glibb  here  this  winter  ;  for  having  a 
building  go  by  steam  and  Mr  Knowlton  here  too  to  drive 
it,  it  aint  all  the  Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  in  the  state 
that  can  stop  it.  And  besides  I  cant  find  out  as  yet  that 
there  is  any  more  than  one  party  here  ;  if  there  should 
be  hereafter,  I  '11  let  you  know.  I  was  glad  they  chose 
Mr  White  to  be  speaker,  for  he  's  always  so  good  natured 
and  uses  every  body  so  well,  I  cant  help  liking  him.  I 
have  n't  been  in  the  Sinnet  yet,  but  they  say  Mr  Dunlap 
is  President.  I  was  in  hopes  to  see  Elder  Hall  here  this 
winter,  but  I  believe  he  has  n't  come. 
Your  old  Friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  153 

LETTER  XLI. 

Progress  of  proceedings  in  the  Legislature. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  19, 1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND.  —  If  I  could  n't  write  to  you 
once  in  a  while,  I  don't  know  but  I  should  die.  When 
any  thing  has  kept  me  from  writing  two  or  three  weeks, 
I  get  in  such  a  taking  it  seems  as  though  I  should  split, 
and  the  only  way  I  can  get  relief  is  to  take  my  pen  and 
go  at  it.  The  reason  why  you  have  n7t  heard  from  me 
this  fortnight  past,  is  this  dreadful  furenza.  We've  all 
got  it  here,  and  it's  nothing  but  cough,  cough,  the  whole 
time.  If  a  member  gets  up  to  speak,  they  all  cough  at 
him.  If  he  says  any  thing  that  they  like,  they  cough  at 
it ;  and  if  he  says  any  thing  that  they  dont  like,  they 
cough  at  it.  So  let  him  say  what  he  will  they  keep  a 
steady  stream  of  coughing.  I've  been  amost  sick  for  a 
week.  Some  days  I  want  hardly  able  to  set  up.  But 
I'm  getting  cleverly  now,  and  I  hope  I  shall  be  able  to 
let  you  hear  from  me  once  or  twice  a  week  during  the 
session. 

The  wheels  of  government  go  pretty  well  this  winter. 
Some  say  that  some  folks  have  tried  to  trig  'em  two  or 
three  times,  but  I  dont  hardly  think  that  is  the  case,  for 
they  havn't  been  stopt  once.  And,  as  I  said  in  my  last  let 
ter,  if  my  friend  Mr  Knowlton  stands  as  foreman,  and 
keeps  his  broad  shoulders  to  the  wheels,  I  dont  believe 
they  will  stop  this  winter.  By  the  way,  I  made  a  little 
small  mistake  about  Mr  Rnowlton's  hat.  I  should  n't  have 
thought  it  worth  while  to  mention  it  again,  if  the  Augusta 
Courier  of  this  morning  had  n't  spoke  of  it  as  though  I 
did  n't  mean  to  tell  the  truth.  Now  you  know  Mr  Edi 
tor,  I  would  n't  be  guilty  of  tellng  a  falsehood  for  my 


154  LETTERS    OF 

right  hand.  When  Mr  Knovvlton  called  the  members  to 
order  the  first  day  of  the  session,  I  certainly  thought  I 
saw  him  holding  in  his  hand  a  broad  brimmed  white  hat. 
It  might  be  my  imagination,  remembering  how  he  used 
to  look,  or  it  might  possibly  be  the  hat  of  the  member 
standing  by  the  side  of  him,  for  I  was  some  ways  off. 

I'm  pesky  fraid  the  general  government  may  settle  that 
hash  down  there  to  Madawaska  as  Mr  Netherlands  that 
they  left  out  to,  recommended.  If  they  should  I'm  afraid 
my  jig  would  be  up  about  fighting  a  battle  very  soon,  or 
getting  in  to  be  President. 

Our  party's  got  into  a  dreadful  kind  of  a  stew  here 
about  who  shall  be  next  Senator  to  Congress  and  one 
thing  another.  We've  got  into  such  a  snarl  about  it, 
I'm  afraid  we  never  shall  get  unravelled  again  without 
cutting  off  the  tangles,  and  that  would  divide  us  so  we 
never  should  hold  together  in  the  world.  I  wrote  to  the 
Argus  yesterday,  to  be  sure  not  to  reply  to  the  Age  for 
its  ungentlemanly  remarks  about  Judge  Preble,  and  hope 
it  will  be  prudent  enough  to  follow  my  recommendation. 
We  must  try  to  hush  these  matters  up,  or  it  '11  be  the 
death  of  the  party.  I've  had  a  serious  talk  with  friend 
Ruggles,  and  am  in  hopes  he'll  put  his  hand  over  the 
Thomaston  paper  and  not  let  it  belch  out  any  thing  that 
our  enemies  can  make  a  handle  of.  And  I  guess  we 
shall  have  a  caucus  and  try  to  put  a  cooler  on  the  Ban- 
gor  Republican  and  the  Age. 

The  Legislaters  like  Augusta  considerable  well,  if  it 
did  n't  cost  'em  so  much  more  than  it  did  in  Portland  for 
a  living.  Such  as  had  to  pay  two  dollars  and  a  half  in 
Portland  for  board  have  to  pay  three  arid  four  dollars 
here.  When  I  was  in  Portland,  I  used  to  get  boarded 
for  seven  and  six  pence  a  week,  and  here  the  cheapest 
I  could  get  boarded  any  where,  was  ten  and  sixpence. 
The  Augusta  Courier  last  week  said  something  about  the 
folks  here  giving  me  a  public  dinner.  I  should  like  it 
pretty  well,  for  I  have  rather  slim  dinners  where  I 
board. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  155 

If  you  see  cousin  Sally,  I  wish  you'd  jest  ask  her  if 
she  has  time  before  and  after  school,  if  she'll  knit  me  a 
pair  of  footings  and  send  'em  up  by  the  stage-driver,  for 
mine  have  got  pretty  full  of  holes,  and  I  have  n't  any 
body  here  to  mend  'em. 

Your  old  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLII. 

Capt.  Downing  is  suddenly  called  to  his  company  at 
awaska. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  23, 1832. 
To  the,  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  again. 

DEAR  FRIEND,  —  The  more  I  write  to  you,  it  seems  to 
me  the  better  I  like  you.  I  believe  there  is  n't  but  one 
person  that  I  set  so  much  by,  and  that  is  Gineral  Jack 
son,  who  was  so  kind  as  to  give  me  a  commission,  and 
let  me  have  spending  money  besides.  I  'm  pretty  much 
out  of  money  now,  and  the  man  that  I  board  with  keeps 
dunning  me  for  pay ;  so  I  wish  you  would  be  so  kind  as 
to  send  me  four  or  five  dollars  till  I  get  some  more  from 
the  President.  I  writ  for  it  last  week,  and  I  think  I  shall 
get  it  in  a  few  days.  I  told  you  in  my  last  letter,  if  I 
got  over  the  furenza,  you  should  hear  from  me  pretty 
often.  I  'm  getting  nicely  again  now.  I  dont  cough 
more  than  once  in  five  minutes  or  so,  and  my  toes  and 
ears  that  were  froze  so  bad  coming  up  from  Madawaska 
are  nearly  healed  over.  All  I  have  to  do  to  'em  now  is 
jest  to  grease  'em  a  little  when  I  go  to  bed  at  night  and 
in  the  morning  when  I  get  up.  I  have  to  keep  a  hand 
kerchief  over  my  ears  yet  when  I  go  out,  but  my  toes  are 


156  LETTERS    OP 

so  well  I  dont  limp  hardly  a  mite.  As  to  our  legislator 
business  we  get  along  middling  well,  but  not  quite  so  fast 
as  I  thought  we  should  considerin  it  goes  by  steam.  One 
reason  I  suppose  is  because  Mr  Rnowlton  has  been  a 
good  deal  unwell  and  could  n't  take  hold  and  drive  it 
right  in  end  as  he  used  to.  But  he  's  got  better  now,  so 
I  hope  the  wheels  will  begin  to  buzz  again. 

About  the  quarrel  that  our  party's  got  into,  I  'm  pesky 
fraid  it  '11  blow  us  up  yet  ;  arid  I  don't  know  what  we 
shall  do  to  stop  it.  We  've  had  a  caucus  as  I  told  you 
we  should  in  my  last  letter,  and  tried  to  hush  matters  up 
as  well  as  we  could.  But  some  of  'em  are  so  grouty,  I 
expect  nothing  but  what  they  '11  belch  out  again. 

I  was  glad  the  Argus  took  my  advice  and  kept  back 
the  reply  to  the  Age. 

We  had  a  little  bit  of  a  tussle  here  to  see  who  should 
be  appointed  agent  to  go  to  Washington  to  tell  the  Presi 
dent  to  hold  on  to  the  territory  down  to  Madawaska. 
Mr  Preble  and  Mr  Deane  and  I  were  the  three  principal 
candidates.  —  Some  thought  Mr  Preble  ought  to  go  be 
cause  it  would  be  for  the  interest  of  the  republican  party ; 
and  some  thought  Mr  Deane  ought  to  go  because  he  had 
been  down  there  a  good  deal  and  knew  all  about  the 
Madawaska  country  ;  and  some  thought  1  ought  to  go  be 
cause  I  had  been  down  there  the  last  of  any  body,  and  be 
cause  I  was  such  good  friends  with  the  President  I  should 
be  likely  to  do  better  than  any  body  else  could.  I  thought 
my  claims  were  the  strongest,  and  the  Governor  said  he 
thought  so  too.  But  he  said  as  affairs  now  stood  it 
would  n't  do  to  appoint  any  body  but  Mr  Preble. 

And  besides  I  dont  know  as  I  ought  to  go  off  jest  now, 
for  I  had  a  letter  yesterday  from  one  of  my  subalterns 
down  to  Madawaska,  that  there  's  some  trouble  with  my 
company  there:  some  of  the  Sarjents  been  breaking  or 
ders,  <fcc,  and  I  dont  know  but  I  shall  have  to  go  down 
and  Court  Martial  'em. 

Your  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  157 


LETTER  XLIII. 

Capt.  Downing  returns  to  Augusta.     Is  saved  from  freez 
ing  by  a  bear-skin. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Feb.  8, 1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

HERE  I  be  again,  my  dear  friend,  rigbt  back  on  the  old 
spot,  poking  about  the  Legislator  to  see  what's  going  on, 
and  to  help  take  care  the  interests  of  our  party.  I  got 
down  there  to  Madawaska  jest  in  the  nick  of  time ;  for 
I  got  a  boss  and  rid  day  and  night ;  and  it  was  well  I 
did,  for  Sargant  Joel  had  got  so  outrageous  mad,  I  raly 
believe  if  I  had  n't  got  there  the  day  I  did,  he  would 
have  strung  one  or  two  of  'em  right  up  by  the  neck. 
But  I  quashed  matters  at  once  and  sot  'em  to  study 
ing  that  are  little  court  martial  book,  and  told  'em 
when  they  had  any  more  fuss  they  must  try  all  their 
cases  by  that,  and  they  would  n't  find  any  law  for  hang 
ing  in  it. 

It's  dreadful  cold  down  there  to  Madawaska,  I  froze 
my  toes  and  ears  again  a  little,  but  not  so  bad  as  I  did 
afore,  for  I  took  care  to  rop  up  in  a  great  bear  skin.  I 
see  the  Legislator's  been  disputing  about  passing  a  law 
to  kill  off  all  the  bears  and  wolves  and  sich  kind  of 
critters. 

I  dont  know  whether  that's  a  good  plan  or  not. 
There's  a  good  deal  might  be  said  on  both  sides. 
Them  are  bears  are  pesky  mischievous.  I  heard  a 
story  while  I  was  gone,  but  1  dont  know  how  true  'tis, 
how  a  great  bear  chased  the  Councillor  that  the  Gover 
nor  sent  down  to  Fredickton  to  carry  provisions  to  our 
prisoners  in  jail  there.  Some  reckoned  the  bear  smelt 
the  bread  and  cheese  that  he  had  in  his  saddle  bags,  and 
so  took  after  him  to  get  some  of  it.  However,  the 
14 


158  LETTERS    OF 

Councillor  got  back  safe.  But  I  think. this  is  a  great 
argument  in  favor  of  killing  off  the  bears.  And  on  the 
other  hand  I  believe  the  bear  skin  was  all  that  kept  me 
from  freezing  to  death  going  to  Madawaska  tother  day. 
So  it  seems  we  ought  not  to  kill  'em  quite  all  off,  but 
raise  enough  to  keep  us  in  bear-skins ;  for  I  suppose  my 
life  would  be  worth  as  much  to.  the  State  as  the  Coun 
cillor's. 

I  feel  a  little  put  out  with  Dr  Burnham  for  an  un- 
hansome  running  he  gave  me  'tother  day  in  the  Sen 
ate.  He  called  me  an  «  old  rogue.'  I  cant  swallow  that 
very  well ;  for  that's  a  character  I  never  bore  in  Down- 
ingville  nor  Washington,  nor  any  where  else.  He  was 
disputing  about  paying  Mr  Deane  and  Cavano  for  go 
ing  to  Madawaska.  He  said  they  had  n't  ought  to  pay 
so  much,  for  if  they  went  at  this  rate,  next  thing  that 
old  rogue,  Capt.  Jack  Downing,  would  be  sending  in 
his  bill. 

But  he  need  n't  trouble  himself  about  that,  for  as  long 
as  I  have  President  Jackson  to  look  to  for  paymaster,  I 
dont  care  a  snap  about  sending  in  any  bills  to  the  Legis 
lator.  But  as  for  being  called  an  old  rogue,  I  wont.  I 
dont  mean  to  make  a  great  fuss  about  it  in  the  papers, 
as  the  Argus  and  Age  did,  so  as  to  break  up  the  harmo 
ny  of  the  republican  party.  But  if  Dr  Burnham  dont 
give  me  satisfaction,  I'll  call  a  caucus  of  the  party  and 
have  him  over  the  coals  and  du  him  over. 
Your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  159 


LETTER  XLIV. 

In  which  Captain  Downing  tells  about  the  Legislature's 
making  Lawyers. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  March  1st,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND, — I  begin  to  feel  as  uneasy 
as  a  fish  out  of  water,  because  I  havn't  writ  to  you  for 
most  two  weeks.  Now,  old  March  has  come,  and  found 
us  digging  here  y£t ;  and  sometimes  I'm  most  afraid  we 
shall  be  found  digging  here,  when  we^  ought  to  be  at 
home  digging  potatoes,  or  planting  of  'em  at  least.  I've 
been  waiting  now  above  a  week  for  the  Legislator  to  do 
something,  that  I  could  write  to  you  about ;  but  they 
dont  seem  to  get  along  very  smart  lately.  Sometimes 
the  wheels  almost  stop  ;  and  then  they  start  and  rumble 
along  a  little  ways,  and  then  they  drag  again.  I  dont 
think  we  shall  get  through  before  sometime  next  week, 
if  we  do  before  week  arter.  These  secret  sessions  take 
up  a  good  deal  of  time.  I  dont  see  what  in  natur  they 
have  so  many  of  'em  for.  I  tried  to  get  into  some  of 
'em,  but  they  wouldn't  let  me  ;  they  said  lobby  members 
had  no  business  there,  and  shot  the  door  right  in  my 
face.  There's  one  kind  of  business  though  that  they 
carry  on  here  pretty  brisk  lately,  and  that  is,  making 
lawyers.  Some  days  they  make  'em  almost  as  fast  as 
uncle  Ephraim  used  to  make  sap-troughs ;  and  I've 
known  him  to  chop  off  and  hew  out  two  in  fifteen  min 
utes. 

But  for  all  the  Legislator  can  make  'em  so  fast,  it  is 
as  much  as  ever  they  can  get  along  with  all  that  come 
and  want  to  be  made  over  into  lawyers.  And  'tother 
day,  when  the  law  committee  got  pretty  well  stuck,  hav 
ing  so  many  of  'em  on  hand,  a  new  batch  come  up,  and 


160  LETTERS    OP 

Mr  Hall  of  your  town  moved  to  refer  them  to  the  com 
mittee  on  manufactures.  This  is  a  capital  committee  to 
make  things,  and  I  havn't  heard  any  complaint  since, 
but  what  they  can  turn  'em  out  as  fast  as  they  come. 
It  rather  puzzled  me  at  first  to  know  what  made  every 
body  want  to  be  worked  over  into  lawyers ;  so  I  asked 
one  of  'em  that  stood  waiting  round  here  a  day  or  two, 
to  be  put  into  the  hopper  and  ground  over,  what  he 
wanted  to  be  made  into  a  lawyer  for  ?  And  he  kind  of 
looked  up  one  side  at  me,  and  give  me  a  knowing  wink, 
and  says  he,  don't  you  know  that  the  ja.wyera  get  all  the, 
fat  things  of  the  land,  and  eat  out  th*>  jp^dff  nf  *^ft  °is- 
ters,  and  give  the  shalsLtn  nthpr  frjfrg  1  And  if  a  man 
wants  to  have  ajjy  kind  of  an  office,  he  go*1-**  g^*  **  un 
less  he's  a  lawyer ;  if  he  wants  to  go  to  the  Legislator, 
he  can't  be  elected  without  he's  a  lawyer  ;  and  if  he 
wants  to  get  to  Congress,  he  cant  go  without  he's  a  law 
yer  ;  and  any  man  that  don't  get  made  into  a  lawyer  as 
fast  as  possible,  I  say,  is  a  fool.  The  whole  truth  come 
across  my  mind  then,  as  quick  as  a  look,  why  it  was  that 
I  spent  two  or  three  years  trying  to  get  an  office,  and 
couldn't  get  one.  It  was  because  I  wasn't  a  lawyer. 
And  I  dont  believe  I  should  have  got  an  office  to  this 
day,  if  my  good  friend  President  Jackson  hadn't  found 
out  I  was  a  brave  two  fisted  chap,  and  jest  the  boy  to  go 
down  to  Madawaska  and  flog  the  British. 

We've  agreed  unanimously  to  support  Governor  Smith 
for  re-election ;  and  he'll  come  in  all  hollow,  let  the 
Jacksonites  and  Huntonites  say  what  they  will  about  it. 
'Our  party  know  too  well  which  side  their  bread  is  but 
tered,  to  think  of  being  split  up  this  heat.  I  should 
write  you  more  to  day,  but  I  feel  so  kind  of  agitated 
about  these  secret  sessions,*  that  I  cant  hardly  hold  my 
pen  still.  I'm  a  little  afraid  they  are  intriguing  to  send 

*  The  Legislature  about  this  time  held  several  secret  sessions  or& 
the  subject  of  the  North-Eastern  Boundary. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  161 

on  to  the  President  to  take  my  commission  away  from 
me.  It  has  been  thrown  out  to  me  that  I  ought  to  be 
down  to  Madawaska,  instead  of  being  here  all  winter. 
Some  have  hinted  to  me  that  Mr  Clifford  has  taken  a 
miff  against  me,  because  the  other  day  when  he  was 
chosen  Speaker  pro.  tern,  one  of  my  friends  voted  for 
me ;  and  he  thinks  I  was  a  rival  candidate,  and  means 
to  have  me  turned  out  of  office  if  he  can. 
I  am  your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING, 


LETTER   XLV. 

Capt.  Downing  is  in  a  peck  of  trouble  about  the  Legisla 
ture's  selling  Madawaska  to  the  General  Government  to 
be  given  up  to  the  British,  and  sits  down  and  Jigures  up 
the  price.  ~  ' 

Madawaska,  State  of  Maine,  or  else  Great  Britain,  I  dont  know 
which,  March  12,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  —  this  with  care  and  speed* 
MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  —  I  cleared  out  from  Augusta 
in  such  a  kind  of  a  whirlwind,  that  I  hadn't  time  to  write 
you  a  single  word  before  I  left.  And  I  feel  so  kind  of 
crazy  now,  I  dont  know  hardly  which  end  I  stand  upon. 
I've  had  a  good  many  head-flaws  and  worriments  in  my 
life  time,  and  been  in  a  great  many  hobbles,  but  I  never, 
in  all  my  born  days,  met  with  any  thing  that  puzzled 
me  quite  so  bad  as  this  ere  setting  out  down  here.  I  fit 
in  the  Legislator  as  long  as  fighting  would  do  any  good, 
that  is,  I  mean  in  the  caucus,  for  they  wouldn't  let  me 
go  right  into  the  Legislator  in  the  day  time  and  talk  to 
'em  there,  because  I  was  only  a  lobby  member.  But 
14* 


162  LETTERS    OF 

jest  let  them  know  it,  lobby  members  can  do  as  mnch  agf 
any  of  'em  on  sich  kind  of  business  as  this.  I  laid  it 
down  to  'em  in  the  caucus  as  well  as  I  could.  I  asked 
'em  if  they  didn't  think  I  should  look  like  a  pretty  fool, 
after  marching  my  company  down  therey  and  standing 
ready  all  winter  to  flog  the  whole  British  nation  the 
moment  any  of  'em  stept  a  foot  on  to  our  land,  if  I 
should  now  have  to  march  back  again  and  give  up  the 
land  and  all  without  flogging  a  single  son-of-a-gun  of 
'em.  But  they  said  it  was  no  use,  it  couldn't  be  helped : 
Mr  Netherlands  had  given  the  land  away  to  tfrfi  firit^S 
and  the  President  had  agreed  to  do  jest  as  Mr  Nether 
lands  said  about  it,  and  all  we  could  do  now  was  to  get 
as  much  pay  for  it  as  we  could. 

So  I  set  down  and  figured  it  up  a  little  to  see  how 
much  it  would  come  to,  for  I  used  to  cypher  to  the  rule 
of  three  when  I  went  to  school,  and  I  found  it  would 
come  to  a  pretty  round  sum.  There  was,  in  the  first 
place,  about  two  millions  of  acres  of  land.  This,  con- 
siderin  the  timber  there  was  on  it,  would  certainly  be 
Worth  a  dollar  an  acre,  and  that  would  be  two  millions 
of  dollars.  Then  there  was  two  or  three  thousand  in 
habitants,  say  twenty-five  hundred ;  we  must  be  paid  for 
them  too,  and  how  much  are  they  worth  1  I've  read  in 
the  newspapers  that  black  slaves,  at  the  south,  sell  for 
three  or  four  hundred  dollars  apiece.  I  should  think, 
then,  that  white  ones  ought  to  fetch  eight  hundred. 
This,  according  to  the  rule  of  three,  would  be  two  hun 
dred  thousand  dollars.  Then  there's  the  pretty  little 
town  of  Madavvaska  that  our  Legislator  made  last  win 
ter,  already  cut  and  dried  with  town  officers  all  chosen, 
and  every  thing  ready  for  the  British  to  use  without  any 
more  trouble.  We  ought  to  have  pay  for  this  too,  and  I 
should  think  it  was  worth  ten  thousand  dollars. 

And  then  the  town  of  Madawasca  has  chosen  Mr 
Lizote  to  be  a  representative  in  the  Legislater,  and  as 
the  British  can  take  him  right  into  the  Parliament  with- 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  163 

out  choosing  him  over  again,  they  ought  to  pay  us  for 
that  too.  Now  I  have  read  in  the  newspapers  that  it 
sometimes  costs,  in  England,  two  hundred  thousand  dol 
lars  to  choose  a  representative  to  Parliament,  reckoning 
all  the  grog  they  drink  and  all  the  money  they  pay  for 
votes.  But  I  wouldn't  be  screwing  about  it,  so  I  put  Mr 
Lizote  down  at  one  hundred  thousand  dollars.  And 
then  I  footed  up,  and  found  it  to  be, — 
For  land,  including  timber,  two  millions  of 

dollars,  $2,000,000 

For  inhabitants,  including  women  and  chil 
dren,  two  hundred  thousand  dollars,  200,000 
For  the  town  of  Madawaska,   officers  and 

all,  ten  thousand  dollars,  10,000 

For  Mr  Lizote,  all  ready  to  go  to  Parlia 
ment,  one  hundred  thousand  dollars,  100,000 


Total,  $2,310,000 

This  was  a  pretty  round  sum,  and  [  begun  to  think, 
come  to  divide  it  out,  it  would  be  a  slice  a-piece  worth 
having ;  especially  if  we  didn't  give  the  Feds  any  of  it, 
and  I  supposed  we  shouldn't,  as  there  wasn't  any  of  'em 
there  in  the  caucus  to  help  see  about  it. 

'  In  this  view  of  the  subject,'  I  almost  made  up  my 
mind  that  we  ought  to  be  patriotic  enough  to  give  it  up, 
and  help  the  general  government  out  of  the  hobble  they 
had  got  into.  And  I  was  jest  a-going  to  get  up  and 
make  a  speech  and  tell  'em  so,  when  Mr  McCrate  of 
Nobleborough,  and  Capt.  Smith  of  Westbrook,  two  of 
the  best  fellers  in  our  party,  came  along  and  see  what 
I  was  figuring  about,  and,  says  they,  Capt.  Downing, 
are  you  going  to  sell  your  country  1  In  a  minute  I  felt 
something  rise  right  up  in  my  throat,  that  felt  as  big  as 
an  ox-yoke.  As  soon  as  I  got  so  I  could  speak,  says  I, 
7V0,  never^  while  my  name  is  Jack  Downing,  or  my  old 
rifle  can  carry  a  bullet.  They  declared  too,  that  they 
wouldn't  sell  out  to  the  general  government,  nor  the 


164  LETTERS  OP 

British,  nor  nobody  else.  And  we  stuck  it  out  most  of 
the  evening,  till  we  found  out  how  it  was  going,  and 
then  we  cleared  out,  and  as  soon  as  the  matter  was  fairly 
settled,  I  started  off  for  Madawaska ;  for  I  was  afraid  if 
my  company  should  hear  of  it  before  I  got  there,  it 
would  make  a  blow  up  among  'em,  and  I  should  have  to 
court-martial  'em. 

When  I  first  told  'em  how  the  jig  was  up  with  us, 
that  the  British  were  going  to  have  the  land,  without 
any  fighting  about  it,  I  never  see  fellows  so  mad  before 
in  my  life,  unless  it  was  Major  Eaton  at  Washington 
when  he  sot  out  to  flog  Mr  Ingham.  They  said  if  they 
could  only  have  had  one  good  battle,  they  wouldn't  care 
a  snap  about  it,  but  to  be  played  torn-fool  with  in  this 
way  they  wouldn't  bear  it.  They  were  so  mad,  they 
hopped  right  up  and  down,  and  declared  they  never 
would  go  back  till  they  had  been  over  to  Fredericton 
and  pulled  the  jail  down,  or  thrashed  some  of  the  New 
Brunswick  boys.  But,  after  a  while,  I  pacified  'em  by 
telling  'em  if  we  didn't  get  a  chance  to  fight  here,  I 
rather  thought  we  might  away  off  to  Georgia,  for  there 
was  something  of  a  bobbery  kicking  up,  and  if  the  Presi 
dent  should  want  troops  to  go  on  there,  I  was  very  sure 
my  company  would  be  one  of  the  first  he  would  send  for. 

So  here  we  are,  lying  upon  our  arms,  not  knowing 
what  to  do,  1  have  written  to  the  President,  and  hope 
to  hear  from  him  soon.  If  the  land  is  to  go,  I  want  to 
know  it  in  season  to  get  off  before  it's  aUj^yrr  \  for  I'H 

Your  distrest  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  165 

LETTER   XLVI. 

Capt.  Downing  declines  the  office  of  Mayor  oj^Portland. 
Portland,  State  of  Maine,  April  10, 1832. 

* 

To  the  citizens  of  Portland. 

WHEN  I  arrived  in  this  city,  last  night,  from  Mada- 
waska,  jest  after  the  hubbub  was  over  about  the  election, 
I  was  informed  some  of  rny  friends  in  Ward  No.  7,  had 
voted  for  me  for  Mayor.  I  believe  the  votes  are  put  in 
the  papers  long  with  the  scattering  votes,  as  I  see  they 
dont  publish  my  name. 

Now  the  upshot  ont  is,  I  cant  take  that  are  office, 
I've  got  so  much  other  business  to  attend  to.  And  so  I 
take  this  opportunity  to  declare  that  /  absolutely  decline 
being  a  candidate.  I  have  a  great  regard  for  the  citizens 
of  Portland,  for  it  was  they  that  first  gave  me  a  boost 
up  towards  an  office,  and  I  should  be  very  glad  to  do 
any  thing  for  'em  that  I  could  ;  but  I  must  beg  to  be 
excused  from  being  Mayor  this  year. 
I  am  with  respect, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


166  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  XLVII. 

In  which  Gbptain  Downing  relates  a  confidential  conversa 
tion  with  President  Jackson  while  on  a  journey  to  Ten 
nessee. 

Washington  City,  October  20,  1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  east  in  the  State 
of  Maine  :  [O  dear,  seems  to  me  I  never  shall  get  there  again.] 
MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  —  I  have  n't  done  any  thing 
this  three  months  that  seemed  so  natural  as  to  set  down 
and  write  to  you.  To  write  the  name  of  the  Portland 
Courier  raises  my  sperits  right,  up.  It  makes  me  feel  as 
if  I  was  again  talking  with  you,  and  uncle  Joshua,  and 
cousin  Ephraim,  and  cousin  Nabby,  and  ant  Sally,  and 
all  of  'em.  I  and  President  Jackson  got  back  here  yes- 
terdav  from  'jTennesseft^  where  we've  been  gone  most  all 
summer.  And  a  long  journey  we've  had  of  it  too.  I 
thought  that  from  here  to  Portland  was  a  dreadful  ways, 
but  it's  a  great  deal  further  to  Tennessee.  I  did  n't 
think  before  that  our  country  was  half  so  large  as  I  find 
it  is.  It  seems  as  if  there  was  no  end  to  it ;  for  when 
we  got  clear  to  Tennessee  the  President  said  we  want 
half  way  acrost  it.  I  could  n't  hardly  believe  him,  but 
he  stood  tu  it  we  want.  Why,  says  he,  Jack,  I've  got 
the  largest  country  in  the  world,  and  the  hardest  to  gov 
ern  tu.  Say  what  you  will  of  free  governments,  where 
folks  will  act  pretty  much  as  they  are  a  mind  to,  it's  the 
hardest  work  to  administer  it  that  ever  I  did.  I  had 
rather  fight  forty  New  Orleans  battles  than  to  govern 
this  everlasting  great  country  one  year.  There  are  so 
many,  you  see,  want  to  have  a  finger  in  the  pye,  it's  the 
most  difficult  business  you  can  imagine.  You  thought 
you  had  a  tough  time  of  it,  Jack,  to  take  care  of  them 
are  small  matters  down  to  Madawaska  last  winter,  with 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  167 

your  brave  company  of  Downingville  boys.  But  that's 
no  more  than  a  drop  in  the  bucket  to  being  President 
one  month.  I  tell  you,  Jack,  there  is  n't  a  monarch  in 
Europe  who  has  so  hard  a  time  of  it  as  I  have.  There 
are  so  many  cooks,  the  broth  most  always  comes  out 
rather  bad.  If  1  have  to  write  a  message,  one  must  put 
in  a  senterjfie^-and  another  a  sentence,  and  another,  till 
it  gets  so  at  last  I  can't  hardly  tell  whether  I've  written 
any  of  it  myself  or  not.  And  sometimes  I  have  a  good 
mind  to  throw  it  all  in  the  fire  and  say  nothing  at  all. 
But  then  again  that  wont  do,  for  since  I've  undertaken 
to  be  President,  I  must  go  through  with  it.  And  then 
there  was  such  a  pulling  and  hauling  for  offices  along  in 
the  outset,  it  seemed  as  tffbugh  they  would  pull  me  to 
pieces.  If  I  gave  an  office  to  one,  Mr  Ingham  or  Mr 
Branch  would  be  mad,  and  if  I  gave  it  to  another  Mr. 
Van  Buren  would  n't  like  it,  and  if  I  gave  it  to  another, 
perhaps  Mrs  Eaton  would  make  a  plaguy  fuss  about  it. 
One  wanted  me  to  do  this  thing  and  another  wanted  me 
to  do  that ;  and  it  was  nothing  but  quarrel  the  whole 
time.  At  last  Mr  Van  Buren  said  he'd  resign,  if  I  would 
turn  the  rest  out.  So  I  made  a  scattering  among 'em 
and  turned  'em  all  out  in  a  heap.  All  but  Mr  Lewis 
and  Mr  Kendall  who  staid  to  give  me  their  friendly 
advice  and  help  me  through  my  trying  difficulties. 

And  then  again  to  be  so  slandered  as  I  have  been  in 
the  papers,  it  is  enough  to  wear  the  patience  of  Job  out. 
And  if  I  got  a  little  angry  at  the  contrariness  of  the 
Senate,  they  must  needs  call  me  a  'roaring  lion,'  the 
rascals.  But  that  Senate  did  use  me  shamefully.  The 
very  best  nominations  imp^,  |jhpY  n%»y«  rejected.  To 
think  the  stupid  headiryl'iould  reject  Mr  Van  Buren,  de 
cidedly  the  greatest  man  in  the  country,  it  was  too  pro 
voking.  Yes,  Mr  Van  Buren  is  the  first  man  in  this . 
country,  and  jest  between  you  and  me,  Jack,  he's  the 
only  man  in  it  that  is  well  qualified  to  succeed  me  in  the 
government  of  this  great  nation  of  twenty-four  republics. 


168  LETTERS    OF 

And  he  must  come  in  too,  or  the  country  wont  be  worth 
a  stiver,  much  longer.  There's  Clay,  he  would  make 
pretty  work  of  it,  if  he  should  come  in.  Why,  Jack,  he 
would  gamble  one  half  of  the  country  away  in  two  years, 
and  spend  the  other  half  in  digging  Canals  and  building 
rail-roads  ;  and  when  the  funds  in  the  Treasury  failed 
he  would  go  to  the  United  States  Bank  and  get  more. 

Calhoun  would  break  the  Union  to  pieces  in  three 
months  if  he  was  President.  He's  trying  all  he  can 
now  to  tear  off  something  of  a  slice  from  it  at  the  south. 
And  as  for  Wirt,  he's  a  fiddling  away  with  the  Anti-masons. 
Letting  Anti-masonry  alone,  he's  a  pretty  good  sort  of  a 
man  ;  but  he  has  n't  energy  enough  to  steer  our  crazy 
ship  of  state  in  these  stormy  times.  I  would  sooner 
trust  it  in  the  hands  of  Mrs  Eaton  than  him.  There's 
JK>  one  fit  for  it  but  Mr  Van  Buren ;  and  if  it  was  not 
for  getting  him  in  1  would  11 'l  "k&tte  consented  to  stand 
for  another  term. 

But,  my  dear  friend,  by  stopping  to  tell  you  some  of 
the  conversation  I  and  the  President  had  along  the  road, 
I  have  almost  forgot  to  tell  you  any  thing  about  myself 
and  the  thousand  things  I  met  with  on  my  journey.  But 
I  can't  write  any  more  to-day.  I  expect  to  start  from 
here  Monday  on  my  way  to  Portland.  You  may  hear 
from  me  a  few  times  before  I  get  there,  as  I  shall  stop 
along  by  the  way  some  to  see  how  matters  go  in  Penn- 
sylvany  and  New  York. 

If  you  have  a  chance,  send  my  love  to  all  my  folks 
up  at  Downingville,  and  tell  'em  old  Jack  is  alive  and 
hearty. 

I  remain  your  loving  "friend? 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


LETTER  XLVIII. 

In  which  Capt.  Downing  runs  an  Express  from  Baltimore 
/q  Jjy/zsA jfriff/fMi ,  and  foots  li  through  Pennsylvany  Ave~ 
nue  to  the  President's  house. 

Washington  City,  Nov.  5, 1832. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  2d  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street,  Portland,  away  down 
east,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND.  —  Here  I  am  back  again  to 
Washington,  though  I've  been  as  far  as  Baltimore  on  my 
way  down  east  to  see  you  and  the  rest  of  my  uncles  and 
aunts  and  couzins.  And  what  do  you  think  I  posted 
back  to  Washington  for  ?  I  can  tell  you.  When  I  got 
to  Baltimore  I  met  an  express  coming  onJfollxhisel  from 
Philadelphia,  to  carry  the  news  to  Washington  that 
Pennsylvania  had  gone  all  hollow  for  old  Hickory's 
second  election.  The  poor  fellow  that  was  carrying  it 
had  got  so  out  of  breath,  that  he  declared  he  couldn't  go 
no  further  if  the  President  never  heard  of  it. 

Well,  thinks  I,  it  will  be  worth  a  journey  back  to 
Washington,  jest  to  see  the  old  gineral's  eyes  strike  fire 
when  he  hears  of  it.  So  says  I,  I'll  take  it  and  carry  it 
on  for  you  if  you  are  a  mind  to.  He  kind  of  hesitated 
at  first,  and  was  afraid  I  might  play  a  trick  upon  him  ; 
but  when  he  found  out  my  name  was  Jack  Downing,  he 
jumped  off  his  horse  quick  enough  ;  I'll  trust  it  with  you, 
says  he,  as  quick  as  I  would  with  the  President  himself. 
So  I  jumped  on  and  whipped  up.  And  sure  enough,  a? 
true  as  you  are  alive,  I  did  get  to  Washington  before 
dark,  though  I  had  but  three  hours  to  go  it  in,  and  its 
nearly  forty  miles.  It  was  the  smartest  horse  that  ever 
I  backed,  except  one  that  belongs  to  the  President.  But, 
poor  fellow,  he's  so  done  tu  I  guess  he'll  never  run  an 
other  express.  Jest  before  I  got  to  Washington,  say 
15 


170  LETTERS    OF 

about  two  miles  from  the  city,  the  poor  fellow  keeled 
up  and  could  n't  go  another  step.  I  had  lost  my  hat  on 
the  way  and  was  too  much  in  a  hurry  to  pick  it  up,  and 
he  had  thrown  me  off  twice  and  torn  my  coat  pretty  bad, 
so  that  I  did  n't  look  very  trig  to  go  through  the  city  or 
go  to  the  President's  fine  house.  But  notwithstanding, 
I  knew  the  President  would  overlook  it,  considerin  the 
business  I  was  coming  upon ;  so  I  catched  the  express 
and  pulled  foot,  right  through  Pennsylvany  Avenue, 
without  any  hat,  and  torn  coat  sleeves  and  coat  tail  fly 
ing.  The  stage  offered  to  carry  me,  but  I  thought  I 
wouldn't  stop  for  it. 

Almost  the  first  person  I  met  was  Mr  Duff  Green. 
Says  he,  Capt.  Downing,  what's  the  matter?  I  held  up 
the  express  and  shook  it  at  him,  but  never  answered  him 
a  word,  and  pulled  on.  He  turned  and  walked  as  fast 
as  he  could  without  running,  and  followed  me.  Pretty 
soon  I  met  Mr  Gales  of  the  Intelligencer,  and  says  he, 
for  mercy  sake,  Captain  Downing,  what's  the  matter  ? 
Have  you  been  chased  by  a  wolf,  or  Governor  Houston, 
or  have  you  got  news  from  Pennsylvania  1  I  did  n't  turn 
to  the  right  nor  left,  but  shook  the  express  at  him  and 
run  like  wild-fire. 

When  I  came  up  to  the  President's  house,  the  old 
gentleman  was  standing  in  the  door.  He  stepped  quick 
er  than  I  ever  see  him  before,  and  met  me  at  the  gate. 
Says  he,  my  dear  friend  Downing,  what's  the  matter  ? 
Has  the  United  States  Bank  been  trying  to  bribe  you, 
and  you  are  trying  to  run  away  from  'em  ?  They  may 
buy  over  Webster  and  Clay  and  such  trash,  but  I  knew 
if  they  touched  you  they  would  get  the  wrong  pig  by  the 
ear.  As  he  said  this,  Duff  Green  hove  in  sight,  puffing 
and  blowing,  full  speed. 

Oh,  said  the  President,  Duff  Green  wants  to  have  a 
lick  at  you,  does  he  ?  Well  dont  retreat  another  step, 
Mr  Downing,  I'll  stand,  between  you  and  harm.  Upon 
that  he  called  his  boy  and  told  him  to  bring  his  pistols  in 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  171 

a  moment.  By  this  time  I  made  out  to  get  breath 
enough  jest  to  say  Pennsylvany,  and  to  shake  the  ex 
press  at  him.  The  old  man's  color  changed  in  a  minute. 
Says  he,  come  in,  Mr  Downing,  come  in,  set  down,  dont 
say  a  word  to  Duff.  So  in  we  went,  and  shut  the  door. 
Now,  says  the  President,  looking  as  though  he  would 
route  a  regiment  in  five  minutes,  now  speak  and  let  me 
know  whether  I  am  a  dead  man  or  alive. 

Gineral,  says,  I,  its  all  over  with I  wont  hear  a 

word  of  it,  says  he,  stomping  his  foot.  His  eyes  flashed 
fire  so  that  I  trembled  and  almost  fell  backwards.  But 
1  see  he  did  n't  understand  me.  Dear  gineral,  says  I, 
its  all  over  with  Clay  and  the  Bank  —  at  that  he  clapt 
his~"iianas  and  jumpt  up  like  a  bdy.  I  never  see  the 
President  jump  before,  as  much  as  I've  been  acquainted 
with  him.  In  less  than  a  minute  he  looked  entirely  like 
another  man.  His  eyes  were  as  calm  and  as  bright  as 
the  moon  jest  coming  out  from  behind  a  black  thunder 
cloud. 

He  clenched  my  hand  and  gave  it  such  a  shake,  I 
did  n't  know  but  he  would  pull  it  off.  Says  he,  Jack,  I 
knew  Pennsylvany  never  would  desert  me,  and  if  she  has 
gone  for  me  I'm  safe.  And  now  if  I  dont  make  them  are 
Bank  chaps  hug  it,  my  name  is  n't  Andrew  Jackson. 
And  after  all,  Jack,  I  aint  so  glad  on  my  own  account, 
that  I'm  re-elected,  as  I  am  for  the  country  and  Mr  Van 
Buren.  This  election  has  all  been  on  Mr  Van  Buren's 
account ;  and  we  shall  get  him  in  now  to  be  President 
after  me.  And  you  know,  Jack,  that  he's  the  only  man 
after  me,  that's  fit  to  govern  this  country. 

The    President   has   made    me    promise   to  stop   and 
spend  the  night  with  him,  and  help  him  rejoice  over  the 
victory.     But  I  have  n't  time  to  write  any  more  before 
the  mail  goes. 
•^1-  Your  loving  friend, 

CAPT.  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  XL1X. 

In  which  Capt.   Downing  receives  a  Major's  commission, 
and  is  appointed  to  march  against  the  Nullifiers. 

Washington  City,  Dec.  8, 1832. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street,  Portland,  away 
down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND.  —  I  believe  the  last  time  I 
wrote  to  you,  was  when  I  come  back  with  the  express 
from  Baltimore,  and  Duff  Green  chased -me  so  .through 
the  street  to  find  out  what  I  was  bringing,  and  the  Pres 
ident  thought  he  was  running  to  get  a  lick  at  me,  and 
called  for  his  pistols  to  stand  between  me  and  harm,  you 
know.  Well,  I  intended  to  tarn  right  about  again  after 
I  had  made  the  old  gentleman's  heart  jump  up  by  tell 
ing  him  that  he  had  got  Pennsylvany  and  would  be 
elected  as  sure  as  eggs  was  bacon,  and  make  the  best  of 
my  way  towards  Portland.  For  you  cant  think  how  I 
long  to  see  you  and  uncle  Joshua  and  ant  Resiah  and 
cousin  Ephraim  and  cousin  Nabby  and  all  the  rest  of 
the  dear  souls  up  in  Downingville.  It  seems  as  though 
it  was  six  years  instead  of  six  months  since  I  left  that 
part  of  the  country,  and  when  I  shall  be  able  to  get  back 
again  is  more  than  I  can  tell  now  ;  for  I  find  when  a 
man  once  gets  into  public  life  he  never  can  say  his  time 
is  his  own  ;  he  must  always  stand  ready  to  go  where  his 
country  calls.  The  long  and  the  short  of  it  is,  the  Pres 
ident  has  got  so  many  other  fish  for  me  to  fry,  it's  no  use 
for  me  to  think  of  going  home  yet.  That  evening  after 
I  got  back  with  the  express,  the  President  said  we  must 
honor  this  victory  in  Pennsylva'ny  with  a  glass  of  yvjne.^ 
I  am  sure,  said  he,  Capt.  Downing,  you  will  have  no  ob 
jection  to  take  a  glass  with  me  on  this  joyful  occasion. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  173 

I  told  him  as  for  that  matter,  I  supposed  I  could  take  a 
glass  of  wine  upon  a  pinch,  even  if  the  occasion  was  not 
half  so  joyful.  So  he  had  two  or  three  bottles  full  brought 
in,  and  filled  up  the  glasses.  And  now,  says  the  President, 
I  will  give  you  a  toast.  The  State  of  Pennsylvania,  the 
most  patriotic  State  in  the  Union ;  for  though  I  go 
against  all  her  great  public  interests,  still  sh£  votes  for 
me  by  an  overwhelming  majority. 

He  then  called  for  my  toast.  And  what  could  I  give 
but  my  dear  native  Downingville  ;  the  most  genuine  un 
wavering  democratic  republican  town  in  New  England. 

Good,  said  the  President ;  and  that  Downingville  has 
never  been  rewarded  yet.  You  shall  have  a  Post  Of- 
ficjL-esiabJished  there,  and  name  to  me  which*  Of  yuui 
friends  you  would  like  should  be  Post  Master,  and  he 
shall  be  appointed. 

The  President  then  gave  his  second  toast ;  Martin 
Van  Buren,  the  next  President  of  the  United  States, 
and  the  only  man  in  the  country  that  is  fit  for  it.  Capt. 
Downing,  your  toast  if  you  please.  So  I  gave  Uncle 
Joshua  Downing,  the  most  thorough  going  republican  in 
Downingville. 

Good,  said  the  President,  I  understand  you.  Captain  _ 
Downing  ^jour  jinida-JtrerTT^^  the  Po^TDmce. 

His  third  toast  was  th»  editor  of  the  Washington 
Globe ;  and  mine  was  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Cou 
rier.  But  I  told  him  he  mustn't  ask  me  for  any  more 
toasts,  for  that  was  as  fur  as  I  could  go. 

The  President  toasted  several  more  of  his  friends, 
sich  as  Major  Eaton,  and  Mr  Kendall,  and  Mr  Lewis, 
and  the  Hon.  Isaac  Hill,  and  so  on,  till  it  got  to  be  pret 
ty  late  in  the  evening,  and  f  told  the  President  I  would 
be  glad  if  he  would  excuse  me,  for  I  wanted  to  start  early 
in  the  morning  on  my  way  down  east,  and  I  thought  I 
should  feel  better  if  I  could  get  a  little  nap  first.  And 
besides  I  had  got  to  go  and  get  the  old  lady  that  used 
to  do  my  washing  and  mending,  to  patch  up  my  coat 
15* 


174  LETTERS    OF 

that  got  such  a  terrible  shipwreck  by  being  thrown  off 
the  horse  with  the  express. 

Start  down  east  to-morrow  morning,  Capt.  Downing, 
said  he,  you  must  not  think  of  it.  I  have  an  important 
and  delicate  job  on  hand  which  I  cant  get  along  with  very 
well  without  your  assistance.  There's  that  miserable 
ambitious  Calhoun  has-been  trying  this  dozen  years  to  be 
President  oTThe  United  States ;  but  he  can't  make  out, 
so  now  he  is  determined  to  lop  off  a  few  of  the  southern 
Spates  and  make  himseir^tijooidoftLof  tkemT"  JjutrThe 
^lon't  iTM  himself -nifsfaken  my  name  is  n't  Andrew 
Jackson.  As  he  said  this  he  started  up  on  his  feet,  and 
begun  to  march  across  the  floor  with  a  very  soldier-like 
step,  and  his  eyes  fairly  flashed  fire.  No,  said  he,  Capt. 
Downing,  he  must  wait  till  somebody  else  is  President 
besides  me  before  he  can  do  that.  Let  him  move  an 
inch  by  force  in  this  business,  if  he  dares.  I'll  chase 
him  as  far  beyond  Tennessee  as  it  is  from  here  there, 
but  what  I'll  catch  him  and  string  him  up  by  the  neck 
to  the  first  tree  I  can  find. 

I  rrfust  send  some  troops  out  there  to  South  ffa™1'1^ 
to  reconnoitre  and  keep  matters  strait,  and  your  gallant 
defence  of  Madavvaska  last  winter  points  you  out  as  the 
most  sukable  man  to  take  the  command.  —  I  shall  give 
you  a  Major's  commission  to-morrow,  and  wish  you  to 
enlist  two  or  three  companies  of  brave  volunteers  and 
hold  yourself  in  readiness  to  obey  orders.  In  case  we 
should  have  to  come  to  a  real  brush,  said  the  President, 
I  shall  take  command  myself,  and  make  you  Lieutenant 
General.  But  I  wish  you  to  bear  in  mind,  let  what  will 
come,  never  to  shoot  that  Calhoun.  Shooting  is  too 
good  for  him.  He  must  dance  upon  nothing  with  a  rope 
round  his  neck. 

As  for  your  coat,  Capt.  Downing,  dont  trouble  the  old 
lady  with  it.  It  looks  as  though  it  had  seen  service 
enough  already.  I'll  give  you  one  of  mine  to  wear  till 
you  have  time  to  get  a  suit  of  regimentals  made.  I  told 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  175 

him  I  felt  a  little  uneasy  about  taking  the  command 
among  strangers,  unless  I  could  have  my  Downingville 
Company  with  me.  Send  for  them,  said  the  President, 
by  alHlreanc,  cond  for-tfaem.  There  are  no  troops  equal 
to  them  except  it  is  some  of  the  boys  from  Tennessee. 
So  I  shall  forthwith  send  orders  to  Sargeant  Joel  to 
march  'em  on  here.  As  I  am  to  have  my  commission 
to-morrow,  I  shall  venture  to  subscribe  myself  your  friend, 
MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  L. 

In  which  uncle  Joshua  tells  what  a  tussle  they  had  in  Dow 
ningville  to  keep  the  Federalists  from  praising  the 
President's  Proclamation  against  the  Nullifiers. 

Downingville,  State  of  Maine,  Dec.  27, 1832. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  City,  or  if  he  is  gone  to 
South  Carolina  I  want  President  Jackson  to  send  this  along  tu 
him. 

MY  DEAR  NEFFU,  —  We  had  almost  gin  you  up  for 
dead,  you  had  been  gone  so  long,  before  we  got  your 
letter  in  the  Portland  Courier  telling  how  you  had  been 
away  to  Tennessee  along  with  President  Jackson. 
Your  poor  mother  had  pined  away  so  that  she  had 
nothing  left,  seemingly,  but  skin  and  bones,  and  your 
cousin  Nabby  had  cried  her  eyes  half  out  of  her  head, 
poor  girl.  But  when  the  Portland  Courier  came  bring 
ing  that  are  letter  of  yourn,  Downingville  was  in  a  com 
plete  uproar  all  day.  Sargent  Joel  had  come  home 
from  Madawaska  and  dismissed  your  company,  and  gone 
to  work  in  the  woods  chopping  wood.  But  as  soon  as 
he  heard  your  letter  had  come,  he  dropped  his  ax,  and  I 
dont  think  he  's  touched  it  since  ;  and  he  put  on  his 
regimentals  and  scoured  up  the  old  piece  of  a  scythe 


176  LETTERS    OF 

that  he  used  to  have  for  a  sword,  and  stuck  it  into  his 
waistband,  and  strutted  about  as  big  as  a  major  gineral. 
Your  mother  begun  to  pick  up  her  crums  immediately, 
and  has  been  growing  fat  ever  since.  And  Nabby  run 
about  from  house  to  house  like  a  crazy  bed-bug,  telling 
'em  Jack  was  alive  and  was  agoing  to  build  up  Downing- 
ville  and  make  something  of  it  yet. 

We  got  your  last  letter  and  the  President's  Procla 
mation  both  together,  though  I  see  your  letter  was  writ 
ten  two  days  first.  That  JE^oclamaAwm  is  a  capital  thing. 
You  know  I  Ve  made  politics  my  study  for  forty  years, 
and  I  must  say  it  's  the  most  ginuine  republican  thing  I 
ever  come  acrost.  But  what  was  most  provoking  about 
it,  was,  all  the  old  federalists  in  town  undertc 
it  tu.  Squire  Dudley,  you  Know,  was  always  a  federal 
ist,  and  an  Adams  man  tu.  I  met  him  the  next  day 
after  the  Proclamation  come,  and  he  was  chock  full  of 
the  matter.  Says  he,  Mr.  Downing,  that  Proclamation 
is  jest  the  thing.  It  's  the  true  constitutional  doctrine. 
We  all  support  the  President  in  this  business  through 
thick  and  thin. 

My  dander  began  to  rise,  and  I  could  not  hold  in  any 
longer.  Says  I,  squire  Dudley,  shut  up  your  clack,  or 
I  '11  knock  your  clam-shells  together  pretty  quick.  It  's 
got  to  be  a  pretty  time  of  day  indeed,  if  after  we  've 
worked  so  hard  to  get  President  Jackson  in,  you  Feder 
alists  are  going  to  undertake  to  praise  his  proclamation 
as  much  as  though  he  was  your  own  President.  You  've 
a  right  to  grumble  and  fine  fault  with  it  as  much  as  you 
like ;  but  dont  let  me  hear  you  say  another  word  in  fa 
vor  of  it,  if  you  do  I  '11  make  daylight  shine  through 
you.  The  old  man  hauled  in  his  horns  and  meeched  off 
looking  shamed  enough. 

The  next  day  we  concluded  to  have  a  public  meeting 
to  pass  resolutions  in  favor  of  the  Proclamation.  I  was 
appointed  chairman.  The  federal  party  all  come  flock 
ing  round  and  wanted  to  come  in  and  help  praise  the 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  177 

President.  We  told  'em  no  ;  it  was  our  President,  and 
otjtJEioclamation,  and  they  mustTeeptheir  distance. 
So  we  shut  the  doors  and  went  on  with  our  resolutions. 
By  and  by  the  federal  party  begun  to  hurra  for  Jackson 
outside  the  house.  At  that  I  told  Sargent  Joel  and  your 
cousin  Ephraim  and  two  or  three  more  of  the  young 
democrats  to  go  out  and  clear  the  coast  of  them  are 
fellers.  And  they  went  out  and  Sargent  Joel  drew  his 
piece  of  a  scythe  and  went  at  'em  and  the  federalists 
run  like  a  flock  of  sheep  with  a  dog  after  'em.  So  we 
finished  our  resolutions  without  getting  a  drop,  of  feder 
alism  mixed  with  'em,  and  sent  'em  on  to  the  President 
by  Sargent  Joel.  He  got  his  company  together  last 
week  and  they  filled  their  knapsacks  with  bread  and 
sasages  and  doe-nuts,  and  started  for  Washington  ac 
cording  to  your  orders. 

I  was  glad  to  see  that  hint  in  your  letter  about  a  post 
office  here.  We  need  one  very  much.  And  if  the 
President  should  think  I  ought  to  have  it,  being  I  've 
always  been  such  a  good  friend  to  him,  why  you  know. 
Jack,  I  'm  always  ready  to  serve  my  country. 
So  I  remain  your  loving  Uncle, 

JOSHUA  DOWNING. 

P.  S.  If  the  President  should  n't  say  any  thing  more 
about  the  post  office,  I  think  you  had  better  name  it  to 
him  again  before  you  go  to  South  Carolina  ;  for  if  any 
thing  should  happen  to  you  there,  he  might  never  do  any 
more  about  it. 


178  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  LI. 

In  which  Major  Downing  describes  the  arrival  of  Sargent 
Joel  with  the  Company  at  Washington. 

Washington  City,  Jan.  4,  1833. 

To  my  dear  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing,  what  watches  the  Legislator 
at  Augusta,  away  down  east,  in  the  State  of  Maine,  while  I  stay 
here  and  look  arter  Congress  and  the  President. 

DEAR  COUSIN,  —  Sargent  Joel  got  here  day  before 
yesterday  with  my  hearty  old  company  of  Downingville 
boys,  that  went  down  to  Madawaska  with  me  last  winter. 
They  cut  rather  a  curious  figure  marching  through  Pen- 
silvany  Avenu.  One  half  of  'em  had  worn  their  shoes 
out  so  that  their  toes  stuck  out  like  the  heads  of  so  many 
young  turtles,  and  t'other  half  had  holes  through  their 
knees  or  elbows,  and  Sargent  Joel  marched  ahead  of  'em 
swinging  his  piece  of  an  old  scythe  for  a  sword,  and  in 
quiring  of  every  one  he  met  for  Major  Jack  Downing. 
They  all  told  him  to  keep  along  till  he  got  to  the  Presi 
dent's  house,  which  was  the  biggest  house  in  the  city  ex 
cept  the  Congress  house,  and  there  he  would  find  me. 
I  and  the  President  were  setting  by  the  window  in  the 
great  east  room,  looking  out  and  talking  about  Mr  Cal- 
houn  and  so  on,  when  the  President  begun  to  stare  as 
though  he  saw  a  catamount. 

He  started  up  on  his  feet,  and  says  he,  Major  Downing, 
if  my  eyes  dont  deceive  me  there  's  Nullification  now 
coming  up  Pensilvany  Avenu.  He  begun  to  call  for  his 
pistols,  and  to  tell  his  men  to  fasten  up  the  doors,  when 
I  looked  out,  and  I  knew  Joel's  strut  in  a  minute.  Says 
I,  dear  Ginneral,  that's  no  nullification,  but  its  what  '11 
put  a  stopper  on  nullification  pretty  quick  if  it  once  gets 
to  South  Carolina.  It  's  my  Downingville  Company 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  179 

commanded  by  Sargent  Joel.  At  that  the  President 
looked  more  pleased  than  I  've  seen  him  before  since  he 
got  the  news  of  the  vote  of  Pensilvany.  He  ordered  'em 
into  the  east  room  and  gave  'em  as  much  as  they  could 
eat  and  drink  of  the  best  the  house  affords.  He  has 
found  quarters  for  'em  in  the  neighborhood,  and  says  we 
must  be  ready  to  march  for  South  Carolina  whenever  he 
says  the  word. 

But  I  '11  tell  you  what  't  is,  cousin  Ephraim,  I  begin 
to  grow  a  little  kind  of  wamble-cropt  about  going  to  South 
Carolina,  arter  all.  If  they  've  got  many  such  fellers 
there  as  one  Ginneral  Blair  there  is  here  from  that  State, 
I  'd  sooner  take  my  chance  in  the  woods  forty  miles  above 
Downingville,  fighting  bears  and  wolves  and  catamounts, 
than  come  within  gun-shot  of  one  of  these  Carolina  giants. 
He  's  a  whaler  of  a  feller,  as  big  as  any  two  men  hi 
Downingville.  They  say  he  weighs  over  three  hundred 
pounds.  About  a  week  ago  he  met  Ginneral  Duff  Green 
in  the  street  and  he  fell  afoul  of  him  with  a  great  club 
and  knocked  him  down,  and  broke  his  arm  and  beat  him 
almost  to  death,  jest  because  he  got  mad  at  something 
Mr  Green  said  in  his  paper.  And  what  makes  me  feel 
more  skittish  about  getting  into  the  hands  of  such  chaps, 
is,  because  he  says  he  could  n't  help  it.  He  says  all  his 
friends  persuaded  him  not  to  meddle  with  Ginneral  Green, 
and  he  tried  as  hard  as  he  could  to  let  him  alone,  but  he 
*  found  himself  unequal  to  the  effort.'  So  Green  like  to 
got  killed. 

The  folks  here  sot  out  to  carry  him  to  court  about  it, 
but  he  said  he  would  n't  go,  and  so  he  armed  himself  with 
four  pistols  and  two  dirks  and  a  great  knife,  and  said 
he  'd  shoot  the  first  man  that  touched  him.  Last  night 
he  went  to  the  Theatre  with  all  his  arms  and  coutrements 
about  him.  And  after  he  sot  there  a  spell,  and  all  the 
folks  were  looking  to  see  the  play  go  on,  he  draws  out 
one  of  his  pistols  and  fires  it  at  the  players.  Then  there 
was  a  dreadful  uproar.  They  told  him  he  must  clear 


180  LETTERS    OF 

out  about  the  quickest.  But  he  said  if  they  'd  let  him 
alone  he  M  behave  like  a  gentleman.  So  they  went  on 
with  the  play  again. 

By  and  by  he  draws  out  another  pistol  and  points  it 
towards  the  players.  At  that  there  was  a  whole  parcel 
of  'era  seized  him  and  dragged  him  out  into  another 
room,  big  as  he  was.  But  pretty  soon  he  got  upon  his 
feet,  and  begun  to  rave  like  a  mad  ox.  He  pulled  off  his 
coat  and  threw  it  down,  and  declared  he  'd  fight  the.* 
whole  boodle  of 'em.  The  constables  were  all  so  fright 
ened  they  cut  and  run,  and  nobody  dared  to  go  a  near 
him,  till  he  got  cooled  down  a  little,  when  some  of  his 
friends  coaxed  him  away  to  a  tavern.  Now  as  for  going 
to  South  Carolina  to  fight  such  chaps  as  these,  I  'd  sooner 
let  nullification  go  to  grass  and  eat  mullen. 

Sargent  Joel  told  me  when  he  left  Downingville  you 
had  jest  got  loaded  up  with  apples  and  one  thing  another 
to  go  down  to  Augusta  to  peddle  'em  out ;  and  that  you 
was  a  going  to  stay  there  while  the  Legislator  folks  were 
there.  So  I  thought  it  would  be  a  good  plan  for  you  and 
I  to  write  to  one  another  about  once  a  week  or  so,  how 
matters  get  along. 

Give  my  love  to  the  folks  up  in  Downingville  whenever 
you  see  'ern. 

So  I  remain  your  loving  Cousin, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  181 


LETTER  LEI. 

In  which  Major  Downing  gives  his  opinion  about  NULLIFI 
CATION,  and  illustrates  it  with  a  lucid  example. 

Washington  City,  Jan.  17, 1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  down  east 
in  the  State  of  Maine. 

MY  KIND  AND  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND, —  The  President's 
Mftssagft  tn  Congress  rnakes  cracking  work  here.  Mr 
Calhoun  shows  his  teeth  like  a  lion.  Mr  McDuffie  is 
cool  as  a  cowcumber,  though  they  say  he's  got  a  terrible 
tempest  inside  of  him,  that  he'll  let  out  before  long.  For 
my  part  I  think  the  President's  Message  is  about  right. 
I  was  setting  with  the  President  in  the  east  room  last 
night,  chatting  about  one  thing  and  another,  and  the 
President  says  he,  Major  Downing,  have  you  read  my 
message  that  I  sent  to  Congress  to  day.  I  told  him  I 
had  n't.  Well,  says  he,  I  should  like  to  have  you  read 
it  and  give  me  your  opinion  upon  it.  So  he  handed  it 
to  me  and  I  sot  down  and  read  it  through. 

And  when  I  got  through,  now  says  I  Gineral  I'll  tell 
you  jest  what  I  think  of  this  ere  business.  When  I  was 
a  youngster  some  of  us  Downingville  boys  used  to  go 
down  to  Sebago  Pond  every  spring  and  hire  out  a  month 
or  two  rafting  logs  across  the  Pond.  And  one  time  I 
and  cousin  Ephraim,  and  Joel,  and  Bill  Johnson,  and 
two  or  three  more  of  us  had  each  a  whapping  great  log 
to  carry  across  the  Pond.  It  was  rather  a  windy  day 
and  the  waves  kept  the  logs  bobbing  up  and  down  pretty 
considerable  bad,  so  we  agreed  to  bring  'em  along  side 
and  side  and  lash  'em  together  and  drive  some  thole-pins 
in  the  outermost  logs  and  row  'em  over  together.  We 
went  along  two  or  three  miles  pretty  well.  But  by  and 
16 


182  LETTERS    OP 

by  Bill  Johnson  begun  to  complain.  He  was  always  an 
uneasy  harumscarum  sort  of  a  chap.  Always  thought 
every  body  else  had  an  easier  time  than  he  had,  and 
when  he  was  a  boy,  always  used  to  be  complaining  that 
the  other  boys  had  more  butter  on  their  bread  than  he 
had.  Well,  Bill  was  rowing  on  the  leward  side,  and  he 
begun  to  fret  and  said  his  side  went  the  hardest,  and 
he  would  n't  give  us  any  peace  till  one  of  us  changed 
sides  with  him. 

Well  Bill  had  n't  rowed  but  a  little  ways  on  the  wind 
ward  side  before  he  began  to  fret  again,  and  declared 
that  side  went  harder  than  'tother,  and  he  wouldn't 
touch  to  row  on  that  side  any  longer.  We  told  him  he 
had  his  choice,  and  he  should  n't  keep  changing  so.  But 
he  only  freted  the  more  and  begun  to  get  mad.  At  last 
he  declared  if  we  did  n't  change  with  him  in  five  minutes, 
he'd  cut  the  lashings  and  take  his  log  and  paddle  off 
alone.  And  before  we  had  hardly  time  to  turn  round, 
he  declared  the  five  minutes  were  out,  and  up  hatchet 
and  cut  the  lashings,  and  away  went  Bill  on  his  own  log, 
bobbing  and  rolling  about,  and  dancing  like  a  monkey  to 
try  to  keep  on  the  upper  side.  The  rest  of  us  scrabbled 
to  as  well  as  we  could,  and  fastened  our  logs  together 
again,  though  we  had  a  tuff  match  for  it,  the  wind  blew 
so  hard.  Bill  had  n't  gone  but  a  little  ways  before  his 
log  begun  to  role  more  and  more,  and  by  and  by  in  he 
went  splash,  head  and  ears.  He  came  up  puffing  and 
blowing,  and  got  hold  of  the  log  and  tried  to  climb  up  on 
to  it,  but  the  more  he  tried  the  more  the  log  rolled ;  and 
finding  it  would  be  gone  goose  with  him  pretty  soon  if 
he  staid  there,  he  begun  to  sing  out  like  a  loun  foi1  u&  10" 
We  asked  him  which  side  he  would 
row  if  we  would  take  his  log  into  the  raft  again.  O, 
says  Bill,  I'll  row  on  either  side  or  both  sides  if  you 
want  me  to,  if  you'll  only  come  and  help  me  before  I 
si  nk. 

But,  said  the  President,  I  hope  you  did  n't  help  the 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  183 

foolish  rascal  out  till  he  got  a  pretty  good  soaking.  He 
got  soaked  enough  before  we  got  to  him,  says  I,  for  he 
was  jest  ready  to  sink  for  the  last  time,  and  our  logs 
come  pesky  near  getting  scattered,  and  if  they  had,  we 
should  all  gone  to  the  bottom  together.  And  now  Gin- 

eral,  this  is  jest  what  I  think  :  if  you  let  ^>outh  Carolina „ 

cut  the  lashings  you'll  see  such  a  l^gr-mlHi^or  jn  this 
country  as  you  never  see  yet.  The  old  Gineral  started 
up  and  marched  across  the  floor  like  a  boy.  Says  he, 
Major  Downing,  she  sha'nt  cut  the  lashings  while  my 
name  is  Andrew  Jackson.  Tell  Sargent  Joel  to  have 
his  company  sleep  on  their  arms  every  night.  I  told 
him  they  should  be  ready  at  a  moment's  warning. 

I  wish  you  would  jest  give  cousin  Ephraim  up  to  Au 
gusta  a  jog  to  know  why  he  dont  write  to  me  and  let  me 
know  how  the  Legislator  is  getting  along. 
I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING, 


LETTER  LIII. 

In  which  cousin  Ephraim  tells  the  Major  how  matters  get 
along  at  Augusta,  and  gives  a  specimen  of  the  value  of 
political  promises. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  Jan.  30, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  that  we  take  up  in  Dow- 
ningville  :  dear  sir,  I  want  you  to  send  tfiis  on  to  cousin  Jack  to 
Washington  City,  'cause  he  told  me  you  would  send  it  and  not 
charge  any  postage. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing. 

DEAR  COUSIN  JACK,  —  I  got  your  letter  sometime  ago, 
but  I  had  n't  time  to  answer  it  afore  now,  because  I  had 
to  go  back  up  to  Downingville  to  get  another  load  of 
apples.  These  Legislate!*  folks  crouch  apples  down  by 


184  LETTERS  OF 

the  wholesale  between  speeches,  and  sometimes  in  the 
middle  of  speeches  tu.  That  arternoon  that  Mr  Clark 
spoke  all  day,  I  guess  I  sold  nigh  upon  a  half  a  bushel 
for  cash,  and  trusted  out  most  three  pecks  besides.  The 
folks  up  to  Downingville  are  all  pretty  well,  only  your 
poor  old  mother ;  she  's  got  the  reumatics  pretty  bad 
this  winter.  She  says  she  wishes  with  all  her  heart 
Jack  would  come  home,  and  not  think  of  going  to  South 
Carolina.  Ever  since  she  heard  about  Ginneral  Blair 
she  cant  hardly  sleep  nights,  she  's  so  afraid  you  '11  get 
shot.  I  tell  her  there  's  no  danger  of  you  as  long  as  you 
have  President  Jackson  one  side  of  you  and  Sargent 
Joel  'tother. 

The  Legislator  is  jogging  along  here  pretty  well ;  I 
guess  they  '11  get  through  about  the  first  of  March,  if 
they  dont  have  too  many  boundary  questions  come  along. 
We  made  some  Major  Ginnerals  here  'tother  day,  and  I 
tried  to  get  you  elected.  Not  because  I  thought  you 
c^ed  much  about  the  office  now,  but  jest  for  the  honor 
of1  Downingville.  I  tried  most  all  the  members,  and 
thought  to  be  sure  you  would  come  in  as  slick  as  greese. 
For  about  forty  of  'em  told  me  they  thought  it  belonged 
to  you.  They  said  it  was  against  their  principles  to 
pledge  their  votes  to  any  body  ;  but  they  whispered  in 
my  ear  that  they  would  do  wliat  they  could,  and  they  had 
n't  scarcely  a  doubt  but  what  you  'd  be  elected.  Sixty- 
eight  of  'em  told  me  you  was  the  best  man  for  zY,  and 
would  undoubtedly  be  chosen  as  a  matter  of  course. 
And  twenty  five  of  'em  promised  me  right  up  and  down 
by  the  crook  of  the  elbow,  that  they  would  vote  for 
you. 

Well  Jack,  after  all  this,  you  did  n't  get  but  two  votes. 
By  that  time  I  begun  to  think  it  was  n't  so  strange  that 
it  took  you  two  years  hard  fishing  before  you  could  get 
an  office. 

This  is  the  most  democratic  Legislator  that  they  have 
ever  had  in  this  state  yet.  They  are  most  all  real  gin- 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  185 

uine  democrats,  and  they  have  give  Mr  Holmes  and  Mr 
Sprague  a  terrible  basting  for  being  federalists,  and  they 
have  turned  Mr  Holmes  out  and  put  Mr  Shepley  in. 

The  Legislator  is  talking  of  moving  the  seat  of  gov 
ernment  back  to  Portland  again.  They  say  it  will  be 
better  all  round.  They  wont  have  to  go  so  fur  through 
the  snow-drifts  to  their  boarding  houses,  and  wont  have 
to  pay  much  more  than  half  so  much  for  their  board. 
And  here  they  have  to  pay  four  pence  apiece  every  time 
they  are  shaved  ;  but  in  Portland  tfcey  can  get  shaved 
by  the  half  dozen  for  three  cents  apiece.  I  hope  they 
will  go,  for  I  can  get  more  for  my  apples  in  Portland 
than  I  can  here. 

P.  S.  Bill  Johnson  was  married  last  week,  and  he 
quarrelled  with  his  wife  the  very  next  day.  So  you  see 
he  is  the  same  old  sixpence  he  used  to  be.  He  says  he 
'11  send  a  petition  to  the  Legislator  to  be  divorced,  and 
he  declares  if  they  don't  grant  it,  he  '11  cut  the  lashings 
as  he  did  once  on  the  raft  on  Sebago  Pond,  sink  or 
swim. 

N.  B.  Uncle  Joshua  wished  me  to  ask  you  to  ask  the 
President  about  that  post  office  again,  as  his  commission 
has  n't  come  yet. 

I  remain  your  loving  Cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


16* 


186  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  LIV. 

In  which  Major  Downing  goes  up  top  the  Congress  house 
and  listens  to  see  if  he  can  hear  the  guns  in  South  Caro 
lina,  and  also  has  a  talk  with  the  President,  about  the 
slander  of  the  newspapers. 

[Note.    The  first  of 
South  Carolina  for  pul 

Washington  City,  Feb.  1, 1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  Mariners'  Church  Build 
ing,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  Street  away  down  east,  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  FRIEND.  —  This  is  nullification  day,  and  it's 
most  night,  and  I  aint  dead  yet,  and  hant  been  shot  at 
once  to-day.  I  got  up  this  morning  as  soon  as  it  was 
light,  and  went  out  and  looked  away  towards  South  Ca 
rolina,  and  listened  as  hard  as  I  could  to  see  if  I  could 
hear  the  guns  crackin  and  the  cannons  roarin.  But  it 
was  all  still  as  a  mouse.  And  I've  been  up  top  the  Con 
gress  house  five  or  six  times  to-day,  and  listened  and 
listened,  but  all  the  firing  I  could  hear  was  inside  tfre 
Congress  house  itself,  where  the  members  were  shooting 
their  speeches  at  each  other.  I  had  my  company  all 
ready  this  morning  with  their  dinners  in  their  napsacks, 
to  start  as  quick  as  we  heard  a  single  gun.  We  shant 
go  till  we  hear  something  from  these  nullifiers,  for  the 
President  says  he  aint  agoing  to  begin  the  scrape,  but  if 
the  nullifiers  begin  it,  then  the  hardest  must  fend  off. 

Yesterday  a  friend  handed  me  a  couple  of  papers 
printed  at  Hallowell  away  down  pretty  near  to  Augusta 
in  the  State  of  Maine,  called  the  American  Advocate, 
and  I  found  something  in  'em  that  made  me  as  mad  as  a 
March  hair.  The  first  one  mentioned  that  Capt.  Dow 
was  chosen  Mayor  of  Portland,  and  then  said,  he  is  the 


MAJOR  JACK   DOWNING.  187 

reputed  author  of  the  Jack  Downing  letters  that  have 
been  published  in  the  Portland  Courier.  The  other  pa 
per  that  was  printed  two  or  three  days  afterwards,  said 
Mr.  Dow  the  new  Mayor  of  Portland  is  not  the  author 
of  Jack  Downing's  letters  ;  they  are  written  by  Mr  Seba 
Smith,  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier.  JNow,  Mr 
utor,  my  good  old  friend,  is  n't  this  too  bad  ?  I  have 
n't  come  acrost  any  thing  that  made  me  feel  so  wamble- 
cropt  this  good  while.  Jest  as  if  Major  Jack  Downing 
could  n't  write  his  own  letters. 

-  I've  been  to  school,  put  it  altogether,  off  and  on,  more 
than  six  months  ;  and  though  I  say  it  myself,  I  always 
used  to  be  called  the  best  scholar  among  all  the  boys  in 
Downingville,  and  most  always  used  to  stand  at  the  head 
of  my  class.  I'd  been  through  Webster's  spelling  book 
before  I  was  fifteen,  and  before  I  was  twenty  I  could 
cypher  to  the  rule  of  three.  And  now  to  have  it  said 
that  I  dont  write  my  own  letters,  is  too  bad.  It's  what 
I  call  a  rascally  shame.  I  was  so  boiling  over  with  it 
last  night,  that  I  could'nt  hold  in  ;  and  so  I  took  the  pa 
pers  and  went  in  and  showed  them  to  the  President.  I 
always  go  to  the  President  when  I  have  any  difficulty, 
and  when  he  has  any  he  comes  to  me ;  so  we  help  one 
another  along  as  well  as  we  can.  When  the  President 
had  read  it,  says  he,  Major  Downing,  it's  strange  to  see 
how  this  world  is  given  to  lying.  The  public  papers  are 
beginning  to  slander  v^"  j^pt  ««  +k*y  nl™^ll  ^  *****  * 
have  n't  written  scarcely  a  public  document  since  I've 
been  President,  but  what  it's  been  laid  off  to  Mr  Van 
Buren,  or  Mr  McLane,  or  Mr  Livingston,  or  Mr  Taney, 
or  somebody  or  other.  And  how  to  help  this  slanderous 
business  I  dont  know.  But  it's  too  provoking,  Major, 
that's  certain.  Sometimes  I've  a  good  mind  to  make 
Congress  pass  a  law  that  every  editor  who  says  I  dont^ 
write  my  proclamations  nnrl  mpss^fl-f^  or  that  you  dont 
write  your  letters,  shall  forfeit  his  press  and  types ;  and 
if  that  dont  stop  him,  that  he  shall  be  strung  up  by  the 
neck  without  Judge  or  Jury. 


188  LETTERS    OF 

And  now,  Mr  Editor,  I  wish  you  would  jest  give  that 
Hallowell  man  a  hint  to  mind  his  t>wn  p's  and  q's  in  fu 
ture,  and  look  out  for  his  neck.  And  as  you  know  very 
well  that  I  do  write  my  own  letters,  I  would  thank  you 
jest  to  tell  the  public  so. 

I  remain  your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING.  * 


LETTER   LV. 

In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  explains  the  science  of  Land- 
speculation. 

Augusta,  State  of  Maine,  March  4, 1833. 

To  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  President  Jackson's  house  in  Wash 
ington  City. 

DEAR  COUSIN  JACK,  —  The  Legislator  folks  have  all 
cleared  out  to-day  one  arter  t'other  jest  like  a  flock  of 
sheep ;  and  some  of  'em  have  left  me  in  the  lurch  tu,  for 
they  cleared  out  without  paying  me  for  my  apples. 
Some  of  'em  went  off  in  my  debt  as  much  as  twenty 
cents,  and  some  ninepence,  and  a  shilling,  and  so  on. 
They  all  kept  telling  me  when  they  got  paid  off,  they'd 
settle  up  with  me.  And  so  I  waited  with  patience  till 
they  adjourned,  and  thought  I  was  as  sure  of  my  money 
as  though  it  was  in  the  Bank. 

But,  my  patience,  when  they  did  adjourn,  such  a  hub 
bub  1  guess  you  never  see.  They  were  flying  about 
from  one  room  to  another,  like  so  many  pigeons  shot  in 
the  head.  They  run  into  Mr  Harris'  room  and  clawed 
the  money  off  of  his  table,  hand  over  fist.  I  brustled  up 
to  some  of  'em,  and  tried  to  settle.  I  come  to  one  man 
that  owed  me  twelve  cents,  and  he  had  a  ninepence  in 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  189 

change,  but  he  wouldn't  let  me  have  that,  because  he 
should  lose  a  half  cent.  So,  while  we  were  bothering 
about  it,  trying  to  get  it  changed,  the  first  I  knew  the 
rest  of  'em  had  got  their  money  in  thejr  pockets  and 
were  off  like  a  shot,  some  of  'em  in  stages,  and  some  in 
sleighs,  and  some  footing  it.  I  out  and  followed  after 
'em,  but  'twas  no  use  ;  I  couldn't  catch  one  of  'em. 
And  as  for  my  money,  and  apples  tu,  I  guess  I  shall 
have  to  whistle  for  'em  now.  Its  pesky  hard,  for  1  owe 
four  and  sixpence  here  yet  for  my  board,  and  I've  paid 
away  every  cent  I've  got  for  my  apples,  and  dont  know 
but  I  shall  have  to  come  down  with  another  load  to  clear 
out  my  expenses.  Howsomever,  you  know  uncle  Joshua 
always  told  us  never  to  cry  for  spilt  milk,  so  I  mean  to 
hold  my  head  up  yet. 

I  dont  know  but  I  shall  have  to  give  up  retailing  ap 
ples,  I  meet  with  so  many  head-flaws  about  it.  I  was 
thinking  that,  soon  as  the  Legislator  adjourned,  I'd  take 
a  load  of  apples  and  apple-sass,  and  a  few  sassages,  and 
come  on  to  Washington,  and  go  long  with  your  company 
to  South  Carolina.  But  they  say  MrClfly.  hao  put-a, 


ullification  business,  so  that  its  ten 
chances  to  one  you  wont  have  to  go. 

I  dont  care  so  much  about  the  apple  business  after  all  ; 
for  I've  found  out  a  way  to  get  rich  forty  times  as  fast 
as  I  can  by  retailing  apples,  or  as  you  can  by  hunting 
after  an  office.  And  I  advise  you  to  come  right  home, 
as  quick  as  you  can  come.  Here's  a  business  going  on 
here  that  you  can  get  rich  by,  ten  times  as  quick  as  you 
can  in  any  office,  even  if  you  should  get  to  be  President. 
The  President  dont  have  but  twenty-five  thousand  dol 
lars  a  year  ;  but  in  this  ere  business  that's  going  on  here, 
a  man  can  make  twenty-five  thousand  dollars  in  a  wee 
if  he's  a  mind  to,  and  not  work  hard  neither. 

I  spose  by  this  time  you  begin  to  feel  rather  in  a 
pucker  to  know  what  this  business  is.  I'll  tell  you  :  but 
you  must  keep  it  to  yourself,  for  if  all  them  are 


190  LETTERS    OF 

Washington  folks  and  Congress  folks  should  come  on 
here  and  go  to  dipping  into  it,  I'm  afraid  they'd  cut  us  all 
out.  But  between  you  and  me,  its  only  jest  buying  and 
sellingvJand.  yhv.  Jack,  its  forty  times  more  profitable 
than  money  digging,  or  any  other  business  that  you  ever, 
see.  I  knew  a  man  here  t'other  day  from  Bangor,  that 
made  ten  thousand  dollars,  and  I  guess  he  want  more 
than  an  hour  about  it.  Most  all  the  folks  here  and  down 
to  Portland  and  Bangor  have  got  their  fortunes  made, 
and  now  we  are  beginning  to  take  hold  of  it  up  in  the 
country. 

They've  got  a  slice  up  in  Downingville,  and  I  missed 
it  by  being  down  here  selling  apples,  or  I  should  had  a 
finger  in  the  pie.  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  you  know 
he's  an  old  fox,  and  always  knows  where  to  jump  ;  well, 
he  see  how  every  body  was  getting  rich,  so  he  went  and 
bought  a  piece  of  a  township  up  back  of  Downingville, 
and  give  his  note  for  a  thousand  dollars  for  it.  And 
then  he  sold  it  to  uncle  Jacob  and  took  his  note  for  two 
thousand  dollars ;  and  uncle  Jacob  sold  it  to  uncle 
Zackary  and  took  his  note  for  three  thousand  dollars  ; 
and  uncle  Zackary  sold  it  to  uncle  Jim,  and  took  hjs 
note  for  four  thousand  dollars  ;  and  uncle  Jim  sold  it  to 
cousin  Sam,  and  took  his  note  for  five  thousand  dollars ; 
and  cousin  Sam  sold  it  to  Bill  Johnson,  and  took  his 
note  for  six  thousand  dollars.  So  you  see  there's  five 
of  'em  that  want  worth  ninepence  apiece  before,  have 
now  got  a  thousand  dollars  apiece  clear,  when  their 
notes  are  paid.  And  Bill  Johnson's  going  to  logging  off 
of  it,  and  they  say  he'll  make  more  than  any  of  'em. 

Come  home,  Jack,  come  home  by  all  means,  if  you 
want  to  get  rich.     Give  up  your  commission,  and  think 
no  more  about  being  President,  or  any  thing  else,  but 
come  home  and  buy  land  before  its  all  gone. 
Your  loving  cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  191 

P.  S.  Didn't  Mr  Holmes  and  Mr  Sprague  look  rather 
blue  when  they  got  the  resolutions  that  our  Legislator 
passed,  giving  them  such  a  mortal  whipping  ? 


LETTER  LVI. 

In  which  Major  Downing  tells  Jmo  MrCflfi.ii  p^ft  $  st.np  tn 
that  fuss  in  South  Carolina^  hesideshushinsr  up  some 
other  quarrels. 

Washington  City,  March  10, 1833. 

To  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  2nd  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street,  away  down  east,  in 
the  State  of  Maine,  to  be  sent  to  Cousin  Ephraim  Downing,  up  in 
Downingville,  cause  I  spose  he  's  gone  home  before  this  time  from 
Augusta. 

DEAR  COUSIN  EPHRAIM,  —  I  got  your  letter  this  morn 
ing.  It  was  a  shame  for  them  are  Legislate!*  folks  to 
skulk  off  without  paying  you  for  your  apples.  But  they  are 
the  worst  folks  about  standing  to  their  word  that  I  know 
of.  They've  promised  me  an  office  more  than  twenty 
times,  but  some  how  or  other,  come  to  the  case  in  hand, 
their  votes  always  went  for  somebody  else.  But  I  dont 
care  a  fig  for  'em  as  long  as  I've  got  the  President  on 
my  side,  for  his  offices  are  as  fat  again  as  the  Legislator 
offices  are.  The  President^  officesjaJU  snpuort  ajnan 
well  if  he  does  n'tdo^aay  thing  at  all.  '  As  soon 
as  Mi-  Clay's" T^nrff-gflTpassed,  the  President  called 
me  into  his  room,  and  says  he,  Major  Downing,  the  nul 
lification  jig  is  up.  There'll  be  no  fun  for  you  in  South 
Carolina  now,  and  I  guess  you  may  as  well  let  Sargent  Joel 
march  the  company  back  to  Downingville,  and  wait  till 
somebody  kicks  up  another  bobbery  some  where  and 
then  I'll  send  for  'em,  for  they  are  the  likeliest  company 
I've  seen  since  I  went  with  my  Tennesse  rangers  to 


192  LETTERS    OP 

New  Orleans.  And  as  for  you  Major  Downing,  you 
shall  still  hold  yojir^nmrninnion  nnrjjTrrmdrrj^nlf  p^Tj 
holding  yourself  in  readiness  to  march  at  a  moment's 
warning  and  to  fight  whenever  called  for. 

So  you  see,  Cousin  Ephraim,  I  am  pretty  well  to  live 
in  the  world,  without  any  of  your  land  speculations  or 
apple  selling  down  east.  I  cant  seem  to  see  how  'tis 
they  all  make  money  so  fast  in  that  land  business  down 
there  that  you  tell  about.  How  could  all  our  folks  and 
Bill  Johnson  and  all  of  'eni  there  in  Downingville  make  a 
thousand  dollars  apiece,  jest  a  trading  round  among 
themselves,  when  there  aint  fifty  dollars  in  money,  put 
it  all  together,  in  the  whole  town.  It  rather  puzzles  me 
a  little.  As  soon  as  I  see  'em  all  get  their  thousand  dol 
lars  cash  in  hand,  I  guess  I'll  give  up  my  commission 
and  come  home  and  buy  some  land  tu. 

But  at  present  I  think  I  rather  have  a  bird  in  the  hand 
than  one  in  the  bush.  Our  Congress  folks  here  cleared 
out  about  the  same  time  that  your  Legislater  folks  did, 
and  I  and  the  President  have  been  rather  lonesome  a  few 
days.  The  old  gentleman  says  I  must  n't  leave  him  on 
any  account ;  but  I  guess  I  shall  start  Joel  and  the  com 
pany  off  for  Downingville  in  a  day  or  two.  They  've  got 
their  clothes  pretty  much  mended  up,  and  they  look 
quite  tidy.  I  should'nt  feel  ashamed  to  see  'em  marched 
through  any  city  in  the  United  States. 

It  is  n't  likely  I  shall  have  any  thing  to  clo  under  my 
commission  very  soon.  For  some  say  there  '11  be  no 
more  fighting  in  the  country  while  Mr  Clay  lives,  if  it 
should  be  a  thousand  years.  He's  got  a  master  knack 
of  pacifying  folks  and  hushing  up  quarrels  as  you  ever 
see.  He's  stopt  all  that  fuss  in  South  Carolina,  that  you 
know  was  jest  ready  to  blow  the  whole  country  sky  high. 
He  stept  up  to  'em  in  Congress  and  told  'em  what  sort 
of  a  Bill  to  pass,  and  they  passed  it  without  hardly  any 
jaw  about  it.  And  South  Carolina  has  hauled  in  her 
horns,  and  they  say  she'll  be  as  calm  as  a  clock  now. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  193 

And  that  is  n't  the  only  quarrel  Mr  Clay  has  stopt.  Two 
of  the  Senators,  Mr  Webster  and  Mr  Poindexter,  got  as 
mad  as  March  hairs  at  each  other.  They  called  each 
other  some  pesky  hard  names,  and  looked  cross  enough 
for  a  week  to  bite  a  board  nail  off.  Well,  after  Mr 
Clay  got  through  with  South  Carolina,  he  took  them  in 
hand,  He  jest  talked  to  'em  about  five  minutes,  and 
they  got  up  and  went  and  shook  hands  with  each  other, 
and  looked  as  loving  as  two  brothers. 

Then  Mr  Holmes  got  up  and  went  to  Mr  Clay,  and 
almost  with  tears  in  his  eyes  asked  him  if  he  would  n't 
be  so  kind  as  to  settle  a  little  difficulty  there  was  between 
him  and  his  constituents,  so  they  might  elect  him  to 
come  to  Congress  again.  And  I  believe  some  of  the 
other  Senators  asked  for  the  same  favor. 

So  as  there  is  likely  to  be  peace  now  all  round  the 
house  for  some  time  to  come,  I'm  in  a  kind  of  a  quanda 
ry  what  course  to  steer  this  summer.  The  President 
talks  of  taking  a  journey  down  east  this  summer,  and  he 
wants  me  to  go  with  him,  because  I'm  acquainted  there, 
and  can  show  him  all  about  it.  He  has  a  great  desire 
to  go  as  fur  as  Downingville,  and  get  acquainted  with 
Uncle  Joshua,  who  has  always  stuck  by  him  in  all 
weathers  through  thick  and  thin.  The  President  thinks 
uncle  Joshua  is  one  of  the  republican  pillars  of  New- 
England,  and  says  he  shall  always  have  the  post  office 
as  long  as  he  lives,  and  his  children  after  him. 

I  rather  guess  on  the  whole  I  shall  come  on  that  way 
this  summer  with  the  President.  But  wherever  I  go,  I 
shall  remain  your  loving  cousin, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 

17 


194  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  LVII. 

In  which  Major  Downing  gives  the  result  of  a  consultation 
amongst  the  government  on  the  question,  Aether  the 
President  should  rftnlr  grinds  with  the  Fedex&lists  dur 
ing  his  journey  down  East.  ""***— ~^* 

Washington  City,  April  20, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
building,  second  story  eastern  end,  Fore  Street,  away  down  East 
in  the  State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  —  Bern  I  hant  writ  to  you 
for  some  time,  I'm  afraid  you  and  our  folks  up  in  Down- 
ingville  will  begin  to  feel  a  little  uneasy  by  and  by,  so 
I'll  jest  write  you  a  little  if  it  aint  but  two  lines,  to  let 
you  know  how  we  get  on  here.  I  and  the  President 
seem  to  enjoy  ourselves  pretty  well  together,  though  its 
getting  to  be  a  little  lonesome  since  the  Congress  folks 
went  off,  and  Sargeant  Joel  cleared  out  with  my  Down- 
ingville  Company.  Poor  souls,  I  wonder  if  they  have 
got  home  yet ;  I  have  n't  heard  a  word  from  'em  since 
they  left  here.  I  wish  you  would  send  up  word  to  Sar 
geant  Joel  to  write  to  me  and  let  me  know  how  they  got 
along.  He  can  send  his  letter  in  your  Currier,  or  get 
uncle  Joshua  to  frank  it ;  either  way  it  wont  cost  me  any 
thing.  Now  I  think  of  it,  I  wish  you  would  jest  ask 
cousin  Nabby  to  ask  uncle  Joshua  to  frank  me  on  two 
or  three  pair  of  stockings,  for  mine  have  got  terribly  out 
at  the  heels.  He  can  do  it  jest  as  well  as  not ;  they 
make  nothing  here  of  franking  a  bushel  basket  full  of  great 
books  to  the  western  States.  And  they  say  some  of  the 
members  of  Congress  used  to  frank  their  clothes  home 
by  mail  to  be  washed. 

I  and  the  President  are  getting  ready  to  come  on  that 
way  this  summer.  We  shall  come  as  far  as  Portland, 


MAJOR    JACK   DOWNING.  195 

and  I  expect  we  shall  go  up  to  Downingville  ;  for  the 
President  says  he  must  shake  hands  with  uncle  Joshua 
before  he  comes  back,  that  faithful  old  republican  who 
has  stood  by  him  through  thick  and  thin  ever  since  he 
found  he  was  going  to  be  elected  President.  He  will 
either  go  up  to  Downingville,  or  send  for  Uncle  Joshua 
to  meet  him  at  Portland. 

There  is  some  trouble  amongst  us  here  a  little,  to  know 
how  we  shall  get  along  among  the  federalists  when  we 
come  that  way.  They  say  the  federalists  in  Massachu 
setts  want  to  keep  the  President  all  to  themselves  when 
he  comes  there.  But  Mr  Van  Buren  >ays  that  '11  never 
do ;  he  must  stick  to  the  democratic  party ;  he  may 
shake  hands  with  a  federalist  once  in  a  while  if  the  de 
mocrats  dont  see  him,  but  whenever  there's  any  demo 
crats  round  he  mustn't  look  at  a  federalist.  \iVir  ivlc- 
Lane  armMfLlviilgiJlOll -adviac  him-torther  way,  Tfrfcy 
tell  him  he'd  better  treat  the  federalists  pretty  civik  ar)d 
shake  hands  with  Mr  \V  ebster^as-q^nel^fs--fte  wouid^rith 
uncle  Joshua  Downing.  And  when  they  give  this  advice 
Mr  Lewis  and  Mr  Kendle  hop  right  up  as  mad  as 
march  hairs,  and  tell  him  if  he  shakes  hands  with  a  sin 
gle  federalist  while  he  is  gone,  the  democratic  party  will 
be^ ruined.  And  ihen  ?n>~Prgsto>enTturns  to  me  and 
asks  me  wnat  he  had  better  do.  And  I  tell  him  I  guess 
he  better  go  straight  ahead,  and  keep  a  stiff  upper  lip, 
and  shake  hands  with  whoever  he  is  a  mind  to. 

Mr  Van  Buren  staid  with  us  awhile  at  the  President's, 
but  he's  moved  into  a  house  now  on  Pennsylvany  Ave 
nue.  He's  a  fine  slick  man  I  can  tell  you,  and  the 
President  says  he's  the  greatest  man  in  America.  He's 
got  the  beat'em-est  tongue  that  ever  I  see.  If  you  had 
a  black  hat  on,  he  could  go  to  talking  to  you  and  in  ten 
minutes  he  could  make  you  think  it  was  white. 

Give  my  love  to  our  folks  up  in  Downingville  when 
you  have  a  chance  to  send  it  to  'em,  and  believe  me 
your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


196  LETTERS    OF 


LETTER  LVIII. 

In  which  Major  Downing  defends  the  President  from  the 
assault  of  Lieut.  Randolph  on  board  the  Steam-boat 
Cygnet. 

On  board  the  Steam-boat  Cygnet,  near  the  city  of  Alexandria, 
down  a  little  ways  below  Washington,  May  the  6th,  1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  in  the  Mariners'  Church 
Building,  2d  story,  Eastern  end,  Fore-street,  away  down  East,  in 
the  State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND.  —  We've  had  a  kind  of  a  hurly 
burly  time  here  to-day.  I  did  n't  know  but  we  should 
burst  the  biler  one  spell ;  and  some  of  us,  as  it  was,  got 
scalding  hot.  You  see,  I  and  the  President  and  a  few 
more  gentlemen  got  into  the  stearn-boat  this  morning  to 
go  round  into  oldy^gjuny  tn  l>plp  lay  the  foundation  of 
a  monument,  so  they  should  n't  forget  who  Wasjiiag; 
ton's  mother  was. 

When  we  got  down  along  to  Alexandria,  the  boat 
hauled  up  to  the  side  of  the  wharf  awhile  to  let  some 
more  folks  get  in,  and  while  she  lay  there,  I  and  the 
President  and  a  few  more  of 'em  sot  in  the  cabin  read 
ing  and  chatting  with  one  another.  The  President  had 
jest  got  through  reading  a  letter  from  uncle  Joshua 
Downing,  urging  him  very  strongly  to  come  up  as  fur  as 
Downingville  when  he  comes  on  that  way.  And  says 
he,  Major  Downing,  this  uncle  Joshua  of  yours  is  a  real 
true  blue  republican  as  I  know  of  any  where.  I  would 
n't  miss  seeing  him  when  I  go  down  east  for  a  whole 
year's  salary. 

Says  I,  your  honor,  Downingville  is  the  most  thorough 
going  republican  town  there  is  any  where  in  the  eastern 
country ;  and  you  ought  not  to  come  back  till  you  have 
visited  it.  Jest  as  I  said  that  there  was  a  stranger  came 
into  the  cabin  and  stept  along  up  to  the  President,  and 


MAJOR   JACK  DOWNING.  197 

begun  to  pull  off  his  glove.  I  thought  there  was  some 
mischief  bruing,  for  his  lips  were  kind  of  quivery,  and  I 
did  n't  like  the  looks  of  his  eyes  a  bit.  But  the  Presi 
dent  thought  he  was  trying  to  get  his  gloves  off  to  shake 
hands  with  him,  and  the  good  old  man  is  always  ready 
to  shake  hands  with  a  friend ;  so  he  reached  out  his  hand 
to  him  and  smiled,  and  told  him  never  to  stand  for  the 
gloves,  and  the  words  want  hardly  out  of  his  mouth 
when  dab  went  one  of  the  fellow's  hands-efetp  illlt»*^he 
Pr  e  sidentjs_fae«T — 

^Tn^lTmWient  I  w^prf  my  »ry1hroii^M~-t4^,;naiJ? 
head,  and  came  pesky  near  fetching  him  to  the  floor. 
Two  more  gentlemen  then  clenched  him  by  the  collar 
and  had  him  down  as  quick  as  ever  you  see  a  beef  ox 
knocked  down  with  an  ax.  In  a  minute  there  was  a 
crowd  round  him  as  thick  as  a  swarm  of  bees. 

But,  my  stars,  I  wish  you  could  have  seen  the  Presi 
dent  jest  at  that  minute.  If  you  ever  see  a  lion  lying 
down  asleep  and  a  man  come  along  with  a  great  club  and 
hit  him  a  polt  with  all  his  might,  and  then  see  that  lion 
spring  on  his  feet,  and  see  the  fire  flash  in  his  eyes,  and 
hear  him  roar  and  gnash  his  teeth,  you  might  give  some 
sort  of  a  guess  what  kind  of  a  harry  cane  we  had  of  it. 

The  old  Gineral  no  sooner  felt  the  fellow's  paw  in  his 
face  than  he  sprung  like  a  steel-trap,  and  catched  his 
cane  and  went  at  him.  But  there  was  such  a  crowd  of 
men  there  in  an  instant,  that  it  as  was  much  impossible  to 
get  through  'em  as  it  was  for  the  British  to  get  through 
his  pile  of  cotton  wool  bags  at  New-Orleans.  If  it  had 
n't  been  for  that,  I  dont  think  but  he  would  have  kicked 
the  feller  through  the  side  of  the  steam-boat  in  two 
minutes. 

However,  somehow  or  other  the  rascal  got  hussled  out 
of  the  boat  on  to  the  wharf,  and  fled  like  a  dog  that  had 
been  stealing  sheep.  They  have*senTSTJme  officers  after 
him,  but  where  they  will  overtake  him  nobody  knows. 

The  President  has  got  cleverly  cooled  down  again, 
17* 


198  LETTERS    OF 

and  we  are  going  on  to  lay  the  foundation  of  the  mon 
ument. 

My  love  to  all  the  good  folks  up  in  Downingville. 
In  haste  your  old  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER   LIX. 

In  which  Major  Downing  shakes  hands  for  the  President 
at  Philadelphia,  while  on  the  grand  tour  down  East. 

To  Uncle  Joshua  Downing,  Post  Master,  up  in  Downingville,  in 
the  State  of  Maine.  This  to  be  sent  by  my  old  friend,  the  Editor 
of  the  Portland  Courier,  with  care  and  speed. 

Philadelphia,  June  10, 1833. 

DEAR  UNCLE  JOSHUA,  —  We  are  coming  on  full  chisel. 
I've  been  trying,  ever  since  we  started,  to  get  a  chance 
to  write  a  little  to  you  ;  but  when  we've  been  on  the 
road  I  couldn't  catch  my  breath  hardly  long  enough  to 
write  my  name,  we  kept  flying  so  fast ;  and  when  we 
made  any  stop,  there  was  such  a  jam  round  us  there 
wasn't  elbow  room  enough  for  a  miskeeter  to  turn  round 
without  knocking  his  wings  off. 

I'm  most  afraid  now  we  shall  get  to  Downingville  be 
fore  this  letter  does,  so  that  we  shall  be  likely  to  catch 
you  all  in  the  suds  before  you  think  of  it.  But  I  under 
stand  there  is  a  fast  mail  goes  on  that  way,  and  I  mean 
to  send  it  by  that,  so  I'm  in  hopes  you'll  get  it  time 
enough  to  have  the  children's  faces  washed  and  their 
heads  combed,  and  the  gals  get  on  their  clean  gowns. 
And  if  Sargent  Joel  could  have  time  enough  to  call  out 
my  old  Downingville  Company  and  get  their  uniform 
brushed  up  a  little,  and  come  down  the  road  as  fur  as 
your  new  barn  to  meet  us,  there's  nothing  that  would 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  199 

please  the  President  better.  As  for  victuals,  most  any 
thing  wont  come  amiss ;  we  are  as  hungry  as  bears  after 
travelling  a  hundred  miles  a  day.  A  little  fried  pork 
and  eggs,  or  a  pot  of  baked  beans  and  an  Indian  pud 
ding  would  suit  us  much  better  than  the  soft  stuff  they 
give  us  here  in  these  great  cities. 

The  President  wouldn't  miss  of  seeing  you  for  any 
thing  in  the  world,  and  he  will  go  to  Downingville  if  he 
has  legs  and  arms  enough  left  when  he  goes  to  Portland 
to  carry  him  there.  But  for  fear  any  thing  should  hap 
pen  that  he  shouldn't  be  able  to  come,  you  had  better 
meet  us  in  Portland,  say  about  the  22d,  and  then  you  can 
go  up  to  Downingville  with  us,  you  know. 

This  travelling  with  the  President  is  capital  fun  after 
all,  if  it  wasn't  so  plaguy  tiresome.  We  come  into  Bal 
timore  on  a  Rail  Road,  and  we  flew  over  the  ground 
like  a  harrycane.  There  isn't  a  horse  in  this  country 
that  could  keep  up  with  us,  if  he  should  go  upon  the 
clean  clip.  When  we  got  to  Baltimore,  the  streets  were 
filled  with  folks  as  thick  as  the  spruce  trees  down  in 
your  swamp.  There  we  found  Black  Hawk,  a  little, 
old,  dried  up  Indian  king.  —  And  I  thought  the  folks 
looked  at  him  and  the  prophet  about  as  much  as  they 
did  at  me  and  the  President.  I  gave  the  President  a 
wink  that  this  Indian  fellow  was  taking  the  shine  off  of 
us  a  little,  so  we  concluded  we~wOuldll'i  have  him  in  our 
company  any  more,  and  shall  go  on  without  him. 

I  cant  stop  to  tell  you  in  this  letter  how  we  got  along 
to  Philadelphy,  though  we  had  a  pretty  easy  time  some 
of  the  way  in  the  steam-boats.  And  I  cant  stop  to  tell 
you,  of  half  of  the  fine  things  I  have  seen  here.  They 
took  us  up  into  a  great  hall  this  morning  as  big  as  a 
meeting-house,  and  then  the  folks  begun  to  pour  in  by 
thousands  to  shake  hands  with  the  President ;  federalists 
and  all,  it  made  no  difference.  There  was  such  a  stream 
of  'em  coming  in  that  the  hall  was  full  in  a  few  minutes, 
and  it  was  so  jammed  up  round  the  door  that  they 


200  LETTERS    OP 

couldn't  get  out  again  if  they  were  to  die.  So  they  had 
to  knock  out  some  of  the  windows  and  go  out  t'other 
way. 

The  President  shook  hands  with  all  his  might  an  hour 
or  two,  till  he  got  so  tired^ti^couldn't  hardly  stand  it.  I 
took  hold  and  shook  for  him  once  in  awhile  to  help  him 
along,  but  at  last  he  got  so  tired  he  had  to  lay  down  on 
a  soft  bench  covered  with  cloth  and  shake  as  well  as  he 
could,  and  when  he  couldn't  shake  he'd  nod  to  'em  as 
they  come  along.  And  at  last  he  got  so  beat  out,  he 
couldn't  only  wrinkle  his  forward  and  wink.  Then  I 
kind  of  stood  behind  him  and  reached  mv  arm  roundr 
.iinj^rjiin,  jjnrl  s^onh  for  Hr^frr  ao^tlL-u  llfCltan  hour  as 
StfnTas  I  could  spring.  TheriVe  concluded  it  was  best 
to  adjourn  for  to-day. 

And  I've  made  out  to  get  away  up  into  the  garret  in 
the  tavern  long  enough  to  write  this  letter.  We  shall  be 
off  to-morrow  or  next  day  for  York,  and  if  I  can  possi 
bly  get  breathing  time  enough  there,  I  shall  write  to  you 
again. 

Give  my  love  to  all  the  folks  in  Downingville,  and  be 
lieve  me  your  loving  neffu, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LX. 

In  which  the  President  and  Major  Downing  have  a  very 
narrow  escape  at  the  breaking  down  of  the  bridge  in  New, 
York 

To  uncle  Joshua  Downing,  Post  Master  up  in  Downingville,  State 
of  Maine,  to  be  sent  in  the  Portland  Courier  with  care  and 
speed. 

NEW  YORK  CITY,  Friday  evening,  June  14, 1833. 

DEAR   UNCLE  JOSHUA,  —  Here   we   are   amongst    an 

ocean  of  folks,  and  cutting  up  capers  as  high  as  a  cat's 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  201 

back.  I  spose  you  will  see  by  the  papers  how  we  all 
ot  drowned  vp^tnrdnv  p-pin^  across  a  little  bridge 
between  the  castle  and  tl 

It  was  a  pesky~narrow  squeak  for  me  and  the  Presi 
dent.  He  was  riding  over  on  a  great  fine  hoss,  and  I 
was  walking  along  by  the  side  of  him  and  trying  to 
clear  the  way  a  little,  for  they  crowded  upon  us  so,  there 
was  no  getting  along,  and  hardly  a  chance  to  breathe. 
When  we  got  under  the  arch  we  stopped  a  little  bit  for 
the  crowd  to  clear  away,  when  all  at  once  I  thought  I 
heard  something  crack.  Says  I,  Gineral,  you  better  go 
ahead,  I'm  afraid  there's  mischief  bruing  here.  At  that 
he  give  his  hoss  a  lick  and  pushed  through  the  crowd, 
but  we  had  n't  got  more  than  a  rod,  before  crash  went 
the  bridge  behind  us,  all  down  in  a  heap,  and  two  loTl- 
hflftao'S^on  lop  uf  it  "and  as  many  as  a  hundred  folks 
splashed  into  the  water,  all  mixed  up  together  one  top 
of 'tother.  The  President  looked  over  his  shoulder,  and 
seeing  I  was  safe  behind  him,  called  out  for  Mr  Van 
Buren,  and  asked  me  to  run  and  see  if  he  was  hurt.  I 
told  him  he  had  forgot  himself,  for  Mr  Van  Buren  was 
n't  in  the  company  ;  but  Mr  VVoodbury  and  Mr  Cass 
were  in  for  it,  for  I  could  see  them  floundering  about  in 
the  water  now.  Run,  Major,  said  the  President,  run  and 
give  them  a  lift.  Take  Mr  Woodbury  first,  you  know  I 
can't  spare  him  at  any  rate. 

So  there  was  a  parcel  of  us  took  hold  and  went  to 
hauling  of  'em  out  of  the  water  like  so  many  drownded 
rats.  But  we  got  'em  all  out  alive,  except  a  few  young 
things  they  called  dandies  ;  they  looked  so  after  they 
got  wet  all  over  that  we  could  n't  make  out  whether  they 
were  alive  or  dead.  So  we  laid  'em  up  to  dry  and  left 
'em ;  and  I  went  on  to  help  the  President  review  the 
troops  on  the  battery,  as  they  call  it ;  and  a  grand  place 
it  is  tu.  I've  seen  more  fine  shows  here,  it  seems  to  me, 
than  ever  I  see  before  in  my  life.  Such  a  sight  of  folks, 
and  fine  ladies,  and  fine  houses,  and  vessels,  and  steam- 


202  LETTERS    OP 

boats,  and  flags  a  flying,  and  cannons  firing,  and   fire 
works  a  whisking  about,  I  never  see  the  beat  of  it.     I, 
didn't  think  there  was  so  much  fun  in  this  world  before, 
for  all  I've  been  about  so  much  at  Madawaska  and  among 
the  nullifiers  and  all  round. 

But  I  cant  tell  you  much  about  it  till  we  get  there,  for 
I  cant  find  any  time  to  write.  I've  only  catched  a  few 
minutes  this  evening  while  the  President  is  gone  into 
Mr  Niblo's  garden.  One  of  the  master  sights  that  I've 
seen  yet  was  that  balloon  that  went  up  this  afternoon, 
carrying  a  man  with  it.  Poor  fellow,  I  dont  much  think 
he'll  ever  get  back  again,  for  he  looked  to  me  the  last  I 
see  of  him  as  though  he  would  land  in  England,  or  the 
moon,  or  some  other  country. 

All  these  sights  keep  us  back  a  little  longer  than  we 
expected.  I  dont  think  now  we  shall  be  in  Portland  be 
fore  the  28th  or  29th  of  this  month.  So  I  thought  I'd 
jest  write  you  a  line  that  you  might  be  down  there  about 
that  time. 

In  haste  your  loving  neffu, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXI. 

In  ivhich  Major  Downing  describes  the  visit  of  the  Presi 
dent  at^Boston,  and  also  complains  of  the  rascally  coun- 
terfeJJ^K^that  write  letter^m  his-namefor  the  newspapers. 

[Note  by  the  Editor.     It  will  be  recollected   that  the    President 
while  in  Boston,  was  for  a  few  days  seriously  ill.] 

Boston,  Tuesday,  June  25, 1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

MY  DEAR  OLD    FRIEND,  —  I'm    keeping   house    with 
the  President  to  day,  and  bein  he's  getting  considerable 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  203 

better,  I  thought  I'd  catch  a  chance  when  he  was  taking 
a  knap,  and  write  a  little  to  let  you  know  how  we  get 
along.  This  ere  sickness  of  the  President  has  been  a 
bad  pull-back  to  us.  He  hasn't  been  able  to  go  out 
since  Sunday  afternoon,  and  I've  been  watchin  with  him 
this  two  nights,  and  if  I  wasn't  as  tough  as  a  halter,  I 
should  be  half  dead  by  this  time. 

And  if  the  President  want  tougher  than  a  catamount, 
he'd  kick  the  bucket  before  he'd  been  round  to  see  one 
half  the  notions  there  is  in  Boston.  Poor  man,  he  has 
a  hard  time  of  it ;  you've  no  idea  how  much  he  has  to 
go  through.  It's  worse  than  being  dragged  through  for 
ty  knot  holes. 

To  be  bamboozled  about  from  four  o'clock  in  the 
morning;  till  midnight,  rain  or  shine,  jammed  into  one 
great  house  to  eat  .a  bx«akfast,  and  into  another  great 
house  to  eat  a  dinner,  and  into  another  to  eat  supper, 
and  into  two  or  three  others  between  meals,  to  eat  cool- 
iations,  and  to  have  to  go  out  and  revjew  thr^fi-QX^foui* 
rigirnents  of  troops,  and  then  to  be  jammed  into  Funnel 
Hall  two  hours,  and  shake  hands  with  three  or  four 
thousand  folks,  and  then  to  goUTto  the  Slate-House  and 
stand  there  two  or  three  hours  and  see  all  Boston  stream 
ing  through  it  like  a  river  through  a  sawmill,  and  then 
to  ride  abouUtJj^jeity'  awhile  in  a  fine  painted  covered 
waggoirTntfrtoui*  or  five  horses  to  draw  it,  and  then  ride 
awhile  in  one  without  any  cover  to  it,  finney-fined  off  to 
the  top  notch,  and  then  get  on  to  the  horses  and  ride 
awhile  a  horseback,  and  then  run  into  a  great  picture 
room  and  seVTmore'iine  pictures  than  you  could  shake  a 
stick  at  in  a  week,  and  then  go  into  some  grand  gentle 
man's  house,  and  shake  hands  a  half  an  hour  with  a 
flock  of  ladies,  and  then  after  supper  go  and  have  a  lit 
tle  still  kind  of  a  hubbub  all  alone  with  three  or  four 
hundred  particular  friends,  and  talk  an  hour  or  two,  and 
take  another  cooliation,  and  then  go  home,  and  about 
midnight  get  ready  to  go  to  bed,  and  up  again  at  four 


204  LETTERS    OF 

o'clock  the  next  morning  and  at  it.  —  If  this  aint  enough  to 
tucker  a  feller  out  I  dont  know  what  is.  The  President 
wouldn't  have  stood  it  till  this  time  if  he  hadn't  sent  me 
and  Mr  Van  Buren  and  the  rest  of  us  to  some  of  the 
parties,  while  he  staid  to  home  to  rest. 

The  President's  got  so  much  better  I  think  we  shall 
be  able  to  start  for  Salem  to-morrow,  for  we  must  go 
through  with  it  now  we've  begun,  as  hard  work  as  'tis. 
I  think  we  shall  get  to  Portland  about  the  4th  of  July  ; 
so  if  you  get  your  guns  and  things  all  ready  you  can 
kill  two  birds  with  one  stone.  I  hope  you'll  be  pretty 
careful  there  how  you  point  your  guns.  They  pointed 
'em  so  careless  at  New  York  that  one  of  the  wads  come 
within  six  inches  of  making  daylight  shine  through  the 
President. 

Now  I  think  ont,  there  is  the  most  rascally  set  of  fel 
lers  skulking  about  somewhere  in  this  part  of  the  coun 
try  that  ever  I  heard  of,  and  I  wish  you  would  blow  'em 
up.  They  are  worse  than  the  pick-pockets.  I  mean 
them  are  fellers  that's  got  to  wrjtin 
my  name  to  'em,  and  sending  of  7em  tothe,  printers. 
And  ITieard  there  WSS  onesassy  feller  last  Saturday 
down  to  Newburyport  that  got  on  to  a  horse,  and  rid 
about  town  calling  himself  Major  Jack  Downing,  and 
all  the  soldiers  and  the  folks  marched  up  and  shook 
hands  with  him,  and  thought  it  was  me.  —  Now,  my  dear 
old  friend,  isn't  this  too  bad  1  What  would  you  do  if 
you  was  in  my  case  1  I  say  again  they  are  worse  than 
the  pick-pockets.  Isn't  it  Mr  Shakespeare  that  says 
something  about  *  he  that  steals  my  munny-pus  steals 
trash,  but  he  that  steals  my  name  ought  to  have  his  head 
broke  ?'  I  wish  you  would  find  that  story  and  print  it. 

There,  the  President's  jest  waked  up,  so  I  must  sub 
scribe  myself,  in  haste,  Your  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  205 


LETTER  LXII. 

In  which  the  President  and  the  rest  of  'em  turn  a  short 
Corner  at  Concord  and  set  their  faces  towards  Wash 
ington. 


Hamsheer,  June  30,  1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  —  The  jig  is  all  up  about  our 
going  to  Portland  and  Downingville.  I've  battled  the 
watch  with  the  President  this  two  days  about  it,  and  told 
him  he  must  go  there  if  he  had  the  breath  of  life  in  him  ; 
and  he  kept  telling  me  he  certainly  would  if  horses  could 
carry  him  there. 

But  the  PrpaiHpnt  Jp  n't  vPfy  WP!!T  and  that  aint  the 
worst  of  it  ;  there  's  been  a  little  difficulty  bruin  among 
us,  and  the  President's  got  so  riled  about  it,  that  he's 
finally  concluded  to  atprt  nn  his  way  hngk  to  morrow. 
I  cant  help  it  ;  but  I  feel  bad  erioughaljotlt-*t.  If  I 
wasn't  a  military  man  J  could  cry  a  barrel  of  tears. 

I  dont  know  how  they  will  stan  it  in  Downingville 
when  they  come  to  get  the  news.  I'm  afraid  there  will 
be  a  master  uproar  there,  for  you  know  they  are  all  full- 
blooded  democrats. 

But  the  stage  is  jest  agoing  to  start,  and  I've  only 
time  to  write  you  this  line,  in  haste  from  your  friend, 
MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING, 


206  LETTERS    OP 


LETTER  LXIII. 

In  which  cousin  Nobby  describes  the  unutterable  disap 
pointment  at  Downingville  because  the  President  did  n't 
flfme,  and  tells  whai  a  terrible  pucker  ant  Keziah  was 
in  about  it. 

GREAT  UPROAR  IN  DOWNINGVILLE. 

Letter  from  Major  Downing's  Cousin  Nabby  to  the  editor  of  the 
Portland  Courier. 

RESPECTABLE  SIR:  —  As  cousin  Jack  is  always  so 
mity  budge  in  writing  letters  to  you,  and  as  he  and  the 
President  has  showed  us  a  most  provoking  trick  and 
run  off  like  a  stream  of  chalk  back  to  Washington  with 
out  coming  here,  after  they  had  promised  over  and  over 
again  that  they  would  come,  and  we  had  got  all  slicked 
up  and  our  clean  gownds  on,  and  more  good  victuals 
cooked,  than  there  ever  was  in  all  Downingville  before, 
I  say,  Mr  Editor,  I  declare  it's  tu  bad  ;  we  are  all  as 
mad  as  blazes  about  it,  and  I  mea'n  to  write  and  tell  you 
all  about  it  if  I  live,  and  if  cousin  Jack  dont  like  it  he 
may  lump  it,  so  there  now. 

Ye  see  cousin  Jack  writ  to  us  that  he  and  the  Presi 
dent  and  some  more  gentlemen  should  be  here  the  4th 
of  July,  and  we  must  spring  to  it  and  brush  up  and  see 
how  smart  we  could  look  and  how  many  fine  things  we 
could  show  to  the  President.  This  was  a  Saturday  be 
fore  the  4th  of  July  come  a  Thursday.  The  letter  was 
to  Uncle  Joshua,  the  Post  Master.  Most  all  the  folks  in 
Downingville  were  at  the  Post  Office  waiting  when  the 
mail  come  in,  for  we  expected  to  hear  from  Jack. 

Uncle  Joshua  put  on  his  spettacles  and  opened  the 
mail  and  hauled  out  the  papers  and  letters  in  a  bunch. 
In  a  minute  I  see  one  to  Uncle  Joshua  with  the  Presi 
dent's  name  on  the  outside  ;  so  I  knew  it  was  from  Jack, 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  207 

for  the  President  always  puts  his  name  on  Jack's  let 
ters.  We  all  cried  out  to  Uncle  Joshua  to  open  it  and 
let  us  know  what  was  in  it.  But  he's  such  a  provoking 
odd  old  man  he  would  n't  touch  it  till  he  got  every  one 
of  the  papers  and  letters  sorted  and  put  up  in  their 
places.  And  then  he  took  it  and  set  down  in  his  arm 
chair,  and  took  out  his  tobacker  box  and  took  a  chaw 
of  tobacker,  and  then  he  broke  open  the  seal  and  sot 
and  chawed  and  read  to  himself.  We  all  stood  tiptoe 
with  our  hearts  in  our  mouths,  and  he  must  needs  read 
It  over  to  himself  three  times,  chawing  his  old  quid  and 
once  in  awhile  giving  us  a  knowing  wink,  before  he 
would  tell  us  what  was  in  it.  —  And  he  would  n't  tell 
us  arter  all,  but,  says  he,  you  must  all  be  ready  to  put 
the  best  side  out  Thursday  morning  ;  there'll  be  business 
to  attend  to,  such  as  Downingville  never  see  before. 

At  that  we  all  cut  and  run,  and  such  a  hubbub  as  we 
were  in  from  that  time  till  Thursday  morning  I  guess 
you  never  see.  Such  a  washing  and^crubbing  and 
making  new  clothes  and  menchng  oldones  and  baking 
and  cooking^J^very  thing  seemed  to  be  in  a  clutter  all 
over  the  neighborhood.  Sargent  Joel  flew  round  like  a 
ravin-distracted  rooster.  He  called  out  his  company 
every  morning  before  sun-rise  and  marched  'em  up  and 
down  the  road  three  hours  every  day.  He  sent  to  the 
store  and  got  a  whole  new  set  of  buttons  and  had  'em 
sowed  on  to  his  regimental  coat,  and  had  a  new  piece  of 
red  put  round  the  collar.  And  had  his  trowses  washed 
and  his  boots  greesed,  and  looked  as  though  he  might 
take  the  shine  off  of  most  any  thing.  But  the  greatest 
rumpus  was  at  uncle  Joshua's ;  for  they  said  the  Presi 
dent  must  stay  "there  all  nigfht.  And^aul  Ke,z.iah  was  in 
such  a  pucker  to  have  every^tlnng^mce,  I  did  n't  know 
but  she  would  fly  off  the  handle. 

She  had  every  part  of  the  house  washed  from  garret 
to  cellar,  and  the  floors  all  sanded,  and  a  bunch  of  green 
bushes  put  into  all  the  fire  places.  And  she  baked  three 


208  LETTERS    OF 

ovens  full  of  dried  punkin  piesv  besides  a  few  dried 
huckleberry  pies,  and  cake,  and  a  great  pot  ofporji.and 
beans.  But  the  worsftrbuble  was  to  fix  up  tinTbed^so 
as  to  look  nice ;  for  ant  Keziah  declared  the  President 
should  have  as  good  a  night's  lodging  in  her  house  as  he 
had  in  New  York  or  Boston.  So  she  put  on  two  feather 
beds  on  top  the  straw  bed,  and  a  bran  new  calico  quilt 
that  she  made  the  first  summer  after  she  was  married 
and  never  put  it  on  a  bed  before.  And  to  make  it  look  as 
nice  as  the  New  York  beds,  she  took  her  red  silk  gown 
and  ripped  it  up  and  made  a  blanket  to~spreaa  over  iht^ 
len  sheT  hung  Up  some  sheets  all  round  the 
bed-room,  and  the  gals  brought  in  a  whole  handful  of 
roses  and  pinks  and  pinned  'em  up  round  as  thick  as  flies 
in  August. 

After  we  got  things  pretty  much  fixed,  uncle  Joshua 
started  off  to  meet  cousin  Jack  and  the  President,  and 
left  Sargent  Joel  to  put  matters  to  rights,  and  told  us 
we  must  all  be  ready  and  be  paraded  in  the  road  by 
nine  o'clock  Thursday  morning.  Well  Thursday  morn 
ing  come,  and  we  all  mustered  as  soon  as  it  was  day 
light  and  dressed  up.  The  children  were  all  washed 
and  had  their  clean  aprons  on  and  their  heads  combed 
and  were  put  under  the  care  of  the  schoolmarm  to  be 
paraded  along  with  her  scholers. 

About  eight  o'clock  all  the  village  got  together  down 
the  road  as  fur  as  uncle  Joshua's  new  barn ;  and  Sar 
gent  Joel  told  us  how  to  stand,  as  he  said,  in  militery 
order.  He  placed  Bill  Johnson  and  cousin  Ephraim 
out  a  little  ways  in  front  with  each  of  'em  a  great  long 
fowling  piece  with  a  smart  charge  in  to  fire  a  salute,  and 
told  'fern  as  soon  as  the  President  hove  in  sight  to  let 
drive,  only  be  careful  and  pint  their  guns  up  so  as  not 
to  hurt  any  body.  Then  come  Sargent  Joel  and  his 
company ;  and  then  come  the  schoolmarm  and  the 
children  ;  and  then  come  all  the  women  and  gals  over 
sixteen  with  ant  Reziah  at  their  head  ;  and  then  come 


MAJOR   JACK   DOWNING.  209 

all  the  men  in  town  that  owned  horses  riding  on  horse 
back  ;  and  all  the  boys  that  Sargent  Joel  did  n't  think 
was  large  enough  to  walk  in  the  profession  got  up  and 
sot  on  the  fences  along  by  the  side  of  the  road. 

There  we  stood  till  about  nine  o'clock,  when  sure 
enough  we  saw  somebody  corne  riding  out  of  the  woods 
down  the  hill.  The  boys  all  screamed  ready  to  split 
their  throats  hoorah  for  Jackson,  and  Bill  Johnson  fired 
off  his  gun.  Cousin  Ephraim,  who  aint  so  easy  flut 
tered,  held  on  to  his  and  did  n't  fire,  for  he  could  n't 
see  any  body  but  uncle  Joshua  on  his  old  grey  horse. 
Along  come  uncle  Joshua  on  a  slow  trot,  and  we  looked 
and  looked,  but  could  n't  see  any  body  coming  behind 
him. 

Then  they  all  begun  to  look  at  one  another  as  wild  as 
hawks  and  turn  all  manner  of  colors.  When  uncle 
Joshua  got  up  so  we  could  see  him  pretty  plain  he  look 
ed  as  cross  as  a  thunder  cloud.  He  rid  up  to  Sargent 
Joel,  and  says  he,  you  may  all  go  home  about  your 
business,  and  put  away  your  knick-nacks,  for  Jack  and 
the  President  are  half  way  to  Washington  by  this  time. 

My  stars  !  what  a  time  there  was  then.  I  never  see 
so  many  folks  boiling  o\iaj  mad_hefore..  Bill  Johnson 
threw  his  gun  over  into  the  field  as  much  as  ten  rods, 
and  hopped  up  and  down  and  struck  his  fists  together 
like  all  possessed.  Sargent  Joel  marched  back  and 
forth  across  the  road  two  or  three  times,  growing  red 
der  and  redder,  till  at  last  he  drew  out  his  sword  and 
fetched  a  blow  across  a  hemlock  stump  and  snapped  it 
off  like  a  pipe  stem.  Ant  Keziah  felidowjijn  ^con- 
niption  fit ;  and  it  waT  all  huufWfore  we  could  bring 
her  tu  a~nd  get  ner  into  the  house.  —  And  when  she  come 
to  go  round  the  house  and  see  the  victuals  she  had  cook 
ed  up,  and  go  into  the  bed-room  and  see  her  gown  all 
cut  up,  she  went  into  conniption  fits  again  and  had  'em 
half  the  night.  But  she's  better  to  day,  and  has  gone  to 
work  to  try  to  patch  up  her  gown  again. 
18* 


210  LETTERS    Of 

I  thought  I  would  jest  let  you  know  about  these 
things,  and  if  you  are  a  mind  to  send  word  on  to  cousin 
Jack  and  the  President,  I'm  willing.  You  may  tell  'em 
there  aint  five  folks  in  Downingville  that  would  hoorah 
for  Jackson  now,  and  I  dont  believe  there's  one  that 
would  vote  for  him  unless  'tis  uncle  Joshua,  and  he 
would  n't  if  he  was  n't  afraid  of  losing  the  post  office. 

But  there,  uncle  Joshua  has  called  to  me  and  says  he 
wont  keep  the  mail  open  another  minute  for  my  letter, 
so  I  must  prescribe  myself  your  respected  friend, 

NABBY  DOWNING. 


NOMINATION  FOR  THE  PRESIDENCY. 

From  the  National  Intelligencer. 

We  do  not  know  whether  it  be  necessary  *•  in  copying 
the  subjoined  effusion,  to  enter  into  a  protest  against 
misinterpretation  of  our  motives.  We  should  be  sorry 
to  be  understood,  whilst^  humoring  a  jest,  as  meaning 
to  burlesque  so  serious  an  action  as  the  choice  of  Presi 
dent  of  the  United  States.  We  copy  the  following  for 
the  sake  of  its  moral,  as  well  as  its  wit,  and  we  do  not 
like  the  moral  the  less  for  being  taught  with  a  smiling 

countenance. 

From  the  Mauch  Chunk  Courier. 

Our  next  President. 

Many  of  the  papers  in  the  United  States  have  already 
manifested  a  disposition  to  agitate  the  subject  of  the  next 
Presidency,  and  several  distinguished  individuals  have 
been  informally  named  for  that  office,  among  whom  are 
Mr  Van  Buren,  Mr  M'Lean,  Mr  Cass,  Mr  Clay  and  Mr 
Webster.  As  we  are  opposed  to  a  premature  discussion 
of  this  ticklish  question,  we  have  not  hitherto  committed 
ourself  in  favour  of  either  of  these  individuals.  Indeed, 
we  have  considered  it  very  imprudent  in  these  times,  for 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  211 

any  one  who  wishes  to  be  an  orthodox  politician,  to 
"  come  out "  for  any  body  until  he  can  ascertain  who 
will  be  most  likely  to  succeed.  Accordingly  we  have 
stood  upon  our  "reserved  rights"  of  neutrality,  to  watch 
the  signs  of  the  times,  and  see  who  would  probably  be 
the  most  popular  candidate.  Recent  indications  have 
satisfactorily  convinced  us  on  that  point,  and  as  we  wish 
to  be  considered  among  the  "originals" — the  real  Si 
mon  Pures,  we  would  lose  no  time  in  nominating 

For  President, 
MAJOR   JA.CKJTlOWNTNfl. 

Of  Downingviile.    ~^*+* 

In  recommending  this  distinguished  personage  to  our 
fellow  citizens,  it  will  be  scarcely  necessary  to  enume 
rate  his  various  claims  to  their  suffrages.  Suffice  it  to 
say,  his  military  renown,  his  valuable  public  services  in 
assisting  President  Jackson  to  put  down  the  Nullifiers, 
especial^ ^n  shaking  hands  with  the  Yankees  "down 
east,"  and  last  though  not  least,  the  fidelity  with  which 
he  and  his  uncle  Joshua  stuck  to  the  Old  Hero  after  he 
found  he  was  going  to  be  President,  eminently  qualify 
him  for  that  exalted  station. 


LETTER  LX1V. 

In  which  Major  Downing  tells  about  going  to  Cambridge 
and  making  the  President  a  Doctor  of 

On  board  the  Steam-boat,  going  from  Providence  to  York,  July 
2,  1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  in  the  Mari 
ners'  Church  building,  second  story,  eastern  end,  Fore  street, 
away  down  east  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  FRIEND.  —  We  are  driving  back  again  full 
chisel,  as  fast  as  we  come  on  when  we  were  on  the  Rail 


LETTERS    OF 

Road  between  Washington  and  Baltimore.  And  we  Ve 
been  drivin  so  fast  on  a  round  turn  in  all  the  places 
where  we've  been,  and  have  had  so  much  shaking  hands 
and  eating  and  one  thing  another  to  do,  that  I  could  n't 
get  time  to  write  to  you  at  half  the  places  where  I  want 
ed  to,  so  1  thought  I'd  set  down  now,  while  the  Presi 
dent's  laid  down  to  rest  him  awhile,  and  tell  you  some 
thing  about  Cambridge  and  Lowell.  Ye  see  when  we 
were  at  Boston  they  sent  word  to  us  to  come  out  to  Cam 
bridge,  for  they  wanted  to  make  the  President  -aj&octpr" 
of  Laws.  What  upon  arth  a  jJoc'lUr'bT  .Liawswas,  or 
'why  they  wanted  to  make  the  President  one,  I  could  n't 
think.  So  when  we  come  to  go  up  to  bed  I  asked  the 
Gineral  about  it.  And  says  I,  Gineral,  what  is  it  they 
want  to  do  to  you  out  to  Cambridge  1  Says  he  they  want 
to  make  a  Doctor  of  Laws  of  me.  Well,  says  I,  but 
what  good  will  that  do  1  Why,  says  he,  you  know  Major 
Downing,  there's  a  pesky  many  of  them  are  laws  parsed 
by  Congress,  that  are  rickety  things.  Some  of*em  have 
very  poor  constitutions,  and  some  of  'em  have  n't  no 
constitutions  at  all.  So  that  it  is  necessary  to  have 
somebody  tfeere  to  Doctor  'em  up  a  little,  and  not  let 
'em  go  out  into  the  world  where  they "•  would  stan  a 
chance  to  catch  cold  and  be  sick,  without  they  had  good 
constitutions  to  bear  it.  You  know,  says  he,  I  have  had 
to  doctor  the  Laws  considerable  ever  since  I've  been  at 
Washington,  although  I  was  n't  a  regular  bred  Doctor. 
And  I  made  out  so  well  about  it,  that  these  Cambridge 
folks  think  I  better  be  made  into  a  regular  Doctor  at 
once,  and  then  there  '11  be  no  grum&ling^and  disputing 
about  my  practice.  Says  he,  Major,  what  do  you  think 
of  it  1  I  told  him  I  thought  it  was  an  excellent  plan  ; 
and  asked  him  if  he  did  n't  think  they  would  be  willing, 
bein  I'd  been  round  in  the  military  business  considerable 
for  a  year  or  two  past,  to  make^ne  a  Doctor  of  War. 
He  said  he  did  n't  know,  but  he  thought  it  would  be  no  * 
harm  to  try  'em.  But  says  he,  Major,  I  feel  a  little  kind 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 


213 


of  streaked  about  it  after  all ;  for  they  say  they  will  go 
to  talking  to  me  in  Latin,  and  although  I  studied  it  a 
little  once,  I  dont  know  any  more  about  it  now  than  the 
man  in  the  moon.  And  how  I  can  ge£  along  in  that  case 
I  dont  know.  I  told  him  my  way,  when  any  body  talked 
to  me  in  a  lingo  that  I  did'nt  understand,  was  jest  to  say 
nothing,  but  look  as  knowing  as  any  of  'em,  and  then 
they  ginerally  thought  I  knew  a  pesky  sight  more  than 
any  of  'em.  At  that  the  Giueral  fetched  me  a  slap  on 
my  shoulder,  and  haw  hawed  right  out.  Says  he,  Major 
Downing,  you  are  the  boy  for  me ;  I  dont  know  how  I 
should  get  along  in  this  world  if  it  was  n't  for  you. 

So  when  we  got  ready  we  went  right  to  Cambridge  as 
bold  as  could  be.  And  that  are  Cambridge  is  a  real 
pretty  place;  it  seems  to  me  I  should  like  to  live  in  them 
Colleges  as  well  as  any  place  I've  ssen.  We  went  into 
the  Libry,  and  I  guess  I  stared  a  little,-  for  I  did  n't 
think  before  there  was  half  so  many  books  in  the  world. 
I  should  think  there  was  near  about  enough  to  fill  a 
meetin  bouse.  I  dont  believe  they  was  ever  all  read  or 
ever  will  be  to  all  ages. 

When  we  come  to  go  in  to  be  made  Doctors  of,  there 
was  a  terrible  crowding  round  ;  but  they  give  us  a  good 
place,  and  then  sure  enough  they  did  begin  to  talk  in 
Latin  or  some  other  gibberish  ;  but  whether  they  were 
talking  to  the  Gineral,  or  who  'twas,  I  could  n't  tell.  I 
guess  the  Gineral  was  a  little  puzzled.  But  he  never 
said  a  word,  only  once  in  a  while  bowed  a  little.  And 
I  spose  he  happened  sometimes  to  put  in  the  bows  in  the 
wrong  place,  for  I  could  see  some  of  the  sassy  students 
look  up  one  side  once  in  a  while,  and  snicker  out  of  one 
corner  of  their  mouths.  Howsornever  the  Gineral  stood 
it  out  like  a  hero,  and  got  through  very  well.  And  when 
'twas  over,  I  stept  up  to  Mr  Quincy  and  asked  him  if  he 
would  n't  be  so  good  as  to  make  me  a  Doctor  of  War, 
and  hinted  to  him  a  little  about  my  services  down  to 
Madawasca  and  among  the  nullifiers.  At  that  he  made 


214  LETTERS    OF 

me  a  very  polite  bow,  and  says  he,  Major  Downing,  we 
should  be  very  happy  to  oblige  you  if  we  could,  but  we 
never  give  any  degrees  of  war  here  ;  all  our  degrees  are 
degrees  of  peace.,-  Ho  1  find  1  snail  have  to  practise  war 
in  the  natural  way,  let  nullification,  or  what  will,  come. 
After  'twas  all  over  we  went  to  Mr  Quincy's  and  had  a 
capital  dinner.  And  on  the  whole  had  about  as  good  a 
visit  to  Cambridge  as  most  any  where. 

I  meant  to  a  told  you  considerable  about  Lowell,  but 
the  steamboat  goes  so  fast,  I  shant  have  time  to.  We 
went  all  over  the  Factories ;  and  there  !  I  wont  try  to 
say  one  word  about  'em,  for  I've  been  filled  with  such  a 
wonderment  ever  since,  that  my  ideas  are  all  as  big  as 
hay  stacks,  and  if  I  should  try  to  get  one  of  'em  out  of 
my  head,  it  would  tear  it  all  to  pieces.  It  beat  all  that 
ever  I  heard  of  before,  and  the  Gineral  said  it  beat  all 
that  ever  he  heard  of.  But  what  made  the  Gineral  hold 
his  head  up  and  feel  more  like  a  soldier,  than  he  had 
before  since  he  was  at  New  Orleans,  was  when  we 
marched  along  the  street  by  them  are  five  thousand  gals, 
all  dressd  up  and  looking  as  pretty  as  a  million  of  but 
terflies.  The  Gineral  marched  along  as  light  as  a  boy, 
and  seems  to  me  I  never  see  his  eyes  shine  so  bright 
afore.  After  we  got  along  about  to  the  middle  of  'em, 
he  whispered  to  me,  and  says  he,  Major  Downing,  is 
your  Cousin  Nabby  here  among  'em  ;  if  she  is,  I  must 
be  introduced  to  her.  I  told  him  she  was  not ;  as  they 
were  expecting  us  to  come  to  Downingville,  she  staid 
to  home  to  help  get  ready.  Well,  says  he,  if  any  thing 
should  happen  that  we  can't  go  to  Downingville,  you 
must  send  for  your  Cousin  Nabby  and  Uncle  Joshua  to 
come  on  to  Washington  to  see  me.  I  will  bear  all  the 
expenses,  if  they  will  only  come,  says  he ;  these  north 
ern  gals  are  as  much  afore  our  southern  and  western 
gals  as  can  be,  and  I've  thought  of  your  Cousin  Nabby 
a  great  deal  lately  —  he  looked  as  though  he  was  going 
to  say  something  more,  but  Mr  Van  Buren  and  the  rest 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 


215 


of  'em  crowded  along  up  so  near  that  it  broke  it  off,  and 
we  had  to  go  along. 

I  see  we've  got  most  to  York,  and  shall  have  to  go  ashore 
in  a  few  minutes,  so  I  can't  write  any  more  now,  but 
remain  your  sincere  and  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXV. 

In  which  Major  Downing  tells  about  the  quarrel  that  he  and 
flnpmrd  after~they  wenTlFp~cJmtn2 

her  to  bed;  and  also  declares  his  intention  to  run  for  ike, 
Presidency* — •  0  • 

Washington  City,  July  20, 1833. 

To  my  old  friend,  the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down 
east  in  the  State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  YOU.  —  I  dont  know  but  you 
might  think  strange  on  't,  that  I  should  be  back  here  to 
Washington  more  than  a  fortnight,  and  not*  write  to  you. 
But  I  hant  forgot  you.  You  need  n't  never  be  afraid  of 
that.  We  aint  very  apt  to  forget  our  best  friends ;  and 
you  may  depend  upon  it  Jack  Downing  will  never  forget 
the  editor  of  the  Portland  Courier  anymore  than  Andrew 
Jackson  will  forget  Jack  Downing.  You  was  the  first 
person  that  ever  give  me  a  lift  into  public  life,  and  you 
Ve  been  a  boosting  me  along  ever  since.  And  jest  be 
tween  you  and  rue  I  think  I  'm  getting  into  a  way  now 
where  I  shall  be  able  by  and  by  to  do  something  to  pay  you 
for  it.  The  reason  that  I  have  n't  writ  to  you  before,  is, 
that  we  have  had  pretty  serious  business  to  attend  to  sincS 
we  got  back.  But  we  Ve  jest  got  through  with  it,  and 
Mr  Van  Buren  has  cleared  out  and  gone  back  about  the 
quickest  to  New  York,  and  I  guess  with  a  bed-bug  in  his 


216  LETTERS  OF 

ear.  Now  jest  between  you  and  me  in  confidence,  I  '11 
tell  you  how  't  is ;  but  pray  dont  let  on  about  it  to  any 
body  else  for  the  world.  Did  n't  you  think  plaguy 
strange  what  made  us  cut  back  so  quick  from  Concord 
without  going  to  Portland  or  Portsmouth  or  Downing- 
ville  ?  You  know  the  papers  have  said  it  was  because 
the  President  ^want  very  well,  and  the  President  had  to 
make  that  excuse  himself  in  some  of  his  letters ;  but  it 
was  no  such  ^hing-.  The  President  could  a  marched  on 
foot  twenty  miles  a. day  then,  and  only  let  him  been  at 
the  head  of  my  Downingville  company  and  he  'd  a 
made  a  whole  British  regiment  scamper  Jike  a  flock  of 
sheep. 

But  you  see  the  trouble  ont  was,  there  was  somediff^ 
?ulty  between  I  and  Mr  Van  Buren.  Some  how  or  other 
Lr  Van  JtSuren  always  looked  kind  of  jealous  at  me^all 
the  time  after  he  met  us  at  New  York  ;  and  I  couIcTh't 
help  minding  every  time  the  folks  hollered  « hoorah  for 
Major  Downing'  he  would  turn  as  red  as  a  blaze  of  fire. 

And  wherever  we  stopped  to  take  a  bite  or  to  have  a 
chat,  he  would  always  work  it,  if  he  could,  somehow  or 
other  SO  as  to  crowr^  In  hnliirfjPn  ^  n"d  tne  President. 
Well,  ye  see,  I  wouldn't  mind  much  about  it,  but  would 
jest  step  round  'tother  side.  And  though  I  say  it  my 
self,  the  folks  would  look  at  me,  let  me  be  on  which  side 
I  would  ;  and  after  they'd  cried  hoorah  for  the  President, 
they'd  most  always  sing  out  l  hoorah  for  Major  Down 
ing.'  Mr  Van  Buren  kept  growing  more  and  more  fidg 
ety  till  we  got  to  Concord.  And  there  we  had  a  room 
full  of  sturdy  old  oftmocTfcts  of  New  Hampshire,  and 
after  they  had  all  flockechround  the  old  President  and 
shook  hands  with  him,  he  kgjpp"0^  to  Jntrndnr?  mr  to 
smjjp.  of  'prft  before  he  fodMr Van  Buren.  At  thaTtfrfe 
fat  was  all  in  the  fire.  IvTr  Van  BurerPwheeled  about 
and  marched  out  of  the  room  looking  as  though  he  could 
bite  a  board  nail  off.  The  President  had  to  send  for 
him  three  times  before  he  could  get  him  back  into  the 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  217 

room  again.  And  when  he  did  come,  he  didn't  speak 
to  me  for  the  whole  evening.  However  we  kept  it  from 
the  company  pretty  much ;  but  when  we  "borne  to  go  up 
to  bed  that  i?iiht.  w^  hflfi  n  rAa1  quarrel.  It  was  noth- 

,^^^^*^+^^*^  ^ ^ «0| 

ing  but  jaw,  jaw,  the  whole  night.  Mr  Woodbury  and 
Mr  Cass  tried  to  pacify  us  all  they  could,  but  it  was  all 
in  vain,  we  didn't  one  of  us  get  a  wink  of  sleep,  and 
shouldn't  if  the  night  had  lasted  a  fortnight.  Mr  Van 
Buren  said  the  President  had  dishonored  the  country  by 
placing  a  military  Major  on  half  pay  before  the  second 
officer  of  the  go  vein  me  ill.  Tht  PiCsicTent  begged  him 
to  consider  that  I  was  a  very  particular  friend  of  his ; 
that  I  had  been  a  great  help  to  him  at  both  ends  of  the 
country ;  that  I  had  kept  the  British  out  of  Madawaska 
away  down  in  Maine,  and  had  marched  my  company 
clear  from  Downingville  to  "Washington,  on  my  way  to 
South  Carolina,  to  put  down  the  nullifiers ;  and  he 
thought  I  was  entitled  to  as  much  respect  as  any  man 
in  the  country.  % 

This  nettled  Mr  Van  Buren  peskily. — He  said  he 
thought  it  was  a  fine  time  of  day  if  a  raw  jockey  from 
an  obscure  village  away  down  east,  jest  because  he  had 
a  .Major's  commission,  was  going  to  throw  the  Vice^ 
Preside^ojJtheJIiji^d  States  and  +Vi  i^^s  of  ^^- 
ments  into  the  bac^-gronnd  .^  At  this  my  dander  began 
to  rise,  and  1  stepped  right  up  to  him;  and  says  I,  Mr 
Van  Buren,  you  are  the  last  man  that  ought  to  call  me 
a  jockey.  And  if  you'll  go  to  Downingville  and  stand 
up  before  my  company  with  Sarjeant  Joel  at  their  head, 
and  call  Downingville  an  obscure  village,  I'll  let  you  use 
my  head  for  a  foot-ball  as  long  as  you  live  afterwards. 
For  if  they  wouldn't  blow  you  into  ten  thousand  atoms, 
I'll  never  guess  again.  We  got  so  high  at  last  that  the 
old  President  hopt  off  the  bed  like  a  boy  ;  for  he  had 
laid  down  to  rest  him,  bein  it  was  near  daylight,  though 
he  couldn't  get  to  sleep.  And  says  he,  Mr  Donaldson, 
set  down  and  write  Mr  Anderson  at  Portland,  and  my 
19 


218  LETTERS    OF 

friend  Joshua  Downing  at  Downingville,  that  I  can't 
come.  I'm  goinff  to  sJ^jU^-foft^^ffashington  this  morning. 
What,  says  JYTFTass,  and  not  goto  Portsmouth  and  Ex 
eter  and  round  there  !  I  tell  you,  says  the  President, 
I'm  going  to  start  for  Washington  this  morning,  and  in 
three  days  I'll  be  there.  What,  says  Mr  Woodbury, 
and  not  go  to  Portland,  where  they  have  spent  so  much 
money  to  get  ready  for  us  !  I  tell  you,  says  the  Presi 
dent,  my  foot  is  down  :.  I  go  not  a  step  further,  but  turn 
about  this  morning  for  Washington.  What,  says  I,  and 
not  go  to  Downingville,  what  will  Uncle  Joshua  say  1 
At  this  the  President  looked  a  little  hurt ;  and  says  he, 
Major  Downing,  I  can't  help  it.  As  for  going  any  fur 
ther  with  such  a  din  as  this  about  my  ears,  I  cannot, 
and  will  not,  and  I  am  resolved  not  to  budge  another 
inch.  And  sure  enough  the  President  was  as  good  as 
his  word,  and  we  were  all  packed  up  by  sunrise,  and  in 
three  days  we  were  in  Washington. 

And  here  we've  been  ever  since,  battling  the  watch 
about  the  next  Presidency.  Mr  Van  Burensays  the 
President  promised  it  to  him,  and  now  he  charges  me 
and  the  Presidentjvith  a  plot  to  work 
leave  him  out.  Irs  true  JVe  geTTTTTominated  in  a 
many  papers,  in  the  National  Intelligencer,  and,  in  the 
Munch  Chunk  Courier  prjnted  away  off  among  the  coal 
diggers  in  Pennsylvany,  and  a  good  many  more.  And 
them  are  Pennsylvany  chaps  are  real  pealers  for  elect 
ing  folks  when  they  take  hold  ;  and  that's  what  makes 
Mr  Van  Buren  so  uneasy.  The  President  tells  him  as 
he  has  promised  to  help  him,  he  shall  do  what  he  can 
for  him  ;  but  if  the  folks  will  vote  for  me  he  can't  help 
it.  Mr  Van  Buren  wanted  I  should  come  out  in  the 
National  Intelligencer  and  resign,  and  so  be  put  up  for 
Vice  President  under  him.  But  I  told  him  no  ;  bein  it 
had  gone  so  fur  I  wouldn't  do  nothing  about  it.  I  hadn't 
asked  for  the  office,  and  if  the  folks  had  a  mind  to  give 
it  to  me  I  wouldn't  refuse  it.  So  after  we  had  battled 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING.  219 

it  about  a  fortnight,  Mr  Van  Buren  found  it  was  no  use 
to  try  to  dicker  with  me,  and  he's  cleared  out  and  gone 
to  New  York  to  see  what  he  can  do  there. 

I  never  thought  of  getting  in  to  be  President  so  soon, 
though  I've  had  a  kind  of  hankering  for  it  this  two  years. 
But  now,*seeing  it's  turned  out  as  it  has,  I'm  determined 
to  make  a  bold  push,  and  if  I  can  get  in  by  the  free 
votes  of  the  people,  I  mean  to.  The  President  says  he 
rather  I  should  have  it  than  any  body  else,  and  if  he 
hadn't  promised  Mr  Van  Buren  beforehand,  he  would 
use  his  influence  for  me. 

I  remember  when  I  was  a  boy  about  a  dozen  years 
old,  there  was  an  old  woman  come  to  our  house  to  tell 
fortunes.  And  after  she'd  told  the  rest  of  'em,  father 
says  he,  here's  Jack,  you  haven't  told  his  fortune  yet, 
and  I  dont  spose  it's  worth  a  telling,  for  he's  a  real 
mutton-headed  boy.  At  that  the  old  woman  catched 
hold  of  my  hair,  and  pulled  my  head  back  and  looked 
into  my  face,  and  I  never  shall  forget  how  she  looked 
right  through  me,  as  long  as  I  live.  At  last,  says  she, 
and  she  gin  me  a  shove  that  sent  me  almost  through  the 
side  of  the  house,  Jack  will  beat  the  whole  of  you.  He 
'11  be  a  famous  climber  in  his  day,  and  wherever  he  sets 
out  to  climb,  you  may  depend  upon  it,  he  will  go  to  the 
top  of  the  ladder.  Now,  putting  all  these  things  to 
gether,  and  the  nominations  in  the  papers,  and  the 
4  hoorahs  for  Major  Downing,'  I  dont  know  what  it 
means,  unless  it  means  that  I  must  be  President.  So, 
as  I  said  afore,  I'm  determined  to  make  a  bold  push. 
I've  writ  to  Col.  Crocket  to  see  if  I  can  get  the  support 
of  the  western  States,  and  his  reply  is,  '  go  ahead.'1  I 
shall  depend  upon  you  and  uncle  Joshua  to  carry  the 
State  of  Maine  for  me  ;  and,  in  order  to  secure  the  other 
States,  I  spose  it  will  be  necessary  to  publish  my  life  and 
writings.  President  Jackson  had  his  life  published  be 
fore  he  was  elected,  and  when  Mr  Clay  was  a  candidate 
he  had  hisn  published.  I've  talked  with  the  President 


220  LETTERS    OF 

about  it,  and  he  says,  publish  it  by  all  means,  and  set 
the  printer  of  the  Portland  Courier  right  about  it. 

So  I  want  you  to  go  to  work  as  soon  as  you  get  this, 
and  rir1f-JT  W  Irttrr  -H  K~[r~  tn  print  Vm  ^  a  book ; 
and  I'll  set  down  and  write  a  history  ofmv  life  to  put 
into  it,  and  send  it  along  as  last  as  I  can  ge*t  it  done. 
But  I  want  you  to  be  very  careful  not  to  get  any  of  them 
are  confounded  counterfiet  letters,  that  the  rascally  fel 
lers  have  been  sending  to  the  printers,  mixed  in  long 
with  mine.  It  would  be  as  bad  as  breaking  a  rotten  egg 
in  long  with  the  good  ones  ;  it  would  spile  the  whole 
pudding.  You  can  tell  all  my  letters,  for  they  were 
all  sent  to  you  first. 

The  President  says  I  must  have  a  picter  of  me  made 
and  put  into  the  book.  —  He  says  he  had  one  put  into 
his,  and  Mr  Clay  had  one  put  into  his.  So  I  believe  I 
shall  write  to  Mr  Thatcher  that  prints  the  little  Journal 
paper  in  Boston,  and  get  him  to  go  to  some  of  the  best 
picter-makers  there,  and  get  them  to  do  me  up  some 
as  slick  as  they  can.  These  things,  you  know,  will  all 
help  get  the  free  votes  of  the  people ;  and  that's  all  I 
want.  For  I  tell  you  now,  right  up  and  down,  I  never 
will  take  any  office  that  doesn't  come  by  the  free  votes 
of  the  people.  I'm  a  genuine  democratic  republican, 
and  always  was,  and  so  was  my  father  before  me,  and 
uncle  Joshua  besides. 

There's  a  few  more  things  that  I  want  to  speak  to  you 
about  in  this  letter,  but  I'm  afraid  it  will  get  to  be  too 
lengthy.  That  are  story  that  they  got  in  the  newspapers 
about  my  being  married  in  Philadelphy  is  all  a  hoax.  I 
aint  married  yet,  nor  I  shant  be  till  a  little  blue-eyed  gal, 
that  used  to  run  about  with  me,  and  go  to  school  and 
slide  down  hill  in  Downingville  is  the  wife  of  President 
Downing.  And  that  are  other  story,  that  the  President 
give  me  a  Curnel's  commission  jest  before  we  started 
down  east,  isn't  exactly  true.  The  President  did  offer 
me  one,  but  I  thanked  him,  and  told  him  if  he  would 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  221 

excuse  me,  I  should  rather  not  take  it,  for  I  had  always 
noticed  that  Majors  were  more  apt  to  rise  in  the  world 
than  Curnels. 

I  wish  you  would  take  a  little  pains  to  send  up  to 
Downingville  and  get  uncle  Joshua  to  call  a  public 
meeting,  and  have  me  nominated  there.  I'm  so  well 
known  there,  it  would  have  a  great  effect  in  other  places. 
And  I  want  to  have  it  particularly  understood,  and  so 
stated  in  their  resolutions,  that  I  am  the  genuine  demo 
cratic  republican  candidate.  I  know  you  will  put  your 
shoulder  to  the  wheel  in  this  business  and  do  all  you»can 
for  me,  for  you  was  always  a  good  friend  to  me,  ancl, 
jest  between  you  and  me,  when  I  get  in  to  be  President 
you  may  depend  upon  it  you  shall  have  as  good  an  office 
as  you  want. 

But  I  see  it's  time  for  me  to  end  this  letter.     The 
President  is  quite  comfortable,  and  sends  his  respects  to 
you  and  uncle  Joshua.     I  remain  your  sincere  friend. 
MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXVI. 

In  which  Cousin  Ephraim  describes  the  method  of  putting 
1  dimocrats  '  over  on  to  the  federal  side. 

Downingville,  State  of  Maine,  August  12,  1833. 

To  Cousin  Major  Jack  Downing,  at  Washington  city,  or  else  gone 
long  with  the  President  down  to  the  Rip  Raps.  To  be  sent  pri 
vately  in  the  Portland  Courier. 

• 

DEAR  COUSIN  JACK.  —  I've  got  something  pretty 
heavy  on  my  mind  that  I  want  to  tell  ye  about,  and  ask 
your  advice,  and  may  be  I  shall  want  you  to  lend  me  a 
hand  a  little.  I've  been  watching  politics  pretty  snug  ever 
since  I  was  a  little  boy,  and  that's  near  about  forty  years  ; 
19* 


222  LETTERS    OP 

and  I  believe  I  know  most  as  much  about  it  as  uncle 
Joshua,  although  he's  twenty  years  older  than  I  be.  Now 
about  this  republicanism  and  federalism,  I've  minded 
that  it  always  keeps  changing',  and  always  has,  ever 
since  I  can  remember.  And  I've  minded  tu  it  most  al 
ways  keeps  going  round  one  way ;  that  is,  the  young 
federalists  keep  turning  dimoerats,  and  the  old  dimocrats 
keep  turning  federalists.  What  it's  for  I  dont  exactly 
know,  but  that's  the  way  it  goes.  I  spose  a  man,  on  the 
whole,  is  n't  hardly  fit  to  be  a  d;ynnrrflt  afffir  j*  gets  to 
be  fcfitJ years  old.  Ancl  here  is  old  uncle  Joshua  ill  the 
Post  Othce,  ne's  got  to  be  about  sixty,  and  he's  hanging 
on  to  the  dimocratic  side  yet,  like  the  tooth-ache ;  and 
it  begins  to  worry  me  a  good  deal.  I  think  it's  high 
time  he  went  over.  You  know  Downingville  has  always 
been  a  genuine  republican  town,  and  I  want  it  should 
always  go  according  to  the  usages  [I  think  that's  what 
they  call  it]  of  the  dimocratic  party. 

When  it  gets  to  be  time  for  an  old  dimocrat  to  go  over 

on  the  federal  side,  I  believe  lln  Q  i    ilmiM     I'lll"  'i  m — ^ 

gver.  You  remember  there  was  old  Mr  Insley  in  Port 
land,  and  old  Gineral  Wingate  in  Bath,  as  much  as  a 
dozen  years  ago,  were  some  as  big  republicans  as  there 
was  any  where  about.  Well,  they  got  to  be  considerable 
old,  and  had  been  in  office  sometime,  so  the  Argus  took 
and  clapt  'em  right  over  on  to  the  federal  side.  And 
you  know  there  was  Mr  Holmes,  he  was  a  whapping 
great  republican.  But  he  begun  to  grow  old,  and  so  the 
Argus  put  him  over.  And  there  was  Mr  Sprague  ;  he 
was  such  a  nice  dimocrat  every  one  said  it  was  a  pitty 
to  put  him  over.  But  bein  he'd  been  to  Congress  some 
time,  the  Argus  would  n't  hear  a  word,  but  shoved  him 
right  over. 

And  this  summer  the  Argus  is  putting  of  'em  over  con 
siderable  younger  on  to  the  federal  side.  It  has  put 
Judge  Preble  over,  and  Judge  Ware,  and  Mr  Mitchell, 
the  Post  Master  at  Portland,  and  he  isn't  near  so  old  as 


MAJOR    JACK    DOWNING. 

uncle  Joshua,  and  it  has  put  Mr  Megquier  over,  only 
think,  such  a  young  man  as  Mr  Megquier,  that's  only 
been  in  the  Sinnet  three  or  four  years.  Now  dont  you 
think,  according  to  dimocratic  usage,  it  is  high  time  old 
uncle  Joshua  was  put  over  ?  I  wish  you  would  jest  write 
to  the  Argus  and  have  it  done,  for  I  feel  a  good  deal 
worried  about  it. 

And  as  soon  as  it  comes  out  in  the  Argus  that  he  is 
fairly  over,  I  want  you  to  tell  the  President  that  uncle 
Joshua  is  a  federalist,  and  have  him  removed  from  the 
Post  Office,  for  it  would  be  an  everlasting  shame  to  have 
the  Post  Office  in  Downingville  kept  by  a  federalist. 

N.  B.  If  uncle  Joshua  should  be  removed  I  wish  you 
would  use  your  influence  to  get  the  President  to  givethe 
office  to  me1?  lor  next  to  Uncle  Joshua  I  spuse  I've  dUlfb 
rmJlt'lur  LlTe  I'tymblican  party  than  any  man  in  Down 
ingville.  I  can  have  a  recommendation  from  Sargent 
Joel  and  all  the  company.  By  attending  to  this  you 
will  much  oblige  your  friend  and  cousin, 

EPHRAIM  DOWNING. 


LETTER   LXVII. 

In  which  the  President  begun  to  say  something  about  ME 
and  DANIEL. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  14, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  East,  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  —  Its  got  to  be  a  pretty  con 
siderable  long  while  now  since  I've  writ  to  you,  for  I 
never  like  to  write,  you  know,  without  I  have  something 
to  say. — But  I've  got  something  on  my  mind  now,  that 


224  LETTERS    OF 

keeps  me  all  the  time  a  thinking  so  much  that  I  cant 
hold  in  any  longer.  So  jest  between  you  and  me  I'll 
tell  you  what  'tis.  But  I  must  begin  a  little  ways  be 
forehand,  so  you  can  see  both  sides  of  it,  and  I'll  tell 
you  what  'tis  as  soon  as  I  get  along  to  it. 

You  see  I  and  the  President  has  been  down  to  the 
Rip  Raps  a  few  weeks  to  try  to  recruit  up  a  little  ;  for 
that  pesky  tower  away  down  East  like  to  did  the  job  for 
the  old  Gineral.  So,  after  we  got  things  pretty  much 
to  rights  here,  we  jest  stepped  aboard  the  steamboat  and 
went  down  to  the  Rip  Raps.  That  are  Rip  Raps  is  a 
capital  place  ;  it  is  worth  all  the  money  we  ever  paid  for 
it,  if  it  was  for  nothing  else  only  jest  to  recruit  up  the 
Government.  It  is  one  of  the  most  coolest  places  in  the 
summer  time  that  you  ever  see.  Let  a  feller  be  all  worn 
out  and  wilted  down  as  limpsy  as  a  rag,  s*o  that  the  doc 
tors  would  think  he  was  jest  ready  to  fly  off  the  handle, 
and  let  him  go  down  to  the  Rip  Raps  and  stay  there  a 
fortnight,  and  he'd  come  up  again  as  smart  as  a  steel- 
trap.  The  President  got  recruited  up  so  nicely,  while 
we  were  down  to  the  Rip  Raps,  that  ever  since  we  got 
back  till  two  or  three  days  ago,  he  has  been  as  good- 
natured  and  sociable  as  ever  I  should  wish  to  see  a  body. 
-4nd  now  I'm  comiug,  pretty  soon,  to  what  I  was  going 
to  tell  you  about,  that  bears  so  heavy  on  my  mind. 

You  see  the  President  likes,  every  morning  after  the 
breakfast  is  out  of  the  way,  to  set  down  and  read  over 
the  newspapers,  and  see  what  is  going  on  in  the  coun 
try,  and  who's  elected  and  so  on.  So  when  we've  done 
breakfast,  we  take  the  letters  and  papers  that  come 
from  the  Post-Office,  and  go  away  by  ourselves  into  the 
great  East  Room  where  we  can  say  jest  what  we've 
a  mind  to,  and  nobody  not  hear  us,  and  the  President 
sets  down  in  his  great  arm  rocking-chair  and  smokes  his 
segar,  and  I  set  down  by  the  table  and  read  to  him. 
Last  Monday  morning,  as  I  was  reading  over  the  papers 
one  arter  another,  I  come  to  a  Pennsylvany  paper  and 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  225 

opened  it,  and,  says  I,  hullow,  gineral,  here's  a  speech 
of  Mr  Web3tog-Tt  Pittsburg,  p°  lat-gp  aft  Ijfo,  Ah,  said 
he ;  well,  let  us  hear  what  Dani&Wlas  been  talking  to 
them  are  Pennsylvany  ancfuhio  chaps  about.  So  I 
hitched  back  in  my  chair,  and  read  on.  And  by  and  by 
I  begun  to  get  into  the  marrow  of  the  story,  where  he 
told  all  about  Nullification,  and  what  a  dark  time  we  had 
of  it  last  winter,  and  how  the  black  clouds  begun  to  rise 
and  spread  over  the  country,  and  the  thunders  of  civil 
war  begun  to  roll  and  rumble  away  off  to  the  South,  and 
by  and  by  how  the  tempest  was  jest  ready  to  burst  over 
our  heads  and  split  the  country  all  into  shivers,  and 
how,  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  the  President's  Proclama 
tion  came  out  and  spread  over  the  whole  country  like  a 
rain-bow,  and  how  every  body  then  took  courage  and 
said  the  danger  was  all  over.  While  I  had  been  reading 
this,  the  President  had  started  up  on  his  feet,  and  walked 
back  and  forth  across  the  room  pretty  quick,  puffing 
away  and  making  the  smoke  roll  out  of  his  mouth  like  a 
house  a  fire ;  and  by  the  time  I  had  got  through,  he  had 
thrown  his  segar  out  of  the  window,  and  come  and  sot 
down,  leaning  his  elbow  on  the  table  and  looking  right 
in  my  face.  I  laid  the  paper  down,  and  there  he  sot 
looking  right  at  me  as  much  as  five  minutes,  and  never 
said  a  word  ;  but  he  seemed  to  keep  a  thinking  as  fast 
as  a  horse  could  run.  At  last,  said  he,  Major  Downing, 
were  you  ever  told  that  you  resembled  Daniel  Webster  ? 

Why,  Gineral,  says  I,  how  do  you  mean,  in  looks  or 
what? 

Why  perhaps  a  little  of  both  says  he,  but  mostly  in 
looks. 

Bless  my  stars,  says  I,  Gineral,  you  dont  mean  to  say 
that  I  am  quite  so  dark  as  he  is.  * 

Perhaps  not,  says  he ;  but  you  have  that  ^b^rp  knpw- 
ing  look,  as  though  you  could  see  rightthrough,  a  mill 
stone.  I  know,  says  he,  thaT*Mi  Wtbslur  "Tsrather  a 
dark  looking  man,  but  there  is  n't  another  man  in  this 


226  LETTERS    OF 

country  that  can  throw  so  much  light  on  a  dark  subject 
as  he  can. 

Why  yes,  says  I,  he  has  a  remarkable  faculty  for  that ; 
he  can  see  through  most  aTiy  thing,  and  he  can  make 
other  folks  see  through  it  too.  I  guess,  says  I,  if  he  'd 
been  born  in  old  Virginny  he  'd  stood  next  to  most  any 
body. 

A  leetle  afore  'em,  says  the  Gineral,  in  my  way  of 
thinking.  I  '11  tell  you  what  't  is  Major,  I  begin  to  think 
your  New  Englanders  aint  the  worst  sort  of  fellows  in 
the  world  after  all. 

Ah  well  says  I,  seeing  is  believing,  and  you  've  been 
down  that  way  now  and  can  judge  for  yourself.  But  if 
you  had  only  gone  as  fur  as  Downingville  I  guess  you 
would  have  thought  still  better  of  'em  than  you  do  now. 
Other  folks  may  talk  larger  and  bluster  more,  says  I,  but 
whenever  you  are  in  trouble,  and  want  the  real  support 
in  time  of  need,  go  to  New  England  for  it  and  you  never 
need  to  be  afraid  but  what  it  will  come. 

I  believe  you  are  right,  says  the  Gineral ;  for  notwith 
standing  all  I  could  do  with  my  proclamation  against 
nullification,  I  believe  I  should  have  rubbed  hard  if  there 
had  been  no  such  men  in  the  country  as  Major  Downing 
and  Daniel  Webster. 

But  this    nullification     hllSJT|Ppg    \^  n't    Irill^rf    y^i        1^"* 

tops  are  beat  down,  but  the  roots  are  alive  as  ever,  and 
spreading  under  ground  wider  and  wider,  and  one  of 
these  days  when  they  begin  to  sprout  up  again  there  '11 
be  a  tougher  scrabble  to  keep  'em  down  than  there  has 
been  yet ;  and  I  've  been  thinking,  says  he,  and  he  laid 
his  hand  on  my  shoulder  and  looked  very  anxious,  I  Ve 
been  thinking  says  he,  if  you  and  Daniel  -^ — and  here 
the  door  opened  and  iff  cometh  Amos  Kendil  with  a  long 
letter  from  Mr  Van  Buren.about  the  Bank  and  the  safety 
fund  and  the  Government  deposites  and  I  dont  know 
what  all ;  and  the  President's  brow  was  clouded  in  a 
minute  ;  for  he  always  feels  kind  of  pettish  when  they 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  227 

plague  him  about  the  safety  fund.  I  have  n't  had  any 
chance  to  talk  with  him  since,  there  's  so  many  of  'em 
round  him ;  and  I  'm  as  uneasy  as  a  fish  out  of  water,  I 
feel  so  anxious  to  know  what  the  President  was  going  to 
say  about  me  and  Daniel.  I  shall  watch  the  first  chance 
when  I  think  it  will  do  to  talk  with  him,  and  find  out  what 
he  was  going  to  say.  I  cant  hardly  sleep  a  nights,  I  think 
so  much  about  it.  When  I  find  out  I  '11  write  to  you 
again. 

Send  my  love  to  the  folks  up  in  Downingville  when 
you  have  a  chance. 

I  remain  your  sincere  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


LETTER  LXVIII. 

In  which  the  President  finished  what  he  was  going  to  say 
about  ME  and  DANIEL. 

Washington  City,  Sept.  30, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland  Courier,  away  down  east  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  FRIEND, — Havn't  you  been  in  a  terrible 
kind  of  a  pucker  ever  since  my  last  letter  to  you,  to 
know  what  the  President  was  going  to  say  about  me 
and  Daniel  ?  If  you  havn't,  I  have.  I  never  felt  so  un 
easy  for  a  fortnight  hardly  in  my  life.  If  I  went  to  bed 
I  couldn't  sleep,  and  I've  got  up  and  walked  the  floor 
as  much  as  half  the  night  almost  every  night  since.  — 
I've  wished  the  Bank  to  Guinea  more  than  fifty  times, 
for  there's  been  such  a  hubbub  here  about  the  Bank 
this  fortnight  past,  that  I  couldn't  get  a  moment's  chance 
to  talk  with  the  President  about  any  thing  else.  We'd 
have  cabinet  meetings  once  in  awhile  to  see  about  mov- 


228  LETTERS    OP 

ing  the  deposites,  and  Mr  Duane  and  Mr  Cass  and  Mr 
McLane  would  talk  up  to  the  President  so  about  it,  that 
he'd  conclude  to  let  'em  alone  and  do  nothing  about  it, 
and  let  Congress  manage  it  jest  as  they'd  amind  to. 
And  then  we'd  go  home  and  Mr  Kendle  would  come  in 
and  talk  the  matter  over,  and  read  some  great  long  let 
ters  from  Mr  Van  Buren,  and  get  the  President  so  con 
fused  that  he  would  lose  all  patience  a  most. 

But  Mr  Kendle  is  the  master  feller  to  hang  on  that 
ever  I  see  ;  he's  equal  to  the  tooth  ache.  And  he  talk 
ed  and  palavered  with  the  President  till  he  finally 
brought  him  over,  and  then  the  President  put  his  foot 
down,  and  said  the  deposites  should  be  moved  whether 
or  no.  And  then  the  botheration  was  to  see  who  should 
move  'em.  The  President  told  Mr  Duane  to  do  it ;  but 
he  said  his  conscience  wouldn't  let  him.  Then  the 
President  told  Mr  Taney  to  take  Mr  Duane's  place,  and 
see  if  his  conscience  would  let  him.  Mr  Taney  tried  it 
and  found  his  conscience  went  easy  enough,  so  Mr  Du 
ane  packed  up  and  went  home  to  Philadelphy.  We 
were  all  dreadful  sorry  to  lose  Mr  Duane,  for  he  was  a 
nice  man  as  you  will  see  one  in  a  thousand.  It's  a  pity 
he  had  such  a  stiff  conscience ;  he  might  have  staid  here 
in  the  Treasury  jest  as  well  as  not,  if  it  hadn't  been  for 
that. 

But  this  storm  about  the  Bank  begins  to  blow  over, 
and  the  President's  got  in  a  manner  cooled  down  again. 
This  morning  after  breakfast  we  took  the  papers  and 
letters  jest  as  we  used  to,  and  went  away  into  the  east 
room  to  read  the  news  and  chat  awhile  ;  and  it  really 
did  my  heart  good  to  see  the  President  set  down  once 
more  looking  so  good  natured  in  his  great  arm  chair 
smoking  his  segar.  After  I  had  read  over  the  news  to 
him  awhile,  and  got  him  in  pretty  good  humour,  I  made 
bold  to  out  with  it,  and  says  I  Gineral,  there's  one  ques 
tion  I  want  to  ask  you. — And  says  he,  you  know  Major, 
I  always  allow  you  to  ask  me  any  thing  you're  a  mind 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING.  .         229 

to,  what  is  it  ?  Well  says  I,  when  we  had  that  talk  here 
about  a  fortnight  ago,  you  begun  to  say  something  about 
me  and  Daniel ;  and  jest  as  you  got  into  the  middle  of 
it,  Mr  Kendle  came  in  and  broke  it  right  off  short  as  a 
pipe  stem.  It's  been  running  in  my  head  ever  since, 
and  I've  been  half  crazy  to  know  what  it  was  you  was 
going  to  say.  Well,  let  us  see,  says  the  Gineral,  where 
was  it  I  left  off;  for  this  everlasting  fuss  about  the  Bank 
has  kept  my  head  so  full  I  can't  seem  to  remember  much 
about  it. 

Why  says  I,  you  was  talking  about  nullific4tion ;  how 
the  tops  were  beat  down  a  little,  but  the^rQpteHrti^pe  all 
running:  ahoutunder  ground  as  live  as  evej^  and  it 
would  n't  be  long  oeibre  theyjd  be  sprouting  up  again  all 
over  the  country,  and  there'd  be  a  tougher  scrabble  to 
keep  'em  down  than  ever  there  had  been  yet ;  and  then 

you  said  if  I  and  Daniel and  there  that  plaguy 

Kendle  came  in,  I've  no  patience  with  him  now  when  I 
think  of  it,  and  broke  it  right  off.  Ah,  now  I  remember, 
says  the  Gineral,  how  twas.  Well,  says  he,  Major 
Downing,  it  is  a  solemn  fact,  this  country  is  to  see  a 
blacker  storm  of  nullification  before  many  years  comes 
about  than  ever  it  ha£  seen  yet ;  the  clouds  are  begin 
ning  to  gather  now ;  I've  seen  'em  rolling  over  South 
Carolina,  and  hanging  about  Georgia,  and  edging  along 
into  old  Virginny,  and  I  see  the  storm's  a  gathering  ;  it 
must  come,  and  if  there  is  n't  somebody  at  the  helm  that 
knows  how  to  steer  pretty  well,  the  old  ship  must  go 
down.  I  aint  afraid,  says  he,  but  what  I  can  keep  her 
up  while  I  have  the  command,  but  I'm  getting  to  be  old 
and  must  give  up  soon,  and  then  what'll  become  of  her  I 
dont  know.  But  what  I  was  going  to  say  was  this  ;  Fve 
been  thinking  if  t  you  arid*  Daniel,  after  I_ 
put  your  heads  together  and  take  charge  of  her  till  the 
storm  has  blown  over,  you  might  save  her.  And  I  dont 
know  who  else  can. 

But  how  do  you  mean,  Gineral,  says  I  ?  Why  to  speak 
20 


230          .  LETTERS    OF 

plain,  says  he,  if  nullification  shows  its  head,  aDaniel 
must^talk  jind  you  must  tight,  11ierers  nothing-  elscTwill  ^ 
lo  the  jobloi1  It  LllUL  1  kliow  of.  Daniel  must  go  into 
the  Presidential  chair,  and  you  must  take  command  of 
the  army,  and  then  things  will  go  straight.  At  this  I 
was  a  little  struck  up ;  and  I  looked  him  right  in  the 
eye,  and,  says  I,  Gineral,  do  you  mean  that  Daniel 
Webster  oughtJU»  bt"  Pi'omiJunl  jflti  you  give  uj5*?  Cer 
tainly,  says  he,  if  you  want  to  keep  the  country  out  of 
the  jaws  of  nullification.  But,  says  I,  Gineral,  Daniel 
is  a  federalist,  a  Hartford  Convention  federalist,  and  I 
should  like  to  know  which  is  worst,  the  jaws  of  nul 
lification,  or  the  jaws  of  federalism.  The  jaws  of  a  fid 
dle-stick  !  said  the  President,  starting  up  and  throwing 
his  segar  out  of  the  window  as  much  as  two  rods  ;  but 
how  do  you  know,  Major  Downing,  that  Daniel  is  a 
federalist  ?  Because,  says  I,  I've  heard  him  called  so 
down  east  more  than  a  hundred  times.  And  that's  jest 
all  you  know  about  it,  says  he.  Now  I  tell  you  how  'tis, 
Major  Downing,  J)aniel  is  as  thorough  ^j^p«Mican  as 
you  be,  or  as  I  be,  and  has  been  ever  since  my  Procla 
mation  came  out  against  nullification.  As  soon  as  that 
Proclamation  came  out  Daniel  came  right  over  on  to  the 
republican  ground,  and  took  it  upon  his  shoulder  and^ 
carried  it  through  thick  and  thin  where  no  other  man  in 
the  country  could  have  carried  it.  Says  I,  Gineral,  is 
that  a  fact  ?  And  says  he  yes,  you  may  depend  upon  it, 
'tis  every  word  truth.  Well  says  I,  that  alters  the  case 
a  little,  and  I'll  write  to  Uncle  Joshua  and  the  editor  of 
the  Portland  Courier  and  see  what  they  think  of  it,  and 
if  they  think  it's  best  to  have  Daniel  for  President  we'll 
have  him  in,  and  I'll  take  my  turn  afterwards  :  for  seeing 
t^fpcoplc  arp  hftrjt,  upon  having  me  for  President  I  wont  ^ 
4ficjine,  though  if  it  is  thougnt  Dest  tnai  1  should  wait  a 
littlewTTtteTi  wont  be  particular  about  that.  I'm  willing 
to  do  that  which  will  be  best  for  the  country. 
So  I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


MAJOR  JACK    DOWNING.  231 


LETTER  LXIX. 

In  which  Cousin  Nobly  describes  her  visit  to  Mr  MaelzeTs 
Congregation  of  Moskow. 

Portland,  October  22, 1833. 

To  Cousin  Sally  Downing,  up  in  Downingville,  in  the  care  of 
Uncle  Joshua,  Post  Master. 

DEAR  COUSIN  :  —  I  got  here  about  noon  yesterday, 
muddy  and  wet  enough.  Such  dreadful  muddy  roads 
for  the  time  of  year,  seems  to  me  there  never  was  be 
fore.  Butter  fetches  a  grand  price.  They  would  n't 
offer  but  eighteen  cents  at  first,  but  soon  as  they  come 
to  see  it  and  taste  of  it,  they  give  me  twenty  cents  right 
off  for  all  of  yours  and  mine,  and  never  said  a  word. — 
So  much  for  keeping  a  neat  churn  and  clean  milk-pans. 
The  yarn  and  footins  sold  pretty  well  too,  but  I  wont 
stop  to  tell  you  about  that  till  I  get  back. 

I'm  going  to  stop  here  with  ant  Sally  till  next  week, 
and  I  want  you  to  come  down  if  you  can  any  way  in  the 
world,  for  here's  a  sight  here  that  would  make  you 
jump  higher  than  the  cat's  back  if  you  should  see  it. 
I'll  jest  tell  you  a  little  about  it.  When  I  got  here 
yesterday,  I  found  ant  Sally  all  in  a  flutter  about  going 
to  see  the  congregation  of  Moskow.  She  said  she  was 
going  to  carry  the  children,  and  nothing  would  do  but  I 
must  go  too.  She  said  it  would  n't  cost  but  two  and 
thrippence,  and  she  would  pay  it  rather  than  not  have 
me  go,  for  she  should  n't  mind  the  pay,  as  all  that  was 
paid  that  evening  would  be  given  to  the  societies  what 
takes  care  of  little  orphan  children  and  carries  w^>d 
to  poor  freezing  widows.  When  she  said  that,  I  felt  as 
though  I  should  be  willing  to  give  two  pounds  of  butter 
myself.  So  we  all  fixed  and  off  we  went  up  to  Union 
Hall  about  seven  o'clock. 


232  LETTERS    OP 

I  cant  stop  to  tell  you  much  about  the  sights  I  see 
there,  but  you  must  come  and  see  'em  without  fail.  I 
dont  know  but  they  've  nigh  upon  scared  me  out  of  a 
year's  growth  ;  they  showed  us  first  a  little  feller  they 
called  a  fidler.  I  dont  know  what  he  was  made  of  but 
he  acted  jest  as  though  he  was  alive.  He  was  n't  more 
than  a  foot  long,  and  he  sot  down  in  a  chair  as  pretty  as 
a  little  man.  And  somebody  played  some  music  to  him 
and  that  sot  him  all  of  a  didder,  and  he  made  his  little 
fiddle  stick  fly  so  I  did  n't  know  but  he  would  shake  his 
arm  off.  Then  they  brought  out  a  little  doll  baby  ;  a 
sweet  looking  little  creature,  dressed  up  as  neat  as  a 
pink.  And  they  brought  it  along  up  to  us,  and  as  true 
as  you  are  alive  it  spoke  right  out  and  said  ma-ma.  I 
could  n't  hardly  believe  my  own  ears  at  first,  but  it  said 
ma-ma  again,  and  pa-pa,  more  than  twenty  times. 

Then  they  sot  a  couple  of  little  fellers  up  on  a  rope, 
and  they  went  to  hopping  and  jumping  and  dancing 
about,  and  whirling  over  and  over  round  the  rope,  till  I 
thought  they  would  fall  and  break  their  necks  more  than 
fifty  times.  The  prettiest  one  would  sit  up  so  straight, 
and  turn  his  head  round  and  look  at  us,  and  hold  his 
hands  out  to  us,  that  I  told  ant  Sally  I  knew  he  was 
alive  and  I'd  go  and  take  the  dear  little  creature  down 
before  he  fell  and  killed  himself.  But  she  held  on  to 
me  and  declared  I  should  n't  go,  for  he  had  n't  any  more 
life  in  him  than  an  ax  handle ;  but  I  cant  hardly  believe 
it  now. 

Then  they  said  they  would  show  us  the  Congregation 
of  Moskow.  And  presently  I  begun  to  hear  a  racket 
and  drums  and  fifes  agoing,  and  bells  a  dinging,  and  by 
and  by  they  pulled  away  some  great  curtains,  that  hung 
cllar  across  the  Hall,  and  there  was  a  sight  that  beat 
all  I  ever  see  before.  I  jumped  and  was  going  to  run 
for  the  door  at  first,  for  I  tfrnnghiJ^tflftnfljyasaU  afire  ; 
but  ant  Sally  held  on  to  me  tiTTTgot  pacifiedalittle,  and 
then  I  sot  down. 


MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING.  233 

And,  there,  I  must  say  it  was  the  grandest  sight  that 
ever  I  did  see.  A  thousand  buildings  and  meeting 
houses  all  in  a  light  flame,  and  the  fire  and  smoke 
rolling  up  to  the  clouds,  and  thousands  and  thousands 
of  soldiers  marching  and  riding  through  the  streets,  and 
the  drums  and  the  fifes  and  the  bugles  and  the  bells  and 
the  guns  ;  O  Sally,  you  must  come  and  see  it,  if  you 
have  to  come  afoot  and  alone  as  the  gal  went  to  be  mar 
ried.  The  man  says  in  the  papers  he  aint  agoing  to 
keep  it  here  only  till  next  Friday  night ;  but  I'll  coax 
him  as  hard  as  I  can  to  stay  till  next  week,  so  you  can 
have  a  chance  to  see  it.  In  haste  your  loving  Cousin, 

NABBY  DOWNING. 


LETTER   LXX, 

In  which  Major  Downing  concludes  it  is  best  to  put  some 
of  his  poetry  into  his  book. 

Washington,  Oct.  20, 1833. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Portland   Courier,  away  down  east  in  the 
State  of  Maine. 

MY  DEAR  OLD  FRIEND,  —  I  am  glad  you  have  got 
Mr  Lilly,  Wait,  and  Company,  in  Boston  toprintmv_ 
bpokjfor  they  say  they  print  about  the  prettiest  books 
there  is  agoing  now  days,  and  as  many  of  'em  too  as 
most  any  body.  I  shall  go  on  to  Boston  in  a  few  days, 
so  as  to  see  to  it,  and  have  it  well  done.  I've  been  a 
thinking  it  might  help  the  matter  along  some  towards 
my  getting  in  to  be  President,  if  you  would  look  up  that 
are  piece  of  poetry  that  I  writ  for  jmnthrfifi  or  four  yann 
ago  about  Sam  Patch,  and  put  it  into  the  book.  I  dont 
know~as  many  uf  Llib  Presidents  have  wrote  much  poet 
ry  ;  but  they  say  Quincy  Adams  has  considerable,  and 
20* 


234  LETTERS    OF   MAJOR   JACK    DOWNING. 

• 

it's  helped  him  along  a  good  deal.     And  as  I  dont  want 
to  leave  any  stone  unturned  that  would  be  likely  to  help 
me  in,  I  think  it's  best  to  put  that  in  the  book. 
I  remain  your  loving  friend, 

MAJOR  JACK  DOWNING. 


4 

/*> 

¥ 


BIOGRAPHY   OF   SAM   PATCH.  235 


MAJOR  DOWNING'S  BIOGRAPHY  OF  SAM  PATCH, 
THE  JUMPER. 

NOTE,  BY  THE  EDITOR.  There  are  some  striking 
parallels  between  the  race  run  by  the  renowned  Sam 
Patch,  of  jumping  memory,  who  figured  in  this  jumping 
world  in  the  year,  (anno  Domini)  one  thousand  eight 
hundred  and  twenty-nine,  and  the  no  less  renowned  Ma 
jor  Jack  Downing,  who  is  figuring  away  *  in  the  full  tide 
of  successful  experiment '  at  this  present  era.  We  think 
it  fortunate  for  the  memory  of  the  jumping  hero,  as  well 
as  for  the  world,  that  his  wonderful  achievements  have 
been  recorded  by  so  illustrious  a  genius  and  accomplished 
writer  as  Major  Downing.  It  is  fitting  that  their  memo 
ry  should  go  down  to  posterity  together.  They  were 
both  humble  in  their  origin,  and  both  were  aspiring  and 
lofty  in  their  ambition.  Neither  of  them  however  ever 
stooped  to  run  after  popularity,  for  popularity  always 
run  after  them.  Sam  commenced  with  taking  small 
jumps,  and  Jack  commenced  with  reaching  after  small 
offices.  Sam's  ambition  soon  led  him  to  leap  from  high 
bridges  and  factory  walls,  and  Jack  began  anon  to  think 
of  a  Governor's  chair  and  a  seat  in  the  Cabinet  at  Wash 
ington.  Sam  at  length  would  stop  nothing  short  of 
jumping  down  the  falls  of  Gennesee  and  Niagara,  and 
Jack  has  fixed  his  eye  upon  the  lofty  mark  and  is  press 
ing  forward  with  full  vigor  for  the  Presidency  of  the 
United  States.  Sam's  last  jump  was  a  fatal  one,  and  we 
sincerely  hope  the  parallel  may  not  be  carried  out,  but 
that  the  Major  may  yet  see  many  good  days,  and  con 
tinue  to  serve  his  country  as  faithfully  as  he  has  hitherto 
done. 

But  we  must  explain  how  Major  Downing  came  to  be 
the  biographer  of  Sam  Patch. 


236  MAJOR  DOWNING'S  BIOGRAPHY 

While  Mr  Downing  (we  say  Mr,  because  it  was  before 
he  received  any  office)  was  attending  upon  the  Legisla 
ture  of  Maine  in  1830,  one  day  when  the  wheels  of  gov 
ernment  were  clogged  and  some  of  the  Senators  had  run 
away  and  there  was  nothing  doing,  Mr  Downing  came  into 
our  room,  and  sat  down  and  looked  over  a  file  of  news 
papers.  He  soon  got  upon  the  achievements  of  Sam 
Patch,  whose  career  had  a  short  time  before  closed,  and 
he  read  his  history  through.  Mr  Downing's  head  was 
full  of  the  matter.  He  never  read  any  thing  before  that 
filled  him  with  such  intense  interest.  He  had  got  upon 
the  track  of  a  kindred  spirit,  and  he  was  all  animation. 
He  went  home  with  us  and  spent  the  night ;  but  he  could 
talk  of  nothing  and  think  of  nothing  but  Sam  Patch. 
He  had  got  his  story  by  heart,  and  he  was  talking  it  over 
in  his  sleep  all  night.  In  the  morning  he  rose  pale  and 
nervous.  Says  he,  « I  believe  that  story  of  Sam  Patch 
has  been  ground  over  in  my  head  more  than  forty  times 
to-night,  and  its  got  so  now  it  comes  through  my  head 
in  lines  all  about  the  same  length,  jest  like  rolls  out  of  a 
carding  machine  ;  and  if  you  '11  give  me  some  paper  and 
pen  and  ink,  I  '11  put  it  down.'  We  furnished  him  ac 
cordingly,  and  he  sat  down  and  wrote  the  following 
splendid  piece  of  biography,  which  we  published  in  the 
Courier  at  the  time  and  now  insert  in  the  volume  of  his 
life  and  writings. 

BIOGRAPHY  OF  SAM  PATCH. 

Pawtucket  is  a  femous  place, 

Where  cotton  cloth  is  made, 
And  hundreds  think  it  no  disgrace 

To  labour  at  the  trade. 

Among  the  spinners  there  was  one, 

Whose  name  was  Samuel  Patch ; 
He  moped  about,  and  did  his  stent  — 

Folks  thought  him  no  great  scratch. 


OP   SAM   PATCH.  237 


But  still  a  maggot,  in  his  head, 

Told  Sam  he  was  a  ninny, 
To  spend  his  life  in  twirling  thread, 

Just  like  a  spinning  Jenney. 

And  if  he  would  become  renown'd, 

And  live  in  song  or  story, 
'Twas  time  he  should  be  looking  round 

For  deeds  of  fame  and  glory. 

'  What  shall  I  do  ?'  quoth  honest  Sam, 

*  There  is  no  war  a-brewing ; 

*  And  duels  are  but  dirty  things, 

'  Scarce  worth  a  body's  doing. 

'  And  if  I  would  be  President, 

'  I  see  I'm  up  a  tree, 
'  For  neither  prints,  nor  Congress-men, 

*  Have  nominated  me.' 

But  still  that  maggot  in  his  head 

Told  Sam  he  was  a  gump, 
For  if  he  could  do  nothing  else, 

Most  surely  he  could  jump, 

Aye,  right,  quoth  Sam,  and  out  he  went, 
And  on  the  bridge  he  stood, 

And  down  he  jump'd  full  twenty  feet, 
And  plung'd  into  the  flood. 

And  when  he  safely  swam  to  land, 
He  stood  there  like  a  stump, 

And  all  the  gaping  crowd  cried  out, 
'  O  what  a  glorious  jump.' 

New  light  now  shone  in  Samuel's  eyes, 
His  heart  went  pit  a  pat ; 

*  Go,  bring  a  ladder  here,'  he  cries ; 

*  I'll  jump  you  more  than  that,' 


238 


The  longest  ladder  in  the  town 

Against  the  factory  was  rear'd, 
And  Sam  clomb  up,  and  then  jump'd  down, 

And  loud  and  long  the  gapers  cheer'd. 

Besides  the  maggot  in  his  head, 

Sam's  ear  now  felt  a  flee  ; 
4  I'll  raise  some  greater  breezes  yet ; 

« What's  this  dull  town  to  me  ?' 

And  off  he  went  on  foot,  full  trot, 
High  hopes  of  fame  his  bosom  fired, 

At  Paterson,  in  Jarsay  State, 

He  stopt  awhile,  for  Sam  was  tired ; 

And  there  he  mounted  for  a  jump, 
And  crowds  came  round  to  view  it, 

And  all  began  to  gape  and  stare, 
And  cry,  *  How  dare  you  do  it  ?' 

But  Sam  ne'er  heeded  what  they  said, 
His  nerves  want  made  to  quiver, 

And  down  he  jump'd  some  fifty  feet, 
And  splash'd  into  the  river. 

*  Hoo-rah,'  the  mob  cried  out  amain, 

'  Hoo-rah,'  from  every  throat  was  pouring, 

And  Echo  cried,    *  Hoo-rah'  again, 
Like  a  thousand  lions  roaring. 

Sam's  fame  now  spread  both  far  and  wide, 
And  brighter  grew  from  day  to  day, 

And  wheresoe'er  a  crowd  convened, 
Patch  was  the  lion  of  the  play. 

From  shipmasts  he  would  jump  in  sport, 
And  spring  from  highest  factory  walls ; 

And  proclamation  soon  was  made, 
That  he  would  leap  Niagara  falls. 


And,  Sam  approached  those  awful  Falls, 
And  leapt  them  like  a  frog. 


OF   SAM    PATCH. 

4  What  for  ?'  inquired  an  honest  Hodge, 

'Why  scare  to  death  our  wives  and  mothers?' 

'  To  show  that  some  things  can  be  done,' 
Quoth  Sam,  '  as  well  as  others.' 


Ten  thousand  people  thronged  the  shores, 

And  stood  there  all  agog, 
While  Sam  approached  those  awful  falls, 

And  leapt  them  like  a  frog. 

And  when  they  saw  his  neck  was  safe, 
And  he  once  more  stood  on  his  feet, 

They  set  up  such  a  deafening  cheer, 
Niagara's  roar  was  fairly  beat 

Patch  being  but  a  scurvy  name, 
They  solemnly  did  there  enact, 

That  he  henceforward  should  be  call'd 
'  Squire  Samuel  O'Cataract.' 

And  here  our  hero  should  have  stopt, 
And  husbanded  his  brilliant  fame ; 

But,  ah,  he  took  one  leap  too  much, 
And  most  all  heroes  do  the  same. 

Napoleon's  last  great  battle  prov'd 

His  dreadful  overthrow, 
And  Sam's  last  jump  was  a  fearful  one, 

And  in  death  it  laid  him  low. 

Twas  at  the  falls  of  Genessee, 

He  jump'd  down  six  score  feet  and  five, 
And  in  the  waters  deep  he  sunk, 

And  never  rose  again  alive. 

The  crowd,  with  fingers  in  their  mouths, 
Turn'd  homeward,  one  by  one, 

And  oft  with  sheepish  looks  they  said, 
*  Poor  Sam's  last  job  is  done.' 


APPENDIX. 


In  which  are  published  some  of  Major  Downing's  letters, 
that  he  never  wrote. 

Note  by  the  Editor.  The  following  paragraph  from 
Mr  Walsh's  National  Gazette,  published  some  two  or 
three  months  ago,  comes  in  so  pat  upon  the  present  oc 
casion,  that  we  cannot  refrain  from  copying  it. 

*  It  has  been  the  fate  of  all  successful  authors,  to  have 
counterfeits  who  deal  with  their  originals  as  Hamlet 
says  that  some  players  imitate  nature.  The  Rabelais, 
the  Swifts,  the  Voltaires  suffered  in  their  day  by  the 
productions  of  interlopers  of  the  sort ;  —  mere  bunglers 
attempted  to  personate  them,  and  confounded  the  less 
discriminating  or  critical  part  of  the  reading  public. 
Major  Jack  Downing  has  paid  in  like  manner,  the  pen 
alty  of  genius  and  popularity ;  and  he  has  complained 
of  the  hardship  and  injustice,  in  a  characteristic  vein. 
We  humbly  advise  him  to  write  over  the  whole  story  of 
President  Jackson's  late  expedition .  It  might  confident 
ly  be  predicted  that  a  full  narrative  from  his  pen,  duly 
authenticated,  would  obtain  as  much  vogue  in  these 
United  States,  as  did  Peter  Plymley's  Letters  in  Great 
Britain.' 

Major  Downing's  letters  were  commenced  in  the  Port 
land  Courier,  in  January  1830,  and  have  been  continued 


APPENDIX.  241 

in  that  paper  regularly  up  to  the  present  time,  Nov.  1833. 
The  real  Major  has  never  sent  any  letter  to  any  other 
paper.  Though  counterfeit  or  imitation  letters  occa 
sionally  appeared  in  other  papers,  it  was  not  till  Presi 
dent  Jackson's  tour  to  New  England,  that  they  were 
published  in  any  considerable  numbers.  At  that  time 
the  counterfeiters  took  a  new  start.  Roused  by  the  Ma 
jor's  account  of  their  '  coming  on  full  chisel,'  and  of  his 
shaking  hands  for  the  President  at  Philadelphia,  every 
body  betook  themselves  to  writing  Jack  Downing,  till 
their  letters  almost  overshadowed  the  land.  The  great 
mass  of  them  were  about  as  much  like  the  original  let 
ters,  as  a  hawk  is  like  a  hand-saw.  Most  of  them  had 
nothing  to  recommend  them  but  extreme  bad  spelling, 
without  point,  wit,  or  moral.  Others,  which  were  writ 
ten  with  some  ability,  were  often  deformed  by  low  black 
guardism,  indelicacy,  or  profanity,  qualities  which  it  is 
believed  are  not  to  be  found  in  the  writings  of  the  gen 
uine  Major.  A  few  of  the  best  specimens  of  the  imita 
tions  are  copied  in  the  following  pages.  We  cannot  but 
remark  however,  in  passing,  that  it  appears  to  us  to  be 
an  unjustifiable  invasion  of  the  Major's  rights,  for  others 
to  assume  his  name.  It  is  really  as  much  a  forgery  in 
point  of  honour  and  equity,  as  it  would  be  for  them  to 
affix  to  their  letters  the  name  of  Andrew  Jackson.  If 
they  choose  to  attempt  to  write  in  the  Major's  style,  they 
are  at  liberty  to  do  it,  as  they  would  be  to  attempt  the 
style  of  any  other  author  ;  but  we  believe  all  honourable 
men  will  say,  they  have  no  moral  right  to  assume  his  name. 


21 


242  APPENDIX. 


No.  I. 

Being   the  genuine  letter  of  old  Mr  ZopJiar  Downing, 
4  amost  eighty -three  yere  old.' 

[Note.  —  The  following  letter,  we  believe,  was  sent  originally  in 
the  New  York  Commercial  Advertiser,  though  we  are  not  sure  but 
it  was  a  Baltimore  paper.  We  regard  it  as  the  best  picture,  '  drawd 
off  from  nater,'  that  we  have  seen  among  the  numerous  imitations 
of  the  true  letters  of  the  Downing  family.  One  thing  is  certain 
about  it,  whether  the  Major  has  an  uncle  in  the  western  States  or 
not,  this  letter  bears  indubitable  evidence  of  having  been  written  by 
a  person  eighty-three  years  old.] 

Uppington,  Western  Resarve, 
Tuesday,  June  5,  A.  D.  1833,  N.  S. 

To  MY  NEFEW  JOHN  DOWNING:  —  I  am  got  to  be 
amost  eighty  three  Yere  old,  and  I'm  in  my  eighty  third 
Year  now,  and  its  so  long  since  I  have  took  any  Pen  in 
my  hand  to  write  any  thing  nor  a  Letter  to  any  Boddy 
living  for  now  going  on  a  very  long  Time.  And  what 
makes  it  particular  bad  for  me  is  that  my  Fingers  is  got 
stiff  with  Rhumatiz  and  cold,  and  is  all  Thums,  as  much 
as  tho  they  was  froze  in  the  Winter.  —  Your  Aunt  is  sick 
abed  ;  she  ketch'd  cold  some  Time  in  Aperil,  and  I 
don't  know  when  she  will  ever  git  over  it ;  she  is  in  her 
eighty  second  Year  most  as  old  as  I  be,  we  are  both 
very  old  and  prety  much  done  with  this  World,  so  to 
speake.  I  did  not  ever  expect  to  write  any  more  Let 
ters  to  my  Frinds  because  I'm  in  my  eighty  third  Year 
and  am  too  old  most  to  write  Letters.  But  you  writ  a 
Letter  to  me  from  the  Citty  of  Washington  and  it  was 
throw'd  out  of  the  Stage  Wensday  as  it  drove  by.  And 
when  I  redd  about  your  goin  to  take  the  President  of 
These  United  States  to  Downingvil  then  I  said  to  your 
Aunt  my  dear  I  must  try  and  write  an  Answer  to  Jonny's 
Letter. 


APPENDIX.  243 

I  was  jeest  about  as  old  as  you  be  John  when  the 
Great  Washington  died,  14  day  of  December,  and  was 
with  him  and  spoke  with  him  seventeen  year  before, 
when  he  left  the  Army  and  wisht  I  might  live  many 
yeares,  and  what  you  writ  to  me  makes  me  think  a  good 
deal  of  that  time.  I  shant  forget  it  to  my  dyin  day — 
but  I  hope  you  wont  have  Ardint  Sperrits  in  your  Town 
on  the  Occasion.  I  dont  drink  any  more  Flip  nor  Tody 
sence  17  August  A.  D.  1831  and  am  better  fort,  and 
hope  Brother  Joshua  has  stopped.  Two  of  my  Cows 
was  lost  last  year  by  Destemper  and  one  of  Mr  Doolit- 
tles  who  lives  oposite,  is  a  hard  worken  Man.  Some 
Destemper  was  here  this  yere  but  I  follerd  what  was 
said  in  the  Temperance  Almanick  and  they  was  cured 
in  time  to  git  over  it.  I  desire  that  my  Brother  Joshua 
woud  write  a  Letter  to  me  to  let  me  know  whether  he  is 
going  to  make  out  as  well  with  his  Ternips  as  he  did  3 
year  ago,  he  wrote  to  your  Aunt  about  it.  I  tryde  that 
Plan  here,  but  it  dont  do  in  this  Soil,  it  is  to  dry  most  of 
it.  Your  Aunt  tells  me  she  dont  think  Brother  Joshua 
can  be  so  strong  of  his  Age  as  I  be,  seeing  he  hant  writ 
any  of  us  since  that  Account  of  his  Garding  Sauce  turn- 
in  out  so  remarkable  good  that  year. 

It  is  thirty-two  years  ago  next  month  since  I  was  in 
Downingville,  how  is  Deacon  Wiloby  and  his  family  and 
his  daughter  Sooky  was  uncommon  humersome,  but 
your  aunt  always  used  to  say  she  thot  Sooky  was  a  little 
too  fond  of  seeing  peeple  perlite  and  that  she  was  to 
espirin  for  Downingvil  when  she  was  young  and  a  come 
ly  child.  I  thank  you  John  for  some  newspapers  you 
sent  to  me  last  when  so  much  was  writ  about  the  Presi 
dent  and  the  Vice  President,  one  spell  I  was  afeard  that 
the  poor  salvages  in  Georgia  State  was  agoin  to  suffer 
till  the  great  Proclamation  to  the  Nuliphiers  as  they  are 
called  which  you  sent  to  me,  but  I  hope  they  are  not 
now,  they  are  a  sufferin  Peeple  certin.  If  you  do  take 
the  President  east  I  hope  there  is  no  boddy  but  what 


244  APPENDIX. 

will  treat  him  respect.  You  know  John  I  dont  know 
much  about  politix,  but  I  know  something  of  my  bible, 
and  I  hope  I  shall  alwais  read  in  it  while  I  continue  to 
live,  and  it  says  in  the  2nd  Book  of  Samuel,  about  Ab 
salom's  setting  by  the  gate  and  shakin  hands  and  kissin 
every  boddy  that  passed  by,  and  whisperin  in  their  ears 
what  he  would  do  if  he  was  king,  and  you  know  mor 
about  the  Vice  President,  and  I  ask  you  if  that  man  aint 
adoin  so  too,  and  if  it  is  not  some  boddys  duty  to  speak 
to  the  President  about  it.  But  my  hand  shakes  some, 
writin  so  much,  and  give  my  love  and  aunts  to  all  our 
relations  and  to  the  neighbours  of  yours  that  I  used  to 
know.  I  am  your  loving  Uncle, 

ZOPHAR    DOWNING. 


No.  II. 

/"..i  *:      r  •*  •  •  •  >-  *  '  \.     i 

BANK  REPORT. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  JV.  Y.  Daily  Advertiser. 

Major  Downing's  Official  Report  on  the  United  States  Bank.     Pub 
lished  by  '  authority.' 

Rip  Raps,  August  4th,  1833. 

DEAR  SIR, —  I  have  jest  got  here  after  examinin  the 
Bank  ;  and  it  was  the  toughest  job,  ever  I  had  in  my 
life.  The  Gineral  was  so  bent  on  my  doing  it,  that  I 
had  to  '  go  ahead,'  or  I'd  sneak'd  out  the  first  day.  I 
was  nigh  upon  a  week  about  it,  figerin  and  siferin  all 
the  while.  Mr  Biddle  see  quick  enuf  it  was  no  fool's 
journey  I  come  on  ;  and  I  made  some  of  his  folks  scratch 
their  heads,  I  tell  you.  I  gin  'em  no  notice  of  my  corn- 
in,  and  I  jump'd  right  in  the  thickest  on  'em  there  one 
day,  when  they  were  tumblin  in  and  shellin  out  the  mun- 


APPENDIX.  245 

ny  like  corn.  '  Now,'  says  I,  *  my  boys,  I  advise  all  on 
ye  to  brush  up  your  multiplication  tables,  for  I  am  down 
upon  you  with  aligation,  and  the  rule  of  three,  and  vul 
gar  fractions  ;  and  if  I  find  a  penny  out  of  place,  the 
Gineral  shall  know  it.  I'm  no  green  horn,  nor  member 
of  Congress,  nor  Judge  Clayton,  nor  Mr  Cambreleng, 
neither,'  says  I.  As  soon  as  Mr  Biddle  read  the  letter 
the  Gineral  sent  by  me,  says  he,  *  Major,  I'm  glad  the 
Gineral  has  sent  some  one  at  last  that  knows  something, 
and  can  give  a  strait  account;'  and  with  that  he  called 
all  the  Bank  folks,  and  tell'd  'em  to  bring  their  books 
together.  '  Now,'  says  he,  *  Major,  which  eend  shall  we 
begin  at  first.'  *  It  makes  no  odds  which,'  says  I,  *  all 
I  care  about  is  to  see  if  both  eends  meet ;  and  if  they 
don't,  Mr  Biddle,'  says  I,  « i'ts  all  over  with  you  and  the 
bank  —  you'll  all  go,  hook  and  line,' — and  then  we  off 
coats  and  went  at  it.  I  found  some  of  them  are  fellers 
there  plagy  sharp  at  siferin.  They'd  do  a  sum  by  a 
kinder  short  Dilworth  quick  as  a  flash.  I  always  use  a 
slate  —  it  comes  kinder  natural  to  me;  and  I  chalk 'd 
her  off  there  the  first  day  and  figur'd  out  nigh  upon  100 
pretty  considerable  tuf  sums.  There  was  more  than 
three  cart  load  of  books  about  us,  and  every  one  on  'em 
bigger  than  the  Deacon's  family  Bible.  And  sich  an 
etarnal  batch  of  figerin  I  never  see,  and  there  wasn't  a 
blot  or  scratch  in  the  whole  on  'em. 

I  put  a  good  many  questions  to  Mr  Biddle,  for  the 
Gineral  gin  me  a  long  string  on  'em  ;  and  I  thought 
some  would  stagger  him,  but  he  answered  them  all  jest 
as  glib  as  our  boys  in  Downingville  do  the  catakize, 
from  the  chief  *  eend  of  man,'  clean  through  the  peti 
tions  —  and  he  did  it  all  in  a  mighty  civil  way  too,  ther 
was  only  one  he  kinder  tried  to  git  round,  and  that  was 
—  how  he  come  to  have  so  few  of  the  Gineral's  folks 
among  the  Directors  until  very  lately  1  *  Why,'  says  he, 
4  Major,  and  Major,'  says  he  (and  then  he  got  up  and 
took  a  pinch  of  snuff  and  offered  me  one)  says  he,  'Ma- 
21* 


246  APPENDIX. 

jor,  the  Bank  knows  no  party ;  and  in  the  first  go  off, 
you  know,  the  Gineral's  friends  were  all  above  matters 
of  so  little  importance  as  Banks  and  Banking.  If  we 
had  put  a  branch  in  Downingville,'  says  he,  *  the  Gineral 
would  not  have  had  occasion  to  ask  such  a  question,'  and 
with  that  he  made  me  a  bow;  and  I  went  home  and  took 
dinner  with  him.  It  is  plagy  curious  to  hear  him  talk 
about  millions  and  thousands  ;  and  I  got  as  glib  too  at 
it  as  he  is  ;  and  how  on  earth  I  shall  git  back  agin  to 
ninepences  and  four-pence-happenies,  I  can't  tell. 

Arter  I  had  been  figerin  away  there  nigh  upon  a  week, 
and  used  up  four  or  five  slate  pencils,  and  spit  my  mouth 
as  dry  as  a  cob,  rubbin  out  the  sums  as  fast  as  I  did 
them,  I  writ  to  the  Gineral,  and  tell'd  him  it  was  no 
use  ;  I  could  find  no  mistake  ;  but  so  long  as  the  Bank 
was  at  work,  it  was  pretty  much  like  counting  a  flock 
of  sheep  in  a  fall  day  when  they  are  jest  let  into  a  new 
stubble,  for  it  was  all  the  while  crossing  and  mixing,  and 
the  only  way  was,  to  lock  up  all  the  Banks,  and  as  fast 
as  you  can  count  'em  black  their  noses. 

'  Now,'  says  I  one  day  to  Squire  Biddle,  «  I'll  jest  take 
a  look  at  your  money  bags,  for  they  tell  the  Gineral  you 
han't  got  stuff  enuf  in  the  Bank  to  make  him  a  pair  of 
spectacles ;  none  of  your  rags,'  says  I*  '  but  the  real 
grit ;'  and  with  that  he  call'd  two  or  three  chaps  in 
Quaker  coats,  and  they  opened  a  large  place  about  as 
big  as  the  'east  room'  and  sich  a  sight  I  never  see  — 
boxes,  bags  and  kags,  all  full,  and  should  say  nigh  upon 
a  hundred  cord.  Says  I,  *  Squire  Biddle,  what  on  earth 
is  all  this  ?  for  I  am  stumped.'  '  O,'  says  he,  *  Major, 
that's  our  Safety  Fund.'  '  How  you  talk  !'  says  I. 
*  Now,'  says  I,  '  is  that  all  genwine  ?'  «  Every  dollar  of 
it,'  says  he.  «  Will  you  count  it,  Major?'  says  he.  4  Not 
to-day,'  says  I ;  *  but  as  the  Gineral  wants  me  to  be  par 
ticular,  I'll  jest  hussle  some  of  'em  ;'  and  at  it  I  went, 
hammer  and  file.  It  raly  did  me  good,  for  I  did  not 
think  there  was  so  much  real  chink  in  all  creation.  So 


APPENDIX.  247 

when  I  got  tired,  I  set  down  on  a  pile,  and  took  out  my 
wallet,  and  begun  to  count  over  some  of  the  *  safety 
fund'  notes  I  got  shaved  with  on  the  grand  tower.  '  Here,' 
says  I,  '  Squire  Biddle,  I  have  a  small  trifle  I  should  like 
to  barter  with  you  ;  it's  all  "  safety  fund,"  '  says  I ;  *  and 
Mr  Van  Buren's  head  is  on  most  all  on  'em.'  But  as 
soon  as  he  put  his  eye  on  'em>  he  shook  his  head.  I  see 
he  had  his  eye  teeth  cut.  '  Well,'  says  I,  'it's  no  mat 
ter;'  but  it  lifted  my  dander  considerable. 

'  Now,'  says  I,  l  Mr  Biddle,  I've  got  one  more  ques 
tion  to  put  to  you,  and  then  I'm  through.  You  say  your 
bills  are  better  than  the  hard  dollars  ;  this  puzzles  me, 
and  the  Gineral  too.  Now,  how  is  this  ?'  *  Well,'  says 
he,  '  Major,  I'll  tell  you  :  Suppose  you  had  a  bushel  of 
potatoes  in  Downingville,  and  you  wanted  to  send  them 
to  Washington,  how  much  would  it  cost  to  get  them 
there?'  'Well,'  says  I,  'about  two  shillins  lawful  — 
for  I  sent  a  barrel  there  to  the  Gineral,  last  fall,  and 
that  cost  me  a  dollar  freight.'  ' Well,'  says  he,  '  sup 
pose  I've  got  potatoes  in  Washington  jest  as  good  as 
yours,  and  I  take  your  potatoes  in  Downingville,  and 
give  you  an  order  to  receive  a  bushel  of  potatoes  in 
Washington,  wouldn't  you  save  two  shillins  lawful  'by 
that  ?  We  sometimes  charge,'  says  he,  '  a  trifle  for 
drafts,  when  the  places  are  distant,  but  never  as  much  as 
it  would  cost  to  carry  the  dollars  ;'  and  with  that  we  look 
ed  into  the  accounts  agin,  and  there  it  was.  Says  I, 
'  Squire  Biddle,  I  see  it  now  as  clear  as  a  whistle.' 

When  I  got  back  to  Washington,  I  found  the  Gineral  off* 
to  the  '  Rip  Raps,'  and  so  I  arter  him.  One  feller  there 
tell'd  me  I  could'nt  go  to  the  Rip  Raps  —  that  the  Gineral 
was  there  to  keep  off  business  ;  but  as  soon  as  I  told 
him  who  I  was>  he  ordered  a  boat  and  I  paddled  off. 

The  Gineral  and  I  have  talked  over  all  the  Bank 
business  ;  he  says  it  is  not  best  to  publish  my  report,  as 
he  wants  it  for  the  message ;  and  it  would  only  set  them 
Stock  JisJi  nibblin  agin  in  Wall  Street.  I  made  him 


248  APPENDIX. 

stare  when  I  tell'd  him  about  the  dollars  I  saw  there ; 
and  once  and  awhile  he  would  rinkle  his  face  up  like 
a  ball  of  ravilins  ;  arid  when  I  tell'd  him  Biddle  would 
n't  give  me  any  of  his  '  Safety  Fund'  for  any  of  Mr  Van 
Buren's  that  I  had  with  me,  the  Gineral  took  out  his 
wallet,  and  slung  it  more  than  five  rods  into  the  brakers. 

We  are  now  pretty  busy,  fitting  and  jointing  the  beams 
and  rafters  of  the  message ;  and  if  Mr  Van  Buren  dont 
get  back  before  we  begin  to  shingle  it,  I  guess  that  his 
Safety  Fund  will  stand  but  a  poor  chance. 

The  Gineral  donH  care  much  about  having  his  head 
for  a  sign  board,  but  says  he,  *  Major,  when  they  put 
my  head  on  one  eend  of  a  Bank  Bill,  and  Mr  Van  Bu 
ren's  on  tother  eend,  and  "  promise  to  pay  Andrew 
Jackson,"  and  then  blow  up,  it's  too  bad — I  won't  al 
low  it — it  shant  be.'  The  Gineral  says,  if  he  allows 
Amos  Kendle  to  make  his  report  about  the  State  Banks, 
it  is  but  fair  to  let  me  publish  mine  about  Square  Bid- 
die's  Bank.  So  I  am  getting  mine  ready. 

We  have  a  fine  cool  time  here,  and  ain't  bothered 
with  Office  seekers  ;  we  can  see  'em  in  droves  all  along 
shore,  waitin  for  a  chance.  One  fellow  swam  off  last 
night  to  get  appointed  to  some  office  —  the  Gineral 
thinks  of  making  him  minister  to  the  Ring  of  the  Sand 
wich  Islands,  on  account  of  their  being  all  good  swim 
mers  there.  Yours, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major,  Downingville 
Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


APPENDIX.  249 

No.  III. 

Giving  some  account  of  Peleg  BisseVs  Churn. 

Rip  Raps,  Aug.  17, 1833. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  New-York  Daily  Advertiser. 

MY  GOOD  FRIEND.  —  "  The  Government "  will  leave 
here  on  Saturday,  so  you  must  tell  all  our  friends  to  stop 
sending  any  more  letters  here.  We  go  strait  to  Wash 
ington,  to  put  things  to  rights  there  for  winter. 

I  and  the  Gineral  have  got  things  now  pretty  conside 
rable  snug  ;  and  it  is  raly  curious  to  see  how  much  more 
easy  and  simple  all  the  public  affairs  go  on  than  they 
did  a  spell  ago,  when  Mr  Adams  was  President.  If  it 
warnt  for  Congress  meetin  we  cou'd  jest  go  about  pretty 
much  where  we  pleased,  and  keep  things  strait  too ;  and 
I  begin  to  think  now  with  the  Gineral,  that  ater  all, 
there  is  no  great  shakes  in  managin  the  affairs  of  the  na 
tion.  We  have  pretty  much  all  on  us  ben  joggin  about 
now  since  last  grass;  and  things  are  jest  as  strait  and 
clear  now  as  they  was  then.  The  Gineral  has  nigh  upon 
made  up  his  mind,  that  there  is  no  use  to  have  any  more 
Congress.  They  only  bother  us  —  they  wou'd  do  more 
good  to  stay  at  home,  and  write  letters  to  us  tellin  what 
is  goin  on  among  'em  at  home.  It  would  save  a  consid 
erable  sum  of  money  too ;  and  I'm  also  sartin  that  there 
is  a  plagy  raft  of  fellows  on  wages  that  dont  earn  noth- 
in.  Howsoever,  we  are  goin  on  makin  things  more  sim 
ple  every  day,  and  we  once  and  a  while  nock  off  a  pret 
ty  considerable  number  of  cogg  wheels  and  trunnel 
heads. 

The  Gineral  says  he  likes  things  simple  as  a  mouse 
trap.  But  what  I  like  most  is,  he  wont  have  no  one 
about  him  who  outranks  me,  so  there  is  me,  and  Major 
Barry,  and  Major  Smith,  and  Major  Earl,  and  Major 


250  APPENDIX. 

Donaldson,  and  Major  Lewis,  and  Major  Eaton;  —  and 
the  major  part  of  a  pretty  considerable  of  a  man  to 
do  the  printing,  and  tell  the  folks  where  we  be,  and 
once  and  a  while  where  the  land  sales  a,nd  contracts 
be  too.  There  is  enuff  on  us  to  do  all  that's  wanted. 
Every  day  jest  ater  breakfast,  the  Gineral  lights  his 
pipe,  and  begins  to  think  pretty  hard,  and  I  and  Major 
Donaldson  begin  to  open  letters  for  him  ;  and  there  is 
more  than  three  bushels  every  day,  and  ail  the  while 
coming.  We  dont  git  through  more  than  a  bushel  a 
day ;  and  never  trouble  long  ones,  unless  they  come 
from  Mr  Van  Buren,  or  Mr  Kindle,  or  some  other  of 
our  great  folks.  Then  we  sort  'em  out,  jest  as  Zekel 
Bigelow  does  the  mackerel  at  his  Packin  Yard,  for  tho' 
there  are  plagy  many  more  sorts  than  he  finds  among 
fish,  we  ony  make  three  sorts,  and  keep  three  big  bask 
ets,  one  marked  *  not  red?  another  l  red,  and  worth 
nothin,'  and  another  '  red,  and  to  be  answered.'  And 
then  all  the  Gineral  has  to  do  is  to  say,  '  Major,  I 
reckon  we  best  say  so  and  so  to  that,'  and  I  say  'jest 
so,'  or  not,  as  the  notion  takes  me  —  and  then  we  go 
at  it. 

We  keep  all  the  Secretaries,  and  the  Vice  President, 
and  some  District  Attornys,  and  a  good  many  more  of 
our  folks,  and  Amos  Kindle,  moving  about ;  and  they 
tell  us  jest  how  the  cat  jumps.  And  as  I  said  afore,  if 
it  warnt  for  Congress  meetin  once  a  year,  we'd  put  the 
Government  in  a  one  horse  wagon  and  go  jest  where 
we  liked. 

The  Gineral  was  amazingly  tickled  t'other  day.  Pe- 
leg  Bissel  —  (you  know  Peleg,  who  is  all  the  while  whit- 
lin,  and  sawin,  and  makin  clocks,  and  apple  parers,  and 
churns,  and  lives  nigh  Seth  Sprague's  School  house, 
down  to  Downingville,)  well,  Peleg  sent  the  Gineral  a 
new  churn  of  his  own  invention  ;  and  he  calls  it  the 
1  Jackson  Churn,'  he  wants  a  patent  for  it.  The  cute 
critur  says,  in  his  letter  to  the  Gineral,  that  that  are 


APPENDIX.  251 

churn  is  jest  like  his  government  —  its  ony  got  one 
wheel,  and  a  smasher;  and  that  it  will  make  more  but 
ter  than  any  other  churn,  and  out  of  eny  most  anything. 
The  Gineral  is  so  well  pleased  with  it,  he  will  set  and 
turn  it  nearly  all  day.  Says  he,  '  Major,  I  like  this  ere 
churn  amazingly,  that  Bissel  is  a  knowin  fellow.  If  that 
churn  had  heen  made  by  Congress,  it  would  have  more 
than  fifty  wheels  and  springs,  and  make  no  more  butter 
ater  all.  Major,'  says  he,  'tell  Peleg  I  thank  him  ;  and 
send  him  a  patent.' 

And  so  I  did  ;  and  I  telled  him  in  the  letter,  that  the 
Gineral  would  keep  his  churn  in  the  hall  of  the  white 
house,  to  let  folks  see  that  it  did  n't  require  as  many  cog 
wheels  to  make  butter  as  they  think  on,  and  then  when 
they  come  up  chamber,  in  the  Cabinet  Room,  and  find 
ony  me  and  the  President,  they  '11  understand  it  the  bet 
ter.  When  the  Gineral  come  to  sign  this  letter,  '  well,' 
says  he,  '  Major,  that's  just  what  I  was  thinkin  on. 
We  get  every  day  an  everlastin  bach  of  letters  from  Mr 
Van  Buren  and  Amos  Kindle,  and  they  are  so  plagy 
jagged,  that  we  cant  make  'em  fit  exactly  with  some 
others,  eny  most  as  jagged,  from  the  South  and  West, 
and  all  from  our  folks  too.  One  wants  one  thing,  and 
one  wants  t'other.  Some  of  our  folks  down  South  say, 
if  the  Bank  is  put  down,  we  shall  all  be  split  up  into 
splinters  there.  And  jest  so,  ony  t'other  way,  they  say, 
we  shant  find  in  a  week  any  of  our  folks  north  if  the 
Bank  is  rechartered,  and  some  talk  of  the  Nullifiers  in 
Georgia  going  for  Mr  Van  Buren,  and  that  we  must  look 
out  sharp,  and  not  do  nothin  agin  'em.  And  some  say 
that  are  tower  of  Mr  Webster  away  West,  and  his 
speeches,  bother  some  on  'em  plagily.  I  was  a  little 
stumped  for  a  spell  myself;  and  I  tell'd  the  Gineral, 
says  I  '  Gineral,  if  you  expect  rne  to  satisfy  all  these 
folks,  you're  mistaken,  we  cant  do  it,'  says  I.  '  Well 
then,'  says  he,  l  we  must  send  for  Mr  Van  Buren.'  This 
kinder  nettled  me,  and  says  J,  *  Gineral,  you  ha'nt  for- 


252  APPENDIX. 

got  that  are  churn  already '  —  *  no,  no,'  says  he,  '  we'll 
stick  to  that  Major.'  «  Well  then,'  says  I,  *  do  you  think 
that  Mr  Van  Buren  will  use  that  are  churn  ?  he  keeps 
his  bread  buttered,'  says  I,  '  by  more  wheels  than  that 
are  churn's  got.'  '  Well  Major,"  says  the  Gineral, "'  he 
is  a  plagy  curious  critter,  ater  all  —  he'll  make  wheels 
turn  sometimes  right  agin  one  another,  yet  he  gits  along 

—  and  when  he  lets  his  slice  fall,  or  some  one  nocks  it  out 
of  his  hand,  it  always  somehow  falls  butter  side  up ' — 
1  well,'  says  I,  4  Gineral,  dont  you  know  why  ?  '  '  not  ex 
actly,'  says  he,  4  Major  '  —  *  well,'  says  I,  —  *  I'll  tell  you 

—  he  butters  both  sides  at  once,'  says  I.      The  Gineral 
drew  his  face  all  into  a  rumple  for  about  a  minute,  and 
then  he  snorted  right  out. 

The  Gineral  talks  of  goin  to  the  Hermitage  next 
spring — he  says  he  thinks  he  has  done  enuf  for  the 
country  —  and  I  think  so  too  —  he  says  I  may  go  along 
with  him  or  stay  and  lend  Mr  Van  Buren  a  hand —  we'll 
say  something  about  this  in  the  Message. 
Yours  as  before, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major. 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


No.  IV. 

The  Public  Crib  at  Washington. 

•+ 

Washington,  August  30,  1833. 
To  Mr  Divight  —  New-  York  Daily  Advertiser. 

MY  GOOD  OLD  FRIEND  —  Ever  since  we  got  '  the  Gov 
ernment  '  back  here  from  the  Rip  Raps,  we  have  been 
as  busy  as  if  we  was  all  on  us  cocking  hay  jist  afore  a 
shower. 

I  tell'd  you  some  time  ago  that  I  and  the  Gineral  was 


APPENDIX.  253 

fittin  and  jointin  the  beams  and  rafters  of  the  message, 
but  almost  every  day  some  plaguy  new  motion  comes  in 
from  Mr  Van  Buren,  and  some  other  of  our  folks,  and 
we  have  to  chizzle  new  mortises,  and  run  new  braces 
arid  string  pieces,  so  that  I  begin  to  think  it  will  look 
curious  enuf  when  its  done.  The  Gineral  says  he 
dont  care  how  it  fronts,  only  he  is  determined  to  show  a 
sharp  corner  to  the  Nullifiers.  We  shall  have  a  good 
deal  to  say  about  the  Grand  Tower;  there  is  nothin  since 
the  8th  of  January  at  New-Orleans  tickles  the  Gineral 
half  so  much.  Every  time  we  talk  about  it,  the  Gineral 
gits  right  up,  and  says  he,  '  Major,  I  ony  wish  I  was  fifty 
years  younger,  and  then,'  says  he,  '  give  me  the  yankees 
east  of  Horse  Neck,  and  I'd  like  no  better  sport  than  to 
have  nullification  all  over  the  rest  of  creation.' 

When  things  dont  go  right,  and  the  Gineral  gits  a  little 
wrathy,  if  I  ony  tell  him  the  yankees  are  ready  to  back 
him,  he  is  as  firm  as  granite.  It  would  make  you  crawl 
all  over  to  read  that  letter  we  writ  to  France,  when  we 
come  to  hear  that  the  King  there  kinder  shuffled  round 
that  bill  we  drawed  on  him.  '  He  wont  pay  it,  wont  he  ?' 
Says  he  —  *  Major,  what  do  you  think  of  that  ?' —  *  why,' 
says  I,  '  Gineral,  I  think  its  a  nasty  mean  action  —  and  a 
rascally  one  too,  says  I.'  «  Well,'  says  he,  « that's  enuff,' 
—  and  then  we  writ  the  letter, —  its  jest  like  Zekel  Bige- 
low's  speech  —  it  cuts,  shaves*  and  makes  the  hair  fly  — 
and  if  it  dont  bring  the  money,  I'm  mistaken. 

If  Mr  Livingston  had  stayd  one  week  longer  in  York, 
the  Gineral  was  for  sending  me  right  out. 

The  most  curious  part  of  '  the  Government '  here,  is 
to  manage  the  office  seekers.  You  see,  things  aint  now 
as  they  was  afore  Mr  Van  Buren's  time,  then  it  was 
kinder  divided  round  among  the  Departments. 

The  Post  Master  Gineral  appointed  all  the  Post  Mas 
ters  and  their  folks.     The   Secretary  of  the  Treasury 
appointed  all  the  folks  in  the   Custom  Houses,  and  all 
folks  who  collected  money.     These  two  had  an   ever- 
22 


254  APPENDIX. 

lastin  batch  of  fellers  to  appint,  and  made  them  feel 
pretty  considerable  big,  and  then  the  War  Secretary  had 
a  good  slice  in  appinting  the  cadets,  and  Ingen  Agents, 
and  all  the  contracts  was  kinder  sifted  round  among  the 
Departments ;  and  so  by  the  time  a  new  President  was 
to  be  made,  some  of  these  Secretaries  was  a  leetle  bigger 
than  the  President  himself.  Now  this  is  the  way  they 
kinder  jockied  Mr  Adams,  who  got  to  be  the  smallest 
man  at  Washington,  by  lettin  other  folks  plant  his  corn, 
and  do  his  huskin  ;  and  afore  he  knowd  it,  his  own  field 
was  all  in  weeds  —  and  theirs  well  bowed,  rich  and  clean 
as  a  whistle. 

But  things  aint  so  now,  we've  got  ony  one  crib,  and 
that's  a  whappin  one  too,  and  ony  one  door  to  it ;  and 
when  we  shell  out  our  corn,  we  take  good  care  and 
know  well  who  gets  it,  and  where  he  is  going  to  plant  it ; 
and  that  aint  all  —  we  make  'em  agree  about  the  Huskin 
Frolic,*  for  that's  the  best  ont  arter  all. 

The  longer  I  am  in  *  the  Government '  the  more  I 
larn.  But  I  must  allow  that  of  all  the  inventions  I've 
hearn  on  of  Mr  Van  Buren's,  this  is  about  the  slickest. 

There  is  ony  one  thing  wantin,  and  that  he  is  tryin 
for  pretty  hard  —  and  that  is  the  Bank.  If  he  can  ony 
get  that  in  the  crib  too,  Virginy  fences  would  n't  stop 
our  cattle. 

Ony  think  what  an  everlastin  raft  of  fellows  we  should 
have  —  all  the  Presidents  and  Cashiers,  and  Clerks,  and 
Money  Counters,  about  the  crib,  from  Downingville  to 
New-Orleans  !  —  and  that  aint  the  best  ont ;  we  would 
have  a  branch  alongside  every  post  office  to  keep  our 
postages  safe. 

I  should  like  this  well  enuf  if  I  was  sartin  I  and  the 
Gineral  and  Mr  Van  Buren  was  to  be  here  all  the  while, 
to  keep  a  good  look  out  on  the  crib  door.  But  the 

*  The  Major,  we  presume,  means  the  Elections,  or  Hustings,  by 
this  metaphor. 


APPENDIX.  255 

Gineral  talks  of  going  hum  to  put  the  Hermitage  to 
rights;  and  I  am  in  the  notion  that  Congress  is  a  leetle 
too  strong  for  4  the  Government '  when  the  Gineral  aint 
in  it  —  and  I  shall  go  with  him.  I  am  eny  most  fag'd 
out  myself,  and  I  begin  to  think  with  the  Gineral,  I  have 
done  enuf  for  the  country. 

We  are  lookin  for  Amos  Kindle  now  every  hour.  He 
writ  the  Gineral  tother  day,  and  teld  him  my  * Bank 
Report '  warn't  true,  and  that  I  must  have  got  a  loan  of 
Squire  Biddle.  Now  that's  jist  the  way  with  some  folks. 
What  they  dont  know  they  guess  at ;  and  it's  jist  so  with 
old  Miss  Crane,  who  keeps  the  tavern  this  side  Down- 
ingville  — jist  as  sure  as  any  one  goes  by  without  stop 
ping,  the  old  critur  says,  '  There  goes  so  and  so,  and  has 
got  no  money,  too,  and  he  knows  I  would  n't  trust  him.' 

Howsumever,  no  one  can  make  the  Gineral  rathy  with 
me.  He  knows  I  am  the  best  friend  about  him  ;  when 
ever  they  gets  things  in  any  kind  of  a  twist  or  a  snarl, 
says  he,  c  Major,  do  you  unravel  that.  I'm  the  big 
wheel  and  you  are  the  smasher,'  says  he ;  and  then  we 
jist  give  Peleg  Bissel's  churn  a  turn  or  two  and  all  is 
right. 

You  don't  print  my  letters  right  —  you  git  some  words 
wrong  and  spell  'em  bad.  Jist  so  the  printers  sarved  the 
Gineral's  letters  too  ;  and  folks  thought  he  didn't  know 
nothin,  till  we  got  to  Cambridge,  where  they  made  a 
doctor  on  him. 

Your  friend, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


256  APPENDIX. 

No.  V. 
Preparation  of  the  Message. 

Washington,  2d  Nov.  1833. 
To  my  old  friend,  Mr  Diviglit,  of  the  New  York  Daily  Advertiser. 

The  Congressmen  are  jest  beginnin  to  arrive  here, 
and  I  suppose  in  a  short  time  we  shall  have  them  here 
as  thick  as  huckleberries  ;  and  the  Gineral  is  brushin 
round  now,  and  says  the  Message  must  be  finished  and 
painted  offhand,  and  we  are  all  as  busy  as  bees  in  gittin 
it  dove  tailed  together  ;  and  after  next  week,  the  Gineraf 
says,  there  can£  be  any  more  alterations.  It  is  the  first 
message  I  ever  Jiad  any  hand  in  ;  and  tho'I  say  it,  1  guess 
you  will  say  it  is  about  as  complete  a  thing  as  ever  was 
sent  express  any  where. 

I  have  been  to  work  on  it  ever  since  we  was  at  the  Rip- 
Raps  ;  and  tho'  it  has  been  sometimes  all  pulled  to  bits, 
to  git  in  some  notions  we  did  n't  think  on,  yet  it  will  look 
pritty  slick,  I  tell  you  when  it  's  done ;  and  we  will  lay 
on  paint  enuf  to  kiver  up  all  the  cracks  and  seams. 

We  shall  give  a  pritty  good  lick  at  the  Bank,  and  won't 
leave  as  much  on  't  standing  as  would  make  a  good  sized 
oven.  It  is  curius  now  to  see  how  easy  it  is  to  build 
up,  or  nock  all  to  bits,  any  thing  on  paper.  Now  jest 
see  about  the  Bank.  There  it  stands  in  Chestnut  street, 
with  its  hundred  cord  of  specie,  and  its  cart  load  of  books ; 
and  its  branches  here  and  there,  and  all  busy  and  full  of 
darks,  and  directors,  and  folks  in  Europe,  and  all  about 
creation  dealin  with  it ;  and  the  brokers  in  Wall  street 
all  busy  about  it ;  and  Biddle's  bills  goin  about,  and  most 
folks  thinkin  they  are  better  than  hard  dollars ;  and  all 
the  old  men  and  women  holdin  the  stock,  supposin  it  will 
go  up  agin  as  high  as  they  paid  for  it ;  and  I  and  the 
Gineral,  and  Amos  Kindle,  and  Mr  Van  Buren,  talkin 


APPENDIX.  257 

over  it ;  and  one  line  in  the  Message  nocks  it  all  into  kin- 
dlin  wood.  For  you  see  when  «  The  Government '  says 
a  thing  must  be  jest  so  !  there  is  no  help  for  it.  We  can't 
stand  to  chat  about  trifles.  The  Gineral  has  smashed 
three  pipes  the  last  time  we  talked  about  it.  '  Biddle 
and  the  Bank  must  be  smashed,'  says  he,  «  Major  ;'  — 
and. so  smash  they  go,  Congress  or  no  Congress. 

The  next  thing  was  the  Ingins.  Here  the  Gineral  is 
at  home,  and  I  don't  pretend  to  say  nothin  for  F  never 
did  like  an  Ingin,  and  never  can.  The  Cherokees  give 
us  a  good  deal  of  trouble  in  Georgia  last  year ;  but  the 
Gineral  took  sides  with  Georgia,  because  he  had  a  good 
many  friends  there,  and  Mr  Van  Buren  had  too  ;  for  that 
State  was  the  ony  one  that  nominated  him  Vice-President 
a  spell  ago  ;  and  if  he  had  got  in  there,  and  Mr  Craw 
ford  President,  who  was  ailin  all  over  with  some  plagy 
appleplexy  —  I  and  the  Gineral  would  never  have  been 
hearn  on  arterwards.  But  no  matter — The  Gineral  says 
he  didn't  make  that  treaty  with  the  Cherokees ;  and  it 
was  made  so  long  ago,  he  has  enymost  forgot  it :  and 
treaties  oughtent  to  last  forever.  But  this  treaty  with 
the  Creeks  in  Alabama  he  did  make,  and  he  knows  all 
about  it ;  and  he  means  to  stand  by  it,  and  turn  all  the 
squatters  off  the  land  in  Alabama,  jest  as  they  wanted 
him  to  do  in  Georgia ;  but  he  would  n't.  There  is  trouble 
enuf  about  it,  I  tell  you  ;  and  you  dont  know  nothing 
about  it  in  York.  But  the  Gineral  is  tickled  to  death 
about  it ;  and  as  soon  as  he  saw  the  Proclamation  of  the 
Governor  of  Alabama,  you  never  see  a  critur  so  spruced 
up  as  the  Gineral  was.  Major,  says  he,  we  shall  have 
another  Nullification  this  Congress,  arter  all.  You 
need  'nt  say  much  about  it,  says  he,  in  the  Message, — 
we'll  keep  that  for  a  Proclamation.  Well,  says  I,  Gin 
eral,  you  are  a  master  hand  at  gettin  into  trouble.  But, 
says  he,  Major,  aint  I  a  master  one  in  gittin  out  of  one, 
says  he  1 

We've  got  an  old  trunk  up  chamber,  full  of  troubles  —» 


258  APPENDIX. 

old  Laws,  and  Treaties,  and  Contracts,  and  State 
Claims ;  and  whenever  we  want  any  powder,  all  we  've 
got  to  do  is  to  open  that,  and  look  among  old  papers  and 
get  up  a  row  in  no  time.  The  Gineral  likes  this  a  leetle 
better  than  I  do ;  for  the  most  of  the  labor  falls  on  me, 
and  the  ony  way  I  can  git  rid  of  it,  is  to  make  our  folks 
down  stairs  do  it,  if  I  see  it  gives  any  of 'em  a  boost  with 
his  party  —  for  I  dont  care  nothin  about  any  thing  here 
but  the  Gineral  ;  and  if  I  can  git  him  threw  this  Con 
gress,  its  pretty  much  all  I  care  about,  and  he  too  ;  for 
aterthat  I'm  goin  with  him  to  the  Hermitage,  for  I  ex 
pect  by  that  time  there  wont  be  much  more  left  of  us 
than  our  beards  and  shoe  strings. 
Your  friend, 

J.  DOWNING,  Major, 
Downingville  Militia,  2d  Brigade. 


No.  VI. 

SIR  GEORGE  DOWNING. 

Some  account  of  Sir  George  Downing  of  London,  sup 
posed  to  be  one  of  Major  D owning1  s  ancestors. 

From  the  New  York  Daily  Advertiser. 
THE  DOWNINGS. — The  celebrity  of  Major  Jack  Down 
ing  has  created  an  intense  and  very  natural  curiosity  in 
the  public  mind  to  know  something  of  his  origin  and 
ancestry.  Hoping  that  some  of  the  down-east  antiqua 
ries  and  genealogists  will  favor  the  world  with  the  in 
formation  desired,  I  submit  to  your  disposal  the  follow 
ing  imperfect  notice  of  Sir  George  Downing,  one  of  the 
Major's  ancestors,  which  I  have  drawn  from  an  interest 
ing  and  learned  work  now  in  a  course  of  publication,  in 
numbers,  entitled  «  Memorial  of  the  Graduates  of  Har- 


APPENDIX.  259 

vard  University,  in  Cambridge,  Mass.  Commencing 
with  the  first  class,  1642.  By  John  Farmer,  Cor.  Sec. 
of  the  N.  H.  Hist.  Society.' 

George  Downing  was  born  in  London  in  1624,  and 
accompanied  his  parents  to  this  country  when  about 
thirteen  years  of  age.  His  father,  E manual  Downing,  a 
great  friend  of  New  England,  was  brother-in-law  to 
John  Winthrop,  one  of  the  principal  founders  and  first 
governor  of  Massachusetts.  George  received  his  edu 
cation  at  Harvard  College.  About  1646  he  returned  to 
England,  when  he  was  soon  brought  into  notice,  being, 
as  Gov.  Winthrop  says,  '  a  very  able  scholar,  and  of 
ready  wit  and  fluent  utterance.'  He  wTas  appointed 
chaplain  in  the  regiment  of  Col.  John  Okey,  in  the  army 
of  Lord  Fairfax,  who  had  command  of  the  Parliament 
forces  in  the  north.  In  1653  he  was  commissary  gen 
eral,  and  about  the  same  time  scout-master-general  of 
the  English  army  in  Scotland.  In  the  same  year  he 
was  employed  in  negotiations  with  the  Duke  of  Savoy. 
He  seems  to  have  been  fitted  by  nature  for  scenes  of 
political  maneuvering  ;  and  his  principles  were  of  such 
flexible  character,  that  he  could  easily  accommodate 
them  to  any  service  which  the  times  required. 

In  1655  he  visited  the  French  king  on  public  business, 
and  communicated  his  instructions  in  Latin.  In  1657 
he  was  appointed  minister  to  Holland.  In  March, 
1662,  while  in  that  country,  in  order  to  show  his  zeal 
and  love  for  his  majesty,  he  procured  the  arrest  of  John 
Okey,  Miles  Corbet,  and  John  Barkstead,  three  of  the 
Judges  who  had  condemned  to  death  Charles  I,  and  sent 
them  to  England  for  trial.  Okey  had  been  the  friend  of 
Downing,  who  served  in  his  regiment  as  chaplain. 
With  the  other  two,  he  had  co-operated  in  the  cause  of 
the  Parliament.  His  conduct,  therefore,  in  this  trans 
action  was  justly  reprobated. 

He  also  spake  of  Cromwell  as  a  traitor  and  rebel. 
In  1663,  he  was  created  a  baronet.  He  informed  Pe- 


260  APPENDIX. 

pys  that,  when  in  Holland,  *  he  had  so  good  spys,  that 
he  hath  had  the  keys  taken  out  of  De  Witt's  (the  Dutch 
minister)  pocket  when  he  was  abed,  and  his  closet 
opened  and  papers  brought  to  him  and  left  in  his  hands 
for  an  hour,  and  carried  back  and  laid  in  the  place 
again,  and  the  keys  put  into  his  pocket.  He  says  he 
hath  had  their  most  private  debates,  that  have  been 
between  but  two  or  three  of  them,  brought  to  him,  and 
in  an  hour  after  that  hath  sent  word  thereof  to  the  king.' 
In  1671,  he  was  again  sent  to  Holland,  but  returning 
before  he  had  executed  the  business  of  his  mission  to  the 
satisfaction  of  the  king,  was  imprisoned  in  the  tower. 
He  was  afterwards  restored  to  royal  favour.  In  the 
difficulties  which  the  New  England  colonies  had  with 
Charles  II,  from  1669,  Mr  Downing  was  represented  as 
having  been  very  friendly  to  Massachusetts.  He  died  in 
1624  at  the  age  of  60. 

Major  Jack  Downing,  of  Downingville,  seems  to  have 
inherited  his  distinguished  ancestor's  talents  for  war, 
business,  and  diplomacy,  and,  like  him,  to  possess  ready 
wit  and  fluent  utterance,  and  to  bask  in  the  sunshine  of 
royal  favour.  Whether  he  resembles  him  in  other  re 
spects,  time  must  disclose. 


THE     END. 


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